divorce – Page 3 – The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée

Chapter 52 – Kristiina’s Phone Call

Monday, 15 February 2016.

Still Day 57

Just as Anna is entering her building – less annoyed after the fresh air and the jog – her phone rings.

It’s her daughter, beloved Kristiina.

“Hi, sweetheart, how are things over there at dad’s?”

“Oh, mom. I’m so stressed out!” — she sobs.

Poor darling dear!

“What’s up? Good that you called me.”

“I’m just exhausted. Feeling stressed out and a little down.

“There’s way too much school work! Essays. Normal homework. Exams.

“The school days are soooo long. I come home tired, rest for ten minutes and then study until 1 a.m. I can’t take it anymore.” — she laments.

“Not enough sleep, not enough time for hobbies or exercise. Not enough time for my friends… And now the divorce and two homes. I’m feeling upset. Help?”

Eurgh! We stupid adults can’t be happy together and our teens have to suffer the consequences.

Eurgh.

But we tried everything!

“Kristiina, my dear, so sorry you’re feeling that way. I understand. I do! Please, always call me and talk it out. Any time.

“OK, mom.”

“What can I say? Is your father there? Can he help you?

“Kris, you know he and I tried everything, right? At least you know we stayed together for as long as we could? For your sake.”

“Oh, mom! I wish you hadn’t. It was horrible to see some of the fights and have so many family holidays ruined. No. It’s better this way. You deserve better. You both deserve more love in your every day.”

“Oh…” — I feel the same way.

“Yes, I really wish you had divorced earlier…

“It’s just a little overwhelming right now. I’m exhausted.”

“Kris, I’m glad you called me. Do you want to come over tomorrow? We can have a snack together any time, you know that.” — they’ll always be my priority. I’m still raising our teens.

Kristiina promises to come over if she feels the need to.

“Just wanted to talk… It’s good that you and dad accepted my suggestion.”

Recently, she suggested they live two whole weeks at one place before moving to the other parent’s. That way, there’s less packing and moving here and there all the time.

“The new system feels better? You’ve always been wise – we do listen to what you have to say.” — Anna smiles.

“I miss you, you know! But it’s nice you send me pictures and messages on WhatsApp every day. And your prom dance is in four days. Wow. You’re going to look so beautiful! I can’t wait to see you.

“Why don’t we look into you studying a bit slower? In Finland you can go through high school in four years. Please consider it. You’d have more time to sleep and meet friends…”

With Kristiina it’s always like that. We have to tell her: study less, sleep more, go party, live a little, have fun. Sweet girl! So responsible.

Now where were we?

Back to Christian – the Englishman, of course. The other one’s out for good. Gosh.

20:07 Basically it’s free time Sunday and Monday. 😊

21:15 Hi! Good to hear from you. Was just on the phone with my daughter. Maybe I’ll tell you later. Excited to meet you on Sunday. But getting confused with the dates. I guess your work plans keep changing? ☺️ If you want, you can reserve only Sunday and Monday initially. And if we feel we still want to see each other again during that week, then you’ll let me know if any extra time comes up.

21:24 Good evening. 😊 I’m coming to see you Sunday, and free all day Monday and Tuesday morning. If you want to see me… Hope that all makes sense. Sorry for the confusion!!

Still lost.

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 57 was a long, long day.

Chapter 51 – Living and Yearning

Monday, 15 January 2016.

Still Day 57

What a clown! Annoyed, Anna is thinking as she walks back home from the second date with Christian – the wrong Christian, the American.

I’ve got to start doing my screening better.

If this is not going to add joy and affection to my life – to two people’s lives…

…it’s just pointless and a waste of time!

Her steps get quicker in the cold. It’s good to walk to clear her head.

But I have to be brave.

Have faith, Anna!

I won’t meet anyone if I just stay home and give no one a chance…

Keep being proactive.

Whom to give a chance? Hmm.

Christian, the Englishman, sends a message. She smiles.

21:05 Hello! I’ve had a really busy day. Sorry I’ve not been able to write/call. It sounds like you’ve had a busier day in fact!

You’re lucky you have a ‘normal’ job. Bit different in the world of start ups.

I’ve booked the Radisson Hotel for my stay on Sunday and Monday. Tuesday, Lilla Roberts. Basically it’s free time Sunday and Monday.

Oh! And how I yearn for love, passion and sharing the simple good things in life. It’s been so long. More than three years since I’ve felt like that.

I’m certain there are well-mannered, mature, kind men out there, also looking for someone.

There must be!

Even if most guys my age are taken.

Especially the good ones.

She starts jogging home to fight the cold.

There’ll be exceptions. Recently separated/divorced?

Someone like me!

Yes.

Her phone dings. It’s tomorrow’s date, Eli. They’re just going to have a coffee at McDonald’s on her way home from school.

Because, you see, later tomorrow evening Anna’s going on yet another date. Another coffee at yet another café near Citymarket in Ruoholahti.

A Finn and a Canadian. Should be interesting.

Ah, I have to phone mom and update her! That’s always fun.

Mom gets excited every time she hears a new story – some details left out, of course.

Just as Anna’s entering her building – definitely less annoyed after the fresh air and good thoughts – her phone rings. It’s Kristiina, her daughter.

“Hi, sweetheart, how are you? How are things going there at dad’s?”

“Oh, mom. I’m so stressed out!” — she’s crying. Poor darling dear!

It’s just one of those days.

Vivendo y aprendendo. Living and learning, living and yearning.

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Still day 57 since moving out.

Chapter 49 – Christian 1/ Tinder Date #11

Sunday, 14 February 2016.

Day 56

Anna is getting used to sending messages to Christian, Englishman #2, first thing every morning.

8:45 Morning! Slept 10 hours. Gosh, couldn’t take it anymore. My body even started to hurt from the discomfort! Going to work out soon.
For how many days are you staying next week?

Just a rough idea, because I’d like to organize my holiday week. The thing is, the teens will be with their dad. And since I’ll be on holiday and they’ll be on holiday, I know they’ll ask me to do something nice with them. It’s a pleasure for me. But, if I have an idea of the days when you’re available, I can plan special things for my teens, too.

In case we do want to hang out a lot! But having said, let’s feel free not to meet me again after the first time (though I’d love to at least make a friend). Happy Friends’ Day again! It’s today. ☺️

hook – kopio

10:44 Good morning and Happy Friends’ day to you too!
10 hours? You really do like sleeping! Beautiful hook! 😊

I’m going to let you know my movements a little later. Still figuring out a few details. Don’t want to take time away from your kids.

10:51 Of course not. Just let me know about your movements this week because then I can plan. My kids care a lot about my needs, and they know I need my own time. As long as I’m also there for them during the week, no problem.

Just yesterday my son was so loving. We were hanging out alone at home and he was leaving and then he stopped everything and said: “Mom, I love you so much! You’re so wonderful. You totally deserve an awesome boyfriend and you will get one in the right moment.”

They know I’ve been on Tinder dates. At first they thought it was hilarious/ embarrassing, but then they started to get it. They support me even in this. Great teens! 😊

11:27 Wow. Special kids. That’s really amazing. 😊

13:36 Off the top of my head, I am free evening 21st, then all day Tue and Wed. Poss free Wed pm, then business trip 24/25th. Helsinki again, so free morning of 26th.

Back to Germany from 3rd-8th, then back to Helsinki for a week or so. China prob April now.

Hope you’re having a nice day.

15:59 Good to know! I’ll try to make plans around that. ☺️
Just finished watching The Revenant with son. So bloody. But well made.
How’s your day coming along?

16:10 Don’t you feel like you could use an extra warm hearty hug today? I’m kind of more emotional. Valentine’s mode.

But strong girl here, though.
Looking forward to finally meeting you in person on Sunday. 😊

16:28 One more week. I will give you that hearty hug. If you let me. 😊

If you don’t, I may just grab you by force. ☺️ Beware.

17:02 Please do. ☺️ I’m coming on 21st with no plans to work. I’m coming to meet you. 😊 Work starts late Wednesday.

Great.

Need to get to bottom of the tattoo mystery. Among other things. 😉
Any ski lifts nearby? I’d love to see that.

18:09 I mean you on/off one. 😉 Remember you told me how you can’t get off? How you slide backwards and fall?

Hahaha. We could make a day trip. Would be fun!
But are you sure you want to risk me dying before solving the tattoo mystery?

18:10 I’ll solve that one quickly. Then we’ll move on. 😊

Good one! I have to go out now. Speak later?

18:12 Enjoy! Talk soon.

Good to have company on Friend’s day! Especially being a bit emotional today…

What are friends for? Exactly.

I would totally hug you today. You wouldn’t have a choice.

Oh. That would be nice.

Women and their cycles. 😊

18:14 Choice or no choice. 😊 I’m coming at the wrong time then. Anyway, enjoy your day!

Anna goes out with another Tinder date – one of those she had booked days ago. Another Christian (but American, this one). Says he’s an ex-police officer, now a counter-terrorist agent lending services to the Finnish government.

He’s strong, good looking.

They go to the Nepalese restaurant in her neighborhood, the same where she’s been with Riku, her blind date.

She has a small soup and he a full-course meal. It’s nice to have company. He gives her a nice French kiss at the end and promises to invite her out for dinner tomorrow. She says she’ll think about it.

In the meanwhile, Christian sends Anna a montage and a recording, finally:

19: 43 🇩🇪🇬🇧 + 🇺🇾🇫🇮 = 😊😊☃️❄️🍴🍴🍾🍕🍰⛷️🍷🎲🎲💋

“Hello, only me. Just want to wish you a Happy Friends’ Day. Hope you’re having a nice day with your loved ones. And, can’t wait to see you seven days from now. Ah, it’s crazy. One week from now. Yeah, really can’t wait. So, have a nice night and get lots of sleep. See you soon!”

19:58 Almost forgot:

20:07 🔥🔥🔥 and 🎆🎆🎼🎹🎬💤💤

21:34 My montage was not as creative as yours.

His messages feel more interesting than her date.

21:42 Yes it was! 😍

Earlier today, I went running with James Bond, my son’s dog (6 km).

22:15 Loved the montages, especially the double everything.

Great to hear your voice. Really lovely! Tell me more about your German side.

Love and miss this little friendly, playful dog! Look at this picture – how cute!

23:36 Ahhh. He’s cute.

Wonderful. I never had a pet as a child. Apart from goldfish. It killed itself. Love James Bond – what a fun name! You had a good active day, I can see. I walk a lot. More in Helsinki.

23:36 Hopefully you can show me more.

Here’s a tiger I drew with color pencils:

And some more of my art:

Had a box of leather leftover pieces. Created this bag with glue and scissors and sewing, and gave it to mom.

23:39 Wow. I am impressed. Love it. You should be a designer. Our designer!!

So cool. I can see your future.

P.S. I love hugs too.

😊 Wonderful. This one’s not mine, but I love it:

That’s quite funny. I like it.

It’s very creative, isn’t it?

Yep. Do you know who did it?

It says Terry Border was the artist.

23:44 May I flood your phone with pics like this? You can delete them soon. Otherwise I’ll eat up your memory space.

Please. Flood me. 😊

This is my daughter’s kind of art!

23:49 A proper baker. 😊 Getting hungry. You are killing me!

She should totally bake wedding cakes.

I wouldn’t resist that.

I love taking pictures, as well. And I love Finland!!

Beautiful!

I have a nice camera, but have no idea how to use it.

Nowadays I just use my phone.

Yep. Like me. New iPhone takes great pics.

My favorite place in Majorca:

Looks familiar. V Spanish.

Favorite game (it’s called Ingenious):

I want to play. I’ll probably win. 😊 Maybe we can play? You have to teach me. Is that in your flat?

No, not my flat. A game night I hold at church, sometimes.

I hope you win! I like to play against smart, competitive people.

Otherwise it’s no fun!

00:01 I always play to win.

After midnight, so 6 days to go. 😊

And the art of selfies. Here you go.

Anna sends him a couple of good ones.

00:03 Beautiful. 😊

Teach me. I need to learn how to take good selfies. Night night. Thanks for all the pics. 😊 Sweet dreams.

00:05 I’ll teach you. Ah! Where is that smile selfie I asked for? (Sorry for the flood).

I loved the flood.

Had a kind of nostalgic day today.

Keep flooding! 😊

Looking at the kids as small babies, etc.

Lovely pictures. Thanks for sharing.

Ah, yes. Here is chubby me as a baby!

00:07 OMG!

Me. Then my son.

HOW CUTE!!!

Haha.

I told you he looks just like you!!

Definitely mine. 😊

I love all your pictures.

And I guess you have an older sister?
Send me as many pics you want as well. Love them.

Sleep tight! X

00:12 Night night x

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 56 since moving out… And 6 days to go!

Chapter 48 – Garlic, Lemon, Ginger and Honey

Saturday, 13 February 2016.

Day 55

7:15 Morning! Saturday, yay!
So describe the male emotions for me!
And… have you been able to enjoy the company of your son this week? 😊

Anna sends Christian a picture.

galera

10:05 Morning! Was fast asleep. Think I may be getting ill. 🤒
Yes. I see my son a lot. He’s a clever thing. So cute too. 😊
Nice drawings. Did you do these all last night?

Think I have a cold.

10:08 Of course not. I draw better than that. 😊 Those were from an activity from the youth evening yesterday.

Everybody gets an empty card with somebody else’s name for 30 seconds. And you have to write or draw something nice about the person. The activity is called “What I Love about You”.

What a great idea!

Did you see the hooks they drew for mine?

Haha. Yes! It did catch my eye!! 😊

10.11 So sorry you’re catching a cold!!
Buy BEROCCA from the pharmacy and take two per day. I bet you won’t get as sick as you would otherwise.
Garlic, lemon, ginger and honey. Those should help as well.
Take care of yourself there! 😊

11.04 Thanks. Yes. Berocca is good. I will dose up. Just getting ready to take Geoff to soft play. Speak a bit later. What will you be up to? Have a great day! xx

11.08 Oh, I’m just going out for a jog. What is soft play? Sounds like fun.

Thanks! You enjoy your day, too! X

Anna sends him a picture of the neighborhood under construction.

11.19 Looks nice out there. More choice. And more saunas. 😊 Sunglasses weather? Run like the wind!!

11:46 Just 2.8km in 20 min. Very light run with stops for pics. And my dad waiting for his ride. More at the gym later.

14:17 Christian sends her a pic of soft play.

This is soft play. I’m exhausted!! 😊

14:18 Awww, he’s adorable!! Looks like you.
So you’ve had to roll around with him over there? Sounds like great fun! Enjoy.
And don’t forget that Berocca!
In case we want to kiss next Sunday…
Just teasing you. Get well soon – for your own sake.

Thanks. 😊 Pretty early night tonight. How’s your day? Just having lunch.
I have to show you a picture of me as a baby. You will laugh. I was so fat.☺️

18.01 Looking forward to seeing that! 😊

I can see a bit of your neck tattoo in your profile pic. 😊

Oh really? Would you like a photo of the other one now?

Let’s see if you’re as smart as I think.

Amazingly, I’m going to bed early as well. House is dark, everybody’s sleeping. Since I can’t have a recording of your voice, I’ll just have to read a book instead.

21:23 Tattoo later. All good things come to those who wait. 😊

I will send you a recording. When I do, it will be a surprise. Have a nice early night! Sleep well. I had some very strange dreams about sailing last night. Should keep a diary of my dreams. I’m fascinated by this subject.

I’ve had a few about a talking cat. Love those ones.

Dying to listen to the recording. Tell me more about your interest in dreams.
The talking cat reminds me of a Disney movie I used to watch as a 10-year-old. The Richest Cat in The World. Ever seen it?

Do you like old movies? I do. Tell me some of your favorites!

Oh wow. Difficult. Old black and white comedies. Innocent films. Classics.
I love old movies, too! I’m not sure I’ve seen that one.

Parent Trap
Annie
Rear Window
Singing in the Rain
The Sound of Music
Fiddler on the Roof
Dangerous When Wet

(This last one is a classic, too!)

Seen all those. Apart from last one.

21:41 I adore Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Could we watch one? Or will you be too distracted watching me instead?

Good night handsome! Maybe I’ll dream with your firing up voice. 😊

Night night beautiful. 😊

21:51 Did I pass the tattoo test?

21:52 Yeah. With top grades. Well done!

Phew. 😊

You bring me an apple and I might show it to you. We shall see.

Deal. Night night.

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 55 of I wonder if I’ll like him in person, too…

Chapter 47 – Extemporaneous Tinder Date #10

Friday, 12 February 2016.

Day 54

Diary of Mine,

Today has been a good day. 🙂

Just coming home from our Youth Group (my way to contribute).

I started these youth evenings twice a month a year ago, as a way for Kristiina and Joey and other young people to make new friends and have some Friday fun in a safe environment. We play board games, talk, have a snack, play hide-and-seek in the dark and anything else we can come up with.

It’s not easy to be leading the youth group at the moment (separation and all), but I told the pastor I’ll give it a try. The young people appreciate it so much and my teens have made some nice friends. And they seem to have no one else yet who could do it instead…

Last time, I had to tell the group about my separation, as they know Mr. Pedro (he used to help me with these gatherings sometimes). So I spoke about forgiveness and determination and the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Kate, one of the oldest teenagers there, was very touched. She came to hug me and say, “Anna, you are always so inspiring. Thank you very much for your words.”

I think she is inspiring. What a great person and talented artist Kate is. Some people just know how to shine their light. 😊

This time father was our special guest. He held a short devotional – and tried to turn us into an instantaneous choir (dad is so cool)! We weren’t that successful with the singing, but ended up having great laughs.

Tonight’s theme was seeing the good in others and letting them know it. I repeated a “building up your self-confidence” dynamic I sometimes have with my pupils at school. Will tell you more later.

Today has been a very good day – yeah.

Sunny. I looked cute – better yet, I felt it! And we all know how fantastic that is for a woman. 😁

As for random updates:

Remember Frederick, Tinder Englishman #1? I think we’re becoming friends. We chat on Messenger and have started ringing each other sometimes, too. Nice guy. Wise. He‘s a good listener and sharer. He tells me his thoughts and general feelings concerning his recent separation – still feeling pretty angry at his ex – childcare, immediate goals and such.

His voice is manly and pleasant, but we haven’t flirted at all. Not even once. He lives in Reading – England, and since neither of us is planning on meeting in person any time soon, virtual friendship is the option.

I think what we have feels like some needed encouragement – comparable with divorce therapy groups? Appreciated and retributed.

With Christian, Tinder Englishman #2, it’s been intriguing to say the least – very curious to meet him soon. Chatting daily from Good Morning to Good Night…

I love that!

It inpires the artist in me. Triggers good feelings with dopamine.

This is a new life phase and I won’t complain about the attention I’m receiving from some interesting men. Won’t complain too much! 😊 Sooner or later I’ll find him. I just know it. ❤️ ‍No hurry.

I do have some dates set up for this Sunday to Friday. 😅 Guys who seem eager to meet up…

…I booked them in a long time ago – one at a time – for this coming week, since the teens will be going back to their dad’s place. My only chance!

This is my project at the moment. When I decide something, I go for it. Obstinate me!

However… today I broke one of my own rules. Had a shorter day at school and went on a coffee date straight from work. Number 10.

Yes, I know I wasn’t going to meet anyone when the teens are home with me, but this guy insisted the whole week!

I caved in.

So busy, sorry! 🙁

Kids at my place this week, other dates next week… But all right.

If you’ll come to IKEA in a couple of hours – it’s on my way home – I can meet you for a coffee straight from work. Would that be OK? 🙂

How it went?

Oh, extemporaneously…

Cute foreigner. Muslim. Pianist – very artistic, very cultural. We had a long chat and he smiled a lot, looking appreciatively into my eyes.

But, was Tom right about perfume…! 😷 😟

Seriously, Soner’s perfume was sooooo strong, and to his misfortune, I really, really disliked the scent. Made it very hard to relax and concentrate on the other aspects of the date.

Soner asked to meet again soon, but I told him I really didn’t feel the chemistry.

Smelled it? 😂

Eurgh. All the best to him!

Anyways, today has been a great day.

My workouts have been working. Finally!

I’m back to jogging two-three times a week (usually 3-6km). I think it’s such a perfect workout because it takes 20-30 minutes, but feels great and gives nice results.

Going to the gym, playing volleyball, lots of brisk walks. And on top of that, I just go by bike everywhere I need to. Even well dressed and in high heels. Haha. I haven’t had a public transportation card since I moved back to Helsinki three years ago.

OK, if it’s raining reeaaally hard, I’ll take the tram. Otherwise, steps it is.

Healthy foods, good thoughts, support from my parents. Determination.

Life’s to be lived happily now. I’ve just had enough hard times.

Aaahhh, best of all, I’ve gotta tell you this –> even my hair has been looking exactly the way I like it. 😁 😁

That’s no small feat, you know. Mom and sis tease me about it all the time. They say I’m never happy with my hairdressers, nor with my hair.

Is it my fault that I’m usually very unlucky with the results??? Mom and sis seem to think I’m fussy about it. Very funny. 😑

The tenure position I fought so much for is something else I’m grateful for. A flat I love, a broken loving heart under repair, quality time with daughter and son.

Joy.

Don’t you just love Fridays, Anna?

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 54 of life comes in waves, good days, bad days. Good years, bad years? It’s all part of the journey. Just enjoy it.

Chapter 45 – The Acronyms

Wednesday, 10 February 2016.

Day 52

10:01 Morning!! 😊 Just reading your messages. I see some selfies up there! 😊 Very frosty here. Hope you slept well. Any dreams?
It’s a nice tattoo on your neck. Discreet. And sexy.

10:11 Hi Christian…

Oh, the back-and-forth interaction. The imagined person. The unveiling of a mystery. The gradual getting-to-know. The peek into the other’s soul, into their hopes and dreams. The warmth and the flirting — that’s the main thing for now. No hurry.

Anna’s at recess at school, daydreaming for just a moment.

10:12 Hello, Annita! Was listening to your music. Just having breakfast. Have a good morning. Hope you don’t get hit by any flying objects!!

She told him yesterday about a 9th grader who threw a really hard snow ball in the back of her head on Monday. From afar. She got furious and told the pupil that next time she’ll have to call the police. Eurgh. Driving home feeling dizzy had been so hard.

11:12 Haha. Thanks!

11:15 I was halfway through when you popped up. Will keep chatting. 😊

Please do. Make me smile – like always! I was just chatting to a pupil who’s really nice. He lent me his spare phone when I broke my mobile last week. Remember I’ve lost all your previous messages? Wish I could retrieve them. They were so sweet!

I’m in need of new ones now.

11:16 I bet you have lots of good kids there. I’m not a fan of the one who chucked the ice ball at your head though!! I was hit when I was at school and it almost knocked me out! You’ve just made me remember that. 😊

And you keep breaking your phones. You must be quite strong. All those hours at the gym. 😊

11:20 Right. Talk to you later. Have a lovely day.

Btw, I booked my flights finally. Will arrive in Helsinki on Sunday the 21st at 1830. So are you free on Monday?

Anna looks at the spare phone again — OMG, OMG! He really is coming to Finland. As promised.

11:25 Sorry. Finished my lesson now. I was showing some pupils your website.

Seriously??? You are? So cool!!

Happy your ticket has been booked. Maybe I’ll even have dinner with you on Sunday?

That would be nice. 😊

Great. You run now and I’ll catch you later. If I write, just read when you can.

So, about being strong – yes, a little. I like lifting weights. 250 abs per time. But there’s a long way to go. Ah, and talking about sports, I miss jogging when it’s been raining non-stop.

Lunch now. Fish and salad.

11:27 Bon apetit! Impressive gym work there!

13.38 Hello! How was your morning? I popped out for a river walk. A few work calls and almost lunchtime here. Played your music along the way. Loved it. 😊 Very sunny today. But also frosty. My favourite weather – I should have taken a pic.

14:30 😊 Yes, you should have. I love sunshine, especially in cold days. Happy you liked the music.

I’m going to the hairdresser’s. You have an hour to give me your opinion. Either keeping this medium-dark blond. Or some light brown with vivid colors. Have had many hair colors. Even black.

Anna sends him three pictures of her with three different hair colors. She chooses good photos – of course. Gotta make an impression…

14:35 Hmmm. Tricky. All look good!! Are you natural blonde?

Thanks! I was as a child. Light brown now. But no preference?

Hmmm. I think your hair looks great already! You and your daughter could be sisters! I like your colour as it is. 😊

That Sofia Vergara daughter of mine and me? Sisters! Hahahaha. I wish.

16:09 Oh, my daughter is much much more beautiful! And on the inside, as well. Heart of gold, that girl. And very sharp brain!

Thanks for the opinion. My son loves the brown and my daughter the blond. So I vary. Keeping the dark blond for now. ☺️

16.19 Good decision. It’s a nice colour.

I dyed my hair once in my life. Jet black. I looked like Dracula so tried to dye it back. Then it turned into a copper colour!! So I had to shave it off. Never again. Well….there’s no point now anyway. 😊

16.23 Your story is funny!! And the way you felt each time. I’ve had similar hair experiences. Hahaha.

I was going to ask where you would like to go for dinner. If you are free of course.

16.26 Tonight? 😊

Not sure where I am staying yet but will be central.
Haha. Sunday. Next Sunday that is. 😊

16.29 Thought you were suddenly here to surprise me tonight.

That would be fun.

Yes. Sure it’s too late?
I would love to have dinner with you on the 21st.
Vapiano closes at 11 p.m.

Vapiano sounds great. You are not working the next day, is that right? Just concerned if you have to get up at 0550!

16.47 No, not working the next day. Yay!
But you’ll be tired from the trip.

It’s not a long journey. Plus, the next morning I will sleep in.

Hey, today I’ve been working on a new AI engine that should definitely be called A.N.N.A….R.I.T.V.A.

A=Articulate, N=Natty, N=Nightly, A=Alluring 😊

R=Rapid (brain), I=Impassioned, T=Talented, V=Valiant, A=Amazing

My God. How sweet is that!! S2

16:52 Was going to put a T=Tattoo. But you don’t have enough T’s in your name. Are you sure it’s not RITTVA?

17.06 Awww.

My turn.

C arinhoso
H andsome
R apt
I ngenious
S urprisingly sweet
T ea for two?
I maginable
A musing
N aked in the sauna?

Maybe that’s you!

17:07 Hahaha!! That made me laugh! 😊

I knew it! But it’s unfair. My two names together have more letters than yours!
Still, I wanted to express how I appreciate your personality and good manners. Did try making you laugh, too.

17:10 You covered all the bases. 😊
Looking forward to seeing you very soon. I must have walked past that restaurant a million times. Not sure I’ve been in.

It’s simple and good. 9 p.m?

17.13 Perfect.

Loved the acrostic you made of my name. ☺️

17:15 Yours was better.

Anna’s just leaving the hairdresser’s.

Christian is always so nice!

On the other hand…………

…if there’s one thing I’ve learned already…

…it is that if I like my Tinder match’s voice, there’s a bigger chance of liking them in person. The opposite is also true………😬

17.19 Would you like to give me a call? In a few minutes?

17:20 Standby.

The phone rings. Christian’s calling her on WhatsApp. She answers.

Fingers crossed.

“Hello, how are you doing there?” he says with a voice and a native accent that sounds like a mixture of Hugh Grant’s and Simon Cowell’s.

Oh My God!!! Beautiful.

She gets goosebumps all over her body as the sides of her lips turn up and she blushes a little.

They discuss Anna’s English – he says it’s perfect. Much better than he expected.

These Englishmen!

Oh, stop it – you’re making me blush!

They chat about his job in Finland, his years in South Africa.

About why Tinder. “It gets lonely,” is his answer.

Finally meeting… “You really are coming to Finland. As promised!”

“I always do what I promise.”

It’s a very, very pleasant call, and Anna just adores his voice. And his way of interacting with her. Why does it always feels so nice with him?

He feels so present in the here and now.

17.42 Sorry. My son called. Always nice to talk to him, of course, but not nice to have our first phone call interrupted.

17:46 No problem. I thought it was all my work messages coming through. Will talk again soon. Nice to hear your beautiful voice.

Thank you. I feel the same way.

17:47 You haven’t sent me you new hairdo.

I will try a selfie at home. 😊 Have to walk there now.

I’m going to go for the African Karoo desert look for my hair.

Phew! That’s great. When Christian sent Anna a pic of him in South Africa, she thought he looked very handsome. Tall, in shape – thankfully not overly fit – and with a beautiful friendly smile. Almost bald, hair trimmed short. Casual and elegant.

Later, he sent he a pic which was taken in a recent business meeting in Finland. He had longer bald hair, and that didn’t look very nice, tbh. That day, she hadn’t wasted any time, but told him the African haircut suited him much, much better. “It gives you a younger, more modern look.”

17:49 Cool. I liked it!! Modern.

But no sun tan. 😑

Well, not yet.

I had a nice tan for over 20 years. But I guess bad for skin.

17.50 If I could travel, we could both get a tan in Spain in ten days. 😊

Well….that can be arranged v easily.

In Finland, we just freeze the skin so it won’t get old. Ever. Haha – I wish. Hey, who knows? Maybe we’ll just go crazy and hop on a plane to Spain.

It’s not far. Where I live(d) was 22 degrees today.

Or then a cottage and the hole in the ice. Warm and nice. 😊

17:22 I love that!!!! Both extremes. Fireplace. Sunshine.

Me too.

You have no idea how much I love fires. 😊 🔥

17.56 I love a dark cottage with the glow and noise and smell from the fireplace. The silent forest outside. The privacy.

If you are trying to make me move to Finland….. it’s working!!

And I love hooks, too!!! You’re addicted to fires and my teens say I am addicted to hooks. More about that later.

17:57 Hooks?

Yes, I’m crazy about hooks.

For clothes? Or fishing??

For mostly everything. Got one as a surprise gift from my daughter last Xmas. I got so happy and emotional that I cried. She started laughing and filmed me smiling and crying – holding the hook. Hilarious.

17.59 Hahaha. A hook!?

I’ll send you a pic soon.

Interested about your hooks.

18:00 Basic stuff. Not hooking myself up in spears and ceilings and such, like some lunatics. So, you have nothing to fear.

18:01 Haha. Very good. Phew.

I’m walking past Bulevardi and send him a pic of the icy church yard.

18:02 Are you close to cathedral?

Near Esplanadi. So not that far from the cathedral.

It looks familiar. I have walked a lot across Helsinki. Hope it snows soon.

Hope for a nice fire, at least.

Where can we light a fire?

We’ll have to google that because outside is no fun in the rain right now.

Back home, Anna sends him the requested selfie of her new hair.

18:24 Very nice! Looks great.

18:45 Thanks! 😘

21.20 Hello. 😘 Just a quick one. Hope you’re finding the time to relax over there and enjoying your new hairdo. What do your kids think? I’m sure they love it. Going for my Karoo cut next week.

21.24 Sounds great! I’m going to sew something with my sewing machine now.
What are you up to over there?

21.37 What are you creating tonight?

Just a practical sheet system for the sofa bed.

Oh. Very good. I’d like to see that. Did you take classes for that? Or are you just a natural??

Only in elementary school. I’m no good. Just improvise.

I think you are very modest.

No. In Finland people are really good at these things. I just learn the basics of everything and like to do a bit when needed.

21:41 That’s still impressive. Just about to eat so speak to you soon. Don’t forget to send the finished product! Please. 😊

Haha. Talk to you soon. Good night. ☺️

You never know, but who knows, who knows?

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 52 of life can actually be good.

Chapter 44 – For the Love of Writing

Wednesday, 10 February 2016.

Day 52

Anna loves chatting – and writing in general. When she was a teenager, she used to have over two hundred pen pals. It was so exciting to go to her mailbox after school to retrieve up to ten-twelve letters a day from all over the world.

Such joy and excitement. Emotions.

Every single day.

Her boyfriend at the time was a long-distance relationship, and they too sent each other fun, romantic letters for three long years. Drawings, gifts, books. Paper kisses and longing.

Anna’s father, Marcos, is the one responsible for teaching her the love of reading and writing.

You see, in her childhood her family used to move almost every year – from city to city and country to country. Dad, always the affectionate artistic type, didn’t want his kids to become estranged from their relatives and best friends, and so he taught them all the joys of letter writing when Anna was about 9 years old, and her sister Sarah, 10.

She recalls the day when dad came into their room, holding the beautiful letter paper their mom Riitta had bought. They were living in New Jersey at the time.

“First, write the city and the date on the upper right-hand corner, you see? Like this.

“Good. Well done, my darlings.

“Then you start with ‘Dear Y, how are you?’ Always tell them how you are doing, as well.

“Sarah, watch your handwriting! You’ll want people to understand what you’re saying. There, that’s better.

“Now, you can proceed to share nice things about your life, your pastimes, school and trips. Tell your pen pal how you felt during certain events, not just about the things you’ve been doing. It makes the reading experience more intense and interesting.

“It’s also very important never to forget to ask them about their life. Be curious and show interest. That’s how you make friends and, above all, keep your old ones.

And with a little kiss on their heads — “I’ll proofread your letters when you’re ready and then you’ll go with your mom to the post office.

“Ask me if you need any help, sweethearts.”

Day 17. Grownup Anna has just been on Tinder for a couple of days when she matches with a guy named Tino. Remember? Their chats are so intense and Anna’s feeling very excited to meet him… Unfortunately, he cancels the day before their coffee date, becoming her Tinder disappointment #1.

That is when she reads some advice online, and decides to stop chatting for days and days before meeting up with her dates.

Day 36, and along comes Christian.

Remember him? One of the Englishman? The one Anna matched with after she decided to change her criteria about who to swipe yes to on Tinder.

Yes, that CEO of a new start-up in Finland who promised to come from Germany soon to meet her in person.

The one with the long, manly nose. — She smiles at the thought.

Not knowing if she’ll really ever meet him or not, she decides to make an exception and keep in touch with this guy. They’ve been chatting on a daily basis for over two weeks now.

And every day the chats grow warmer and more fun.

They’re intriguing.

Christian has become the exception to her rule.

10:01 Morning!! 😊 Just reading your messages. I see some selfies up there! 😊
Very frosty here. Hope you slept well. Any dreams?
It’s a nice tattoo. Discreet. 😉 Feminine and sexy.

10:11 Hi Christian…

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 52 since moving out of Mr. Ex’s home, their last home together.

Chapter 42 – Under the Sun

Tuesday, 9 February 2016.

Day 51

Anna is spending the week with her teens. Always so lovely!

Her daughter Kristiina is 17 now and these are exciting times. She’s in the second year of upper secondary school, and her Vanhojentanssit is coming up.

Vanhojentanssit, that is, the Ball of The New Seniors, is a beautiful formal prom held in Finnish high schools to celebrate the passage of becoming the lukio seniors, the day after the third-year students stop attending to start studying for their matriculation exams in February.

They’re going to be fetching Kristiina’s long dress on Thursday. That’s something really nice to look forward to. Anna and Kris are going to have coffee somewhere and chat from the joy of their hearts and their amazing friendship.

Aww. Her little girl is all grown up now.

Oh, how the years fly!

Yes, this week Anna is spending quality time with her teens, but they’re teenagers. They don’t need her or even want to spend all their free time with her. An hour or two per evening seems to be more than enough for them these days.

There really is a time for everything under the sun…

Not going out on dates this week, but there’s a lot of time for chatting online. And dates set up for next week. Yay!

Thank God for hobbies and friends.

And for Tinder.

Obs. Day 51 of yay – life is good after all.

Chapter 41 – Oxymoronic Paradoxes

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

During her lunch break at school, Anna sits down to scribble in her diary.

Dear Diary,

Long time no write! Sorry.

There’s something I’ve been reflecting about and want to register here.

Betrayal.

Awful word, but intrinsic in human nature.

I remember just last year, a month before moving out of our last home together…

…I had already signed my rental apartment’s contract and was spending my afternoons and evenings looking for good deals to buy furniture and whatnot. (That part was fun, tbh. I adore moving and decorating. I’m good at it! I love looking for solutions).

Anyways, the shopping kept me busy and focused on practicalities for the near future, instead of the immediate pre-separation…

…valley

death.

As you can imagine, I’d go from excitement and exhilaration to deep sadness.

Agonizing joy.

Energetic exhaustion.

Blue fun.

Fearful hope, dreaded freedom.

Oxymoronic paradoxes.

The silent screams of my soul felt pretty loud to me, at times. Good grief!

Some say that people get divorced too easily nowadays, but sincerely? I don’t believe that most people take separation lightly. It’s scary and painful! They say it’s like amputating a leg.

More like amputating a part of your heart. :(((

For better or for worse, we were together for 22 years. Neither he nor I took it lightly, see? Even though it wasn’t ’til death – at the end of the end.

I wish we had divorced eight years ago, when he first said he wanted it. We wouldn’t have wasted so much of each other’s time and would have avoided more excruciating heartbreak and some other drastic measures (no comments)…

Nevertheless…

I am grateful we were able to part in one piece.

Ops! Part in peace!

Where was I?

Yes, during that pre-separation month, I’d feel relieved and then anguished. Little did I know it was going to turn out to be a cruel kindness – what he was doing to me (at least that’s my hope now).

If only people knew! They’d divorce sooner.

But people with bad marriages fear. So, they make haste s…l….o…..w……l…….y…………..

They’ve got to go through the process to progress.

OK! Be wise, don’t rush it too much. Prepare the way for a (better?) future.

As I was saying… at times I’d cry in the shower. I’d let go and then the next second hold on for dear life.

I’d love him with all my hate.

I’d agonize and think about betrayal.

“Do you already have somebody else?”

“Anna, I’ve already hurt you so much in this marriage. There’s no reason for me to hurt you more right now.” — The holy sinner – damned saint would repeat!

Not unlike me…

Some of the church people we know judge him, but I’ll respect him for not remaining a hypocritical chaplain in the end. For finally having the courage to be true to himself.

And give me my freedom to (try) to find love again.

(Maybe the painful journey of self-love first?)

It’s always better to deal with the truth, no matter the blow. I’ll choose hearing the honest truth 90 out of 100 times.

The truth shall set you free – true – free to fly the dreadful flight of freedom.

How can we make the best decisions for our own well-being without the truth??? People have no right to keep us prisoners of lies.

Nonetheless…

…”Speak the truth with love”.

Would it have been better to stay in the bad marriage and feel alone together?

♥️ I’d much rather be together alone someday. Just the two of us! Mr. Bf and me. ♥️

As I was saying… I’d cry in the shower thinking about betrayal. I felt so betrayed!

Yet, what was the betrayal??

Was it that he was jumping in bed with another lady?

For me, the greatest betrayal was not that.

He fell in love. O amor é lindo.

As Dr. Helen Fischer says, “love is a powerful brain system, more powerful than sex drive. It comes from primordial parts of the brain – way below the cortex. It gives you the energy, the focus, ecstasy, the despair and the motivation. To win life’s greatest prize – a mating partner”.

Aye, no!

(Btw, she’s studied brain scans of couples who have been romantically in love after 21 years together. It can happen!)

“Passion makes people climb the highest mountains and sail the raging seas. Romantic love inspires poets, musicians, commoners”.

Its memories make people write books. 😇

The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins.

Then, what was the betrayal?

The betrayal for me was this:

How can he prefer not to have me in his life? To just erase me, swipe me out.

After everything. All the memories. All the battles, victories, photo albums and family memories. All the patience and forgiveness. All the support and growth. All the emotions!

All that investment in vain?

How can someone actually find they’re upgrading their lives by taking me out of it??? His best friend for over half his life… To think he’s better off without me than with me? Unfathomable.

I felt like garbage. Rejection was the betrayal!

That actually felt like death. A resurrection I should have welcomed?

Why not sooner then? It would have saved me some of my youth.

And what about our kids? They say divorce is harder on teenagers than children.

Wow.

But no problem.

Now I know his cruel kindness was for my best, too.

A passionless marriage is not true for me. Holding on is just wishful thinking. Wasted years? I think so…

Men and women out there: pleeease do not hold on to someone who doesn’t love you. Please do not fear. You deserve to be loved with all of your lover’s flawed human heart. Everyone does.

Mutuality!

But, silver linings, silver linings, Anna! Don’t get depressed now.

Everything happens for a purpose. Or at least you can give it a purpose and make it meaningful.

I sure am turning my pain into something beautiful.

In this long, long diary entry, my mind has been wandering everywhere – itinerant from place to place. I can break it down later, but I did warn you in the title.

And it does happen with pre-separation. Consider separating, do it, and your mind will thus wonder and wander while your heart rides a scary merry-go-round.

OK, long story short – finally:

Divorce??

More like amputating half of your heart!

Hey, maybe I need a heart transplant!

A new heart? I like that.

I’m gonna think of divorce as an open-heart surgery from now on. Painful, risky, extreme. I’ll need time for convalescence… But not alone, please…?

The Divorce Paradox = a seemingly false, but significant step.

Anna, you’ll get a new heart – hope for a stronger one!

You’ll still retain your brain, your memories, your soul, your you. But you’ll have the chance to start over.

Bitter sweet. New beginnings. A crash landing? New-found grace.

And an opportunity to be true. To love again and do it much, much better.

Obs. Day 50 of an oxymoronic new life.

http://gtotd.blogspot.fi/2007/06/oxymoronic-paradox-wisdom-of-yogi-isms.html

Chapter 38 – Staying

Sunday, 7 February 2016.

Day 49

Remember Frederick? One of the two Englishmen who have been writing daily?

It’s late and Fred and Anna have been chatting for an hour.

…One misses the companionship. And having someone to cuddle at night. After my divorce, at first I dreaded bank holidays as it meant a 3-day weekend.

But over time, you find happiness in yourself, and start to enjoy life again.

Exactly. 🙂 Life’s too short to waste, but we’re still quite young!

See the positives. A chance for new love and adventures.

True, true.

So, have you had any dates since the breakup?

Oh, I’ve been on quite many dates. But so far, I haven’t liked any Finnish guys.

Too dull?

Quiet. Private. Mysterious. No touching, no flirting, no hugging. Or worse: a kind of awkward don’t-touch-me-just-pat-me-lightly-in-the-back kind of hug. Even when they like you and want to see you again!

You?

I’ve had 6 1st dates (a few more with one of them).

6 or 61?

Just kidding.

🙂 But, I’m back on the market.

I had 9 business-like, friendly dates. Coffee, walking, chatting. It felt as though I was walking a little bit of their life journey alongside them. For the most, it felt authentic and valuable. Btw, all guys looked 5-10 years older in person.

But hey, you have some great pics!

All recent. I’ve got them done by a photographer friend of mine. Oh, did I mention that I’m shy at first?

Mine are recent, too. No. How come?

I’m just the kind of person that is worth getting to know. I have a great sense of humour, but it takes me time to warm up with people I don’t know.

I believe you. I have that feeling about you already.

I think you need a physical and mental attraction with someone.

Definitely. If chemistry is needed even for friendship – how much more so for dating and intimate relationships.

Without chemistry, there is nothing. You need to look into their eyes and see them sparkle.

Yes.

If you can’t get excited about the thought of waking up next to them, then it won’t work, no matter how many dates you go on. Or how long you try to stay together.

…Anna, we have to embrace being single. It’s fun.

You have a friendly face. And a great smile. And you seem talkative.

Haha. I have my quiet Finnish moments, too.

Sometimes I talk too much. I have so many cool stories to tell. But then I control myself and shut up.

Other times, I just enjoy being quiet. I admire the Finnish habit of feeling comfortable in silence, side by side. Small-talking is not a must.

Finns can ride a car together in silence and no one gets uncomfortable or offended. It’s not impolite.

In the UK, we fill the awkward silences by talking about the weather.

I love talking and listening to others. Asking questions. The interaction!

But then, when it’s my turn to drive (when carpooling with other teachers), I often wonder why women have to talk that much. When I’m just listening, sometimes I get the feeling 90% of what is being said seems unnecessary.

Silence here is uncomfortable. And I like people who are talkative.

Yes. But I have this artistic need to feel that what is being said has a deeper purpose – fun, important info, reassurance, appreciative words, support, love, emotions. Sharing something significant, etc.

Having said that, I also prefer people who like talking.

Yep. But the woman talks 60% and the man 40%.

I agree. Is that annoying for men? Be honest!

No. Women are natural talkers.

My dad talks more than my mom. But mom is the Finnish one!

I like talkative people, but some aren’t good listeners. They just focus on themselves.

That’s bad. It’s important to ask back. To listen.

So… what are you going to do after this chat?

You seem like a good listener, too.

I try.

Gonna chill out.

How do you like to chill out after work?

I play the guitar, read, chat to friends. YouTube. I don’t sing.

But you play! I don’t. I just like singing in the car, in the shower.

I’ve started to get better now. More time to practice after the divorce.

Frederick, I have to thank you so much for this lovely chat.

Monday tomorrow and I have to sleep my six hours. More later?

OK. Sleep well. Chat in the morning. Or later tomorrow.

Sleep well! Besitos.

You, too. X

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

Morning, Anna.

How was your commute to school. I get the feeling you have a long drive? My board games MeetUp is tonight. I’ll let you know what we play in the evening.

A few hours later.

Hi Frederick. Yes, you are good at deduction. I guess it’s those games of yours. My drives take over an hour, one way. But no traffic! Great roads and a beautiful countryside.

Glad that you’ll get to enjoy games later on. Let me know what you played.

I’m going to watch a movie with my son and going to bed early for a change! But only three lessons tomorrow. Yay!

I guess you live in the city but work in the sticks? Enjoy your early night!

They talk about work, kids, games. Sports, hiking. International friends. Blah blah blah.

I’ve done a long hike in Lapland. The Bear Trail. Have you heard of it? It has great infrastructure to stop to chill or camp, every three hours or so. Love walking!

Love jogging too, but I’ve been a bit lazy, lately. I play volleyball and go to the gym, too. A little fitter every year. What about you?

You must be very fit!

Unfortunately not. Definitely need to lose 4-6kg, but I’m sure I’ll eventually get there… Besides, I’ve had two c-sections. But that’s life.

I’m probably maintaining my current weight. Do need to push a bit harder, but working full-time and having the kids is grueling at the moment. My son’s football tomorrow, so busy day.

Oh, my teens are so big. We’re three independent souls here, who sometimes stop to spend time together.

I think I’ve got that to look forward to!

Later that night.

Hi Anna. Here are some ideas for you, since you’re newly-separated:

Travel

Visit a new city

Go to museums

Hiking 🙂

Start a new box set

Read a new book series

Find a new hobby

Cycle

Check out MeetUP

The way you’ve got to see it, divorce is sad, but it also gives us that opportunity to do the things we’ve put off and experience the chemistry of new love.

Learn guitar?

Oh, thank you! That’s so sweet.

Great ideas!

I love reading

Painting

Drawing

Writing

Meeting friends

Games

Movies with company (don’t really do it alone)

I’ve been considering a new language course. Italian? It would be my sixth language. And an easy one to learn.

Ah! Chemistry of new love would be the best.

New opportunities. You’re right.

P.S. 🙂How was football tonight?

Obs. Days 49-50 of stay! Now you know what you’re doing.