Chapter 2 – The Broken-Up Together Xmas

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Tuesday, 29 December 2015.

 

Day 9

 

Dear Diary,

How are you doing?

I am fine.

Really.

You doubt me?

Well, you know women – and you know me. If a fair amount of mood swings are normal within my cycle, just imagine now, under the present circumstances! Seriously. 🙁

It’s been a week since I moved out from Mr. Ex’s home.

Our last home together. Our last whole-family home.

Wholeness.

Were we whole together with so much abyss between us?

I am whole alone?

Yes, I am and will decisively remain so!

 

As for the latest news:

Remember how I told you Mr. Ex and I decided to celebrate our first Christmas party together to make it easier on Kristiina and Joey, our teens?

Christmas Eve went fine, thank God.

Phew.

Our traditional Finnish Xmas food was so delicious: smoked salmon; oven-baked ham encircled by prunes (served cold); gravy; rutabaga casserole; and creamy beetroot salad. Chocolates and lots of ice cream for dessert. Yummy!

We were all in an amicable mood and able to behave in a civil manner, giving each other nice gifts and friendly smiles, including Mr. Ex (!), who gave me a forty-euro H&M gift card, to my surprise.

I’m not fully buying it… Hmmm. Too good to be true?? Anyways… I feel that it’s better to keep the peace – and everybody wins.

Darling Lisa joined us from central Finland with her kids (the teens’ third degree cousins), as well as Ida, a kind of extra granny they have got. Varamummo, in Finnish.

Ah, how could I forget Joey’s illustrious puppy Jack Black, an adorable Jack Chi who loves to snuggle up, but is also strong-willed, playful, intelligent and, OMG, soooo cute?

The deal is he’ll live a week a month with me and the rest of the time with Mr. Ex.

“Oh, you want a divorce? OK. You take the dog three weeks a month. You know I won’t want to clean his white fur off my couch every day!”

Mr. Ex and I only live a km from each other, so it’s easy to see him if I ever miss him too much.

The dog, of course!!

As if…!

 

The next day – Xmas morning – the teens and I exchange a few more gifts and Kristiina’s makes me cry – literally – a wrought-iron hook with a heart on top for our new kitchen.

I’m so hooked on hooks, they’re so practical! Kris knows I adore them, and the fact that she really put in some thought into buying something she knew I would love made me very emotional.

Crying and laughing at the same time was so hilarious that she filmed the whole episode. (Maybe I’ll show you the clip someday).

I always remind Joey and his sister that even when we have little money, it’s still important to give a simple gift to the people who matter in our lives – at least if we’re going to spend a special occasion with them.

Birthdays and Christmases simply cannot go unnoticed. Nothing makes me feel more unloved than that… (I’m writing this with pouting lips)! 😏

Actions speak louder than words, after all. Don’t you agree?

It does not have to be anything expensive. For instance, you can think of something the person likes or something that could be useful.

Quality is key, so a small pack of Lindt chocolates, a piece of poetry, a drawing or home-baked cookies can do wonders. I honestly don’t care if the only thing I get is a pair of socks, as long as they are handpicked and, above all, presented with love.

Look into the receiver’s eyes and give them a heart-warming smile and a bear hug – and voilà!

The simple things in life. Ahh…!

They make me happy.

It doesn’t take that much in life…

 

OK, OK… I admit it.

People who know me the best find it super hard to buy me gifts. I have a reputation at home for thanking you for your present, then putting it into my gift supply box to give it on to somebody else in the future. I’ll confess my sins.

Just think about it: it’s ecological. If it’s something I know I won’t like, wear, use or need, why open it?? Everyone should do the same!

If you really want to be sure I’ll be the one to enjoy your gift, get me a box of eggs, a salad, or a pen and paper. A Chili Lindt dark chocolate bar. A car wash, a candle, good coffee, a Levi’s or Diesel jeans. 

Or then a Light Coke. 😋 Ops! I’m trying to stop with my only vice – so maybe not!

Socks. Yes!! Socks… Someday I’ll share my life closely with somebody again (but it will have to be someone as cool as me), and we’ll give each other good socks for every birthday and every Christmas. One pair each.

And sometimes on a normal day too, just to be romantic. ❤️‍😍

And we are going to wear them all.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 9 since moving out. New beginnings indeed!

 

 

Chapter 1 – Separated Anna

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? The Prologue and Intro. 🙂

 

Sunday, 27 December 2015.

 

Day 7

 

Separated Anna has started to settle down in her new flat. It’s been three days since Xmas Eve and the teens have been with her since then. She’s feeling merry that they are spending time at their new place together.

She loves Kristiina and Joseph so much. Forever and for always!

“I love you guys too much… and not nearly enough!❤️‍” is what she sometimes texts them.

Gosh, to heaven and back, to hell and back, and everywhere in between. Natural motherly love. Plain and simple.

 

Talking of feelings…

For the time being, all her tears have dried up. For now, she’s just focusing on making sound decisions: Keep your cool, Anna! Stay strong, try to find joy, be light, resilient and matter of fact.

Nonchalant.

Fight the low moods with sports and a healthy foods, Annita! Spend time with your teens, relatives and friends. Enjoy freedom!

OK, OK… If needed, cry a little. But not too often, please! — she rolls her eyes, annoyed — If Mr. Ex doesn’t want to be with me anymore, well, too bad for him. His loss – stupid man!

What do I care?

Anna has been through a thousand emotions in the last few months. Torrential tears, inexplicable laughter, numbness, rage, relief, doubt, heart-wrenching self-doubt. Just to name a few of the feelings that welled up from the most unbeknownst depths within.

Take the night she moved out of her home, for instance. It felt so horrible that she can’t bear dwelling on it. She won’t even allow me, the narrator, to further elaborate on that yet.

Unconsciously, Anna has postponed her final tears for the lost marriage to later on.

You actually can – willingly – push your grief into the unkonwn future. But warning! It will catch you there when you least expect it.

Anna’s storms are slowly brewing, the necessary mourning is still to come. Thunder and lightning – believe me! The narrator is here in 2017, so I already know everything that’s going to happen back in 2016.

This book will seek to relate to you the story of Anna’s attempts at self-reconstruction more or less in chronological order (perhaps with a few flash forwards and -backs).

Keep calm 👑 and Anna’s 2016 will be uploaded with novelty.

Sweet Lord Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Xmas donkey! 2016 will turn out to be a fun-filled year sweet and full of passion like she can’t imagine just yet.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 7 since moving out. New beginnings!