Chapter 55 – The Interim

 

Tuesday, 16 February 2016.

 

Day 58

 

Anna goes away from Tinder Date #12 feeling restless.

Disappointed.

She’s been too busy and is feeling a little worried about her daughter Kristiina, as well.

Not that she’d been too excited with any of this week’s dates before meeting them. Slow chats, little effort. Just nice enough.

That’s boring!

 

I don’t understand why people even go to the trouble of going on dates with half-efforts.

Nothing we don’t devote ourselves to can become special in our lives.

We learn to love what we serve – in other words, give our best efforts to. Time, energy and affection.

On the other hand, we shouldn’t throw our pearls to pigs…!

We just can’t love what we don’t respect. We don’t appreciate what comes easy. I definitely don’t enjoy half-hearted stuff. Not for me, no.

These half-wits!!

 

Christian puts in lots of effort into our chats. Good manners, a positive attitude, respect. Flirtiness. Like Frederick – except for the flirting.

She’s feeling a little too tired when he finally sends her that smile selfie he’s been promising.

What?! So different from his other pictures. What??

Oh, what if I don’t like him in person?

 

All these last events make her ponder over things and worry a little bit. She appreciates honesty, so here it goes.

16:30   Christian, I’ve been thinking… Can I share a little?

I have a question. Is now a good time to ask?

14:37   Hi there. Yes, of course. What’s on your mind? Can I ring you up?

Oh, maybe soon. I’ve just been thinking that my separation is so recent. Imagine. It happened just last December. Yours was in September? So, maybe you can relate…

Here I am two months later… On Tinder. I’ve been on quite a few dates already, and even though most of the men were nice, I didn’t feel any attraction – except maybe with one. Still, I didn’t want to keep on seeing him.

Most of them asked for second dates, but I just didn’t feel like it. And that has made me wonder whether I’m ready for this or if I still have too much emotional baggage to deal with…

I love chatting with you every day. It’s so nice!

But I’m wondering: since I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more (and we don’t even know whether we’ll have any chemistry in person)…

Are you interested in becoming friends with me if we feel no attraction? You seem to be a great person and I could really use some new friends at this point in my life. And… if nothing else comes out of this, at least we could both gain something precious. No wasted time!

I love having a warm well-mannered person to chat with, like you. The best on Tinder. 😊

 

Anna is being very sincere. At the same time, what she’s not telling him is that based on the previous dates, she knows that some men who seem nice online are so boring in person.

Discouraging, really.

Or then so horribly dressed. Bad teeth!

I am not a superficial person. I make lots of new friends easily and respect every human being. I believe every person was made to be loved and appreciated for who they are. Everyone has their brokenness and their beauty.

Still… that doesn’t mean that I have to accept just anyone into my life, as my boyfriend!

Without chemistry there’s nothingFrederick is right.

 

Hmmm. Who should I give a chance to?? I’m not looking for a perfect guy. My expectations aren’t too high. I don’t care if he’s my age or 10 years older.

I don’t mind if he’s short, like the other women on Tinder seem to do.

I don’t care if he’s overweight – or middle class, like me. He doesn’t even have to be super handsome.

(I’ve read that it can be good for the relationship if the woman is just a little better looking than the guy. That way, the guy feels like he’s scored and the woman feels great, because she always feels pretty in his eyes. He’ll be happy with this. Value her more? I don’t know if that’s true, but it does make sense…)

 

So, what am I looking for??

Well, I certainly know what I do like.

Hmmm.

I like kindness and good manners – I hate constant bad moods.

I like interaction and good communication. Don’t really feel attracted to slow, boring men who won’t chat or talk much. They don’t ask anything – or then they do, but don’t comment on my answers.

Dull!

He doesn’t need to have a PhD, but I need intelligence. Mr. Pedro/Ex was very intelligent. I loved that about him.

Funny, hardworking, a good dad (to his kids). A good enough listener… A guy able to make decisions and take action.

A mature man. Playful, too. The man in the relationship.

Affectionate. Oh, very, very affectionate. That’s what I dream of the most.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Oh, gosh, does he even exist? My cousin Caleb and my brother Moses are like that. My father, too. Some of my friends, as well.

But is there someone out there for me…?

 

Am I too demanding? Do I have to lower my expectations?

Hmm. Most men my age are married. 90%. Minimum.

And the other 10% includes the lazy ones, the crazy ones, the smelly ones. The half-wits.

 

OK, maybe I could give up some of my expectations. 😯

But, but, I’m talking about who to bring into my intimate life! Not just about who to become friends with.

Into my life, my home, my heart, my body, my history, my dreams.

My present and my future.

And vice versa. Into his – value him and his.

Sigh.

 

I definitely have to do some research on the topic this week.

 

Anna, thanks for opening your heart to me. I have loved chatting with you, as well. I can see you’re a kind person, and so beautiful!

Everyone has baggage. I do, too. We’re all flawed, but we won’t know about the chemistry if we don’t meet in person. No pressure, though.

I’m interested in friendship, as well. Hopefully more. Life is good but gets lonely, like I said before. I’m coming to Helsinki just to meet you. If you’ll have me.

Work? I can work from my computer, from anywhere. You are the reason I’ll be flying there.

 

Wow, what a man.

At least this cool friendship. Fingers crossed for more. 🤞🤞🤞 I hope he’s as lovablelicious as I imagine.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 58 and five to go?

 

 

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Chapter 46 – Those Little Butterflies

 

Thursday, 11 February 2016.

 

Day 53

 

9:47   Good morning! Hope you slept well and completed your project. Don’t forget, I need to check your work. 😊

Struggling to get up today. It’s cold here.

 

Anna looks forward to receiving Christian’s messages every the morning – the Englishman with the upgraded Hugh Grant’s voice.

Somehow, he always makes her feel good. That is, since they matched on Day 36.

Very good. In comparison to all hundreds of other chatters.

Now that I think of it, I think he’s the person I’ve been chatting with the most, so far. Almost twenty days!

So much for my own rules. Typical me. 🤗

Christian’s so interactive with his messages. Always comments and always asks. Shows undying interest.

Learn Finns. Learn!!! And everybody’d win…

 

Ahhh – I can’t believe we are really going to meet soon.

But will I like him?? What if he turns out to be a weirdo in person??? Another nutjob.

I’ll just have to find out.

In that case, he’ll just be an extra story to tell my friends. I can live with that.

Smelly? Hmm. Too slim? Badly dressed. Annoying? All his teeth missing. I’d better ask for a smile selfie! Yes. That’s what I’ll do.

He says he doesn’t smoke…

1,82m. What does a long-armed embrace feel like, I wonder…?

Is he a good kisser, you think? His lips are awfully thin. Even for a man. But he looks soooo friendly and cute in his South Africa pic. Dreamy.

11 days.

He’s my only exception — she smiles at the thought and I’m growing really fond of our chats.

 

10:11   Morning. 😊  Today I waited to hear from you first – but I knew you’d write. I’m not sure if a pic of my work would make any sense. I think you have to see it in person to understand. 😉

Cold there? Brrrr.

The heating system is very good in Finland – not like you suffering over there. My flat was so warm yesterday night that I had to shed more and more of my clothes. When I realized it, I’d been sewing in my underwear for an hour. Haha!

10:12   Hahaha! And that’s why you didn’t take a picture! In case I’d catch you in your undies! 😊 That’s funny.

Still cold here so staying under duvet for a little longer. Now I have a nice mental picture to warm me up. 😊

Yep. Count on me to be unsystematic. Unorthodox, hard-working, out-of-the-box. Clumsy! Yet efficient. 😊

Cute and hot, too. Or so I’ve been told. Haha.

10:13   Send some of that heat over here please, your clumsy-yet-efficientness. Hope you were careful with the needle!! 😊

 

He’s a darling. At least virtually…!

I’m curious about this guy.

Hmm. We shall see.

 

Carinhoso – that will be your new nickname! 😊

What does it mean again? I think google didn’t explain it to me well enough.

Happy you get to stay in bed. I wish. Feeling tired here and there’s a long day ahead. Have to find time for a power nap today.

Oh! It means affectionate one (a caring loving person/someone who likes caressing and touching). It makes more sense in Portuguese, as it has a wider meaning.

(I spent some years near the border between Brazil and Uruguay, so I speak both Spanish and Portuguese……. And many other languages! 😊)

You language computer!! 😊😊 For me, only English and German. And a little bit of Spanish. Studied French, but can’t remember it that well.

Not bad! Hats off.

Ah yeah: friends, relatives, workmates and especially lovers can be referred to as carinhoso – if they are, of course. 😊

I have a feeling that you are…

Ops. Gotta go teach some more now.

In case we don’t chat anymore today, have a wonderful day!

10:32   You too! Thanks for the nickname. 😊  I hear the snow is back. Well… a little.

 

A little later, Anna sends him a picture of the lovely wintry countryside view from her classroom window.

11:38   Looks lovely! Must be very peaceful. Are you under the teacher’s desk taking those coffee power naps you like so much?? 😊

13:47   Oh, had no time for that today. 😦 🙂

So, lots of work there?
Looking forward to the 21st and to enjoying our cool friendship in person…
So nice to be on my way home already. Shorter day today.

14:02   Hey there. On my way to Berlin for a work meeting at the moment. And then the doctor’s. 

Looking forward to seeing you very soon. 😊 Glad you have a short day at work.

Cool friendship? I like that. 😊

14.29   Maybe more…… It takes two to tango, right?
Who knows if we’ll like each other in person? 😊
At least this cool friendship.

 

He asks if he can call. She says yes. The phone rings and the chat is warm and… ahhh, wonderful.

What a nice man.

I wonder if…

And those little butterflies in Anna’s stomach have slowly but surely started to flap their tiny wings. Should she be careful? Protect her heart? Be smart…

Yes.

Eurgh. But I’m dying for some carinho here.

From a guy who earns it first.

 

14.59   Always so fun to talk to you, sweet guy! Take care. Loving your voice. Maybe you could send a recording for me to listen to before falling asleep every night. 💤🔥 Please?

15:01   Hahaha. You sure?

15:02   Yes. I’ll be happy if you do.

I can’t promise. But I’ll see what I can do.

15:03   I’m being tortured here.

In a good way?

Not so good. But… 🎶  🇺🇾 + 🇬🇧 = 🇫🇮 💓.

😊 What’s that first one? Music?

 And in eleven days: 🇩🇪 🛫 🇫🇮 🛬 🍝 🍽️🍷 🍽️.

Haha Love it.

Maybe after that 🏠 🔑 🎬 ☕ 🍓  💏 🎶🔥 ?

Someday 🛫 🇪🇸 🏖️? We shall see…!

OK. Not bad. Wow. I have some ideas.

15:12   Good to have ideas. Send me your own charade charming man?

That made my phone crash!! Must have over-heated.

Overheating is good, right? For a fire guy!

15.14   Absolutely!! Need more fire in my life.

Who doesn’t. 😞😕

15:30   You should be power napping.

I’m in the doctor’s waiting room now. But I’m good with needles. As are you! Tattoos and sewing. Piercings?

Hahaha. Let’s keep some of the mystery.

 

Anna wakes up feeling extra excited. She’s going out now with her daughter Kristiina to pick up the prom dress and have a chick-chat-snack.

 

21:20   How’s your evening going?

21:40   I got home a little earlier. Berlin is tiring. I love it, anyways. Lived there for 10 years but won’t live there again. Great to visit.

How are you all doing there?

But for tourism with no hurry, must be lovely, surely?

Good to know oneself. What you want and don’t want. It makes decision-making  easier.

We’re fine here. Kristiina and Joey entertained and happy.

21:44   Because you are entertaining! I bet they love being back with you.

Yes, about knowing ourselves… Comes with age I guess.

Not that I’m old!!!

21:45   Thanks. They like the home I was able to make for them. Home is where the heart is…

You’re not old! Perhaps even a little young for me. 😊

 

Ex/Pedro is two years older than me, but always looked ten years younger than his own age. Acted that way, too! Superior.

More fit. Made me feel that maybe I’d earn his love if I lost 10kg. Just maybe!

For the first ten years of marriage, he’d look irritably at Anna whenever she had a small piece of cake at parties. Not even party desserts were allowed. From the first honeymoon breakfast onwards.

Eurgh. Now I want someone as different as possible. In every way. And I don’t really trust Brazilian Don Juans right now. They may be exciting, but… Always gaping at any moving lady targets.

 

Talking about knowing yourself, I was reading a newsletter article about ‘Dating Again’, and it kind of had three tips.

21:48   Beware the Englishman?? 😊  Half-English. 😊

(1) Not loving yourself… (the need to forget the past, blah blah)

Actually, it was about the three mistakes people make when going back to the dating world.

What’s the second? And third.

Hahaha! I may not want to beware of him 😊. But, let’s see if he’ll deserve me.

Just teasing you.

I’m actually counting the days to meet this potentially wonderful man.

Numbers 2 and 3 you can read for yourself – it drew my attention because of all the (respectable) Tinder dates I’ve been having.

 

tips

 

21:52  I agree. Very true.

Yeah… Good advice.
Just wanted to let you know that at least online you seem to have many very agreeable traits that I like. I’m already grateful to be exploring this. So thank you from my heart! 😊

   And Happy Valentine’s Day – which in Finland is called Friend’s Day!

Hyvää ystävän päivää.

21:57   That’s very kind. And thank you! Happy Friends’ Day to you too! 😊 X

It is going to be my first Valentine as a single woman – since the age of 17.
I’m going out with my son and I’m sure it’s going to be fun!
What are your plans?

22:00   Wow. Did you usually celebrate? I normally do. Had a girlfriend once who said she couldn’t be bothered but I always made an effort as I didn’t believe her. Thought it was a test. It wasn’t until years later I realized she really meant it!

No plans.

My ex wasn’t romantic.
90% of the dates we ever had in the last 15 years or so I had to plan and execute myself. That’s how it felt and how I remember it, any way.
Very unmotivating.

I love love.

22:03   I love any reason to hug, kiss, fire up, express appreciation, chat, look eye in the eye, laugh and just be very, very happy.
  What about you?
I love sex too.

Which I think was clear front the fire up. 😊

Did you use to make the effort just for her or do you enjoy those things as well?

22:17   I think it’s fun and just a nice thing to do. Probably different for a guy. We have different emotions. But I like your description of romantic. 😊

22.19  👍

Didn’t make an effort because it was expected. I enjoy those things too.

All of them.

Perfect. 😊

 

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 53 of little flapping wings.