Chapter 75 – OMG, Diary!!

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Monday, 22 February 2016.

 

OMG, Diary!!

 

There’s so much to write that I don’t know where to begin!

Why don’t I just tell you the latest? 😊

After a kind of rough and a slow start – so much so that I almost quit before date #16 had even begun………………….

 

 

Yesterday… 😬 

Uh-oh.

 

 

Just kidding. 😊

 

 

 

 

……………..Last night turned out to be amazing. Full stop. 😍

 

Period.

Not telling you anymore.

 

Just teasing you, haha. I’ll tell you everything. 😊😊

 

How can it have exceeded my expectations, tell me? Does this mean that we can’t judge people and situations too quickly, and that if we give them a chance they will step up and potentially show themselves to be wonderful? Awww.

Is Christian wonderful???

I don’t know yet – I just had a taste…

 

…But I know how he felt. 😍😍

😊😊😊  Girls go awww. And guys go mmmm.

 

They say you’ve gotta take things slow, live each day in the here and now, layer by layer, wait and see, seize the moment (Oh gosh, I did!!! I seized every single one of those butterflies…), appreciate the journey, enjoy the ride.

And I will.

I promise.

Having trust, hope and faith is also important. One day at a time.

And, and, and… being “as shrewd as snakes 🐍 and as innocent as doves 🕊️.”

That’s a good one, J!

 

Patience.

Oh my! I’m calm, but patience has always been the hardest for me. I want everything now!

When I was a little girl, whenever people told me their plans or ideas, dad says I always immediately went like “Hoje?”

Today?

“Anna, we’re moving to America!”

“Hoje?”

“Santa Claus is coming!”

“Today?”

“Let’s buy a bunk bed!”

“Hoje?”

“Sleepover with cousins soon.”

“Today?”

Haha. I’m still like that…

 

But oh, do tell me, isn’t life to be lived today?

At my age I know it is.

Today!! As if there’s no tomorrow.

Who knows if there will be a tomorrow?

Oh! I want a tomorrow, too! I want many, many tomorrows. Many awesome ones – just like yesterday…

…Today!! 😍😍😍

Move it, move it! Give it to me.

 

Nowadays, I am more patient: I want things yesterday.

Ohhhh, OH…

 

Ohhhh, yesterday I got everything I wanted from a good date. I finally did.

 

And it was the whole package: scorching sweet, affectionate, heart-warming, electrifying, blazing f-hot. The OH in Ohio 😊😊😊.

Ohhhh…….. Are you happy for me?

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 (There, seven is the number of perfection).

 

That first moment we met in front of Kaisla – despite the suspicious butterflies in my stomach – I immediately liked Christian’s looks. 

His height, his built. His mystery.

His voice. Oh God, his voice is approved – I can’t quite describe it, sorry. Manly, pleasant. Ohhh, like candy to the ears.

Christian looked confident, but not arrogant at all – and this same vibe perpetuated throughout the 12 hours we spent together. 😊

As we were walking to my flat, my attraction gradually intensified.

Slowly.  🎼  É devagar, é devagar, é devagar, é devagar, devagarinho. 🎶

With every step.

I was also feeling confident (like on most of my dates) and happy…

…But I kept the mystery – of course. 😊 Playing it cool and warm. Cool, but warm!

Hmmm. Still a little unsure about him being so late. What??

 

Dinner went fine (he looked a little shy), and his mysterious lack of flirting actually ignited my own wish to score, to hope to win him over, strangely enough 😆.

He was such a gentleman, and smart, interesting. I enjoyed the way it felt easy and so natural to be around him. 

The games were fun, the electric tension between us just growing. Despite the atishoos. Haha. Quite endearing, tbh 😊😊.

 

The champagne, his joy to be there with me, celebrate me – him – us!

The aliveness. Oh – the chemistry.

And then!

OH

MY

GOD.

 

That first kiss!

His words. The intensity of the desire, all that mounted up expectation. The intensity of our gazes, eye to eye. Deep. The yearning…

With the touch of his lips all my doubts dissipated, melted, flew out the window. Mmmm. Clothes flew out the window, too. But not the hold ups. Haha.

Christian is a handsome man – to me 👌. His lips are very thin, but surprisingly thick on the inside 😂.

Not kidding. They are!

Oh, and so delicious.

I just loved his taste, his touch, the way he made me feel. The way I saw I made him feel.

I loved his skin, his smell. His natural smell just felt so right. The sounds of the night, mighty, wondrous. His words to me.

Taste, sight, touch, smell, and hearing – the whole package. Is that why making out is so fantastic??

Oh, yeah. He solved the tattoo mystery 😊. He was so good…

 

I went to the bathroom – I think I floated – and when I came back, he smiled. Arms open wide.

Seriously.

Such a perfect embrace!

“Gosh, it’s 4 a.m. You’re not going to send me back to the hotel at this time, are you?”

“No, you have a cold! Stay here.”

 

My bed is only 80 cm wide, and I suggested making another bed for myself.

No!” he said, “That’s ridiculous. No way! Let’s just sleep here together.

Seriously? We won’t fit.”

Of course we will. Just cuddle up, I’ll hold you all night long.

 

That was the first night his triceps brachii was my pillow, as I was enveloped by both his arms in a perfect fit.

(Enveloped is a word he taught me, btw).

Now I’m alone, that’s why I’m writing. He has some business to take care of, so he went back to his hotel. But we are going to be together again. Of course we are!

 

Ding!

12:35   Thank you for a wonderful night. And for coming to my rescue. That should be my job!! 😊

I found the hotel! Easy in daytime.

 

Oh, I have some more things to write, so Christian can wait.

I swear I tried to sleep with him all night, but his body was burning hot. Such a fever – I just couldn’t – so I opened the mattresses I keep under the bed and slept there. In the morning, he told me he thought I had fallen dead, since I didn’t move or make a sound.

Sure I died. Died of pleasure. Overheated, too.

Hey, now I’m feeling tired! Exhausted – I need a nap. Getting back my energy to meet him later. 

 

While Anna sleeps without texting him back, Christian writes again.

 

13:52   My business calls went well. Meeting partners in China in the coming weeks.

Thanks so much for the scarf. Your mom will be rewarded… with all the PG tips she can drink! 😊

I’m wondering if there are any games you have that I know and for which you can’t make up arbitrary rules!! 😊

 

14:28   Hi Chris

Hey. How are you? Sorry I gave you a late night.

It was fun!

For me too.

Yes. Let’s play more games. Watch a movie? I’ll beat you.

Haha. Only because you don’t tell me the rules. What’s the next game?

Ingenious…

 

P.S.

We’ve only just met and I have no idea what will happen from now on.

How much he liked me – if we will feel good about each other after a week… I just told you how it felt last night. I know the tension mounted up in three weeks… So, last night we reached a peak we both had fought for. Rewarding.

Amazing.

Matt Boggs says that people should take it slow when they first meet, since even the most wonderful people have a litte monster within. It’s good to wait, hang out a lot, until you get introduced to that little devil to see if it’s one you can live with.

Makes sense. Let’s see what happens.

But for now, who cares about the monsters? I’m gonna make the most out of my week, because I am on holiday and gloriously happy TODAY!

Hoje.

© 2017 rf

 

 

.
Obs. Hoy.
 .
 .
.

Chapter 57 – Who I Am?

 

Wednesday, 17 February 2016.

 

Dichotomy.

 

Not the sun – just thy moon?

I’m a lover – I’m beloved.

I am fun, I am old.

Woman, sister, mom and daughter,

I am scared, I am bold.

 

 

I’m not bitter, I am sweet!

I’m a lady,

Bittersweet.

I’m determined, I am flawed,

I am awed by thee.

 

I’m his Ex, I am deep,

I am active, I’m asleep.

I am happy, ugly, heavy.

I just want to leave.

 

I am light, I am dark,

I am gracious, I am marred.

I’m a birdie, I am barred.

I am patient, restless, pretty –

Just thy wild card.

 

North and south,

Kind and blind.

Just a girl,

I’m a friend.

I’m just tired –

I will end.

 

I am loyal, I betray:

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint –

I’m forgiving, I’m forgiven,

Though now drained.

 

Hot and cold (not really)

I’m a teacher, so silly!

I’m a playful mystery…

I am strong, I give up,

Direly need thy hugs.

 

I am human – there you go.

You won’t judge me,

So I’m told.

 

I am crazy, I am biased.

Fired up,

Wise, wired and hooked.

I am Tinderella Anna.

I’m thy secret, open book.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 59 of who am I’s?

 

 

Chapter 47 – Extemporaneous Tinder Date #10

 

Friday, 12 February 2016.

 

Day 54

 

Diary of Mine,

 

Today has been a good day. 🙂

Just coming home from our Youth Group (my way to contribute).

I started these youth evenings twice a month a year ago, as a way for Kristiina and Joey and other young people to make new friends and have some Friday fun in a safe environment. We play board games, talk, have a snack, play hide-and-seek in the dark and anything else we can come up with.

 

It’s not easy to be leading the youth group at the moment (separation and all), but I told the pastor I’ll give it a try. The young people appreciate it so much and my teens have made some nice friends. And they seem to have no one else yet who could do it instead…

Last time, I had to tell the group about my separation, as they know Mr. Pedro Ex (he used to help me with these gatherings sometimes). So I spoke about forgiveness and determination and the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Kate, one of the oldest teenagers there, was very touched. She came to hug me and say, “Anna, you are always so inspiring. Thank you very much for your words.”

I think she is inspiring. What a great person and talented artist Kate is. Some people just know how to shine their light. 😊

 

This time father was our special guest. He held a short devotional – and tried to turn us into an instantaneous choir (dad is so cool)! We weren’t that successful with the singing, but ended up having great laughs.

Tonight’s theme was seeing the good in others and letting them know it. I repeated a “building up your self-confidence” dynamic I sometimes have with my pupils at school. Will tell you more later.

 

Today has been a very good day – yeah.

Sunny. I looked cute – better yet, I felt beautiful! And we all know how fantastic that feels for a woman. 😁

 

As for random updates:

Remember Frederick, Tinder Englishman #1? I think we’re becoming friends. We chat on Messenger and have started ringing each other sometimes, too. Nice guy. Wise. He‘s a good listener, but also knows how to share. He tells me his thoughts and general feelings concerning his recent separation – still feeling pretty angry at his ex – childcare, immediate goals and such.

His voice is manly and pleasant, but we haven’t flirted at all. Not even once. He lives in Reading – England, and since neither of us is planning on meeting in person any time soon, virtual friendship is the option.

I think what we have feels like some needed encouragement – comparable with divorce therapy groups? Appreciated and retributed.

 

With Christian, Tinder Englishman #2, it’s been intriguing to say the least – very curious to meet him soon. Chatting daily from Good Morning to Good Night…

I love that!

It inpires the artist in me. Triggers good feelings with dopamine.

 

This is a new life phase and I won’t complain about the attention I’m receiving from some interesting men. Won’t complain too much! 😊 Sooner or later I’ll find him. I just know it. ❤️ ‍No hurry.

I do have some dates set up for this Sunday to Friday. 😅 Guys who had been interesting enough and eager to meet up…

…I booked them in a long time ago – one at a time – for this coming week, since the teens will be going back to their dad’s place. My only chance!

My project at the moment. When I decide something, I go for it. Is that good or bad, obstinate me?

 

However… today I broke one of my own rules. Had a shorter day at school and went on a coffee date straight from work. Number 10.

Yes, I know I wasn’t going to meet anyone when the teens are home with me, but this guy insisted the whole week!

I caved in.

So busy, sorry! 🙁

Kids at my place this week, other dates next week… But all right.

If you’ll come to IKEA in a couple of hours – it’s on my way home – I can meet you for a coffee straight from work. Would that be OK?  🙂

How it went?

Oh, extemporaneously…

Cute foreigner. Muslim. Pianist – very artistic, very cultural. We had a long chat and he smiled a lot, looking appreciatively into my eyes.

But, was Tom right about perfume…! 😷 😟

Seriously, Soner’s perfume was sooooo strong, and to his misfortune, I really, really disliked the scent. Made it very hard to relax and concentrate on the other aspects of the date.

Soner asked to meet again soon, but I told him I really didn’t feel the chemistry.

Smelled it? 😂

Eurgh. All the best to him!

Fingers crossed for me.

 

Diary, diary! I like meeting new people – nothing against that – but more and more, what I really desire is finding a boyfriend worth my time.

 

Anyways, today has been a great day.

My workouts have been working. Finally!

I’m back to jogging two-three times a week (usually 3-6km). I think it’s such a perfect workout because it takes 20-30 minutes, but feels great and gives nice results.

Going to the gym, playing volleyball, lots of brisk walks. And on top of that, I just go by bike everywhere I need to. Even well dressed and in high heels. LOL. I haven’t had a public transportation card since I moved back to Helsinki three years ago.

OK, if it’s raining reeaaally hard, I’ll take the tram. Otherwise, steps it is.

 

Healthy foods, good thoughts, support from my parents. Determination.

Life’s to be lived happily now. I’ve just had enough hard times.

 

Aaahhh, best of all, I’ve gotta tell you this –> even my hair has been looking exactly the way I like it. 😁 😁

That’s no small feat, you know. Mom and sis tease me about it all the time. They say I’m never happy with my hairdressers or my hair.

Is it my fault that I’m usually very unlucky with the results??? Mom and sis seem to think I’m fussy about it. Very funny. 😑

The tenure position I fought so much for is something else I’m grateful for. A flat I love, a semi-broken loving heart under repair, quality time with daughter and son.

Joy.

Don’t you just love Fridays, Anna?

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 54 of life comes in waves, good days, bad days. Good years, bad years? It’s all part of the journey. Just enjoy it.

 

 

Chapter 41 – Lots of Wanderings on Divorce

 

Monday, 8 February 2016.

 

Day 50

 

During her lunch break at school, Anna sits down to scribble in her diary.

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

Long time no write! Sorry.

Look, I’m not feeling sad right now, but I forgot to write about something the other day – something important to me that I want to register here.

 

Betrayal.

 

 

Awful word, but intrinsic in human nature.

I remember just last year, a month before moving out of our last home together…

I had already signed my rental apartment’s contract and was spending my afternoons and evenings looking for good deals to buy furniture and household appliances. That part was fun, tbh. I adore moving and decorating. I’m good at it!

I love looking for solutions. Hmm, should have been an engineer…

 

Anyways, the shopping kept me busy and focused on practicalities for the near future, instead of the immediate pre-separation…

…valley

of

death.

 

As you can imagine, I was going through all kinds of feelings. I’d go from excitement and exhilaration to deep sadness.

Agonizing joy.

Energetic exhaustion.

Blue fun.

Fearful hope, dreaded freedom.

 

Oxymoronic paradoxes.

The silent screams of my soul were pretty ugly. Good grief!!

 

Some say that people get divorced too easily nowadays, but I sincerely don’t believe that most take separation lightly. It’s a scary and painful experience. They say it’s like amputating a leg.

More like amputating a part of your heart.

With all our problems, we were together for 23 years. So, neither he nor I took it lightly.

 

Sigh.

I really wish we had divorced eight years ago, when he first made up his mind about it. We wouldn’t have wasted so much of each other’s time and would have avoided more excruciating heartbreak and some other drastic measures… Though I am grateful we were able to part in piece.

Ops! Part in peace!

 

Uh…Where was I?

Yes, during that pre-separation month, I’d feel relieved and then I’d feel anguished. Little did I know it was going to turn out to be a cruel kindness – what he was doing to me.

If only people knew! They’d divorce sooner.

But people with bad marriages fear. So, they make haste s…l….o…..w……l…….y…………..

They’ve got to go through the process to progress.

Yes! Be wise, don’t take it lightly. Prepare the way for a better future.

 

As I was saying… at times I’d cry in the shower. I’d let go and then hold on for dear life.

 

I’d love him with all my hate.

 

I’d agonize and think about betrayal.

I asked him once, “Do you already have somebody else?” All the signs pointed to that. He’d just answer and say, “Anna, I’ve already hurt you so much in this marriage. There’s no reason for me to hurt you more right now.”

Eurgh. Holy sinner – damned saint!

Hmm. Not unlike me…

Some church people judge him, but I respect him for not remaining a hypocritical chaplain in the end. For finally having the courage to be true to himself. And thus, give me my freedom to find love again.

 

As much as it hurts, it’s always better to deal with the truth. I’ll choose hearing and having to deal with the truth 90 out of 100 times. Ha!

The truth shall set you free – true – free to fly the amazingly dreadful flight of freedom. How can we make the best decisions for our own well-being without the truth? 

But do speak the truth with love…

 

OK… Would it have been better to stay in the bad marriage and feel alone together?

♥️ I’d much rather be together alone someday. Just the two of us! Mr. One and me. ♥️

 

As I was saying… I’d cry in the shower thinking about betrayal. I felt so betrayed!

Yet, what was the betrayal??

Was it that he was possibly jumping in bed with another lady?

For me, the greatest betrayal was not that.

 

He fell in love. And I find love truly beautiful.

As Dr. Helen Fischer says, love is a powerful brain system, more powerful than sex drive. It comes from primordial parts of the brain – way below the cortex. It gives you the energy, the focus, ecstasy, the despair and the motivation. To win life’s greatest prize – a mating partner.

Aye!

(Btw, she’s studied brain scans of couples who have been romantically in love after 21 years together. It can happen!)

 

Passion makes people climb the highest mountains and sail the raging seas. Romantic love inspires poets, musicians, commoners. The memories make people write books. 😇

 

Love is something that can cover a multitude of sins.

 

Then, what was the betrayal?

 

The betrayal for me was this:

How can he prefer not to have me in his life? To just erase me, swipe me out.

After everything. All the friendship. All the memories. All the battles, victories, photo albums and family memories. All the patience and forgiveness. All the support and growth.

All that investment in vain.

How can someone actually find they’re upgrading their lives by taking me out??? To think he’s better off without me than with me? Unfathomable.

I felt like garbage.

That actually felt like death.

A resurrection I should have welcomed.

 

Why not sooner then? It would have saved me some of my youth.

 

And what about our kids? They say divorce is harder on teenagers than children. 

 

Wow.

But no problem.

Now I know his cruel kindness was for my best, too.

A passionless marriage is not true. Holding on is just wishful thinking. Wasted years? I think so… 

Men and women out there: pleeease do not hold on to someone who doesn’t love you. Please do not fear. You deserve to be loved with all of your lover’s flawed human heart. Everyone does.

Mutuality!

 

But, silver linings, silver linings, Anna! Don’t get depressed now.

Everything happens for a purpose. Or at least you can give it a purpose and make it meaningful.

I sure am going to turn my pain into something beautiful.

 

 

In this long, long diary entry, my mind has been wandering everywhere – itinerant from place to place. I can break it down later, but I did warn you in the title.

And it does happen with pre-separation. Consider separating, do it, and your mind will thus wonder and wander while your heart rides that emotional roller coaster.

 

Long story short – finally!

 

Divorce??

 

More like amputating a part of your heart.

Hey, maybe a heart transplant!

A new heart? I like that.

I’m gonna think of divorce as an open-heart surgery from now on. Painful, risky, extreme. I’ll need time for convalescence… But not alone, please…?

 

The Divorce Paradox – a seemingly false, but significant step.

 

Anna, you’ll get a new heart – hope for a stronger one.

You’ll still retain your brain, your memories, your soul, your you. But you’ll have the chance to start over.

Bitter sweet. New beginnings. A crash landing? New-found grace.

And an opportunity to be true. To love again and do it much, much better.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 50 of an oxymoronic new life.

http://gtotd.blogspot.fi/2007/06/oxymoronic-paradox-wisdom-of-yogi-isms.html

 

 

Chapter 37 – Why I Am Doing This

 

Sunday, 7 February 2016.

 

Day 49

 

Dear Diary,

Today has been a time for some reflection, and now in the evening I feel I want to scribble down some thoughts.

Turning 40 recently… the separation… our new flat… are the teens going to be OK?

Tinder! Eight dates, elation, fun, tears, joy, peace, a little sadness, too. Prayer. Separation sure creates a merry-go-round of varying emotions.

Mixed feelings. But tbh, negative ones have been rare since November. Believe me if you will.

More often than not, I’ve been so content since I moved out.

I have the chance for a new beginning. It’s normal to feel sad, at times. Naturally. That’s life! But I’ve actually been happy for the most.

And I won’t complain about that!

Hmm, my dad is telling everyone that “Anna is doing fine. She is so relieved.” He even posted that on FB. Ha-ha. Face-palm.

Would people rather have me sad all the time? Furious? Breaking stuff. Why? How? What for?

Give me a break. I don’t see why. Had enough negativity within the marriage. I have left the fights back there. Broken objects, too.

Let me be happy now. I am determined to.

(Yesterday was the first exception since November. I  felt blue all morning, but strong again in the evening).

 

So……….

After a long delicious nap this afternoon, I decided to think about why I have been going on these dates.

Love it or leave it.

Tinder, that is.

 

I asked myself:

 

OK, what do I want?

Well, I believe in love! I love love. I love passion. I am a people person, very social. Prefer company. Besides, I have time in my hands. And lots of curiosity.

And a big heart, ready to love again. ❤️‍

 

What’s the hurry?

Oh, no hurry. After twenty-three years with the same man, it’d be crazy to be in a hurry to find another husband.

 

So, what are you looking for on Tinder now?

Well, that was what took me the longest to answer. But then I came to the following conclusions:

 

(1) In the short term, just meeting new people, socializing. Finding out who is out there. What kind of men are single and on the lookout. Long interesting conversations. A few new friends?

Yes, excellent. Nothing wrong, scary or desperate about that. 🙂

 

(2) In the medium term (yes, that is possible to say in English!), I’d love to find a boyfriend. Life is definitely for sharing. And I’ve got so much love and affection to give!

I want to add value to a man’s life and heart. To his days. To his thoughts. And he must as much to me, too!

 

And finally, (3) In the long term…

…someday, if I’m really lucky. I hope to share my life closely with my Mr. One and Only again. (No hurry for number 3. That would be crazy, right?)

 

Happy sigh!

 

Hey, one thing I know for sure: if he exists, he has already been born!!! 😂

He’s somewhere over the rainbow… 🦅 

So, wherever he is right now, I hope he’s fine and looking for me too. Longingly.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 49 of stay! Now you know what you’re doing.

 

 

Chapter 27 – Make You Feel

What to wear? After Tinder Date 7, I feel I need to mentor guys a little.

“Hey, casual but nice. I think that men look so gorgeous in smart shirts! What do you say?”

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016.

 

Day 45

 

Diary Dear,

Hope you’ve been having a nice day. Have you…?

Me? Thanks for asking. 🙂

Ah, I’ve been thinking…

 

Have you realized how we tend to show different sides of our personality to different people?

Some folks trigger our sense of adventure. Others bring about our empathetic and caring sides.

Or our rage, for that matter (as if I knew anything about that! 😅).

 

With some martians you may feel like you talk too much and – uh-oh – just suck at listening. (I absolutely hate the feeling)… With others it’s infinitely better – there’s great balance in the interaction, a 60-40% split. 😄

Some mortals have the natural ability to calm you down, maybe even make you experience a wonderful sense of abundant satisfaction. Contentment, pure and simple.

Sigh.

Isn’t it so? Really.

There are adoring guys out there that make one feel happier, pretty and valuable. Visible! While other people perhaps treat you like a bit of an outsider. Stupid? Miserable? Nervous. They make you feel like you are even a little boring?

Fat!! Gosh. Please, not fat!!

That’s why I prefer taller, chubbier guys. I feel slim and… They’re so cute! Snugly 🐼😍!

 

With Mr. Ex I always felt fat. 😕 Unaccepted.

He was too fit for me, as well – the guy didn’t go through one single fat day is his life. Can you believe his luck?

Unfair!

Anyway, my point is…

We tend to like the people that help us feel good about ourselves. The ones who bring out our best sides. Our favorite qualities. Especially human beings who just make us feel loved for who we are.

People there for us through the thick and thin. Challenging us and helping us grow as a human bean (like Kristiina likes to joke). Those immortals are irreplaceable.

I have always been lucky to have friends like that. Thank God.

 

Hey, I need to tell you… Something’s up!

Yesterday, Riku wrote in light our date tomorrow. Remember the Norwegian god? I told him, “Well, finally! You haven’t been chatting with me at all!!”

“Anna, I feel there’s some important information I need to disclose before we meet up. I don’t know how you’ll feel about this, but I just need to tell you that I am blind of an eye.”

Oh, poor guy! That’s sad. 🙁

“And it has affected my appearance. The aesthetics of my face. Will you mind much? If you want to cancel the date, I’ll understand.”

Gosh, no!

“But I do wear an eye patch.”

“Oh, sorry to hear about your condition, Riku. I hope it doesn’t hurt… Of course I’m coming to the date.

“I’m not a superficial person… and I’m not perfect either. Who is?”

(I tell him about the big scar that I have in my abdomen).

 

“Riku, what will matter to me is our chemistry. Will we have any? You don’t write much. Is there a special reason for that or are you a very calm type?”

He tells me he’s wasted way too much time chatting with women he never got around to meeting in the end, so he’s got no more energy for that. But yes, he discloses again, he’s the very peaceful, very calm type.

“Hmm. That could be a problem… You see? I am very energetic and like lively conversations and interaction.”

He assures me it’s just the written chats that he doesn’t like.

“OK, then. Let’s meet tomorrow and see what kind of chemistry we feel around each other. You look handsome, I’m sure. Your pics are great!”

Now I understand why his artistic photos only showed half of his face…

 

And then we just discuss the basics.

What time? He asks to meet at 16:30. Only half an hour after I get home from work – ops!

Where? Well, since I’ll be in a huge hurry to get pretty, I ask him to come to the Nepalese restaurant in my neighborhood.

What to wear? After Tinder Date 7, I feel I need to mentor guys a little.

“Hey, casual but nice. I think men look so gorgeous in smart shirts 😍! What do you say?”

 

So, Diary Dear… I’ll let you know, I promise. My curiosity sure is ignited.

Let’s see.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 45 since moving out.

 

Chapter 22 – Tinder Date #7

 

Tuesday, 2 February 2016. –> And we’re back to the past.

 

Day 44

 

Diary Dear,

My quest goes on in the treacherous seas of the Isle of Tinder-Cinders.

When I arrive at the Little Big Café, André is almost done munching his croissant and gulping away. I smile as I walk up to him. Holding up two fingers, he complains I’m 2 minutes late.

Cool guy.

He asks me if I’d like coffee and when I nod, he adds, “Go buy one then”.

Sweet.

His pics on Tinder are quite nice. Suit and all. How come he looks as though he went to bed in old clothes, got up, slipped his feet into no-lace boots, put on his oldest winter coat (nothing’s matching), and came to meet me on a bad hair day?

Whatever. I know I can just dump him, but humor him with me.

 If nothing else, stories to tell my grand-kids one day?

He then proceeds to chatter. 20 minutes on global warming. According to him, the firm he owns is building huge projects in Vantaa, but – he protests – what’s the use of it if all Africa is going to invade Europe by the millions?

Anyway, fifteen minutes, that’s it – no more (thank God), and we leave. His SUV is parked outside and he commands, “Get in the car. I’ll take you home now.”

I just bid him farewell/no thanks and know that I’ve had my first nutjob date.


 

Diary… Mom called from Tampere this afternoon to check up on me. I shared a little, mentioned Ex and Newbie’s Bahamas pics on FB. What a pain… but no comments. 

Rage. Sigh.

“Anna, I don’t understand how come you’re so calm. Why don’t you hate him?? It’s been really hard on us, your father and me.”

“Really, mom? I know…

“But, you’re the one who did all those daily devotionals with us kids. Reading the whole Bible, cover to cover. You had us memorize those verses about not judging others, loving your neighbor… Forgiving 70×7. Ring any bells?

“Remember the little song you made out of that verse for us to sing: ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Yes do!’

“Your fault, mom. And…

Thanks.☺️” — I really am deeply grateful. Mom has always been incredible. A Rock and a steadfast friend.

“Yes, but…”

 

I change subjects and tell her the hot gossip. You know. Tinder, me. The whole concept had to be explained to her.

Her reaction? Out of the roof. Ha-ha. She wants updates. 😄

We agreed not to tell dad just yet. Don’t know if he’d understand…


 

As for other news… the teens are fine. With their father this week, so I have another date booked. 😆

#incorrigibleme

The guy looks good in his photos – like a Norwegian god. Bold smile. Blond, nicely trimmed beard. His pics are artistic, cropped to show only half his face.

His chats are a bit slow, though. IT engineer. Nokia.

Talking of which, the Englishman (Christian) has been writing avidly. As nicely as ever. Is he really visiting Finland this month, you think?

Ah, come on doubting Thomas… sooner or later I’ll have to score. I’ve got enough match cards up my sleeve. I just know it. 

Get me a winning ticket, will you? Please. God?

 

As hard as it is, people find love and passion every day. It’s been like this for centuries, I think. 🤔 Since the beginning of times, maybe? That’s just the nature of things. Love Actually. Love is in the air. Everywhere. 

If even Mr. Ex is happy with Ms. Newbie…

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 44 since moving out.