Sunday, 7 February 2016.
Today has been a time for some reflection, and now in the evening I feel I want to scribble down some thoughts.
Turning 40 recently… the separation… our new flat… are the teens going to be OK?
Tinder! Eight dates, elation, fun, tears, joy, peace, a little sadness, too. Prayer. Separation sure creates a merry-go-round of varying emotions.
Mixed feelings. But tbh, negative ones have been rare since November. Believe me if you will.
More often than not, I’ve been so content since I moved out.
I have the chance for a new beginning. It’s normal to feel sad, at times. Naturally. That’s life! But I’ve actually been happy for the most.
And I won’t complain about that!
Hmm, my dad is telling everyone that “Anna is doing fine. She is so relieved.” He even posted that on FB. Ha-ha. Face-palm.
Would people rather have me sad all the time? Furious? Breaking stuff. Why? How? What for?
Give me a break. I don’t see why. Had enough negativity within the marriage. I have left the fights back there. Broken objects, too.
Let me be happy now. I am determined to.
(Yesterday was the first exception since November. I felt blue all morning, but strong again in the evening).
After a long delicious nap this afternoon, I decided to think about why I have been going on these dates.
Love it or leave it.
Tinder, that is.
I asked myself:
OK, what do I want?
Well, I believe in love! I love love. I love passion. I am a people person, very social. Prefer company. Besides, I have time in my hands. And lots of curiosity.
And a big heart, ready to love again. ❤️
What’s the hurry?
Oh, no hurry. After twenty-three years with the same man, it’d be crazy to be in a hurry to find another husband.
So, what are you looking for on Tinder now?
Well, that was what took me the longest to answer. But then I came to the following conclusions:
(1) In the short term, just meeting new people, socializing. Finding out who is out there. What kind of men are single and on the lookout. Long interesting conversations. A few new friends?
Yes, excellent. Nothing wrong, scary or desperate about that. 🙂
(2) In the medium term (yes, that is possible to say in English!), I’d love to find a boyfriend. Life is definitely for sharing. And I’ve got so much love and affection to give!
I want to add value to a man’s life and heart. To his days. To his thoughts. And he must as much to me, too!
And finally, (3) In the long term…
…someday, if I’m really lucky. I hope to share my life closely with my Mr. One and Only again. (No hurry for number 3. That would be crazy, right?)
Hey, one thing I know for sure: if he exists, he has already been born!!! 😂
He’s somewhere over the rainbow… 🦅
So, wherever he is right now, I hope he’s fine and looking for me too. Longingly.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 49 of stay! Now you know what you’re doing.