now what – Page 5 – The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée

Chapter 47 – Extemporaneous Tinder Date #10

Friday, 12 February 2016.

Day 54

Diary of Mine,

Today has been a good day. 🙂

Just coming home from our Youth Group (my way to contribute).

I started these youth evenings twice a month a year ago, as a way for Kristiina and Joey and other young people to make new friends and have some Friday fun in a safe environment. We play board games, talk, have a snack, play hide-and-seek in the dark and anything else we can come up with.

It’s not easy to be leading the youth group at the moment (separation and all), but I told the pastor I’ll give it a try. The young people appreciate it so much and my teens have made some nice friends. And they seem to have no one else yet who could do it instead…

Last time, I had to tell the group about my separation, as they know Mr. Pedro (he used to help me with these gatherings sometimes). So I spoke about forgiveness and determination and the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

Kate, one of the oldest teenagers there, was very touched. She came to hug me and say, “Anna, you are always so inspiring. Thank you very much for your words.”

I think she is inspiring. What a great person and talented artist Kate is. Some people just know how to shine their light. 😊

This time father was our special guest. He held a short devotional – and tried to turn us into an instantaneous choir (dad is so cool)! We weren’t that successful with the singing, but ended up having great laughs.

Tonight’s theme was seeing the good in others and letting them know it. I repeated a “building up your self-confidence” dynamic I sometimes have with my pupils at school. Will tell you more later.

Today has been a very good day – yeah.

Sunny. I looked cute – better yet, I felt it! And we all know how fantastic that is for a woman. 😁

As for random updates:

Remember Frederick, Tinder Englishman #1? I think we’re becoming friends. We chat on Messenger and have started ringing each other sometimes, too. Nice guy. Wise. He‘s a good listener and sharer. He tells me his thoughts and general feelings concerning his recent separation – still feeling pretty angry at his ex – childcare, immediate goals and such.

His voice is manly and pleasant, but we haven’t flirted at all. Not even once. He lives in Reading – England, and since neither of us is planning on meeting in person any time soon, virtual friendship is the option.

I think what we have feels like some needed encouragement – comparable with divorce therapy groups? Appreciated and retributed.

With Christian, Tinder Englishman #2, it’s been intriguing to say the least – very curious to meet him soon. Chatting daily from Good Morning to Good Night…

I love that!

It inpires the artist in me. Triggers good feelings with dopamine.

This is a new life phase and I won’t complain about the attention I’m receiving from some interesting men. Won’t complain too much! 😊 Sooner or later I’ll find him. I just know it. ❤️ ‍No hurry.

I do have some dates set up for this Sunday to Friday. 😅 Guys who seem eager to meet up…

…I booked them in a long time ago – one at a time – for this coming week, since the teens will be going back to their dad’s place. My only chance!

This is my project at the moment. When I decide something, I go for it. Obstinate me!

However… today I broke one of my own rules. Had a shorter day at school and went on a coffee date straight from work. Number 10.

Yes, I know I wasn’t going to meet anyone when the teens are home with me, but this guy insisted the whole week!

I caved in.

So busy, sorry! 🙁

Kids at my place this week, other dates next week… But all right.

If you’ll come to IKEA in a couple of hours – it’s on my way home – I can meet you for a coffee straight from work. Would that be OK? 🙂

How it went?

Oh, extemporaneously…

Cute foreigner. Muslim. Pianist – very artistic, very cultural. We had a long chat and he smiled a lot, looking appreciatively into my eyes.

But, was Tom right about perfume…! 😷 😟

Seriously, Soner’s perfume was sooooo strong, and to his misfortune, I really, really disliked the scent. Made it very hard to relax and concentrate on the other aspects of the date.

Soner asked to meet again soon, but I told him I really didn’t feel the chemistry.

Smelled it? 😂

Eurgh. All the best to him!

Anyways, today has been a great day.

My workouts have been working. Finally!

I’m back to jogging two-three times a week (usually 3-6km). I think it’s such a perfect workout because it takes 20-30 minutes, but feels great and gives nice results.

Going to the gym, playing volleyball, lots of brisk walks. And on top of that, I just go by bike everywhere I need to. Even well dressed and in high heels. Haha. I haven’t had a public transportation card since I moved back to Helsinki three years ago.

OK, if it’s raining reeaaally hard, I’ll take the tram. Otherwise, steps it is.

Healthy foods, good thoughts, support from my parents. Determination.

Life’s to be lived happily now. I’ve just had enough hard times.

Aaahhh, best of all, I’ve gotta tell you this –> even my hair has been looking exactly the way I like it. 😁 😁

That’s no small feat, you know. Mom and sis tease me about it all the time. They say I’m never happy with my hairdressers, nor with my hair.

Is it my fault that I’m usually very unlucky with the results??? Mom and sis seem to think I’m fussy about it. Very funny. 😑

The tenure position I fought so much for is something else I’m grateful for. A flat I love, a broken loving heart under repair, quality time with daughter and son.

Joy.

Don’t you just love Fridays, Anna?

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 54 of life comes in waves, good days, bad days. Good years, bad years? It’s all part of the journey. Just enjoy it.

Chapter 46 – Those Little Butterflies

Thursday, 11 February 2016.

Day 53

9:47 Good morning! Hope you slept well and completed your project. Don’t forget, I need to check your work. 😊

Struggling to get up today. It’s cold here.

Anna looks forward to receiving Christian’s messages every the morning – the Englishman with the upgraded Hugh Grant’s voice.

Somehow, he always makes her feel good. That is, since they matched on Day 36.

Very good. In comparison to all hundreds of other chatters.

Now that I think of it, I think he’s the person I’ve been chatting with the most, so far. Almost twenty days!

So much for my own rules. Typical!

Christian’s so interactive with his messages. Always comments and always asks. Shows undying interest.

Learn Finns. Learn!!!

Ahhh – I can’t believe we are really going to meet soon.

But will I like him?? What if he turns out to be a weirdo in person??? Another nutjob.

I’ll just have to find out.

In that case, he’ll just be an extra story to tell my friends. I can live with that.

Smelly? Hmm. Too slim? Badly dressed. Annoying? All his teeth missing. I’d better ask for a smile selfie! Yes. That’s what I’ll do.

He says he doesn’t smoke…

1,82m. What does a long-armed embrace feel like, I wonder…?

Is he a good kisser, you think? His lips are awfully thin. Even for a man. But he looks soooo friendly and cute in his South African pic. Dreamy.

11 days.

He’s my exception — she smiles at the thought — and I’m growing really fond of our chats.

10:11 Morning. 😊 Today I waited to hear from you first – but I knew you’d write. I’m not sure if a pic of my work would make any sense. I think you have to see it in person to understand. 😉

Cold there? Brrrr.

The heating system is very good in Finland – not like you suffering over there. My flat was so warm yesterday night that I had to shed more and more of my clothes. When I realized it, I’d been sewing in my underwear for an hour. Haha!

10:12 Hahaha! And that’s why you didn’t take a picture! In case I’d catch you in your undies! 😊 That’s funny.

Still cold here so staying under duvet for a little longer. Now I have a nice mental picture to warm me up. 😊

Yep. Count on me to be unsystematic. Unorthodox, hard-working, out-of-the-box. Clumsy! Yet efficient. 😊

Cute and hot, too. Or so I’ve been told. Haha.

10:13 Send some of that heat over here please, your clumsy-yet-efficientness. Hope you were careful with the needle!! 😊

He’s a darling. At least virtually…!

I’m curious about this guy.

Hmm. We shall see.

Carinhoso – that will be your new nickname! 😊

What does it mean again? I think google didn’t explain it to me well enough.

Happy you get to stay in bed. I wish. Feeling tired here and there’s a long day ahead. Have to find time for a power nap today.

Oh! It means affectionate one (a caring loving person/someone who likes caressing and touching). It makes more sense in Portuguese, as it has a wider meaning.

(I spent some years near the border between Brazil and Uruguay, so I speak both Spanish and Portuguese……. And many other languages! 😊)

You language computer!! 😊😊 For me, only English and German. And a little bit of Spanish. Studied French, but can’t remember it that well.

Not bad! Hats off.

Ah yeah: friends, relatives, workmates and especially lovers can be referred to as carinhoso – if they are, of course. 😊

I have a feeling that you are…

Ops. Gotta go teach some more now.

In case we don’t chat anymore today, have a wonderful day!

10:32 You too! Thanks for the nickname. 😊 I hear the snow is back. Well… a little.

A little later, Anna sends him a picture of the lovely wintry countryside view from her classroom window.

11:38 Looks lovely! Must be very peaceful. Are you under the teacher’s desk taking those coffee power naps you like so much?? 😊

13:47 Oh, had no time for that today. 😦 🙂

So, lots of work there?
Looking forward to the 21st and to enjoying our cool friendship in person…
So nice to be on my way home already. Shorter day today.

14:02 Hey there. On my way to Berlin for a work meeting at the moment. And then the doctor’s.

Looking forward to seeing you very soon. 😊 Glad you have a short day at work.

Cool friendship? I like that. 😊

14.29 Maybe more…… It takes two to tango, right?
Who knows if we’ll like each other in person? 😊
At least this cool friendship.

He asks if he can call. She says yes. The phone rings and the chat is warm and… ahhh, wonderful.

What a nice man.

I wonder if…

And those little butterflies in Anna’s stomach have slowly but surely started to flap their tiny wings. Should she be careful? Protect her heart? Be smart…

Yes.

Eurgh. But I’m dying for some carinho here.

From a guy who earns it first.

14.59 Always so fun to talk to you, sweet guy! Take care. Loving your voice. Maybe you could send a recording for me to listen to before falling asleep every night. 💤🔥 Please?

15:01 Hahaha. You sure?

15:02 Yes. I’ll be happy if you do.

I can’t promise. But I’ll see what I can do.

15:03 I’m being tortured here.

In a good way?

Not so good. But… 🎶 🇺🇾 + 🇬🇧 = 🇫🇮 💓.

😊 What’s that first one? Music?

And in eleven days: 🇩🇪 🛫 🇫🇮 🛬 🍝 🍽️🍷 🍽️.

Haha Love it.

Maybe after that 🏠 🔑 🎬 ☕ 🍓 💏 🎶🔥 ?

Someday 🛫 🇪🇸 🏖️? We shall see…!

OK. Not bad. Wow. I have some ideas.

15:12 Good to have ideas. Send me your own charade charming man?

That made my phone crash!! Must have over-heated.

Overheating is good, right? For a fire guy!

15.14 Absolutely!! Need more fire in my life.

Who doesn’t. 😞😕

15:30 You should be power napping.

I’m in the doctor’s waiting room now. But I’m good with needles. As are you! Tattoos and sewing. Piercings?

Hahaha. Let’s keep some of the mystery.

Anna wakes up feeling extra excited. She’s going out now with her daughter Kristiina to pick up the prom dress and have a chick-chat-snack.

21:20 How’s your evening going?

21:40 I got home a little earlier. Berlin is tiring. I love it, anyways. Lived there for 10 years but won’t live there again. Great to visit.

How are you all doing there?

But for tourism with no hurry, must be lovely, surely?

Good to know oneself. What you want and don’t want. It makes decision-making easier.

We’re fine here. Kris and Joey entertained and happy.

21:44 Because you are entertaining! I bet they love being back with you.

Yes, about knowing ourselves… Comes with age I guess.

Not that I’m old!!!

21:45 Thanks. They like the home I was able to make for them. Home is where the heart is…

You’re not old! Perhaps even a little young for me. 😊

Pedro is two years older than me, but always looked ten years younger than his own age. More fit. Made me feel that maybe I’d earn his love if I lost 10kg. Just maybe!

For the first ten years of marriage, he’d look irritably at Anna whenever she had a small piece of cake at parties. From the first honeymoon breakfast onwards.

Eurgh. Now I want someone as different as possible. In every way. And I don’t really trust Brazilian Don Juans right now. They may be exciting, but… Always gaping at any moving lady targets.

Talking about knowing yourself, I was reading a newsletter article about ‘Dating Again’, and it kind of had three tips.

21:48 Beware the Englishman?? 😊 Half-English. 😊

(1) Not loving yourself… (the need to forget the past, blah blah)

Actually, it was about the three mistakes people make when going back to the dating world.

What’s the second? And third.

Hahaha! I may not want to beware of him 😊. But, let’s see if he’ll deserve me.

Just teasing you.

I’m actually counting the days to meet this potentially wonderful man.

Numbers 2 and 3 you can read for yourself – it drew my attention because of all the (respectable) Tinder dates I’ve been having.

tips

21:52 I agree. Very true.

Yeah… Good advice.
Just wanted to let you know that at least online you seem to have many very agreeable traits that I like. I’m already grateful to be exploring this. So thank you from my heart! 😊

And Happy Valentine’s Day – which in Finland is called Friend’s Day!

Hyvää ystävän päivää.

21:57 That’s very kind. And thank you! Happy Friends’ Day to you too! 😊 X

It is going to be my first Valentine as a single woman – since the age of 17.
I’m going out with my son and I’m sure it’s going to be fun!
What are your plans?

22:00 Wow. Did you usually celebrate? I normally do. Had a girlfriend once who said she couldn’t be bothered but I always made an effort as I didn’t believe her. Thought it was a test. It wasn’t until years later I realized she really meant it!

No plans.

My ex wasn’t romantic.
90% of the dates we ever had in the last 15 years or so I had to plan and execute myself. That’s how it felt and how I remember it, any way.
Very unmotivating.

I love love.

22:03 I love any reason to hug, kiss, fire up, express appreciation, chat, look eye in the eye, laugh and just be very, very happy.
What about you?
I love sex too.

Which I think was clear front the fire up. 😊

Did you use to make the effort just for her or do you enjoy those things as well?

22:17 I think it’s fun and just a nice thing to do. Probably different for a guy. We have different emotions. But I like your description of romantic. 😊

22.19 👍

Didn’t make an effort because it was expected. I enjoy those things too.

All of them.

Perfect. 😊

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 53 of little flapping wings.

Chapter 45 – The Acronyms

Wednesday, 10 February 2016.

Day 52

10:01 Morning!! 😊 Just reading your messages. I see some selfies up there! 😊 Very frosty here. Hope you slept well. Any dreams?
It’s a nice tattoo on your neck. Discreet. And sexy.

10:11 Hi Christian…

Oh, the back-and-forth interaction. The imagined person. The unveiling of a mystery. The gradual getting-to-know. The peek into the other’s soul, into their hopes and dreams. The warmth and the flirting — that’s the main thing for now. No hurry.

Anna’s at recess at school, daydreaming for just a moment.

10:12 Hello, Annita! Was listening to your music. Just having breakfast. Have a good morning. Hope you don’t get hit by any flying objects!!

She told him yesterday about a 9th grader who threw a really hard snow ball in the back of her head on Monday. From afar. She got furious and told the pupil that next time she’ll have to call the police. Eurgh. Driving home feeling dizzy had been so hard.

11:12 Haha. Thanks!

11:15 I was halfway through when you popped up. Will keep chatting. 😊

Please do. Make me smile – like always! I was just chatting to a pupil who’s really nice. He lent me his spare phone when I broke my mobile last week. Remember I’ve lost all your previous messages? Wish I could retrieve them. They were so sweet!

I’m in need of new ones now.

11:16 I bet you have lots of good kids there. I’m not a fan of the one who chucked the ice ball at your head though!! I was hit when I was at school and it almost knocked me out! You’ve just made me remember that. 😊

And you keep breaking your phones. You must be quite strong. All those hours at the gym. 😊

11:20 Right. Talk to you later. Have a lovely day.

Btw, I booked my flights finally. Will arrive in Helsinki on Sunday the 21st at 1830. So are you free on Monday?

Anna looks at the spare phone again — OMG, OMG! He really is coming to Finland. As promised.

11:25 Sorry. Finished my lesson now. I was showing some pupils your website.

Seriously??? You are? So cool!!

Happy your ticket has been booked. Maybe I’ll even have dinner with you on Sunday?

That would be nice. 😊

Great. You run now and I’ll catch you later. If I write, just read when you can.

So, about being strong – yes, a little. I like lifting weights. 250 abs per time. But there’s a long way to go. Ah, and talking about sports, I miss jogging when it’s been raining non-stop.

Lunch now. Fish and salad.

11:27 Bon apetit! Impressive gym work there!

13.38 Hello! How was your morning? I popped out for a river walk. A few work calls and almost lunchtime here. Played your music along the way. Loved it. 😊 Very sunny today. But also frosty. My favourite weather – I should have taken a pic.

14:30 😊 Yes, you should have. I love sunshine, especially in cold days. Happy you liked the music.

I’m going to the hairdresser’s. You have an hour to give me your opinion. Either keeping this medium-dark blond. Or some light brown with vivid colors. Have had many hair colors. Even black.

Anna sends him three pictures of her with three different hair colors. She chooses good photos – of course. Gotta make an impression…

14:35 Hmmm. Tricky. All look good!! Are you natural blonde?

Thanks! I was as a child. Light brown now. But no preference?

Hmmm. I think your hair looks great already! You and your daughter could be sisters! I like your colour as it is. 😊

That Sofia Vergara daughter of mine and me? Sisters! Hahahaha. I wish.

16:09 Oh, my daughter is much much more beautiful! And on the inside, as well. Heart of gold, that girl. And very sharp brain!

Thanks for the opinion. My son loves the brown and my daughter the blond. So I vary. Keeping the dark blond for now. ☺️

16.19 Good decision. It’s a nice colour.

I dyed my hair once in my life. Jet black. I looked like Dracula so tried to dye it back. Then it turned into a copper colour!! So I had to shave it off. Never again. Well….there’s no point now anyway. 😊

16.23 Your story is funny!! And the way you felt each time. I’ve had similar hair experiences. Hahaha.

I was going to ask where you would like to go for dinner. If you are free of course.

16.26 Tonight? 😊

Not sure where I am staying yet but will be central.
Haha. Sunday. Next Sunday that is. 😊

16.29 Thought you were suddenly here to surprise me tonight.

That would be fun.

Yes. Sure it’s too late?
I would love to have dinner with you on the 21st.
Vapiano closes at 11 p.m.

Vapiano sounds great. You are not working the next day, is that right? Just concerned if you have to get up at 0550!

16.47 No, not working the next day. Yay!
But you’ll be tired from the trip.

It’s not a long journey. Plus, the next morning I will sleep in.

Hey, today I’ve been working on a new AI engine that should definitely be called A.N.N.A….R.I.T.V.A.

A=Articulate, N=Natty, N=Nightly, A=Alluring 😊

R=Rapid (brain), I=Impassioned, T=Talented, V=Valiant, A=Amazing

My God. How sweet is that!! S2

16:52 Was going to put a T=Tattoo. But you don’t have enough T’s in your name. Are you sure it’s not RITTVA?

17.06 Awww.

My turn.

C arinhoso
H andsome
R apt
I ngenious
S urprisingly sweet
T ea for two?
I maginable
A musing
N aked in the sauna?

Maybe that’s you!

17:07 Hahaha!! That made me laugh! 😊

I knew it! But it’s unfair. My two names together have more letters than yours!
Still, I wanted to express how I appreciate your personality and good manners. Did try making you laugh, too.

17:10 You covered all the bases. 😊
Looking forward to seeing you very soon. I must have walked past that restaurant a million times. Not sure I’ve been in.

It’s simple and good. 9 p.m?

17.13 Perfect.

Loved the acrostic you made of my name. ☺️

17:15 Yours was better.

Anna’s just leaving the hairdresser’s.

Christian is always so nice!

On the other hand…………

…if there’s one thing I’ve learned already…

…it is that if I like my Tinder match’s voice, there’s a bigger chance of liking them in person. The opposite is also true………😬

17.19 Would you like to give me a call? In a few minutes?

17:20 Standby.

The phone rings. Christian’s calling her on WhatsApp. She answers.

Fingers crossed.

“Hello, how are you doing there?” he says with a voice and a native accent that sounds like a mixture of Hugh Grant’s and Simon Cowell’s.

Oh My God!!! Beautiful.

She gets goosebumps all over her body as the sides of her lips turn up and she blushes a little.

They discuss Anna’s English – he says it’s perfect. Much better than he expected.

These Englishmen!

Oh, stop it – you’re making me blush!

They chat about his job in Finland, his years in South Africa.

About why Tinder. “It gets lonely,” is his answer.

Finally meeting… “You really are coming to Finland. As promised!”

“I always do what I promise.”

It’s a very, very pleasant call, and Anna just adores his voice. And his way of interacting with her. Why does it always feels so nice with him?

He feels so present in the here and now.

17.42 Sorry. My son called. Always nice to talk to him, of course, but not nice to have our first phone call interrupted.

17:46 No problem. I thought it was all my work messages coming through. Will talk again soon. Nice to hear your beautiful voice.

Thank you. I feel the same way.

17:47 You haven’t sent me you new hairdo.

I will try a selfie at home. 😊 Have to walk there now.

I’m going to go for the African Karoo desert look for my hair.

Phew! That’s great. When Christian sent Anna a pic of him in South Africa, she thought he looked very handsome. Tall, in shape – thankfully not overly fit – and with a beautiful friendly smile. Almost bald, hair trimmed short. Casual and elegant.

Later, he sent he a pic which was taken in a recent business meeting in Finland. He had longer bald hair, and that didn’t look very nice, tbh. That day, she hadn’t wasted any time, but told him the African haircut suited him much, much better. “It gives you a younger, more modern look.”

17:49 Cool. I liked it!! Modern.

But no sun tan. 😑

Well, not yet.

I had a nice tan for over 20 years. But I guess bad for skin.

17.50 If I could travel, we could both get a tan in Spain in ten days. 😊

Well….that can be arranged v easily.

In Finland, we just freeze the skin so it won’t get old. Ever. Haha – I wish. Hey, who knows? Maybe we’ll just go crazy and hop on a plane to Spain.

It’s not far. Where I live(d) was 22 degrees today.

Or then a cottage and the hole in the ice. Warm and nice. 😊

17:22 I love that!!!! Both extremes. Fireplace. Sunshine.

Me too.

You have no idea how much I love fires. 😊 🔥

17.56 I love a dark cottage with the glow and noise and smell from the fireplace. The silent forest outside. The privacy.

If you are trying to make me move to Finland….. it’s working!!

And I love hooks, too!!! You’re addicted to fires and my teens say I am addicted to hooks. More about that later.

17:57 Hooks?

Yes, I’m crazy about hooks.

For clothes? Or fishing??

For mostly everything. Got one as a surprise gift from my daughter last Xmas. I got so happy and emotional that I cried. She started laughing and filmed me smiling and crying – holding the hook. Hilarious.

17.59 Hahaha. A hook!?

I’ll send you a pic soon.

Interested about your hooks.

18:00 Basic stuff. Not hooking myself up in spears and ceilings and such, like some lunatics. So, you have nothing to fear.

18:01 Haha. Very good. Phew.

I’m walking past Bulevardi and send him a pic of the icy church yard.

18:02 Are you close to cathedral?

Near Esplanadi. So not that far from the cathedral.

It looks familiar. I have walked a lot across Helsinki. Hope it snows soon.

Hope for a nice fire, at least.

Where can we light a fire?

We’ll have to google that because outside is no fun in the rain right now.

Back home, Anna sends him the requested selfie of her new hair.

18:24 Very nice! Looks great.

18:45 Thanks! 😘

21.20 Hello. 😘 Just a quick one. Hope you’re finding the time to relax over there and enjoying your new hairdo. What do your kids think? I’m sure they love it. Going for my Karoo cut next week.

21.24 Sounds great! I’m going to sew something with my sewing machine now.
What are you up to over there?

21.37 What are you creating tonight?

Just a practical sheet system for the sofa bed.

Oh. Very good. I’d like to see that. Did you take classes for that? Or are you just a natural??

Only in elementary school. I’m no good. Just improvise.

I think you are very modest.

No. In Finland people are really good at these things. I just learn the basics of everything and like to do a bit when needed.

21:41 That’s still impressive. Just about to eat so speak to you soon. Don’t forget to send the finished product! Please. 😊

Haha. Talk to you soon. Good night. ☺️

You never know, but who knows, who knows?

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 52 of life can actually be good.

Chapter 44 – For the Love of Writing

Wednesday, 10 February 2016.

Day 52

Anna loves chatting – and writing in general. When she was a teenager, she used to have over two hundred pen pals. It was so exciting to go to her mailbox after school to retrieve up to ten-twelve letters a day from all over the world.

Such joy and excitement. Emotions.

Every single day.

Her boyfriend at the time was a long-distance relationship, and they too sent each other fun, romantic letters for three long years. Drawings, gifts, books. Paper kisses and longing.

Anna’s father, Marcos, is the one responsible for teaching her the love of reading and writing.

You see, in her childhood her family used to move almost every year – from city to city and country to country. Dad, always the affectionate artistic type, didn’t want his kids to become estranged from their relatives and best friends, and so he taught them all the joys of letter writing when Anna was about 9 years old, and her sister Sarah, 10.

She recalls the day when dad came into their room, holding the beautiful letter paper their mom Riitta had bought. They were living in New Jersey at the time.

“First, write the city and the date on the upper right-hand corner, you see? Like this.

“Good. Well done, my darlings.

“Then you start with ‘Dear Y, how are you?’ Always tell them how you are doing, as well.

“Sarah, watch your handwriting! You’ll want people to understand what you’re saying. There, that’s better.

“Now, you can proceed to share nice things about your life, your pastimes, school and trips. Tell your pen pal how you felt during certain events, not just about the things you’ve been doing. It makes the reading experience more intense and interesting.

“It’s also very important never to forget to ask them about their life. Be curious and show interest. That’s how you make friends and, above all, keep your old ones.

And with a little kiss on their heads — “I’ll proofread your letters when you’re ready and then you’ll go with your mom to the post office.

“Ask me if you need any help, sweethearts.”

Day 17. Grownup Anna has just been on Tinder for a couple of days when she matches with a guy named Tino. Remember? Their chats are so intense and Anna’s feeling very excited to meet him… Unfortunately, he cancels the day before their coffee date, becoming her Tinder disappointment #1.

That is when she reads some advice online, and decides to stop chatting for days and days before meeting up with her dates.

Day 36, and along comes Christian.

Remember him? One of the Englishman? The one Anna matched with after she decided to change her criteria about who to swipe yes to on Tinder.

Yes, that CEO of a new start-up in Finland who promised to come from Germany soon to meet her in person.

The one with the long, manly nose. — She smiles at the thought.

Not knowing if she’ll really ever meet him or not, she decides to make an exception and keep in touch with this guy. They’ve been chatting on a daily basis for over two weeks now.

And every day the chats grow warmer and more fun.

They’re intriguing.

Christian has become the exception to her rule.

10:01 Morning!! 😊 Just reading your messages. I see some selfies up there! 😊
Very frosty here. Hope you slept well. Any dreams?
It’s a nice tattoo. Discreet. 😉 Feminine and sexy.

10:11 Hi Christian…

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 52 since moving out of Mr. Ex’s home, their last home together.

Chapter 43 – Assorted Chats

Tuesday, 9 February 2016.

Day 51

Anna is lying in bed, reading Tinder messages and thinking to herself.

Gosh, there are all kinds of chats on Tinder. I’ve had hundreds so far…

I think there’s something called chat chemistry, too.

There are the guys who make no effort whatsoever. They just send a hi and that’s it. The chat dies a natural – welcomed – death.

Then there are those who try a little harder, but there’s just no chemistry. No chat chemistry! The topics seem really off – these guys give the vibe of being quite superficial or immature. Or simple-minded.

Lazy. Not interested enough?

Definitely NOT interesting! Humft.

Maybe they’re simply really, really bad with social skills? Or with writing. Hard to imagine anything going forward like that. Hard to see how they’d get anyone’s attention like that.

They’re plain boring. Poor devils!

Not to mention the disrespectful guys. They don’t lift a finger, just say something nasty and want the lady to fall onto their lap?? I don’t waste my time with them.

Unmatch – what a great little button.

Ah… There’s the Italian university graduate doing some research around here. Really cute and friendly. He insists on chatting a lot – he’s new in Finland. But only 33 years old.

He’s been trying to convince me to meet him for days and days. Always sending romantic things, rose emojis, hearts, compliments.

It’s sweet really…

Out of nowhere he sends a message like:

Dear Anna, good morning!

I would go to the ends of the Earth for you. I would swim the raging seas and cross the scariest jungles. I’d fight a lion for you, survive all perils and mine that cave. Just to get you the perfect diamond and bring it to you with an immaculate red rose. I’ll sing you a serenade under your window, just for the chance of you blowing me a kiss.

Let me take you on a date this weekend? Please beauty.

That’s funny.

Italians!

Wow. They really are romantic.

Areia demais pro meu caminhão – as the saying goes in Portuguese – too much sand for my little truck! Or I for his?

Anyway… champagne taste, beer wage. He should take it down a notch……

Mmmm, Anna, Anna – it could be fun!

He’s endearing.

No. He’s a student. And just too young!!

I’ll just wish him all the best and unmatch him. Kindly. Don’t want to stab his romantic little heart. I hope he never changes…

And then, there are chats like Frederick’s and Christian’s. 🎯

No comments. Let them speak for themselves.

Obs. Day 51 since moving out.

Chapter 42 – Under the Sun

Tuesday, 9 February 2016.

Day 51

Anna is spending the week with her teens. Always so lovely!

Her daughter Kristiina is 17 now and these are exciting times. She’s in the second year of upper secondary school, and her Vanhojentanssit is coming up.

Vanhojentanssit, that is, the Ball of The New Seniors, is a beautiful formal prom held in Finnish high schools to celebrate the passage of becoming the lukio seniors, the day after the third-year students stop attending to start studying for their matriculation exams in February.

They’re going to be fetching Kristiina’s long dress on Thursday. That’s something really nice to look forward to. Anna and Kris are going to have coffee somewhere and chat from the joy of their hearts and their amazing friendship.

Aww. Her little girl is all grown up now.

Oh, how the years fly!

Yes, this week Anna is spending quality time with her teens, but they’re teenagers. They don’t need her or even want to spend all their free time with her. An hour or two per evening seems to be more than enough for them these days.

There really is a time for everything under the sun…

Not going out on dates this week, but there’s a lot of time for chatting online. And dates set up for next week. Yay!

Thank God for hobbies and friends.

And for Tinder.

Obs. Day 51 of yay – life is good after all.

Chapter 41 – Oxymoronic Paradoxes

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

During her lunch break at school, Anna sits down to scribble in her diary.

Dear Diary,

Long time no write! Sorry.

There’s something I’ve been reflecting about and want to register here.

Betrayal.

Awful word, but intrinsic in human nature.

I remember just last year, a month before moving out of our last home together…

…I had already signed my rental apartment’s contract and was spending my afternoons and evenings looking for good deals to buy furniture and whatnot. (That part was fun, tbh. I adore moving and decorating. I’m good at it! I love looking for solutions).

Anyways, the shopping kept me busy and focused on practicalities for the near future, instead of the immediate pre-separation…

…valley

death.

As you can imagine, I’d go from excitement and exhilaration to deep sadness.

Agonizing joy.

Energetic exhaustion.

Blue fun.

Fearful hope, dreaded freedom.

Oxymoronic paradoxes.

The silent screams of my soul felt pretty loud to me, at times. Good grief!

Some say that people get divorced too easily nowadays, but sincerely? I don’t believe that most people take separation lightly. It’s scary and painful! They say it’s like amputating a leg.

More like amputating a part of your heart. :(((

For better or for worse, we were together for 22 years. Neither he nor I took it lightly, see? Even though it wasn’t ’til death – at the end of the end.

I wish we had divorced eight years ago, when he first said he wanted it. We wouldn’t have wasted so much of each other’s time and would have avoided more excruciating heartbreak and some other drastic measures (no comments)…

Nevertheless…

I am grateful we were able to part in one piece.

Ops! Part in peace!

Where was I?

Yes, during that pre-separation month, I’d feel relieved and then anguished. Little did I know it was going to turn out to be a cruel kindness – what he was doing to me (at least that’s my hope now).

If only people knew! They’d divorce sooner.

But people with bad marriages fear. So, they make haste s…l….o…..w……l…….y…………..

They’ve got to go through the process to progress.

OK! Be wise, don’t rush it too much. Prepare the way for a (better?) future.

As I was saying… at times I’d cry in the shower. I’d let go and then the next second hold on for dear life.

I’d love him with all my hate.

I’d agonize and think about betrayal.

“Do you already have somebody else?”

“Anna, I’ve already hurt you so much in this marriage. There’s no reason for me to hurt you more right now.” — The holy sinner – damned saint would repeat!

Not unlike me…

Some of the church people we know judge him, but I’ll respect him for not remaining a hypocritical chaplain in the end. For finally having the courage to be true to himself.

And give me my freedom to (try) to find love again.

(Maybe the painful journey of self-love first?)

It’s always better to deal with the truth, no matter the blow. I’ll choose hearing the honest truth 90 out of 100 times.

The truth shall set you free – true – free to fly the dreadful flight of freedom.

How can we make the best decisions for our own well-being without the truth??? People have no right to keep us prisoners of lies.

Nonetheless…

…”Speak the truth with love”.

Would it have been better to stay in the bad marriage and feel alone together?

♥️ I’d much rather be together alone someday. Just the two of us! Mr. Bf and me. ♥️

As I was saying… I’d cry in the shower thinking about betrayal. I felt so betrayed!

Yet, what was the betrayal??

Was it that he was jumping in bed with another lady?

For me, the greatest betrayal was not that.

He fell in love. O amor é lindo.

As Dr. Helen Fischer says, “love is a powerful brain system, more powerful than sex drive. It comes from primordial parts of the brain – way below the cortex. It gives you the energy, the focus, ecstasy, the despair and the motivation. To win life’s greatest prize – a mating partner”.

Aye, no!

(Btw, she’s studied brain scans of couples who have been romantically in love after 21 years together. It can happen!)

“Passion makes people climb the highest mountains and sail the raging seas. Romantic love inspires poets, musicians, commoners”.

Its memories make people write books. 😇

The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins.

Then, what was the betrayal?

The betrayal for me was this:

How can he prefer not to have me in his life? To just erase me, swipe me out.

After everything. All the memories. All the battles, victories, photo albums and family memories. All the patience and forgiveness. All the support and growth. All the emotions!

All that investment in vain?

How can someone actually find they’re upgrading their lives by taking me out of it??? His best friend for over half his life… To think he’s better off without me than with me? Unfathomable.

I felt like garbage. Rejection was the betrayal!

That actually felt like death. A resurrection I should have welcomed?

Why not sooner then? It would have saved me some of my youth.

And what about our kids? They say divorce is harder on teenagers than children.

Wow.

But no problem.

Now I know his cruel kindness was for my best, too.

A passionless marriage is not true for me. Holding on is just wishful thinking. Wasted years? I think so…

Men and women out there: pleeease do not hold on to someone who doesn’t love you. Please do not fear. You deserve to be loved with all of your lover’s flawed human heart. Everyone does.

Mutuality!

But, silver linings, silver linings, Anna! Don’t get depressed now.

Everything happens for a purpose. Or at least you can give it a purpose and make it meaningful.

I sure am turning my pain into something beautiful.

In this long, long diary entry, my mind has been wandering everywhere – itinerant from place to place. I can break it down later, but I did warn you in the title.

And it does happen with pre-separation. Consider separating, do it, and your mind will thus wonder and wander while your heart rides a scary merry-go-round.

OK, long story short – finally:

Divorce??

More like amputating half of your heart!

Hey, maybe I need a heart transplant!

A new heart? I like that.

I’m gonna think of divorce as an open-heart surgery from now on. Painful, risky, extreme. I’ll need time for convalescence… But not alone, please…?

The Divorce Paradox = a seemingly false, but significant step.

Anna, you’ll get a new heart – hope for a stronger one!

You’ll still retain your brain, your memories, your soul, your you. But you’ll have the chance to start over.

Bitter sweet. New beginnings. A crash landing? New-found grace.

And an opportunity to be true. To love again and do it much, much better.

Obs. Day 50 of an oxymoronic new life.

http://gtotd.blogspot.fi/2007/06/oxymoronic-paradox-wisdom-of-yogi-isms.html

Chapter 40 – I Simply Remember

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

And the lesson goes on.

“My dear 8C, now that you’re all awake… Your homework was to think about your favorite pastimes and such, writing a list with at least ten items. Who has done that?”

Hands go up everywhere.

Anna shows the class a video – My Favorite Things, from The Sound of Music – one of her favorite movies. And the boldest of her pupils sing along with her.

“🎶 I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad!”

Ah… Nice.

“Encouraging, isn’t it?” — she smiles.

“So, today your task is to be creative. Take your list of favorite things and transform it into beautiful art. A poster, a video, a play. The sky is the limit. If you’re not good at drawing, write a colorful list that will look great on the wall.

“You can also draw stick men, like I did.”

Anna told Christian (one of the nice Englishmen from Tinder), that she’s been working on this theme at school. He insisted she share her list with him – wouldn’t take no for an answer. So endearing! So she drew it for him.

How Anna loves feeling inspired with the silliest of things!

Now, she projects the images she drew on the smart board, hoping to ignite her pupils’ creativity. First, she wants them to speak up and practice their English.

“Hey look, here are my very own favorite things. Can you tell me what they are?”

ft1 – kopio

ft – kopio

ft2 – kopio

ft3 – kopio

Chatting with Chris has been so lovely. A mix of witty, smart, gentlemanly and flirty. Guys are a mystery, but it’s gradually getting warmer.

She drew him a couple of extra (burning hot) pastimes on the back side. 😍

Completely scratched over now, of course!

Hmm. We shall see…

Obs. Day 50 since moving out. Warm beginnings!

Chapter 39 – Waking Them up

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

8:30 English – Anna is teaching 8C.

“Good morning, everyone! How was your weekend?” she asks excitedly.

Not much of a reaction- not uncommon in Finland, if you ask me.

“OK, let’s try this again. Who’s had a great weekend? Raise your hand.”

One or two hands go up in the air, timidly.

“Who has had a good enough weekend?”

Most of the other sleepy pupils raise their hands.

“And has anybody had a bad, bad weekend?”

A couple of pupils raise their hands.

“Why? Would you like to tell us why?”

“It was just boring.”

“Hey, sorry to hear about that. Do you want to share more?”

“No!!”

“So, tell me this: Did you have food to eat? A bed to sleep in? Maybe the company of your family or siblings?”

Yeses are coming from everywhere.

She likes to tease them a little, and she often does it in a lively way, with lots of laughter and excitement. To wake them up.

“There, you see! Sometimes boring is good! It means you weren’t ill. It means you are alive. You didn’t die last weekend. Phew. Or did you?”

They laugh.

They are adorable, really, it just takes time to get them interested. School can be so boring – the teacher here will admit to it…

“Not dead?!

“I’m glad you’re still here. But I do agree with you…” — a pause for suspense — “Boring is baaaad. YOLO! Nobody wants boring. I myself H-A-T-E boring.

“OMG, do I hate it…

“And yes! It doesn’t matter how many blessings we have to be grateful for – though gratitude is indeed important – if we compare our lives to happier, more exciting past moments, boredom can make us feel sad and frustrated. It’s all about expectations versus reality, isn’t it?

“But, did you know that most of the time even frustration is very good?

“Believe me?”

“No!” a bold boy answers. The same one as before.

“Yes, frustration and even failure can be awesome. They tell you what you are unhappy with. What you need to change in your life. They are important signals that can be used as a stepping stone for improvements. For transformation and growth.

“But you must be brave to face them. Face the truth. Maybe one thing at a time. And decide to change. Decide to start dealing with it immediately… Start changing that one thing.”

Some of the pupils are looking very thoughtful now – and others are slowly showcasing smiles of satisfaction.

Her iPhone dings and she quickly puts it in the silent mode. It’s Christian. Yay.

She smiles and her pupils tease her a little.

“No phones, Anna! Put away your phone.”

Anna likes to give her pupils food for thought. It’s usually what she direly needs herself. She hopes she’ll be brave enough to see her changes through to the very end. To victory and better times. Oh, fingers crossed, soul of mine!

But, keep reading. The lesson goes on.

Obs. Just the beginning of Day 50.

Chapter 38 – Staying

Sunday, 7 February 2016.

Day 49

Remember Frederick? One of the two Englishmen who have been writing daily?

It’s late and Fred and Anna have been chatting for an hour.

…One misses the companionship. And having someone to cuddle at night. After my divorce, at first I dreaded bank holidays as it meant a 3-day weekend.

But over time, you find happiness in yourself, and start to enjoy life again.

Exactly. 🙂 Life’s too short to waste, but we’re still quite young!

See the positives. A chance for new love and adventures.

True, true.

So, have you had any dates since the breakup?

Oh, I’ve been on quite many dates. But so far, I haven’t liked any Finnish guys.

Too dull?

Quiet. Private. Mysterious. No touching, no flirting, no hugging. Or worse: a kind of awkward don’t-touch-me-just-pat-me-lightly-in-the-back kind of hug. Even when they like you and want to see you again!

You?

I’ve had 6 1st dates (a few more with one of them).

6 or 61?

Just kidding.

🙂 But, I’m back on the market.

I had 9 business-like, friendly dates. Coffee, walking, chatting. It felt as though I was walking a little bit of their life journey alongside them. For the most, it felt authentic and valuable. Btw, all guys looked 5-10 years older in person.

But hey, you have some great pics!

All recent. I’ve got them done by a photographer friend of mine. Oh, did I mention that I’m shy at first?

Mine are recent, too. No. How come?

I’m just the kind of person that is worth getting to know. I have a great sense of humour, but it takes me time to warm up with people I don’t know.

I believe you. I have that feeling about you already.

I think you need a physical and mental attraction with someone.

Definitely. If chemistry is needed even for friendship – how much more so for dating and intimate relationships.

Without chemistry, there is nothing. You need to look into their eyes and see them sparkle.

Yes.

If you can’t get excited about the thought of waking up next to them, then it won’t work, no matter how many dates you go on. Or how long you try to stay together.

…Anna, we have to embrace being single. It’s fun.

You have a friendly face. And a great smile. And you seem talkative.

Haha. I have my quiet Finnish moments, too.

Sometimes I talk too much. I have so many cool stories to tell. But then I control myself and shut up.

Other times, I just enjoy being quiet. I admire the Finnish habit of feeling comfortable in silence, side by side. Small-talking is not a must.

Finns can ride a car together in silence and no one gets uncomfortable or offended. It’s not impolite.

In the UK, we fill the awkward silences by talking about the weather.

I love talking and listening to others. Asking questions. The interaction!

But then, when it’s my turn to drive (when carpooling with other teachers), I often wonder why women have to talk that much. When I’m just listening, sometimes I get the feeling 90% of what is being said seems unnecessary.

Silence here is uncomfortable. And I like people who are talkative.

Yes. But I have this artistic need to feel that what is being said has a deeper purpose – fun, important info, reassurance, appreciative words, support, love, emotions. Sharing something significant, etc.

Having said that, I also prefer people who like talking.

Yep. But the woman talks 60% and the man 40%.

I agree. Is that annoying for men? Be honest!

No. Women are natural talkers.

My dad talks more than my mom. But mom is the Finnish one!

I like talkative people, but some aren’t good listeners. They just focus on themselves.

That’s bad. It’s important to ask back. To listen.

So… what are you going to do after this chat?

You seem like a good listener, too.

I try.

Gonna chill out.

How do you like to chill out after work?

I play the guitar, read, chat to friends. YouTube. I don’t sing.

But you play! I don’t. I just like singing in the car, in the shower.

I’ve started to get better now. More time to practice after the divorce.

Frederick, I have to thank you so much for this lovely chat.

Monday tomorrow and I have to sleep my six hours. More later?

OK. Sleep well. Chat in the morning. Or later tomorrow.

Sleep well! Besitos.

You, too. X

Monday, 8 February 2016.

Day 50

Morning, Anna.

How was your commute to school. I get the feeling you have a long drive? My board games MeetUp is tonight. I’ll let you know what we play in the evening.

A few hours later.

Hi Frederick. Yes, you are good at deduction. I guess it’s those games of yours. My drives take over an hour, one way. But no traffic! Great roads and a beautiful countryside.

Glad that you’ll get to enjoy games later on. Let me know what you played.

I’m going to watch a movie with my son and going to bed early for a change! But only three lessons tomorrow. Yay!

I guess you live in the city but work in the sticks? Enjoy your early night!

They talk about work, kids, games. Sports, hiking. International friends. Blah blah blah.

I’ve done a long hike in Lapland. The Bear Trail. Have you heard of it? It has great infrastructure to stop to chill or camp, every three hours or so. Love walking!

Love jogging too, but I’ve been a bit lazy, lately. I play volleyball and go to the gym, too. A little fitter every year. What about you?

You must be very fit!

Unfortunately not. Definitely need to lose 4-6kg, but I’m sure I’ll eventually get there… Besides, I’ve had two c-sections. But that’s life.

I’m probably maintaining my current weight. Do need to push a bit harder, but working full-time and having the kids is grueling at the moment. My son’s football tomorrow, so busy day.

Oh, my teens are so big. We’re three independent souls here, who sometimes stop to spend time together.

I think I’ve got that to look forward to!

Later that night.

Hi Anna. Here are some ideas for you, since you’re newly-separated:

Travel

Visit a new city

Go to museums

Hiking 🙂

Start a new box set

Read a new book series

Find a new hobby

Cycle

Check out MeetUP

The way you’ve got to see it, divorce is sad, but it also gives us that opportunity to do the things we’ve put off and experience the chemistry of new love.

Learn guitar?

Oh, thank you! That’s so sweet.

Great ideas!

I love reading

Painting

Drawing

Writing

Meeting friends

Games

Movies with company (don’t really do it alone)

I’ve been considering a new language course. Italian? It would be my sixth language. And an easy one to learn.

Ah! Chemistry of new love would be the best.

New opportunities. You’re right.

P.S. 🙂How was football tonight?

Obs. Days 49-50 of stay! Now you know what you’re doing.