Sunday, 27 December 2015.
Separated Anna has started to settle down in her new flat. It’s been three days since Xmas Eve and the teens have been with her since then. She’s feeling merry and she just loves spending time at their new place together.
She loves Kristiina and Joseph way more! Before here and now and beyond.
“I love you guys too much… and not nearly enough!❤️” is what she sometimes texts them.
Gosh, to heaven and back, to hell and back, and everywhere in between. Natural motherly love. Plain and simple.
Talking of feelings…
At the moment, all her tears have dried up. For now, she’s just making sound decisions and acting on them: stay strong, be happy, light, brave, and matter of fact. Nonchalant.
Who cares about the past? Humph!
OK, OK. If needed cry a little. But not too often, please! — She rolls her eyes, annoyed — If Mr. Ex doesn’t want to be with me anymore, well, too bad for him. His loss!!
You must understand that Anna has been through an emotional roller-coaster in the last few months before moving out. Torrential tears, inexplicable laughter, numbness, rage, relief, doubt, fear. Just to name a few of the heart-wrenching feelings she’s had down poured all over her.
Or welled up from the deepest, most unbeknownst depths inside.
The night she moved out was the worst. It felt so horrible that she can’t bear dwelling on it. She won’t even allow me, the narrator, to further elaborate on that first night either. At least not yet.
Unconsciously, Anna has postponed her final tears for the lost marriage to later on.
You see, you can – willingly, yet unknowingly – push your grief into the future. But warning! It will catch you there when you least expect it.
Anna’s storms are slowly brewing, the necessary mourning is still to come. Thunder and lightning.
I, the narrator, am here in 2017, so I already know everything that’s going to happen back in 2016.
This book will seek to relate to you the story of Anna in chronological order (perhaps with a few flash forwards and flashbacks).
The fact is that right now she’s determined to be happy, friendly and calm. But remember, still waters run deep. Very deep.
Sweet Lord Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the donkey! Anna’s 2016 will be loaded with novelty in every way.
Hm. There will be unavoidable mourning and a few new tears, unfortunately. Partial healing, too. But most of all, 2016 will turn out to be a blessed, fun-filled year, amazing and full of love – like she can’t imagine just yet.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 7 since moving out. New beginnings!