Tuesday, 21 February 2017.
Flashforwarded To Their First Anniversary
Dearest Diary,
I’m at my beloved cottage in Central Finland, and it’s time to be vulnerable.
Remember when I wrote about my opinion on gifts (29 December 2015)?
OK, I’ll give you the whoooole truth. Beyond practical gifts………….
Honestly?
You wanna know what I really, really want?
Oh, darling…!
Sigh.
I want you to give me socks – I do!
And a wild flower.
A jar with stones from a beach we visit, a little note, or a snowball on my head. A drawing on a napkin.
I want hugs for no reason. Lots of them. Firm – like you want to grab me.
And hot kisses – touches.
Anna is sobbing noisily. It is bittersweet to remember! It hurts so much to miss him.
It sucks to be alone here now!
She can barely see the laptop screen as she pours her soul onto the keyboard.
But OK, OK, keep tryping – cryping – Oh, typos! Dry your tears, Anna. Here we go: t – y – p – i – n – g.
There. Typing.
I want a handwritten card with words that you really mean. Connection and chemistry – gosh, that goes without saying.
I’ll re-read your cards a thousand times – more dear than gold to me!
Take me to KFC, my favorite junk food joint? And always wear a nice shirt for our dates if you want me weak at the knees.
I want eyes caressing my body and trying to pierce my very soul, while music whose lyrics you intended for me to hear is playing in the background.
A romantic get-away in nature. Like here.
Gentlemanly little favors. Helpfulness!
I am a strong and capable woman, but I want to feel my fragile and feminine side when I’m with you. I want to feel like I’m pocket-size!
I like it when you want us to play board games and… Don’t let me win! I like a challenge.
Invite me to dance, even if we suck?
Let’s play a little beach volley together at Hietaranta, just to make me as excited as a child – up for it?? Try it!
Send me pictures of anything that belongs to your normal life. Selfies, please?
🎼 Detalhes tão pequenos de nós dois…
Oh, think about me and miss me, like I miss you!
I want you to listen to me while I read you something deep; to watch movies and series together, asking why I’m crying as we eat creative ice cream mixes I’ve come up with. Skin on skin. Mmmmmm.
Hot sex. Multiple O.
Cara a cara, beijo a beijo.
Tell me when I’m wrong – you can even tease me about it.
I miss someone to fight with. God! Can you believe it?
My patience is real, but don’t let it fool you: I can be quite demanding. Let’s expect nothing but the best we can give each other at any given point and time – don’t you think?
Oh, also…
I want you to try to write me poetry, the result perhaps being really bad (but you presenting it to me anyway). What really matters are your intentions, the emotions shared, your honest attempt. Your actions, bravery, our interactions!
Would you tell a good friend about me?
Hmmm.
Small surprises. Yes. A surprise visit. Why don’t you? Call me from the airport.😏 Or from outside my door!
Likewise…
…I desire your confusion, your excitement, a little fear of loss.
Long, brisk walks and talks for you to tell me what you are really thinking.
What are you going through, my love? Your doubts, your dreams, your longings, your hurt, your fears. Even your BS! Any addictions? Give me your tears.
Give me your jokes, your smiles. Make me laugh. What do you yearn for, what makes you excited, what can I do to make your world stop for a moment in time?
Not all the time. Give me space!
Scarcity and distance inflate desire, so there’s a limit – let’s not go clingy.
Above all, I crave for your true self and the spontaneity of your being. Don’t do everything I want. Of course not. O mundo não gira em minha volta. Everything’s not about me.
I’m just a part. What can we do for others? How could we contribute in helping suffering humanity together?
Experience special moments with me, will you querido? Another first. And tell me hopeful things, from time to time? 🐦 Gosh, I need that!
Always awesome when you can be bothered. I’ll take it!
Give me carinho in a variety of small ways. Make it count. Send me lots of emojis with your messages? Don’t be sparing.
🦅
What if I tell you the aforementioned is all based in real life events?
Sigh.
It really happened guys. I just miss it. Every day I do.
My son hates it when I say women are more emotional than men. OK. Maybe it’s not about gender, but about your personality. Are you emotional, too?
Alright. I’ll wrap it up now.
🦉
Let’s choose each other.
I’m challenging you. Solve your problems! And be aware that I’m independent – I won’t need you to survive…
…No!
Just to be much, much happier than I already am. And life more beautiful. Meaningful. Really full.
I know what longsuffering is – I can take it. I’m tough. I need to focus on my life, too, right now. But then someday…
…Someday when I’m ready, I’ll want your very best for me. Just like I ache to give you mine. We have the know-how. It was great. We’ve tried it.
There’s a time for everything under the sun – sure – but life is for living, not just for sacrificing everything.
YOLO. One life, don’t forget.
A few more breaths and we could suddenly be dead.
There’s an impending time for turning tables. For being happy and having someone to share that with. For daring to dream and to pursue your goals.
Oh, how I hunger to live a simple life!
Many things are not under our control, but we should do our foremost about the things that are. Expect and accept. And await for the best.
I’m fine alone, but if you turn out to be the One, you’ll have the power to make it a hell of a ride, you see?
So…
…I’ve admitted it – there you go.
That’s why it’s hard to please me with gifts…!
What I prefer is the hard stuff: I want you to really care and to show that you do, both in words and in action. Looking into my eyes.
I like your vulnerable and your self-confident sides equally… Thus, I’m asking for the sincerity of your heart, your truth, the abundant affection, the generous spirit, the earnest loyalty and the courage it will take you to find yourself, be your deepest most genuine self and live it all out.
With me, who else?
Forget the price tag.
And the phone starts ringing.
© 2017 rf
P.S. Gato, what gifts do you want?
The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée 