Chapter 58 – Eurgh!!

 

Wednesday, 17 February 2016.

 

Day 59

 

Anna is leaving school earlier to go to a doctor’s appointment. She’s thinking and feeling, feeling and going crazy.

 

I’m 39.

With a shitload of experience, both great and horrible. Half my life ahead of me…

Living in my own flat for two months now…… Met 13 Tinder Guys.

Sigh.

I want intimacy – with chemistry!!!

I’m yearning for hugs, kisses, passion, watching a movie inside an embrace. Getting to know someone precious, unveil who he is… Ah, it’ll be so special!!! A boyfriend – yes!

My life is definitely to be lived. Eurgh!!! Going a little crazy here.

All this energy.

 

I’ll write Christian a message. 4 days to meet him in person……

 

11:06   Good morning. How are you feeling today? Driving now. Call? Or does it hurt to speak?

11:18   Morning. In bed. Feel worse today. Just trying to call you. You are definitely driving. 😔 

12:19   So, did you gurgle salt and water? And can I have a picture of you with a cold? Under the covers? Please? 🙂

13:03   Haha. I’ll try.
Yep. Gargled. Delicious. 🤢

 

He sends his picture.

.
13.09   Sick 🤧. 

13.11   And veeeery cute!!

OMG, he’s snuggly!!!

You have beautiful eyes! 😍

 

Hmm. This is the first time I’m seeing his eyes. He had sunglasses on in his other pictures.

 

13:16   Ahh. Thanks. Don’t feel v beautiful today! ☺️ 

13:30   I’m checking some homework here. Stories the pupils have written. Lots of spelling mistakes in this one. 🤔

13:32   Mind you, their English is better than my Finnish!

13.34   We’ll have to deal with your Finnish soon. Haha! But teaching you Swedish would be so much easier… Maybe I can come up with a prize system for your Finnish studies. A kiss or something for every ten new words you learn. 😚

Or some punishment when you don’t. Hahaha. Which pushes you better?

Hahaha. I think both would work!! Should I be scared?  😱 😨 Carrot and stick. 😊

Let’s wait and see! 

14.21   You look so cuddly in bed. Love looking at your pic! Here’s mine:

IMG_2420 – kopio (2)

.
Wow. MUCH better than mine! 😊😊 Are you having a power nap?

I wish – with you – would be nice!

Nice. 😊😊

14.38   Can I ask you something?

14.39   Of course.

You don’t think I’m this crazy chic, do you?

Not at all!!!

  I mean, inside my heart I’m very deep and wise.

14.41   I know.

And I really like you. Your voice and lovely personality.

Same here. I know you are a nice person. 😊
Was that your question? 😊

And to elaborate my answer, if you were crazy….then I like a little crazy. 😊

15.12   Sorry. Was in the waiting room and the nurse called me in. Then I drove back to school.

Just checking, because one day I tell you I may have to take it slow and the next day I act differently. Cool that you like a little crazy. Me too! 😊

15:17   Hope all went OK at Doctor’s.

 

21:09   I have just finished playing volleyball and it was totally worth it. Super fun! I think I’m going for a short run soon, too. 😊  Hope you’re resting and feeling better soon! I feel energized.

 

18/02/2016,  4:28   Sorry. Went to bed super early and now I can’t sleep. 😕  Still feeling ‘energised’?? 😊

9:21   Still feeling like that, yes. Haha! But at 4 I was fast asleep. 😉

 

© 2017 rf

 

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

 

 

Obs. End of Day 59. Energized.

 

 

Chapter 21A – Anniversary

I’ve admitted it, there you go.

It’s very hard to please me with good gifts because what I want is actually the hard stuff: I want you to really care and to show that both in words and action.

 

Tuesday, 21 February 2017.

 

Day – Does it Matter? Love stops time.

 

It’s our one-year anniversary and he’s promised to call a little later.

Anna is looking out the window of the cottage she adores so much. The sun appeared from behind the heavy clouds just now, as if to celebrate their special occasion. Its rays are resting over the cleanest of snows. And when you live in Finland, you value each second of sunshine, isn’t it so?

 

Some friends were here with Anna over the weekend, but had to go back to work in Helsinki. For Annita, this is Spring break from school, 9 days off for ‘hiihtoloma’.

Since Mr. Boyfriend and I can’t be together today, that’s how I’ve planned it: I want to be alone!

Alone. To feel. To reflect. She needs to reminisce, in order to continue writing this book she’s recently begun.

 


 

Omar and Anna chatted on Messenger earlier. He’s been reviewing her first drafts and has some constructive criticism.

“Anna, there in Chapter 2 where you say you like practical gifts. I’m not quite buying it. Nobody’s that pragmatic. Come on!

“Gifts make one feel seen… It’s about feeling valued and important to others at the end of the day. But OK, the socks are nice. Romantic.

“Amiga, why don’t you take advantage of the fact that you’re anonymous? Be fully honest with yourself, tell the reader everything. You’re an Alias, it’s a diary. It’s safe to pour your heart out. And we’re curious.” 🙂

 

The next few days are going to be her first holidays alone.

Ever.

Anna had been afraid to be here like this, in such secluded surroundings. The pitch-black darkness of night. Well, she’s been locking all doors, even though you don’t really need to do that in the middle of the forest in this country.

Mostly, she had been afraid of feeling lonely out here without him – every corner of the place bursting with memories.

So far so good.

Always face your fears! Don’t run away from them. And… solitude and loneliness are different things!

This is solitude.

And what a wondrous place this is.


 

Back to work then, Chapter 2, where did it end?

Ah, here it is… Eggs, Light Coke, Diesel, Lindt. She is reading over her Ray Ban glasses.

Socks. Yes!! Socks… Someday I’ll share my life closely with somebody again (but it will have to be someone as special as me), and we’ll give each other good socks for every birthday and every Christmas. One pair each. And sometimes on a normal day too, just to be romantic. ❤️‍😍”

I’m changing the verb tense. There. This sounds better: “And we’re wearing them all.”

 


 

I like that part, it’s sincere, hopeful, simple and romantic – like me. Hope Mr. Boyfriend takes the hint. Haha.

 

OK Anna, challenge of the day: be honest with yourself. Think of this whole situation. The whole mess. Dreams, frustrations, the longing. Everything you and he shared in a year.

She leans back on the couch and is suddenly in far-away-heartland. For a loooong time. When she comes back to here and now, Anna is ready to type away…

 

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 428 – but love does stop time!

 

 

Chapter 18 – Downsides and Upsides

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Monday, 1 February 2016.

 

Day 43

 

Anna’s just arrived home after having coffee with her old-time friend after work. They’ve known each other since Anna’s wedding day, back in 1995, when Mary was brought to the festivities as a +1.

It’s always lovely to catch up with a lady friend, isn’t it? A good dose of oxytocine and your stress levels come tumbling down.

Anna’s told Mary about joining Tinder and they giggled about her first dates.

Despite the fact that Mary felt quite shocked with that piece of news! For one, she’d never even heard of dating apps and, being the very wise, well-behaved type, Mary doesn’t really fathom Anna’s decision.

“What’s the hurry, dear creature? Take some time, enjoy life! You’ve only been single for a month and a half,” she exclaims wide-eyed.

Nonetheless, Mary’s a good listener and always shows great respect for her friend, so she just reminds her to be careful, which Anna promises to do.

 

Hey, I don’t know about you, but the first twenty years of Anna’s life were spent in a very close-knit and cheerful, oftentimes noisy circle of relatives, friends, classmates, and above all, her musical parents and siblings.

In the next twenty years, she found herself constantly surrounded by all of the aforementioned, with the addition of her two beloved kids.

And handsome Mr. Ex.

That is, when it felt like he was present at all.

 

Volleyball is Anna’s favorite sport and now I can say I finally understand the reason. Involving constant team work and cooperation, it is such a social game. No wonder why she plays it ten hours a week, loving every moment of it.

You see, when you’re divorced and your kids are practically adults, there are some nice upsides to your life. You can focus on your hobbies, spend hours and hours with friends; even decide to sleep over after a visit, chatting and laughing all night long around their dinner table.

If you want to, you can live sparingly and save all your money to the last dime. Or just go on a shopping spree and, who cares, save next month. Good-bye having to discuss and agree on those things with your spouse, or then deal with the disapproving frowns.

 

The first year of divorce is fun. Mmm. Go on Tinder, courageously look for love again.

Oh, and does Anna enjoy a tidy flat or what.

Having to do the laundry only once or twice a month and – oh, oh – eating easy-to-prepare eggs and salads. Healthy. And cheap, too.

I’m no advocate for divorce – God forbid. But, you can up and travel during all your holidays. Make last minute plans and then change them, just like that. Hey, maybe not even come back home from a long trip before the very last vacation night…

 

…On the other hand, there is a downside.

One of many. 🙁 But the one I’m talking about is coming home to an empty house.

Don’t believe me? Maybe that’s because your life is always busy with family members and unending chores, so you’d gladly accept a quiet, home-alone day. Cozy and relaxing – I can understand that.

I remember.

 

But, we are social beings and life is to be shared. So, when Anna comes home, night after night to her dark, empty flat, knowing nobody is there, and no one is going to come in through the door, not even later in the evening… Nobody’s going to wish me good night… I’ll tell you, at times her stress grows with the hours.

It can feel pretty lonesome and cold. So, that’s why.

Flash forward to 2017 and………….

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 43 since moving out. What now?