Jyväskylä – The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée

Chapter 56 – Uh-Tinder Date #13

Tuesday, 16 February 2016.

Still Day 58

The Canadian and Anna sit at a café in Ruoholahti and try to chat. She is good with words and can talk to just about anybody about a thousand things, but somehow it feels these two have nothing to say to each other.

Real awkward silences fill their uh-awkward attempts.

They sip their tea and look around.

Uh… he looked a little chubbier in his pictures and where has his lovely beard disappeared to? Hmm.

This thin man’s face is clean-shaved. Are they even one and the same guy? Haha.

He tells her his daughter and his motorbike live in England. Uh… He himself owns a business in Hakaniemi. Uh… Would she like to ride his motorbike back from England with him.

Uh… Not sure! Well, at least we wouldn’t have to chat.

Uh… would she like to go to the movies with him after his England trip?

“Uh… Maybe, let’s see.”

Even looking at each other feels oddly awkward. Uh… Maybe Anna’s just sleepy and not feeling like her normal self today. She’s too much inside her mind, too little in her heart?

He seems like a perfectly nice guy – minus the sparks. Where are the sparks? Where are the sparks?

Finnair-flying here from Germany soon?

Ding! Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

After she thanks him and leaves, she sits in her car in Citymarket’s parking lot and thinks about everything.

Ah, it’s kind of cool to go on all these dates. (I don’t know where people get the idea that Tinder is promiscuous. Well, I guess it depends on how one uses it)… Meeting new people and finding out who’s out there…

People are curiously fascinating. Ha! It’s like conducting my own field work in social studies/divorce-and-back-to-dating-near-your-forties research.

Well, as long as there’s respect and honesty, no waste of time.

Humpf.

#12 was a waste!

She reads Christian’s messages and then calls her mom.

18:33 Hello! Been in bed all day. 😊 Just got up. Feeling a bit better, thankfully! Plenty of water, hot drinks and paracetamol for me tonight. Hope you had a nice day.

Thanks for the pictures. I love Helsinki. It’s the perfect-sized city – you can walk everywhere. Never seen that cottage though. Love nature. Especially covered in snow! 😊

18:43 😊😊 Calling my mom now. Maybe I’ll talk to you later?

“So… how have this week’s dates been going?” Riittaa inquires happily even before saying hello.

Come to think of it, mom hardly ever says hello – jumping right into the matter at hand.

“Oh, mom. So interesting! Blah, blah, blah…

“…But I can’t help but feel quite excited with the Englishman I’m going to meet on Sunday. He seems to be well-mannered and smart. But not in a boring way… Blah, Blah….

“You know, today I told him I don’t know if I’m ready for dating yet. And he had such a respectful, mature response. Blah, blah…

“He’s always like that. Blah, blah, haha.”

“Yeah, I have a good feeling about this Englishman, too.” — Riitta is a woman of straight-to-the-point-just-the-necessary amount of words.

Quite a character – I just love her – funny and devoted and 100% her sui-generis self.

“Though he sent a horrible selfie today! Haha. But I don’t care. All the men I’ve met so far have turned out to be quite different in person, anyway.”

10 years older, 10 kg heavier, 10kg thinner, no beard, no smiles, no normal eye-to-eye contact, nicer clothes, shorter, you name it.

“I’m starting to think this gender is just not into their looks – to them, the world of selfies is from another universe – at least the men from my generation.”

“Yeah, meet him in person and then you’ll see.” — mama agrees.

,
21:01 Hello. Cough cough splutter. 😊 Hope you are keeping healthy. Maybe I should have been a teacher and eaten lots of apples?? I went back to bed. This is my first cold in ages. Hopefully a long sleep and I’ll be back to normal.

Hope you had a nice call with your mum. Does she live nearby? Wish I had the energy to write act III of that story we started. The cottage gave me some good ideas.

And your nice pictures. 😊

21:21 Hi, yes. I had a great chat with mom. She lives in Tampere, about 180km from here. Comes to Helsinki once a month. Dad, less often.

So sorry you’re feeling worse. 🤒🤧 Just stay in bed from now till Sunday morning and you should feel better. 😊

Unless you need antibiotics. Sometimes it’s good to check that it’s not angina, right? Look into your throat and see if there are any white spots around. If there are, you’re only getting better on meds.

21:27 Happy you liked Helsinki! And it’s not even my favorite city in Finland… Tampere, Oulu and Jyväskylä are better in some ways.

21:31 I hope you’re sleeping to recover. And if you do recover enough to come to Helsinki…

…we can just play a game at my place – do something non-tiring. Maybe I’ll let you lie under a cover to watch a movie and just take it easy. Let’s see.

21:36 Ahhh, that’s very kind. I am very much looking forward to seeing you on Sunday. I’m sure I’ll be fit and well by then. 😊 Movie, games. Sounds like a good day! Nice and relaxing.

22:02 😊

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. End of Day 58 feeling curious and reassured.

Chapter 15 – Tinder Date #6

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Saturday, 23 January 2016.

Day 34

So, Luukas and I text.

How can we have this much in common?

He’s a teacher too – physics; his father is also a retired pastor; he’s divorced with adult kids; loves volleyball and running (well OK, he runs marathons – I struggle to jog 5km). Just as I have, he’s lived in Oulu, Jyväskylä, Porvoo and Stockholm, and lives in Helsinki now. And more.

He convinces Anna to call her up immediately. She’s intrigued and a phone call would be a first. Why not?

Oh, no! He sounds soooooo formal. And laughs exactly like Santa Claus, “Ho, Ho, Ho. Anna, you are so adorable! Ho, Ho, Ho.”

Still, he seems like a good person. Plus, he’s in very good shape, in his really blurry pic. So Anna decides to accept his invitation to have tea the next evening.

“Oh, Thank you, thank you. Ho, Ho. Where?”

🎅

She’s slowly started to feel that, when unsure, why go all the way to the other side of the center. Let them come to me.

She doesn’t tell him her neighborhood, of course, but suggests a gaming restaurant on Tyynenmerenkatu.

Day 35

On Sunday, after a pleasant day with a little jogging, she’s not feeling too excited, but still, when a human being gives you their precious commodity of time, the least you can do is get nicely groomed for the date and look as cute as possible. It’s a matter of respect.

Self-respect, mainly.

And what if he ends up being Mr. Boyfriend, huh? I don’t want to regret not showing up looking good.

Nothing over the top. Just the usual.

Shower. Hair, light make up. A casual outfit. A nice overcoat and a beautiful, fashionable scarf.

A sincere smile, self-confidence and eye-to-eye contact are anyone’s most important accessories.

Evening has come, and Luukas walks up to her on the dark street, blond, tall, handsome and… shy! Poor dear.

The restaurant is closed, so change of plans, and they go to the Little Big Café inside Verkkokauppa.

Anna can’t remember anymore all the things they talked about that day. She does remember, however, that he was timid, and…

… kept on talking about all the wrong topics.

(a) His upcoming unemployment and no stress in looking for another job.

Oh, my. His hair looks so oily. Didn’t he wash it for the date?

(b) His illnesses. The pain and discomfort.

This keeps getting better.

Hey, we all have our conditions, but please! Your charm, first.

Slowly. No hurry. A little mystery is good.

Hey you Mr. Wanted out there: win me over and then I won’t mind your brokenness. I have my share, too.

Skills, people, dating skills!

I’m here practicing mine. Hmm.

Oh, poor dear. You have good attributes, but why are you wearing a cheap, old-looking, hoodie? The color doesn’t suit you. It’s too small and has a couple of holes in it. It looks like a teenager’s hand-me-down.

From the last decade!

Dating is comical.

Saturday, 30 January 2016.

A week later, Anna goes to the Educa Messu, an education fair for teachers. Guess who she bumps into there?

Yes, him.

He gets all happy and excited to see her and grabs her hand, pulling her to see different stands.

Walking hand in hand, she panics on the inside and is shocked into passiveness. Wide-eyed.

Akward – does he think we’re on a date??

What if my teacher workmates spot us like this? Some don’t even know I’ve separated yet. They’ll think I’ve found myself a teacher-lover.

Help!!

She has the idea to seem deeply mesmerized by a pedagogical book displayed opposite them, and thus has to let go of his hands to flip its many, many pages. Phew.

He finds ways of grabbing her hand again, so she repeats the trick.

He finally stops taking her hand in his again and she feels better.

Anna has been fasting today and is feeling quite weak. The fair is over and Luukas invites her to have a hamburger at Sävel in Kallio. They’re on the tram and she’s feeling so weak that she goes there with him.

Ravenous!

Besides, she’s told him he’s nice, “But sorry, I realized I’m not ready for a relationship or dating yet.”

They have a chat about work while they dig into their burgers. He’s OK. And he gulps his beers.

Then, after eating he brings his chair – that has been safely opposite hers – to her side of the table. What the heck?

He hugs her and starts kissing her cheeks.

At a burger restaurant?? People are watching!

She shows him with her body language that she’s not interested, but he licks her ear and whispers, “I’m a very passionate man! Must be my half-Russian blood!”

“Sorry! Stop! I’m not ready.”

“Oh, Anna, you’re simply wonderful.”

“Thanks, but no. Thank you for your company. I’m feeling tired, so I really have to go now.”

Being free to go on dates feels exciting, but so far, eurgh, such bad luck!

They bump into other once more, when Anna is with Kristiina at Stadium in Kamppi. Anna introduces the two, and the three of them chat for a minute.

“Mom, he’s so handsome and nice!”

“Yes, he is. But he’s not for me.”

I’ll really have to do that research on how to politely let a man go.

Urgently!

Obs. He is nice, but there’s just no chemistry.