Saturday, 2 January 2016.
Things have been going quite well, but you won’t believe what happened! I was driving yesterday when Mr. Ex called, asking to book a time with me to sit down and talk.
“X, is it that serious that you cannot tell me on the phone??” — I feel furious for about ten minutes. That’s a new record for me. I’ve been angry for fifteen before. Ha! 😉
Then I get a grip and call a couple of friends. My best friend advises me to catch Mr. Ex off guard and really listen. We go to the closest Hesburger. I am feeling calm but curious. Don’t ask me how.
“Anna, how are things?” He attempts to small talk.
“Just fine, thanks. But you did not bring me here to talk about trivialities, did you now?”
“Ha-ha,” — fidgety laughter — “Eh, first of all, I just want to say that in all those years we were together I never loved another lady. You were always the only one.
“Until now.” — dead silence for a split of a second.
“But, I promised you that you would be the first one to know, so we need to talk.”
“Who is she?” — I immediately want to know.
Of course it had crossed my mind that he had another woman. Men do not usually get a divorce before they have found a new person.
Why would they exchange the comfort of a home with a wife, a friend, a mother and extra earnings for a new phase with less money, more responsibilities with the kids and the added loneliness?
“Oh, Anna, she’s asked me not to reveal who she is to anyone yet. She’s afraid everybody will get really angry at her and think she is culpable of breaking up a family,” he tries.
“Well, as much as I accepted your decision to get a divorce, I won’t take no for an answer!
“I won’t blame her, you know that. X, you and I have been good friends, good hosts, and even co-workers, but on the emotional level our marriage hasn’t been OK at all for a very long time.
“X, you’ve got to tell me!! — he’s still silent — “If you don’t tell me…”
“What?” — he looks alarmed for a second.
“I’ll just complicate every single thing I can, from now on,” — I smile victoriously.
He chuckles. “Yeah, I told her I was going to try, but knowing you, kind of thought I wouldn’t be successful.”
So, the truth is out. 🙁
He’s dating a university classmate of his. E%ur#g!h, I hope he gets really fat and bald, fast!!!
But, I consciously decide to turn the other cheek, once again… And try to wish them well. Hm! And he knows it.
What can I say?
I’m feeling subdued for a moment. Life is messy. So complicated.
Besides, the guy has suffered his fair share on planet Earth – I’ll give him that. Unfortunately, I’ve also caused him some pain (he’s caused me much more)!
Cannot help myself, though, so I offer him some unsolicited advice. It feels like a small victory that he’s stuck and has to listen:
“Hey X, I have some things to say now.
“Be the best possible dad you can, focusing on the teens when it’s your turn to take care of them. If your new relationship doesn’t work out…” — at this point he rolls his eyes — “…your kids will still be there for you if you don’t neglect them now.
“Hey, and don’t you abandon your faith! Keep talking to God. Your mother taught you that and it has always been so important to you. Even though it may feel contradictory to what you’re doing right now, and church people, especially, will most likely judge your actions…” — you see, both of us grew up in pastors’ families.
“Finally, try to do things right in the relationship this time, will you? Try to make her happy, OK? If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know you did all you could? The rest will depend on her,” I add, not quite believing my own ears.
I mean all I’ve said, yet I know there’s a bit of hidden complaint in my last advice…
He asks me if we can change the upcoming dates of ‘childcare’ so he can travel to the Bahamas with Ms. Newbie this week.
That explains why he wanted to talk? Ha!
“Yeah, let’s help each other,” — I also know how to give a little — “but remember this later on, when it’s my turn to travel!” — I’m hoping there will be a plane crash. But no, that wouldn’t be fair to the other passengers. 😅
He wishes me well and we hug good-bye lightly. It feels like I don’t know him anymore. As if I’m hugging a total stranger. 23 years have amounted to this moment. Surreal.
Doesn’t feel great at all. So much to process.
I’ll do that later.
That night I’m feeling annoyed and have a serious change of heart: if Mr. X can fly to paradise and act like a teenager in love, I also get to have some fun and try out a few new things. So, tim……….…ber!
No, Tin…….der, here I come.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 13 since moving out. New beginnings!