Tuesday, 16 February 2016.
Anna goes away from Tinder Date #12 feeling restless.
She’s been too busy and is feeling a little worried about her daughter Kristiina, as well.
Not that she’d been too excited with any of this week’s dates before meeting them…
I don’t understand why people even go to the trouble of going on dates with half-efforts.
Nothing we don’t devote ourselves to can become special in our lives.
We learn to love what we serve – in other words, give our best efforts to. Time, energy and affection.
On the other hand, we shouldn’t throw our pearls to pigs…!
We just can’t love what we don’t respect. We don’t appreciate what comes easy. I definitely don’t enjoy half-hearted stuff. Not for me, no.
Christian puts in lots of effort into our chats. Good manners, a positive attitude, respect. Flirtiness. Like Frederick – except for the flirting.
She’s feeling a little too tired when he finally sends her that smile selfie he’s been promising.
What?! So different from his other pictures. What??
Oh, what if I don’t like him in person?
All these last events make her ponder over things and worry a little bit. She appreciates honesty, so here it goes.
16:30 Christian, I’ve been thinking… Can I share a little?
I have a question. Is now a good time to ask?
14:37 Hi there. Yes, of course. What’s on your mind? Can I ring you up?
Oh, maybe soon. I’ve just been thinking that my separation is so recent. Imagine. It happened just last December. Yours was in September? So, maybe you can relate…
Here I am two months later… On Tinder. I’ve been on quite a few dates already, and even though most of the men were nice, I didn’t feel any attraction – except maybe with one. Still, I didn’t want to keep on seeing him.
Most of them asked for second dates, but I just didn’t feel like it. And that has made me wonder whether I’m ready for this or if I still have too much emotional baggage to deal with…
I love chatting with you every day. It’s so nice!
But I’m wondering: since I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more (and we don’t even know whether we’ll have any chemistry in person)…
Are you interested in becoming friends with me if we feel no attraction? You seem to be a great person and I could really use some new friends at this point in my life. And… if nothing else comes out of this, at least we could both gain something precious. No wasted time!
I love having a warm well-mannered person to chat with, like you. The best on Tinder. 😊
Anna is being very sincere. At the same time, what she’s not telling him is that based on the previous dates, she knows that some men who seem nice online are so boring in person.
Or then so horribly dressed. An urgent need for the dentist’s?
I am not a superficial person. I make lots of new friends easily and respect every human being. I believe every person was made to be loved and appreciated for who they are. Everyone has their brokenness and their beauty.
Still… that doesn’t mean that I have to accept just anyone into my life, as my boyfriend! Without chemistry there’s nothing – Frederick is right.
Hmmm. Who should I give a chance to?? I’m not looking for a perfect guy. My expectations aren’t too high. I don’t care if he’s my age, younger or 10 years older.
I don’t mind if he’s short, like the other women on Tinder seem to do.
I don’t care if he’s overweight – or middle class, like me. He doesn’t even have to be super handsome.
(I’ve read that it can be good for the relationship if the woman is just a little better looking than the guy. That way, the guy feels like he’s scored and the woman feels great, because she always feels pretty in his eyes. He’ll be happy with this. Value her more? I don’t know if that’s true, but it does make sense…)
So, what am I looking for?? Well, I certainly know what I do like.
I like kindness and good manners – I hate constant bad moods.
I like good communication. Don’t really feel attracted to slow, boring men who won’t chat or talk much. They don’t ask anything – or then they do, but don’t comment on my answers.
He doesn’t need to have a PhD, but I need intelligence. Mr. Pedro/Ex was very smart and I loved that about him.
Funny, hardworking, a good dad (to his own kids). A good enough listener… A guy able to make decisions and take action.
A mature man. Playful, too. The man in the relationship.
Affectionate. Oh, very, very affectionate. That’s what I dream of the most.
Oh, gosh, does he even exist? My cousin Caleb and my brother Moses are like that. My father, too. Some of my friends, as well.
But is there someone out there for me…?
Am I too demanding? Do I have to lower my expectations?
Hmm. Most men my age are married. 90% at least. And the other 10% includes the lazy ones, the crazy ones, the smelly ones. The half-wits.
OK, maybe I could give up some of my expectations. 😯
But, but, I’m talking about who to bring into my intimate life! Not just about who to become friends with.
Into my life, my home, my heart, my body, my history, my dreams.
My present and my future.
And vice versa.
I definitely have to do some research on the topic this week.
Anna, thanks for opening your heart to me. I have loved chatting with you, as well. I can see you’re a kind person, and so beautiful!
Everyone has baggage. I do, too. We’re all flawed, but we won’t know about the chemistry if we don’t meet in person. No pressure, though.
I’m interested in friendship, as well. Hopefully more. Life is good but gets lonely, like I said before. I’m coming to Helsinki just to meet you. If you’ll have me.
Work? I can work from my computer, from anywhere. You are the reason I’ll be flying there.
Wow, what a man.
At least this cool friendship. Fingers crossed for more. 🤞🤞🤞 I hope he’s as lovelicious as his messages.
© 2017 rf
Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.
Obs. Day 58 and five to go?
4 thoughts on “Chapter 55 – The Interim”
I love her honesty, and she definitely shouldn’t lower her standards, there will be misery in her future if she does.
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Thank you! Still keeping my fingers crossed.
… and friendship shouldn’t be looked down upon. With some of my very best female friends, the relationship started with a flirt (and only that). 🙂
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Who would we be without our friends? How would we survive this dire wonderful world half-intact? On my worst days, sometimes I’m too tired to go see them and feel like canceling. But after I meet them anyway, I feel much happier. Wish they wouldn’t leave.
And… good for you!
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