Chapter 72 – Tonight Anna

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Advertisements

 

Just Past Midnight, 22 February 2016.

 

DDIY anymore!

 

“Champagne, Anna?”

“Yes, please.” Hell, yeah!

Btw, the expression should probably be Heaven, yeah! 

Anna feels heaven is way too underrated and missunderstood by most of her fellow terrestrians. For her, heaven is this perfect paradise and the culmination of all the good, unimaginable, exciting things we can’t even begin to fathom. Wholeness, joy and dried tears, appeal. A place of perfect love and perfect, awesome, wondrous happiness. Acceptance.

She also feels that whenever two souls truly, truly encounter, they can experience just a little taste of that eternity. If only for a few minutes at a time, and in a very earthly manner. A glimpse, as they transcend the now together – infinity is here – and we’re the only two remaining people in the world…

A world in whose time and space everyone else has – puft – simply ceased to exist.

Paradise, yeah.

 

Tonight Anna will be celebrating.

 

She’s started celebrating the:

Oh, you don’t want me, Mr. Ex? Well – haha – I don’t care. Get a move on then – scoot – there are people who do. And I…

I want myself.

Hello!

Here and now is where I am. And my resilient spirit is young. Yes, it is!

We owe it to those who can’t – I owe it to oxygen itself – to live life to the fullest while I still have a breathing chance. It’s my responsibility (and yours, my readerest ally, yours too).

 

Do celebrate! Party hard, you pulchritudinous, alluring, Anna.

Yeah! I feel great – aliveness in every fibre of my being.

So lowliness, go away. Skedaddle. Shooo.

I didn’t choose this hellish loneliness – so scamper, off with you!!

 

I am just in – to celebrate the…

…Dopamine, adrenaline, endorphins, oxytocin – the whole lot for all I care.

Freedom, coming-of-age, sou dona do meu nariz, better late than never liberty!

…Butterflies, desire, chemistry, electricity. Zizzzz, zizz. Burn me, passion. Make haste. Mark me, oh, do mark me?

 

Let’s party…

…At a place where need meets opportunity.

Anticipation – Mmm, why not take a closer look?

 

Zealous kissing, hugging, together skin on skin.

Perspiration, inspiration. Yearning, elation.

Ardor, fervor, scorching flames.

The heat!

Oh, love game, what have you got for me?

Thrills, tremor, satisfaction.

An honest attempt? Losing myself in something I really want? An oasis? Conquering peaks! Summit, victory?

 

“So, champagne??”

Heaven, yeah!

Paradise, yep.

Oh yes, Englishman.

“Yes, please!”

© 2017 rf

.
.
Obs. 🎼 Quero ser feliz, bye bye tristeza, não precisa voltar. 🎶
.
..

.

No one here is pure, neither angel nor demon
None of us has the recipe to live a happy life
It’s impossible to separate dreams from reality

Or to separate me from you… Or then you from me…
I’m not here to suffer, why should I feel all this longing?
I just want to be happy, so…
Bye, bye sadness, you don’t need to come back.

I already know how to make mistakes on my own without asking for advice
If I suffer, who will cry for me?
I already know how to look at myself without needing any mirrors.

Do not dare tell me no. And not even to say yes.

I’m not here to suffer (bye, bye tristeza)
Why should I feel all this longing? (bye, bye sadness)
I just want to be happy
Bye, bye tristeza you don’t need to come back.

(Free translation).

.

.

 

Chapter 37 – Why I Am Doing This

 

Sunday, 7 February 2016.

 

Day 49

 

Dear Diary,

Today has been a time for some reflection, and now in the evening I feel I want to scribble down some thoughts.

Turning 40 recently… the separation… our new flat… are the teens going to be OK?

Tinder! Eight dates, elation, fun, tears, joy, peace, a little sadness, too. Prayer. Separation sure creates a merry-go-round of varying emotions.

Mixed feelings. But tbh, negative ones have been rare since November. Believe me if you will.

More often than not, I’ve been so content since I moved out.

I have the chance for a new beginning. It’s normal to feel sad, at times. Naturally. That’s life! But I’ve actually been happy for the most.

And I won’t complain about that!

Hmm, my dad is telling everyone that “Anna is doing fine. She is so relieved.” He even posted that on FB. Ha-ha. Face-palm.

Would people rather have me sad all the time? Furious? Breaking stuff. Why? How? What for?

Give me a break. I don’t see why. Had enough negativity within the marriage. I have left the fights back there. Broken objects, too.

Let me be happy now. I am determined to.

(Yesterday was the first exception since November. I  felt blue all morning, but strong again in the evening).

 

So……….

After a long delicious nap this afternoon, I decided to think about why I have been going on these dates.

Love it or leave it.

Tinder, that is.

 

I asked myself:

 

OK, what do I want?

Well, I believe in love! I love love. I love passion. I am a people person, very social. Prefer company. Besides, I have time in my hands. And lots of curiosity.

And a big heart, ready to love again. ❤️‍

 

What’s the hurry?

Oh, no hurry. After twenty-three years with the same man, it’d be crazy to be in a hurry to find another husband.

 

So, what are you looking for on Tinder now?

Well, that was what took me the longest to answer. But then I came to the following conclusions:

 

(1) In the short term, just meeting new people, socializing. Finding out who is out there. What kind of men are single and on the lookout. Long interesting conversations. A few new friends?

Yes, excellent. Nothing wrong, scary or desperate about that. 🙂

 

(2) In the medium term (yes, that is possible to say in English!), I’d love to find a boyfriend. Life is definitely for sharing. And I’ve got so much love and affection to give!

I want to add value to a man’s life and heart. To his days. To his thoughts. And he must as much to me, too!

 

And finally, (3) In the long term…

…someday, if I’m really lucky. I hope to share my life closely with my Mr. One and Only again. (No hurry for number 3. That would be crazy, right?)

 

Happy sigh!

 

Hey, one thing I know for sure: if he exists, he has already been born!!! 😂

He’s somewhere over the rainbow… 🦅 

So, wherever he is right now, I hope he’s fine and looking for me too. Longingly.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 49 of stay! Now you know what you’re doing.

 

 

Chapter 26 – Ding! Plo-Plim. Ding! Ding!

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016.

 

Day 45

 

Ding!

Plo-Plim!

Anna feels enthusiastic every time her phone dings.

Ding!

 

Yay…! Connecting with new people has been so interesting…

Sharing ideas, discussing big subjects, some intellectual topics, too. Being a little playful – a little flirty at times, of course! It’s all novel stuff, so our Anna can’t help but get all wired up.

There’s a time for everything, and this is the first time that Anna is free, you see? Free to explore, free to rediscover herself. Who am I now?

I don’t know, but this sure is fun! Yay.

Ding!

 

Don’t get me wrong, my dearest reader. When someone conquers her passionate heart, she’s ever the loyal and adoring type – aren’t twenty years proof enough, huh?

It’s exciting, too, being that passionate. And she’s undoubtedly a romantic daydreamer.

Ah…!

Plo-Plim!

 

Yet, her personality type adores to explore.

Excitement, creativity, laughter, flexibility, sensations, curiosity, energy, drama, novelty intelligence, feelings, fun and unpredictability. That’s what I’m talking about, baby. That’s the kind of stuff that delights her.

Ah…!

Ding!

 

Besides, I’ll let you in on a little secret now.

Anna has yet to understand that about herself, but truth be told, our Anna’s a bit of a drama queen. She needs a couple of challenges from time to time to ignite her adventurous problem-solving mode.

Yes, she even needs a little drama in her love life. Otherwise she’ll feel bored.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 45 since moving out.