Sunday, 27 December 2015.
Separated Anna has started to settle down in her new flat. It’s been three days since Xmas Eve and the teens have been with her since then. She’s feeling merry that they are spending time at their new place together.
She loves Kristiina and Joseph so much. Forever and for always!
“I love you guys too much… and not nearly enough!❤️” — is what she sometimes texts them.
Gosh, to heaven and back, to hell and back, and everywhere in between. Natural motherly love. Plain and simple.
Talking of feelings…
For the time being, all her tears have dried up. For now, she’s just focusing on making sound decisions: Keep your cool, Anna! Stay strong, try to find joy, be light, resilient and matter of fact.
Fight the low moods with sports and a healthy foods, Annita! Spend time with your teens, relatives and friends. Enjoy freedom!
OK, OK… If needed, cry a little. But not too often, please! — she rolls her eyes, annoyed — If Mr. Ex doesn’t want to be with me anymore, well, too bad for him. His loss – stupid man!
What do I care?
Anna has been through a thousand emotions in the last few months. Torrential tears, inexplicable laughter, numbness, rage, relief, doubt, heart-wrenching self-doubt. Just to name a few of the feelings that welled up from the most unbeknownst depths within.
Take the night she moved out of her home, for instance. It felt so horrible that she can’t bear dwelling on it. She won’t even allow me, the narrator, to further elaborate on that yet.
Unconsciously, Anna has postponed her final tears for the lost marriage to later on.
You actually can – willingly – push your grief into the unkonwn future. But warning! It will catch you there when you least expect it.
Anna’s storms are slowly brewing, the necessary mourning is still to come. Thunder and lightning – believe me! The narrator is here in 2017, so I already know everything that’s going to happen back in 2016.
This book will seek to relate to you the story of Anna’s attempts at self-reconstruction more or less in chronological order (perhaps with a few flash forwards and -backs).
Keep calm 👑 and Anna’s 2016 will be uploaded with novelty.
Sweet Lord Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Xmas donkey! 2016 will turn out to be a fun-filled year — sweet and full of passion — like she can’t imagine just yet.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 7 since moving out. New beginnings!