Chapter 19 – The Making Of 1

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂



Flashforward to February 2017 when this book begins to be written.

I ask Omar – a genius friend – for some feedback and he repeatedly challenges me, “Anna, the nicest parts are the ones where you dare to be vulnerable, like when you’re concerned for your teens after moving out.”

“Yeah, but isn’t the story supposed to be funny? And how can I expose myself?? I’m a teacher and a mother,” I wonder for months ahead.

CT2 reads some excerpts as well and he agrees. I should definitely say what I’m really, really thinking. He suggests a blog.


Now, flashforward again to yesterday – if you get what I mean (8 October 2017).

Some of my smartest friends have been reading my blog. They like it🤘. We’re all visiting Iris’s family in Vantaa:

Joey. Mom Riitta and I. Carol & Sami. Velho. Natasha and her daughter Anastasia.


Carol introduces us to her boyfriend…

“Well, finally Carol! Where were you hiding him for all these months?” I tease her.

Aww. Such a beautiful couple. And I can totally get what she sees in him. So happy for them… Emotional me thinking to myself.

Carol and Sami met online after Iris and I insisted for months she join our virtual club – which she did. Reluctantly.

Gosh. Love at first date. More importantly: with the first guy she goes out with!! Lucky bastards.

We’re at the table and this is when my mom Riitta, usually quiet/just observing everything tells Carol and Sami, “You guys have had more luck than Anna!”


“Cause as far as I know, she’s not dating anyone right now!” she says, looking at Velho.

More about that later.



“Hey Anna,” Carol says, “it’s cool that your blog is funny and light, but what can really set it apart is that you won’t just share your online dating to your reader. Above all, share your emotions, the pain of the divorce, your inner life…” she’s adamant in reminding me.



Lucy and Fred are divorced friends of mine, still single like myself. They asked me for more blood in the story; the gory details and I quote: “How did you sleep the first night alone? Where’s the rage?! The hurt. The reader will want to relate.”

“But, but, I want to tell the story as it actually unfolded. To me, it has to be authentic. Be patient. It’s coming,” I try to explain, feeling defensive.

Humpf. I’ve been adding some scarlet drops here and there. 🦈 I hope you’ve noticed.🦇🐲🦂 🐊 🐆 🐃🐲🦏 💉💣🐻  OK, some of these emojis don’t look that scary, so: 👿 👹 👺


Truth be told, all this feedback has been helping me dig into my deepest self.

I’m getting there…

It’s therapeutic. All part of a process. Remember that Anna is determined. And she tries hard to live according to the following challenges: Let it go. Let it be. Live and let live. There are no problems in life: just solutions.

Well, at least I hope so.🕊



What about Iris? Oh, Iris is something else.

My loving friend Iris is ab-so-lu-te-ly hilarious. A Jewish engineer, she’s always loud and clear about her opinions – if anything, you can count on that. Kind of like Golde from Fiddler on the Roof.

“Oh, for F#c*’s sake! Who cares what the others think of your writing??! It’s your story. Your book. Just do it like you want to, my dear, and enjoy..!”



After the evening with her friends, Anna feels inspired to go back to Chapter 7 to add some more sensitive material there. Scroll down all the way back to Tino’s, if you will.

“Two days. My very first date! Yay.”

…Blah Blah Blah. Long story short, the guy cancels. Maybe you recall it?



Amiga Lucy rereads chapter 7 with its additions this morning. Then she gets back to me.

“The part I like the most is ‘Stupid Tino thanked me for understanding…’ I would have told him:

22359463_10155993116841015_296742144_n – kopio

Ops, Tino.


© 2017 rf


Chapter 7 – Tino?!

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂



Moikka Anna, ootpa tosi nätti 🙂 Mitä sun vuodenvaihteeseen kuuluu?

Kiitos! Sinäkin olet komea.

🙂 Kiitti, sun tekstin perusteella ootkin toki kansainvälinen tyyppi. Puhutko mielummin englantia vai suomea tämmösessä chatissa?


Ok, that’s fine. So, you’re a teacher? Have to say I always felt that teachers are kind of hot, like really hot… Something that must come from the time when I was young and still in school. 🙂  Are you teaching languages?


Monday, 11 January 2016.


Day 22


Married at 19, mother at 21, a dedicated friend, a good wife, an awesome mom.

She had her first teacher’s job at the age of 11. Her first official job at 17. Loving every moment of it. But then, maybe too young to be working so hard to pay the bills with Mr. Ex – trying to grow and get somewhere together.


Everybody suffers, and they’ve had their fair share of it. Who hasn’t? Her Ex-mother-in-law’s tragic death (murder), Mr. Ex’s depression years that followed. 😭 Devastating. And too heavy for this book.

And even before those tragic events, Anna hadn’t been feeling too lucky-in-love-and-romance, anyway. Family life, friendship, uncertainty, longing, frustration, kissing, laughter, lots of sex, loving, suspicion of betrayal, trips, raising beautiful kids, loans, university studies, work load, game nights, sports; more uncertainty. Fear of loss.

All intertwined.


What does it feel like to really love and commit to your spouse… To be good to him. Affectionate, hopeful for better times. Year after year.

To invest in him, argue and keep supporting and challenging him to be a better man. And just be there, for better or for worse, ’til death…

…and feel you’re not getting half of that back? 🤦‍

Oh, she fought for his love. In dignified ways – make no mistake. And how often she cried – alone – bitter tears of hurt. Never getting why it felt she wasn’t good enough for him… It stung so much to feel that way!

In her heart, she always believed that she was imperfectly wonderful.

She didn’t know it wasn’t really personal.

Hurt people hurt people. And they hurt each other numerous times.


So… now she’s going to enjoy a little happy-go-lucky, for the first time in her life.

No more tears!

It feels less overwhelming to just turn her back on the past and move on!

Anna has been taking care of herself in the last years. Body and soul. Right now, she’s feeling cute. Younger, a little wilder and free. Will you help me root for her?

Here we go!



Anna has been feeling beside herself. She’s been asked out on dates by some Tinder matches, but she’s asked everyone to wait.

She’s so into Tino right now that she’s simply lost interest in all the other chats. He’s coming back from his China business trip tomorrow and they’re finally going to meet in person.

Two days. My very first date! Yay.

This is so exciting!


Tino is this super cute Finnish engineer who works for KONE. His vibe is respectful, intriguing and fun. He is so warm and nice that they quickly move their communication to Whatsapp.

Trips, cultures, pastimes, favorite South American and Finnish songs – they’ve been chatting about all those things. He told her he plays instruments and is a good dad. Well, I should hope so… Good dads are a big turn on.

For her, chatting with Tino has been pretty amazing (hot), and she has the feeling she’ll like him in person.

He writes non-stop, answering fast, pursuing her all day long. They joke, act silly, send cute messages, and so on. This has been going on for over a week and she can’t help but feel thrilled.

He sends her a pic of his face, lying over a colorful pillow, along with a Finnish song about lions.

Romance has always inspired the artist in her. So this morning, while her pupils are focused on some exercises, she puts his song and picture together, quickly coming up with this:



It’s so weird. Now that she stops to think about it, she realizes that she’s never been on a date. Ever!

She can’t wait to finally meet him this week. 😊



Tuesday, 12 January 2016.


Day 23


Dear Diary,


After days and days of chatting, what a disappointment!!

What the hell??


About our meeting… Things changed in my life, so that I’ve agreed to focus on my family. Hopefully you understand. Anyway, maybe in this situation better to take a time out and cancel our date. 🙁

Really? 🙁 I was looking forward to meeting you and even said wait to five-six other guys who asked me out last week. 🙂 But, my kids come first, too. You seem to be a nice person, so I’ll just wish you all the best! Ciao.


St#u&p%id Tino thanked me for understanding, kiss kiss, and mentioned maybe asking me out in the future, but what the fuck…??

Very odd. Is he married??

Hmm. Although Tinder’s mechanics couldn’t be any easier to use, human behavior makes it just a little more complicated, it seems. 


Bola pra frente! Onward, soldier.

© 2017 rf



Obs. E”#ur%g&h!! Shitty new beginnings.