Sidenotes To The Guys
My book has been called female-oriented. I don’t think I agree. I guess it depends on who you are and what you’re looking to find when you read me. Hopefully, you’re finding something worthwhile.
In my experience, many men are as sensitive – or even more – than the average woman. Romantic, meek, adorable – strong and wonderfully manly, at the same time.
Some men I know (and some new stranger-friends) are reading these chronicles and sending me comments – giving me all kinds of thought and emotion-provoking feedback. I really, really appreciate it, guys.
Thank you for your valuable input, your time and interest, your intelligence and depth. Thank you for letting our souls touch a little bit, as our journeys cross paths. The world should have more beings like you. I’m lucky to have if just a fraction – you’re heroes, and you make a difference! Like you can’t imagine.
But that was not what I intended for this chapter. This parenthesis.
Hey, you guys (as in Goonies)!
This book is not a How-to-Find-a-Lady-Online, nor a How-To-Understand-a-Tinderella kind of book. Nonetheless, if you’re attentive, you will capture some indirect tips in my writings. Dating, food for thought, some thoughts on being a decent human being…
Well, it all comes down to this.
Be human, yes, be flawed and powerfully vulnerable – by all means. Be yourself, but seek to become the best version of yourself – even if just one tiny step at a time. We won’t respect ourselves otherwise. I hear that progress equals happiness, and I agree.
(What’s our alternative? Growing older and sadder with time? A downhill trip to the grave? I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s meant to be).
Try. Succeed. Stumble and fall. Err and then dust off, chin up and repeat. A small step, but a small step in the right direction. It piles up and amounts to much. Get help, if needed.
(I often need help. Hugs + talking are the best kind!)
Whether you’re single and happy to stay so, or longing for a partner and all the love in the world. Whether you’re happily married, or in the process of deciding to divorce.
I’m sure that whatever the case, you want to feel alive, very ALIVE!
Vulnerable, yet mighty. Responsible, but true. You want to be gentle and loved and respected. And wild!
You want to be needed, missed and admired – to hug her and make her laugh, make her life happier and lighter (whoever the word ‘her’ represents here).
You thrive in having something to offer and living a purpose-filled life. And you have lots to give. We need each other.
Be true, be true, be true, darling. “To thine own self be true.” Go through the process, but get there, don’t give in. I believe in you.
If you were suddenly in your deathbed, would you say, “I wish I had lived a life true to myself – not the life that others expected of me. I wish I had expressed my feelings, and I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.”?
If not, you’re doing great. Yay!
And to those of you in hopes of finding a special gal (the same works for keeping her, I guess).
If you’re not ready for dating, don’t do it. Wait a little. Work on yourself. But when you’re ready…
Go for it 100%!
I can’t promise you the lady you like will like you back, but I can promise you this:
Women like attitude (without the arrogance). Women respond to self-confidence and self-respect. Remember to respect them, too.
Women like guys who are wise and cool and brave. Decisive. They know what they want and dare to try. Men who have the courage to give their best, put in the effort and risk rejection – even if it hurts. (Aren’t guys supposed to love adventure and uncertainty? Hunting? Battlefields? Conquering? A quest, a fair fight with dignity, any way??)
You don’t have to be James Bond, but when you decide to go dating/to keep the lady, don’t just be yourself – but your best!
Don’t do anything half-heartedly, with meager efforts, out of fear. Yuk!
You need time? Ask for it. Communicate.
It doesn’t matter if you’re super skinny or short, super fat or old or whatever. Kind of poor? I don’t care.
Have goals, be working on your goals. Going somewhere. Be affectionate – romantic sometimes. Don’t be mean. I think what she really cares about is the fact that you try hard – even though what you really want is to succeed.
Put on a great new-looking smart shirt or a casual outfit, wash your hair, trim your beard, back straight, smile! Treat her with respect and admiration. Listen to her a little more than you talk yourself. Care! Look into her eyes – practice eye contact. Be a perfect gentleman. Well-mannered, at least.
But dare to hold her hands in the second part of the date. To kiss her good-bye. Text her back soon! The world is quick nowadays, and if you dormir no ponto, if you give it too much time… If she’s really special – uh-oh!
Read her body language and watch out for the signs. Is she touching her hair as she looks at you? Leaning her head? Retouching her lip gloss? Is she touching your arm lightly? Is her smile genuine? Does she think you’re funny? Can you sense if you’re being smart and interesting in her eyes?
And what if you don’t like her? That’s OK, too. Others will. Just like there will be a person who will like you. Your unique self.
Change the game, but be a gentleman anyway. Don’t be a jerk – thank her for a lovely evening. Wish her good luck!
Leave your best impression wherever you go – be it a yes or a friendly no – and she’ll respect you for it. You’ll respect yourself. And that’s powerful!
(I respect all the times Mr. Ex was a good man. All the times he was true and vulnerable, a decent guy. The moments when he was his best. I’ll remember. And most of all, I respect him for not wasting any more of my time and daring to ask for a divorce. For finally making up his mind. Thank you, Pedro.)
If you’re not for each other, at least you did your part and treated her with dignity. Why would you regret that?
But don’t give her half-efforts, excuses or laziness, BS. You deserve to leave a better impression than that.
Your statement, your signature.
That’s just one girl’s very humble opinion. And I’m as fallible as you.
(And my real name to others).
© 2017 rf
Obs. Today I received this cute message. Here it goes for you, too:
Life is as passing as pain.
As beautiful as love.
As simple as me.
As important as you.
Therefore fight, forgive, love, conquer and enjoy every second of it.
If you have to choose between being happy or being important, choose being happy,
Because important you already are! 😊
3 thoughts on “(Hey, You Guys!)”
Wowww! Thanks for these very thought-provoking words. I especially like “seek to become the best version of yourself”. Your text is inspiring, and I think very helpful in our eternal male quest to grow and to better understand both the women and ourselves.
And for all guys sometimes being lost in translation. I could really recommend the book “The way of the superior man: a spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire” by David Deida.
It was an eye-opener to me when I first read it, and the theme of that book is fully congruent with Anna’s advice. But one can’t excel by only reading a book – it takes a lifetime of practice to master an art. 🙂
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Thanks for the encouragement. I was unsure about this “Parenthesis chapter”. Made me feel a little unsure, and almost deleted it.
Tack, kiitos, gracias también for the book tip. I’m curious to read it now. Even though it is meant for men. 🙂
I also love some of Dr. John Gray’s advice. Have learned quite a few things from him. Things I wish I had known while still married.
Have you seen his Ted Talk?
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No not the TED talk, but I’ve read his book on Men being from March and Women from Venus.
Some good thought, but I didn’t fully recognise myself, at least not on the need to periodically retract to my cave, unless I would include my daily writings here.
I also believe he wrote a follow up on Mars and Venus in the bedroom which I haven’t read.
Will put the TED talk on the immediate to do list. Thanks for the tip. 🙂
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