Merry Xmas, Dear All! S2

 

24 December 2017.

 

Merry Xmas, Mr. One out there, family, friends, everyone!

Today, my amazing daughter Kristiina surprised me with special gifts. Very well planned, very affectionate. If you have read chapter 21 – Anniversary – you’ll see.

Lindt chocolates, socks… You’ll understand the bird reference later, in book 2. Haha.

Could she have been any more thoughtful?!?

Check these out:

 

IMG_3793

IMG_3794

 

IMG_3803

IMG_3795

 

Seriously? She’s the sweetest! S2

Love her sooooo much!

Joey and I are going on a special Xmas trip, where he’ll get me something I choose, too! S2

Hmmm, so who needs men?? Hmm. Well, I want Him.

Mr. One.

I need him – to make me even happier than I already am. 😀

And while there’s a bump in the road… Yes! I am happy and will remain so! It’s a decision. No more tears. Not too many, anyway. Just good emotional ones, from time to time, just to feel so very alive.

Stronger and happier each day – appreciating the wonderful people and the wonderful love I have in my life. Like Kristiina’s. Like Joey’s. Riitta’s, Marcos’s. Sarah’s, Moses’s. Ida’s. Lisa’s. CT2’s. James Bond’s…

Like yours!! S2

 

And so you wonder, who needs men? Why did Kristiina write that? Where is Christian???

Well… keep reading. 🙂

 

 

Obs. Feliz Natal! God jul! Hyvää joulua! Feliz Navidád! Merry Xmas! xxx

 

 

 

 

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Chapter 45 – The First Gift

 

Wednesday, 10 February 2016.

 

Day 52

 

10:01   Morning!! 😊 Just reading your messages. I see some selfies up there! 😊 Very frosty here. Hope you slept well. Any dreams?
It’s a nice tattoo on your neck. Discreet. And sexy.

10:11   Hi Christian…

 

Oh, the back-and-forth interaction. The imagined person. The unveiling of a mystery. The gradual getting-to-know. The peek into the other’s soul, into their hopes and dreams. The warmness and the flirting — that’s the main thing for now. No hurry.

Anna’s at recess at school, daydreaming for just a moment.

 

10:12   Hello! Was listening to your music. Just having breakfast. Have a good morning. Hope you don’t get hit by any flying objects!!

 

She told him yesterday about a 9th grader who threw a really hard snow ball in the back of her head on Monday. From afar. She got furious and told the pupil that next time she’ll have to call the police. Eurgh. Driving home feeling dizzy had been so hard.

11:12   Haha. Thanks!

11:15   I was halfway through when you popped up. Will keep chatting. 😊

Please do. Make me smile – like always! I was just chatting to a pupil who’s really nice. He lent me his spare phone when I broke my mobile last week. Remember I’ve lost all your previous messages? Wish I could retrieve them. They were so sweet!

Well, in need of new ones.

11:16   I bet you have lots of good kids there. I’m not a fan of the one who chucked the ice ball at your head though!! I was hit when I was at school and it almost knocked me out! You’ve just made me remember that. 😊

And you keep breaking your phones. You must be quite strong. All those hours at the gym. 😊

11:20  Right. Talk to you later. Have a lovely day.

Btw, I booked my flights finally. Will arrive in Helsinki on Sunday the 21st at 1830. So are you free on Monday?

 

Anna looks at the spare phone again — OMG, OMG! He really is coming to Finland. As promised.


11:25   Sorry. Finished my lesson now. I was showing some pupils your website.

Seriously??? You are? So cool!!

Happy your ticket has been booked. Maybe I’ll even have dinner with you on Sunday?

That would be nice. 😊

Great. You run now and I’ll catch you later. If I write, just read when you can.

So, about being strong – yes, a little. I like lifting weights. 250 abs per time. But there’s a long way to go. Ah, and talking about sports, I miss running when it’s been raining non-stop.

Lunch now. Fish and salad.

11:27   Bon apetit! Impressive gym work there!

 

13.38   Hello! How was your morning? I popped out for a river walk. A few work calls and almost lunchtime here. Played your music along the way. Loved it. 😊 Very sunny today. But also frosty. My favourite weather. I should have taken a pic.

14:30   😊☺️ Yes, you should have. I love sunshine, especially in cold days. Happy you liked the music.

I’m going to the hairdresser’s. You have an hour to give me your opinion. Either keeping this medium-dark blond. Or some light brown with vivid colors. Have had many hair colors. Even black.

 

Anna sends him three pictures of her with three different hair colors. She chooses good photos – of course. Gotta make an impression…

 

14:35   Hmmm. Tricky. All look good!! Are you natural blonde?

Thanks! I was as a child. Light brown now. But no preference?

Hmmm. I think your hair looks great already! You and your daughter could be sisters! I like your colour as it is. 😊

 

That Sofia Vergara/Megan Fox daughter of mine and me? Sisters! Hahahaha. I wish.

 

16:09   Oh, my daughter is much much more beautiful! And on the inside, as well. Heart of gold, that girl. And very sharp brain!

Thanks for the opinion. My son loves the brown and my daughter the blond. So I vary. Keeping the dark blond for now. ☺️

16.19   Good decision. It’s a nice colour.

I dyed my hair once in my life. Jet black. I looked like Dracula so tried to dye it back. Then it turned into a copper colour!! So I had to shave it off. Never again. Well….there’s no point now anyway. 😊

16.23   Your story is funny!! And the way you felt each time. I’ve had similar hair experiences. Hahaha.

I was going to ask where you would like to go for dinner. If you are free of course.

16.26   Tonight? 😊

Not sure where I am staying yet but will be central.
Haha. Sunday. Next Sunday that is. 😊

16.29   Thought you were suddenly here to surprise me tonight.

That would be fun.

Yes. Sure it’s too late?
I would love to have dinner with you on the 21st.
Vapiano closes at 11 p.m.

Vapiano sounds great. You are not working the next day, is that right? Just concerned if you have to get up at 0550!

16.47   No, not working the next day. Yay!
But you’ll be tired from the trip.

It’s not a long journey. Plus, the next morning I will sleep in.

 

Hey, today I’ve been working on a new AI engine that should definitely be called A.N.N.A….R.I.T.V.A. 

A=Articulate, N=Natty, N=Nightly, A=Alluring 😊

R=Rapid (brain), I=Impassioned, T=Talented, V=Valiant, A=Amazing

 

My God. How sweet is that!! S2

 

16:52   Was going to put a T=Tattoo. But you don’t have enough T’s in your name. Are you sure it’s not RITTVA?

17.06  Awww.

My turn.

C arinhoso
H andsome
R apt
I ngenious
S urprisingly sweet
T ea for you?
I maginable
A musing
N aked in the sauna?

Maybe that’s you!

17:07   Hahaha!! That made me laugh! 😊

I knew it! But it’s unfair. My two names together have more letters than yours!
Still, I wanted to express how I appreciate your personality and good manners. Did try making you laugh, too.

17:10   You covered all the bases. 😊
Looking forward to seeing you very soon. I must have walked past that restaurant a million times. Not sure I’ve been in.

It’s simple and good. 9 p.m?

17.13   Perfect.

Loved the acrostic you made of my name. ☺️

17:15   Yours was better.

 

Anna’s just leaving the hairdresser’s.

Christian is always so nice!

On the other hand…………

 

…if there’s one thing I’ve learned already…

…it is that if I like my Tinder match’s voice, there’s a bigger chance of liking them in person. The opposite is also true………😬

 

17.19   Would you like to give me a call? In a few minutes?

17:20   Standby.

 

The phone rings. Christian’s calling her on WhatsApp. She answers.

Fingers crossed.

“Hello, how are you doing there?” he says with a voice and a native accent that sounds like a mixture of Hugh Grant’s and Simon Cowell’s.

 

Oh    My   God!!! Beautiful. 

She gets goosebumps all over her body as the sides of her lips turn up and she blushes a little.

They discuss her English – he says it’s perfect. Much better than he expected.

These Englishmen!

Oh, stop it – you’re making me blush!

They chat about his job in Finland, his years in South Africa.

 

About why Tinder. “It gets lonely,” is his answer.

Finally meeting… “You really are coming to Finland. As promised!”

“I always do what I promise.”

It’s a very, very pleasant call, and Anna just adores his voice. And his way of interacting with her. Why does it always feels perfect with him?

He feels so present in the here and now. 

 

17.42   Sorry. My son called. Always nice to talk to him, of course, but not nice to have our first phone call interrupted.

17:46   No problem. I thought it was all my work messages coming through. Will talk again soon. Nice to hear your beautiful voice.

Thank you. I feel the same way.

17:47   You haven’t sent me you new hairdo.

I will try a selfie at home. 😊 Have to walk there now.

I’m going to go for the African Karoo desert look.

 

Phew! That’s great. When Christian sent Anna a pic of him in South Africa, she thought he looked very handsome. Tall, in shape – thankfully not too fit – and with a beautiful friendly smile. Almost bald, hair trimmed short. Casual and elegant.

Later, he sent he a pic which was taken in a recent business meeting in Finland. He had longer bald hair, and that didn’t look very nice, tbh. That day, she hadn’t wasted any time, but told him the African haircut suited him much, much better. “It gives you a younger, more modern look.”

 

17:49   Cool. I liked it!! Modern.

But no sun tan. 😑

Well, not yet.

I had a nice tan for over 20 years. But I guess bad for skin.

17.50   If I could travel, we could both get a tan in Spain in ten days. 😊

Well….that can be arranged v easily.

In Finland, we just freeze the skin so it won’t get old. Ever. Haha. I wish. Hey, who knows? Maybe we’ll just go crazy and hop on a plane to Spain.

It’s not far. Where I live(d) was 22 degrees today.

Or then a cottage and the hole in the ice. Warm and nice. 😊

17:22   I love that!!!! Both extremes. Fireplace. Sunshine.

Me too.

You have no idea how much I love fires. 😊 🔥

17.56  I love a dark cottage with the glow and noise and smell from the fireplace. The silent forest outside. The privacy.

If you are trying to make me move to Finland….. it’s working!!

And I love hooks, too!!! You’re addicted to fires and my teens say I am addicted to hooks. More about that later.

17:57   Hooks?

Yes, I’m crazy about hooks.

For clothes? Or fishing??

For mostly everything. Got one as a surprise gift from my daughter last Xmas. I got so happy and emotional that I cried. She started laughing and filmed me smiling and crying – holding the hook. Hilarious.

17.59   Hahaha. A hook!?

I’ll send you a pic soon.

Interested about your hooks.

18:00   Basic stuff. Not hooking myself up in spears and ceilings and such, like some lunatics. So, you have nothing to fear.

18:01   Haha. Very good. Phew.

 

I’m walking past Bulevardi and send him a pic of the icy church yard.

bulevardi

 

18:02   Are you close to cathedral?

Near Esplanadi. So not that far from the cathedral.

It looks familiar. I have walked a lot across Helsinki. Hope it snows soon.

Hope for a nice fire, at least.

Where can we light a fire?

We’ll have to google that because outside is no fun in the rain right now.

 

Back home, Anna sends him the requested selfie of her new hair.

18:24   Very nice! Looks great.

18:45   Thanks! 😘

 

21.20   Hello. 😘 Just a quick one. Hope you’re finding the time to relax over there and enjoying your new hairdo. What do your kids think? I’m sure they love it. Going for my Karoo cut next week.

21.24   Sounds great! I’m going to sew something with my sewing machine now.
What are you up to over there?

21.37   What are you creating tonight?

Just a practical sheet system for the sofa bed.

Oh. Very good. I’d like to see that. Did you take classes for that? Or are you just a natural??

Only in elementary school. I’m no good. Just improvise.

I think you are very modest.

No. In Finland people are really good at these things. I just learn the basics of everything and like to do a bit when needed.

21:41   That’s still impressive. Just about to eat so speak to you soon. Don’t forget to send the finished product! Please. 😊

Haha. Talk to you soon. Good night. ☺️

 

You never know, but who knows, who knows?

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 52 of life can actually be good.

 

 

Chapter 21 – Anniversary

I’ve admitted it, there you go.

It’s very hard to please me with good gifts because what I want is actually the hard stuff: I want you to really care and to show that both in words and action.

 

Tuesday, 21 February 2017.

 

Day – Does it Matter? Love stops time.

 

It’s our one-year anniversary and he’s promised to call a little later.

Anna is looking out the window of the cottage she adores so much. The sun appeared from behind the heavy clouds just now, as if to celebrate their special occasion. Its rays are resting over the cleanest of snows. And when you live in Finland, you value each second of sunshine, isn’t it true?

 

Some friends were here with Anna over the weekend, but had to go back to work in Helsinki. Spring break from school, 9 days off for ‘hiihtoloma’.

Since we can’t be together today, that’s how I’ve planned it: I want to be alone!

Alone. To feel. To reflect. She needs to reminisce, in order to continue writing the book she’s recently begun.


 

Omar and Anna chatted on Messenger earlier. He’s been reviewing her first drafts and has some constructive criticism.

“Anna, there in Chapter 2 where you say you like practical gifts. I’m not quite buying it. Nobody’s that pragmatic. Come on!

“Gifts make one feel seen… It’s about feeling valued and important to others at the end of the day. But OK, the socks are nice. Romantic.

“Amiga, why don’t you take advantage of the fact that you’re anonymous? Be fully honest with yourself, tell the reader everything. You’re an Alias, it’s a diary. It’s safe to pour your heart out. And we’re curious.” 🙂

 

The next few days are going to be her first holidays alone. Ever. Anna had been afraid to be here like this, in such secluded surroundings. The jet-black darkness of night. Well, she’s been locking all doors, even though you don’t really need to do that in the middle of the forest in Finland.

Mostly, she had been afraid of feeling lonely out here without him – every corner of the place bursting with memories.

So far so good.

Always face your fears! Don’t run away from them. And… solitude and loneliness are different things.

This is solitude.

And what a wondrous place this is.


 

Back to work then, Chapter 2, where did it end?

Ah, here it is… Eggs, Light Coke, Diesel, Lindt. She is reading over her Ray Ban glasses.

Socks. Yes!! Socks… Someday I’ll share my life closely with somebody again (but it will have to be someone as special as me), and we’ll give each other good socks for every birthday and every Christmas. One pair each. And sometimes on a normal day too, just to be romantic. ❤️‍😍”

I’m changing the verb tense. There. This sounds better: “And we’re wearing them all.”


 

My, how could I be any clearer? Hope Mr. One takes the hint. Hmm. Mmm.

OK Anna, challenge of the day: be honest with yourself. Think of this whole situation. The whole mess. Dreams, frustrations, the longing. Everything you and he shared in a year.

She leans back on the couch and is suddenly in far-away-heartland. For a long time. When she comes back to here and now, Anna is ready to type away:

 

Dearest Diary,

P.S.

Remember when I wrote about what I think of gifts (29 December 2015)?

🤐 

OK, I’ll give you the whoooole truth.
Honestly? 😬😁

I want you to give me socks and a wild flower, a jar with stones from a beach we visit, a little note, or a snowball on my head. A drawing and a napkin.

I want hugs for no reason. Lots of them. Firm – like you want to grab me. (Just saying, Finnish guys out there, learn! Fica a dica).

And hot kisses – touches.

 

At this point, Anna is sobbing noisily. She looks funny and can barely see the laptop screen as she pours her soul onto the keyboard. But OK, OK, keep tryping –  cryping  – Oh, typos! Dry your tears, Anna. Here we go: t – y – p – i – n – g. There. Typing.

 

A handwritten card with words that you really mean. Chemistry – gosh, that goes without saying.

Take me to KFC, my favorite junk food joint. And always wear a nice shirt for our dates if  you want me weak at the knees.

I want eyes caressing my body and trying to pierce my very soul, while music whose lyrics you want me to hear is playing in the background. A romantic get-away in nature. Like here. With frequent little favors.

I am a strong and capable woman, but I want to feel my fragile and feminine side when I’m with you.

I wish you to want to play board games and… Don’t let me win! Invite me to dance, even if we suck. Let’s play a little volleyball together at the beach, just to make me as excited as a child – up for it?

Send me pictures of anything that belongs to your normal life. Selfies, please?

🎼 Detalhes tão pequenos de nós dois…
Oh, do think about me and miss me, too.

I want you to listen to me while I read you something deep; to watch movies and series together, asking why I’m crying as we eat creative ice cream mixes I’ve come up with. Skin on skin.

Tell me when I’m wrong – you can tease me a little. I even miss someone to fight with. God! Can you believe it?

My patience is real, but don’t let it fool you: I am very demanding. Let’s expect nothing but the best we can give each other at any given point and time.

 

Ah. I want you to try to write me poetry, the result being really bad (but you presenting it to me anyway). What really matters are your intentions, the emotions shared, your honest attempt.

Tell a good friend about me? Small surprises. Yes. A surprise visit. Why don’t you? Call me from the airport.😏

I desire your confusion, your excitement, a little fear of loss.

Long, brisk walks and talks. For you to tell me what you are really thinking. What are you going through, my love? Your doubts, your dreams, your longings, your hurt, your fears. Even your BS, any addictions? Give me your tears.

Give me your jokes, your smiles. Make me laugh. What do you yearn for, what makes you excited, what can I do to make your world stop for a moment in time? Not all the time.

Scarcity and distance inflate desire, so there’s a limit – let’s not go clingy.

Above all, I desire your true self and the spontaneity of your being. Don’t do everything I want. Of course not. And it’s not about me. Not everything. I’m just a part.

Experience special moments with me, will you darling? Another first. And tell me good things, from time to time? 🐦

I’ll gladly take your little efforts sometimes.

Give me affection and attention in a variety of small ways. Make it count. Send me lots of emojis with your messages? Don’t be sparing.

🦅

At this point in the text, my reader, please leave your answer in the comment section on your left. Are you thinking:

(a) Eurgh, all this girly mushy talk.

(b) I can totally relate.

(c) Yes, and I can add my own dreams to the list! Maybe write one of my own?

 

As the author, perhaps I’m leaning towards, hm, female readers will relate… And male readers are almost asleep?

Well, what if I tell you the aforementioned is all based in real life events? It really happened guys. I just miss it. Every day I do.

My son hates it when I say women are more emotional than men. OK. Maybe it’s not about gender, but about your personality. Are you a hopeless romantic, too? I’d love to know. But some opposites attract…

Alright. I’ll just wrap it up now.

🦉

 

Let’s choose each other.

I’m challenging you. Solve your problems! And be aware that I’m independent – I won’t need you to survive…

…No!

Just to be much, much happier than I already am. And life more beautiful. Meaningful. Really full.

I know what long-suffering is – I can take it. I’m tough. I need to focus on my life too right now. But then someday…

…Someday when I’m ready, I’ll want your best for me. Just like I want to give you mine. We have the know-how.  It was great. We’ve tried it.

There’s a time for everything under the sun, but life is for living, not just for sacrificing. YOLO. One life, don’t forget.

There’s an impending time for turning tables. For being happy and having someone to share that with. For daring to dream and to pursue your goals.

 

Many things are not under our control, but we should do our foremost about the things that are. Expect and accept. And hope for the best.

I’m fine alone, but if you turn out to be the One, you’ll have the power to make it all a hell of a ride better, you see?

So.

I’ve admitted it, there you go.

It’s very hard to please me with good gifts because what I want is actually the hard stuff: I want you to really care and to show that you do, both in words and in action. Looking into my eyes.

I like your vulnerable and your self-confident sides equally. So, I’m asking for the sincerity of your heart, your truth, the abundant affection, the generous spirit, the earnest loyalty and the courage it will take you to find yourself, be your deepest self and live it all out.

With me, who else?

Forget the price tag.

 

And the phone starts ringing.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 428 – but love does stop time!

 

 

Chapter 2 – The Separated/Together Xmas

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Tuesday, 29 December 2015.

 

Day 9

 

Dear Diary,

How are you doing?

I am fine.

Really, you doubt me?

Well, you know women – and you know me. If some mood swings are normal, just imagine now, under the present circumstances! Seriously. 🙁

It’s been a week since I moved out from Mr. Ex’s home.

Our last home together. Our last whole-family home.

Wholeness.

Were we whole together with so much abyss between us?

I am whole alone?

Yes, I am and will remain so!

That’s the spirit, isn’t it?

😊

 

As for the latest news:

Remember how I told you Mr. Ex and I decided to celebrate our first Christmas party together to make it easier on Kristiina and Joey, our teens?

Christmas Eve went fine, thank God.

Phew.

Our traditional Finnish Xmas food was so delicious. Smoked salmon; oven-baked ham encircled by prunes (served cold); gravy; rutabaga casserole; and creamy beetroot salad. Chocolates and lots of ice cream for dessert. Yummy!

We were all in a good mood and able to behave in a very civil manner, giving each other nice gifts and friendly smiles, including Mr. Ex. 😊

I’m not fully buying it. Too good to be true? But, what do you expect me to do?? Hmm. Better keep the peace – and everybody wins.

Darling Lisa joined us from central Finland with her kids (the teens’ third degree cousins), as well as sweet Ida, a kind of extra granny they have got. Varamummo, in Finnish.

Ah, how could I forget Joey’s illustrious puppy James Bond, an adorable Jack Chi who loves to snuggle up, but is also strong-willed, playful, intelligent and, OMG, soooo cute?

The deal is he lives a week a month with me and three weeks a month with Mr. Ex. But we only live a km from each other, so it’s easy to see him if I ever miss him too much.

The dog, of course!! Haha.

As if…

 

The next day – Xmas morning – the teens and I exchanged a few more gifts and Kristiina’s made me cry. Literally: a wrought-iron hook with a heart on top for our new kitchen.

I’m hooked on hooks, they’re so practical!

And the fact that she really put in some thought into buying something she knew I would like made me very emotional.

Crying and laughing at the same time was so hilarious that she filmed the whole episode. (Maybe I’ll show you the clip someday).

I always remind Joey and his sister that even when we have little money, it’s still important to give a simple gift to the people who matter in our lives – at least if we’re going to spend the special occasion with them.

Birthdays and Christmases simply cannot go unnoticed. Nothing makes me feel more unloved than that… (And I’m writing this with pouting lips)! 😏

Actions speak louder than words, after all. Don’t you agree?

It does not have to be anything expensive. For instance, you can think of something the person likes or something that could be useful.

Quality is key, so a small pack of Lindt chocolates, a piece of poetry, a drawing or home-baked cookies can do wonders. I honestly don’t care if the only thing I get is a pair of socks, as long as they are handpicked and, above all, presented with love.

Look into the receiver’s eyes and give them a heart-warming smile and a bear hug – and voilà!

The simple things in life. Ahh…!

Happy sigh.

That’s what I love. It doesn’t take that much in life to make me happy, I guess…?

 

OK, I’ll admit it.

People who know me the best find it extremely hard to buy me gifts. I have a reputation at home for thanking you for your present, then putting it into my gift supply box to give it on to somebody else in the future. I’ll confess my sins.

Just think about it: it’s ecological. If it’s something I know I won’t like, wear, use or need, why open it?? Everyone should do the same!

If you really want to be sure I’ll be the one to enjoy your gift, get me a box of eggs, a salad, or a pen and paper. Some quality chocolate, like a Nutrageous bar. A car wash, good coffee, a Levi’s or Diesel. A candle.

Or then a Light Coke. 😋 Ops! I’m trying to stop with my only vice – so maybe not!

Socks. Yes!! Socks… Someday I’ll share my life closely with somebody again (but it will have to be someone as special as me), and we’ll give each other good socks for every birthday and every Christmas. One pair each. And sometimes on a normal day too, just to be romantic. ❤️‍😍

And we are going to wear them all.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 9 since moving out. New beginnings indeed!