Chapter 57 – Who I Am?

 

Wednesday, 17 February 2016.

 

Dichotomy.

 

Not the sun – just thy moon?

I’m a lover – I’m beloved.

I am fun, I am old.

Woman, sister, mom and daughter,

I am scared, I am bold.

 

 

I’m not bitter, I am sweet!

I’m a lady,

Bittersweet.

I’m determined, I am flawed,

I am awed by thee.

 

I’m his Ex, I am deep,

I am active, I’m asleep.

I am happy, ugly, heavy.

I just want to leave.

 

I am light, I am dark,

I am gracious, I am marred.

I’m a birdie, I am barred.

I am patient, restless, pretty –

Just thy wild card.

 

North and south,

Kind and blind.

Just a girl,

I’m a friend.

I’m just tired –

I will end.

 

I am loyal, I betray:

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint –

I’m forgiving, I’m forgiven,

Though now drained.

 

Hot and cold (not really)

I’m a teacher, so silly!

I’m a playful mystery…

I am strong, I give up,

Direly need thy hugs.

 

I am human – there you go.

You won’t judge me,

So I’m told.

 

I am crazy, I am biased.

Fired up,

Wise, wired and hooked.

I am Tinderella Anna.

I’m thy secret, open book.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 59 of who am I’s?

 

 

Author: TinderellaAnna

Anna is a character. Half-fictional, half-inspired in many, many true events. Half-European, half-Latin-American. She is happy, she is strong, she is a mom, a teacher, a friend. Despite the divorce - not of her choice - she is determined to be joyful, grateful, hopeful, sweet; believing that life is for sharing and that he is somewhere out there. But he will have to be as lovable as she is. After all, better alone than in bad company. Sigh: but better in good company than alone... Disclaimer: All names and places have been changed to protect the people who happen to be true.

19 thoughts on “Chapter 57 – Who I Am?”

  1. It’s a beautiful poem, so well reflecting the many phasets of a human being. I think we are all full of dichotomies, some reflecting who we truly are and some the faces and masks that we put up for others around us, depending on the situation and our vulnerability at that moment – the “personas” of Carl Jung.

    What thrills me the most is trying to cut down through these masks to find the true real person beneath. “Who am I?” “Who are you”.

    Being humans, I however think also these “true selves” change over time as we are gaining more experience. Or maybe the true essence is the same, and it’s just our insights that are increasing.

    Being a bit philosophical here maybe, but your poem started a lot of thoughts in myhead, which I have been reflecting on the last week. I obviously neede more than a nights sleep. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. Oh the masks! Why do we protect ourselves so much?

      Most dates I went to, what I really wanted was to see the man, the human being there. I respected every single one of them.

      When people realize that, the conversation gets more honest, deeper and more intriguing. The mystery and fun actually grow – instead of the opposite – because suddenly, there’s so much more to uncover.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Indeed! I think this goes both for self-exploration and exploring others – inside and outside a relationship. And in a relationship this could be a common journey, as you can also find your self in the reflection of another trusted persons eyes. But this takes so much trust, as exposing yourself makes you extra vulnerable if the other person one day would turn that knowledge against you. But I think this risk is worth taking if the trust and chemistry is there and it’s a common journey in which both participates.
        The greatest disappointments, I think, is when you find that there is nothing much beneath – just a shell covering a big ego, but no substance.
        I think the trap many men (and maybe some women) falls in, is when the shell is too beautiful, thus attracting despite the emptiness beneath. I’ve also been there, and admitting that is not so falttering for myself.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes and yes.

        Unfortunately, some men get scared off by the substance underneath, too. Well, who would want one who scares easily, right? 🙂

        I’ve been asked if I am too picky. But no!

        I’m not looking for anyone rich or famous. Not for a super model. Just for a good guy with whom to share lots of chemistry and the simple good things in life. Laughter, a good movie, nice chats, a few tears, many many many hugs. Passion, the sunshine, a trip and such. And I know what the three qualities that attract me the most in a guy are. There will be a chapter about that soon.

        Hopefully grow together.

        But, no half-hearted stuff. Slow, yes, playful, yes, good efforts, yes. It’s a give and take interaction.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Good for you to be picky – you should! What I see, you are an amzing woman, deserving an amazing man. He is out there, trust me on that, and why settling for the 2nd best if the numero uno is yet around the corner.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. … of course. We are all humans and we all have flaws and irritating habits and bad days. But we can still be truly amazing in all our inadequasies, if the intent is true, our values are good, the heart is there and the respect for the other is not part of a narcissistic self-confirmation game.
        … and the laughs. If no sense of humour the rest will not do it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes, life’s too short to waste years with seriousness, bad moods and someone who doesn’t really really love you – and you back!

        I’m down here at the laundry this morning and as I was going out the elevator, a 50yo lady was going in. I said hi and she didn’t respond – just looked at me with an annoyed expression.

        After a few minutes she came to the laundry and I said hi again. Still no answer.

        Then she turns and asks me: “What are you doing here? Waiting for your turn?” (apparently it’s still hers).

        I just smile and say “Yes,” kindly.

        Quite soon she has her guard down and starts being nice.

        I feel so sad when I see a middle-aged woman looking sad and bitter, treating other people unkindly. I get the feeling they feel unloved by their partners and are thus feeling exhausted after years together.

        I always think, thank God I didn’t stay in the marriage till I became bitter and ugly by unhappiness.

        Isn’t it better to either solve the marriage problems actively (or at least try hard), and if not possible, then be happy alone and with dignity? It is possible to fill life with friends and hobbies, relatives, voluntary work, trips, new experiences and new love (hopefully).

        It comes down to loving yourself enough to go through the (at times slow) process, daring to improve the marriage or divorce and then daring to be happy!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I think what kills many relations are routine and a lack of curiosity. The first step down the misery lane is when the relationship and the other person is taken for granted.

        As humans we have a need to be seen and appreciated, and if we don’t find that within the relationship. If you are not seen and appreciated for who you are, the reaction, I hink, will either turn inwards as bitterness, or outwards in seeking that appreciation from someone (or something) else.

        But to truly work it needs to be a dance where both are equally enagaged and doing their best to keep the rythm, tempo and excitement.

        I’m glad that Anna stayed on talking to the woman. I think she was also yearning for some appreciation and being seen as a fellow human.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Yes.

        And btw, did you see the cottage picture of the author between chapters 59 and 60?

        I think it’s such an artist photograph by my talented son (in October this year – on my birthday). It illustrates the story writing wellm doesn’t it? And was taken as I was writing for the blog. 🙂

        Like

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