Chapter 61 – Tinder Date #14

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

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Thursday, 18 February 2016.

 

Day 60

 

They are sitting at a nice table – her usual one – at the Nepalese restaurant in Jätkäsaari, Anna’s neighborhood. Aarne has a huge meal, and she?

She has the soup and an open mind.

It’s the third time she’s at this very restaurant on Tinder dates. With three different men in three weeks. The waiter is starting to look at her in a funny way.

Ops, he’ll think I’m an escort! Maybe time to change venues?

 

Aarne is tall and a little chubby, friendly and warm. His teeth look like a bunny’s, but he’s cute and nice enough. 54.

She doesn’t feel the chemistry, though. So, no flirting from her side. She just talks about her Ex, church and such things. Haha.

Not cool? Sorry!

She can’t help herself. What is she supposed to do if she’s just waiting for tomorrow to chat with Christian again?

3 days to meet him in person.

Sigh.

I shouldn’t be going out on these dates anymore before I meet Christian and figure out whether I’ll like him or not.

Eurgh. But there’s another one scheduled for tomorrow. Bad manners to cancel last minute…

Like Tino did to me! Humpf.

 

Meeting new people is exciting.

Yes.

 

This is Anna’s You’re-Free-Now-So-Find-Out-Who’s-Available-Out-There Project, remember?

And her PossiblyMake-Some-New-Friends Project.

The Have-Some-Fun-Live-A-Little and Don’t-Hide-In-Your-House-While-You-Heal and Dare-To-Believe-In-Love-Again Projects are also worth a mention. Don’t you think?

Ultimately, what this really, really is, is…

The Find-A-B♥️yfriend-To-Share-The-Good-Simple-Things-In-Life-With Project.

Happy sigh.

Pause.

 

But Anna, don’t you forget The Don’t-Put-All-Your-Eggs-In-One-Basket-Yet Project. You haven’t met Him yet.

 

The smirky waiter walks by their table and Aarne asks, “Can I have a coffee please? Long drive home soon.” and turning his gaze to Anna “What about you? Would you like a coffee cup, too?”

“Just another glass of water, please!”

 

Later that night, Aarne texts her.

Dear Anna, I’m now safely back home in Turku, thanks for your concern.

You are very nice, too. 🙂 Thank you for your pleasant company tonight. But, I have to be say that we are from different generations and I have never dated anyone as young as you.

Honestly? I must admit I don’t know exactly why – can’t put my finger on it just yet – but I didn’t really feel the chemistry.

Friends?

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. End of Day 60 of… The Above-All-What-You’re-Doing-Is-Rediscovering-Yourself Project.

Chapter 60 – Coffee or Soup?

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Thursday, 18 February 2016.

 

Day 60

 

Annitcha knows what she wants (new friends and eventually passion, romance, a fun relationship – please, please?)…

She thinks she knows what she’s doing… So, why not?

What we have here is a very project-oriented kind of person (a little obstinate, too). And such a  r🙂mantic – my, oh my.

When Anna is determined, she usually goes for it. Logic, emotions, body, heart and soul.

 

But, oh! Too many dinner dates equals too much food and getting fat.

No!!!

Not to mention the extra expenses in a short period of time.

 

She’s been out fifteen times in the last three weeks. It has been kind of fun – it has certainly been interesting.

Gosh, thank God for my system!!

 

Anna realizes three things early on in this story:

(1) She likes it when the men are gentlemen.

(2) But… she doesn’t want to take advantage of anyone.

(3) And… she doesn’t want to gain weight! Or spend too much.

 

What to do, what to do??

 

She goes on her first few dates, learns from a few mistakes and that’s when she comes up with The (aforementioned) System:

➡️  If they’re going out on a coffee date, she’ll just have a cup of coffee or tea. (Tea if she thinks she might want to kiss him – and he’s also having tea).

➡️  If it’s a dinner date instead, she’ll just have a soup or a salad.

So far, she’s watched and waited for many men to finish eating full courses.

Oh well… it does give me a chance to observe them and to come up with interesting topics to talk about.

 

Results wrap-up:

She hasn’t gained weight.

She can afford the dates.

Most guys have insisted on treating her.

No luck in finding Him yet.

Dating experience gained and all her fingers crossed.

 

What if I realize from moment zero that I don’t like the guy?

Hmm, maybe… 

…I should have just a glass of tap water.

© 2017 rf

 

 

 

Obs. Day 60 of looking to score a b♥️yfriend (not a free meal)!

 

 

Chapter 18 – Downsides and Upsides

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Monday, 1 February 2016.

 

Day 43

 

Anna’s just arrived home after having coffee with her old-time friend after work. They’ve known each other since Anna’s wedding day, back in 1995, when Mary was brought to the festivities as a +1.

It’s always lovely to catch up and chat with a lady friend, isn’t it? A good dose of oxytocine and your stress levels come tumbling down.

Anna’s told Mary about joining Tinder and they giggled about her first dates.

Despite the fact that Mary felt quite shocked with that piece of news! For one, she’d never even heard of dating apps and, being the very wise, well-behaved type, Mary doesn’t really fathom Anna’s decision.

“What’s the hurry, dear creature? Take some time, enjoy life! You’ve only been single for a month and a half,” she exclaims wide-eyed.

Nonetheless, Mary’s a good listener and always shows great respect for her friend, so she just reminds her to be careful, which Anna promises to do.

 

Hey, I don’t know about you, but the first twenty years of Anna’s life were spent in a very close-knit and cheerful, oftentimes noisy circle of relatives, friends, classmates, and above all, her musical parents and siblings.

In the next twenty years, she found herself constantly surrounded by all of the aforementioned, with the addition of her two beloved kids.

And handsome Mr. Ex.

That is, when it felt like he was present at all.

 

Volleyball is Anna’s favorite sport and now I can say I finally understand the reason. Involving constant team work and cooperation, it is such a social game. No wonder why she plays it up to ten hours a week, loving every moment of it.

You see, when you’re divorced and your kids are practically adults, there are some nice upsides to your life. You can focus on your hobbies, spend hours and hours with friends; even decide to sleep over after a visit, chatting and laughing all night long around their dinner table.

If you want to, you can live sparingly and save all your money to the last dime. Or just go on a shopping spree and, who cares, save next month. Good-bye having to discuss and agree on those things with your spouse,or then deal with the disapproving frowns.

 

The first year of divorce is fun. Mm. Go on Tinder, courageously look for love again.

Oh, and does Anna enjoy a tidy flat or what.

Having to do the laundry only once or twice a month and – oh, oh – eating easy-to-prepare eggs and salads. Healthy. And cheap, too.

I’m no advocate for divorce – God forbid. But, you can up and travel during all your holidays. Make last minute plans and then change them, just like that. Hey, maybe not even come back home from a long trip before the very last vacation night…

 

…On the other hand, there is a downside.

One of many. 🙁 But the one I’m talking about is coming home to an empty house.

Don’t believe me? Maybe that’s because your life is always busy with family members and unending chores, so you’d gladly accept a quiet, home-alone day. Cozy and relaxing – I can understand that. I remember.

 

But, we are social beings and life is to be shared. So, when Anna comes home, night after night to her dark, empty flat, knowing nobody is there, and no one is going to come in through the door, not even later in the evening… Nobody’s going to wish me good night… I’ll tell you, at times her stress grows with the hours.

It can feel pretty lonesome and cold. So, that’s why.

Flash forward to 2017 and Anna hates that – with her entire soul.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 43 since moving out. What now?

 

 

Chapter 13 – Swiped Out

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Saturday, 23 January 2016.

 

Day 34

 

Dear Diary,

I’ve just had a nice jog and morning coffee. Feels good!

Swiping for over two weeks now. 150+ matches. Lots and lots and lots of simultaneous chats, of which maybe 10% end up being interesting (entertaining, deep and wise, funny or flirty – things like that), but…

I’ve only been on 5 dates and Tinder is telling me “There is no one else near you!”

Say, what??

That’s all there is?? Are all the other men in Finland taken???

What??!

Apparently, I’m all swiped out.

Haha. Maybe I’ve played Tinder to its last phase. Uh-oh.

Game over – oh, no!

 

On the positive side, I seem to have nice matches on my list. I feel there’s potential with some of the upcoming dates… 🤓

It’s surprisingly easy. Guys are eager to meet up face to face and happy to go out for a coffee. A few of them have even told me that it’s cool that I actually want to meet them in person, because there are many ladies who just want to chat. That’s so strange. 🤔

 

Ah, let me tell you.

There’s this one guy I matched with who seems so nice! Really. 😊 For one, his profile text is adorable. Check this out:

 

“Frederick (40)

Smart, loyal, romantic, dad, 5’10, enjoys travelling. Goes to the gym to keep fit. Enjoys the great outdoors. Enjoys eating out, especially curries. After friendship and hopefully more. I read other people’s profiles rather than just looking at the photos. If this appeals, then swipe right.”

 

How sweet is that?? 😻

I’m quite impressed, tbh. Then I realize he’s

 

 

 

1868km away

 

 

 

And think to myself, that explains it – he’s not from Finland… Hey, maybe that’s good news!

 

In Finland, most guys write nothing in their profile. I hate that! Laziness? Put in the effort, Finnish dudes!!

I’m not wasting any time:

 

Hi Frederick, you sound great!

Hi Anna, how is life? Are you in Finland? Fred x

 

Blah, blah, blah. Distance. Family. Board games. Jobs. Blah, blah. Pastimes. He is nice!!

 

Oh, I absolutely love the outdoors, too! I usually walk 5-15km a day, cycle around, jog a little. Enjoy picnics with bonfires in the snow, cottages in the middle of nowhere. Nothing could be better. I’m only half-Finnish, but I live in one of my favorite countries. Do you ever come to Finland?

I explored Scandinavia when I was younger. Would love to go again. I recall Finland is a beautiful country, with beautiful girls. 🙃

If you are half-Finnish, what’s your other half?

Now you guess my other half! I’ll just say it’s to the left of Europe. And that I speak five languages (four fluently)!

 

He guesses correctly.

My first guess. What a star! 🙂 You have a dark complexion. And Anna is a Spanish-type name…

I’m impressed by your language skills!

 

Blah, blah, blah. And then we discuss our divorce and letting bygones be bygones.

Yes. I saw it coming for many years. But I’m also loyal and romantic and just held on for life. For the family ideal, for the ideal of marriage. And hope…

But I wish him all the happiness, healing and success that life can bring. I want no bitterness for this new phase of my life!

Well, sounds like you believed in marriage.

Best way to be. Let the resentment go. My ex-wife and I were together for fifteen years, but I now have the chance to fall in love again, and the mad chemistry that love brings.

 

Diary dear, he looks handsome in three of his pics.

(1) Nice beard, jeans shirt, looking sideways – kind of in the diagonal – with a big smile.

(2) B&W. He’s drinking coffee, looking very intelligent.

(3) He’s cute and youthful, wearing a cap in a close up. With a cool expression, there’s warmth and joy in his eyes.

(On the other hand, I h-a-t-e-d the pic where he’s dressed like a teenager: boots, cargo pants and a hoodie. Sunglasses and a cap. NOOO!! That’s how my pupils dress).

 

I see you sometimes like to dress as a rapper. Caps, hoodies. Is it always?

Oh, the hoodie pic was just to show you all what my body looks like. I do generally dress my age, though I wish to be young.

 

Well, nobody’s perfect. Hmm. I wonder how he likes my pics. Maybe he’d have a few things to say about mine too, huh?

We’ve been chatting daily. He seems super 👍. Tech manager, two kids, lives in England, loves board games ➡️ one of my favorite hobbies!! Besides, (and I’ve told him)…

I love guys who speak with the British accent. Gives me goosebumps. 😅

 

Still, not planning on flying to England anytime soon.

But it’s pleasant to chat about so many different things. And, like me, he seems genuinely interested in making friends, which I find very honorable.

As for coffee dates, I’ve had to be careful not to over-book or double-book. 😅 Especially because I’ve decided to just go out when Kristiina and Joey are with their dad.

When they are here, I want to focus on them. Of course.

Oh, how I miss those two! They’re coming back to my place Sunday evening. Happy. 👸 🤴

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 32 since moving out. I wonder what now?