Category: now what

Chapter 75 – OMG, Diary!!

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Monday, 22 February 2016.

 

OMG, Diary!!

 

There’s so much to write that I don’t know where to begin!

Why don’t I just tell you the latest? 😊

After a kind of rough and a slow start – so much so that I almost quit before date #16 had even begun………………….

 

 

Yesterday… 😬 

Uh-oh.

 

 

Just kidding. 😊

 

 

 

 

……………..Last night turned out to be amazing. Full stop. 😍

 

Period.

Not telling you anymore.

 

Just teasing you, haha. I’ll tell you everything. 😊😊

 

How can it have exceeded my expectations, tell me? Does this mean that we can’t judge people and situations too quickly, and that if we give them a chance they will step up and potentially show themselves to be wonderful? Awww.

Is Christian wonderful???

I don’t know yet – I just had a taste…

 

…But I know how he felt. 😍😍

😊😊😊  Girls go awww. And guys go mmmm.

 

They say you’ve gotta take things slow, live each day in the here and now, layer by layer, wait and see, seize the moment (Oh gosh, I did!!! I seized every single one of those butterflies…), appreciate the journey, enjoy the ride.

And I will.

I promise.

Having trust, hope and faith is also important. One day at a time.

And, and, and… being “as shrewd as snakes 🐍 and as innocent as doves 🕊️.”

That’s a good one, J!

 

Patience.

Oh my! I’m calm, but patience has always been the hardest for me. I want everything now!

When I was a little girl, whenever people told me their plans or ideas, dad says I always immediately went like “Hoje?”

Today?

“Anna, we’re moving to America!”

“Hoje?”

“Santa Claus is coming!”

“Today?”

“Let’s buy a bunk bed!”

“Hoje?”

“Sleepover with cousins soon.”

“Today?”

Haha. I’m still like that…

 

But oh, do tell me, isn’t life to be lived today?

At my age I know it is.

Today!! As if there’s no tomorrow.

Who knows if there will be a tomorrow?

Oh! I want a tomorrow, too! I want many, many tomorrows. Many awesome ones – just like yesterday…

…Today!! 😍😍😍

Move it, move it! Give it to me.

 

Nowadays, I am more patient: I want things yesterday.

Ohhhh, OH…

 

Ohhhh, yesterday I got everything I wanted from a good date. I finally did.

 

And it was the whole package: scorching sweet, affectionate, heart-warming, electrifying, blazing f-hot. The OH in Ohio 😊😊😊.

Ohhhh…….. Are you happy for me?

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 (There, seven is the number of perfection).

 

That first moment we met in front of Kaisla – despite the suspicious butterflies in my stomach – I immediately liked Christian’s looks. 

His height, his built. His mystery.

His voice. Oh God, his voice is approved – I can’t quite describe it, sorry. Manly, pleasant. Ohhh, like candy to the ears.

Christian looked confident, but not arrogant at all – and this same vibe perpetuated throughout the 12 hours we spent together. 😊

As we were walking to my flat, my attraction gradually intensified.

Slowly.  🎼  É devagar, é devagar, é devagar, é devagar, devagarinho. 🎶

With every step.

I was also feeling confident (like on most of my dates) and happy…

…But I kept the mystery – of course. 😊 Playing it cool and warm. Cool, but warm!

Hmmm. Still a little unsure about him being so late. What??

 

Dinner went fine (he looked a little shy), and his mysterious lack of flirting actually ignited my own wish to score, to hope to win him over, strangely enough 😆.

He was such a gentleman, and smart, interesting. I enjoyed the way it felt easy and so natural to be around him. 

The games were fun, the electric tension between us just growing. Despite the atishoos. Haha. Quite endearing, tbh 😊😊.

 

The champagne, his joy to be there with me, celebrate me – him – us!

The aliveness. Oh – the chemistry.

And then!

OH

MY

GOD.

 

That first kiss!

His words. The intensity of the desire, all that mounted up expectation. The intensity of our gazes, eye to eye. Deep. The yearning…

With the touch of his lips all my doubts dissipated, melted, flew out the window. Mmmm. Clothes flew out the window, too. But not the hold ups. Haha.

Christian is a handsome man – to me 👌. His lips are very thin, but surprisingly thick on the inside 😂.

Not kidding. They are!

Oh, and so delicious.

I just loved his taste, his touch, the way he made me feel. The way I saw I made him feel.

I loved his skin, his smell. His natural smell just felt so right. The sounds of the night, mighty, wondrous. His words to me.

Taste, sight, touch, smell, and hearing – the whole package. Is that why making out is so fantastic??

Oh, yeah. He solved the tattoo mystery 😊. He was so good…

 

I went to the bathroom – I think I floated – and when I came back, he smiled. Arms open wide.

Seriously.

Such a perfect embrace!

“Gosh, it’s 4 a.m. You’re not going to send me back to the hotel at this time, are you?”

“No, you have a cold! Stay here.”

 

My bed is only 80 cm wide, and I suggested making another bed for myself.

“No!” he said, “That’s ridiculous. No way! Let’s just sleep here together.“

“Seriously? We won’t fit.”

“Of course we will. Just cuddle up, I’ll hold you all night long.“

 

That was the first night his triceps brachii was my pillow, as I was enveloped by both his arms in a perfect fit.

(Enveloped is a word he taught me, btw).

Now I’m alone, that’s why I’m writing. He has some business to take care of, so he went back to his hotel. But we are going to be together again. Of course we are!

 

Ding!

12:35   Thank you for a wonderful night. And for coming to my rescue. That should be my job!! 😊

I found the hotel! Easy in daytime.

 

Oh, I have some more things to write, so Christian can wait.

I swear I tried to sleep with him all night, but his body was burning hot. Such a fever – I just couldn’t – so I opened the mattresses I keep under the bed and slept there. In the morning, he told me he thought I had fallen dead, since I didn’t move or make a sound.

Sure I died. Died of pleasure. Overheated, too.

Hey, now I’m feeling tired! Exhausted – I need a nap. Getting back my energy to meet him later. 

 

While Anna sleeps without texting him back, Christian writes again.

 

13:52   My business calls went well. Meeting partners in China in the coming weeks.

Thanks so much for the scarf. Your mom will be rewarded… with all the PG tips she can drink! 😊

I’m wondering if there are any games you have that I know and for which you can’t make up arbitrary rules!! 😊

 

14:28   Hi Chris

Hey. How are you? Sorry I gave you a late night.

It was fun!

For me too.

Yes. Let’s play more games. Watch a movie? I’ll beat you.

Haha. Only because you don’t tell me the rules. What’s the next game?

Ingenious…

 

P.S.

We’ve only just met and I have no idea what will happen from now on.

How much he liked me – if we will feel good about each other after a week… I just told you how it felt last night. I know the tension mounted up in three weeks… So, last night we reached a peak we both had fought for. Rewarding.

Amazing.

Matt Boggs says that people should take it slow when they first meet, since even the most wonderful people have a litte monster within. It’s good to wait, hang out a lot, until you get introduced to that little devil to see if it’s one you can live with.

Makes sense. Let’s see what happens.

But for now, who cares about the monsters? I’m gonna make the most out of my week, because I am on holiday and gloriously happy TODAY!

Hoje.

© 2017 rf

 

 

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Obs. Hoy.
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Chapter 73 – Crush at First Sneeze

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Just Past Midnight, 22 February 2016.

 

Game Time!

 

Ah, where were we?

Yes. Christian loads the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. “My job! You did all that cooking already.”

“Btw, I bought the champagne at the airport – like I promised – to celebrate finally meeting my mysterious Anna! Shall we have a glass tonight?”

“Yes! And, Christian…?”

“Yes?”

“Do you still have some energy left? We could play one of those card games I told you about.” — Somehow her voice sounds so feminine and sweet in her own ears. Wow, where is that coming from? I’m such a tough lady!

“Of course. I’m feeling much better now after your delicious veggie soup.” — He smiles – looking better indeed.

“Great. So why don’t we sit on the sofa? Have our champagne there?”

 

Christian has been pleasant company for dinner. Anna feels good around him, but thinks he is quite mysterious, a bit like Finnish guys? It’s hard to know what they are thinking…

Just a little bit of flirting since the soup?

He is easy to talk with, nonetheless, and very well-mannered. It surely feels as though they have known each other for a year? Is that how it feels when there’s chemistry?

I should be stronger. Still unsure about this guy. The meal conversation was just OK. Nothing too impressive. He was shy!

But why does it suddenly feel so good again?? I think it’s the good manners, the dishes he’s loaded into the washer.

And… he’s brought champagne to celebrate meeting me in person. A romantic gesture?

The mystery – the game – is a turn on. There is electricity between you, but you just don’t know what’s gonna happen. Or even how much he likes you. 

Anna, you like him, but you want to see if he’ll win you over fully. Keep up – in person – the good work he’s put in through the messages and calls. The challenge is a turn on, too. Did you know that?

OK. Let’s see how he’ll do at my board games. See if he really is smart.

 

Anna switches off the dining table lights. The living room is as not as bright anymore, as they sit on her couch to play Ugh over the wooden antique chest with the added wheels. She informs him he’ll learn the games by playing – because she will tell him the rules as they move along.

He wins the first game, she sits closer to him. Side by side. She wins the next, their legs are touching slightly now. More relaxed and familiar with each other? There is tension in the air – that much I’m certain of.

 

“Atishoo. Aaaatisho. Oh, excuse me!” — He goes to the bathroom to blow his nose.

Cute guy! He flew in to see me – with champagne – despite his cold. Oh, Anna! I think you may have a little crush.
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“Sorry for that. I’m back. So… the game is tied. 1 x 1. One more round? The winner takes it all and I’m gonna beat you again.”
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“No way you’ll win,” she defies him, with a completely different kind of scoring system she’s keeping in her mind.
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🎼  We’ll have a good time, baby, don’t you worry
And if we’re still playin’ around, boy, that’s just fine. 🎶 I think!!

 

Sorry, Anna can’t remember who won the challenge. Eurgh.

Oh! Who cares! The games are really fun, but the whole point is obviously just being able to sit very close to each other. You know as much, right?

🎼  Give in this time and show me some affection…
We shouldn’t even think about tomorrow
Sweet memories will last a long, long time  🎶

 

The game ends. They have a laugh and he says something. Whatever – it is not important. Christian stands up to take their glasses back to the kitchen.

“It’s getting pretty late, I should get going,” he tests her.

“Really? Let’s play another game! This one here, Love Letter. I’m on holiday, remember? So there’s no hurry. No alarm clocks for tomorrow,” she tests him back.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please?”

“OK, so let me refill a glass of champagne for us to share. Wow. This is the cleanest fridge I have ever seen.” — He stands there, admiring the insides.

“Stop it, you’re just saying that. I haven’t cleaned it for weeks!”

“And you’ve bought grapes!” — Christian adds. — “Haha. Naughty! But remember I’m the sick one, so you’re gonna do all the mouth-feeding.”

“You’re funny, Christian. That will be dessert for later. If you win!! We shall see.”

 

Love Letter ends and Christian leans back on the couch. She turns towards him and lightly touches his blue SuperDry shirt, complimenting him on his choice of outfit.

He grabs her hand and their fingers intertwine. She smiles. Maybe blushes just a little bit. They say a few things. Anna can’t remember what, but she remembers how she felt with him. The growing desire. His long warm fingers. His mouth.

The flirting is intense now. Finally! Magnetism draws them together, and now they are kissing and kisssing. Amidst the zillion butterflies fluttering their amazing little wings in the air. Zizzzz. This feels so electric. Zizzz.

They look at each other. Zizzzz. Deep gazes. Zizzzz. The desire is so intense. Zizzzz……….

“Anna, you’re so beautiful, sexy girl.” — clothes being dropped everywhere.

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🎼  Let’s get excited, we just can’t hide it
I’m about…

Oh boy, I want to love you, feel you
Wrap myself around you

I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you 🎶

🎼  I want to squeeze you, please you
I just can’t get enough
And if you move real slow, I’ll let it go
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you
I’m so excited (look what you do to me), and I just can’t hide it (you got me burning up)
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it (yeah)
I’m so excited (how did you get to me?), and I can’t deny, no, no, no (I’ve got to give it up)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)I know, I know, that I want you
I’m so excited (look what you do to me), oh boy (you got me burning up)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Hey, hey I think I like it (yeah)
I’m so excited (how did you get to me?), you got me (I’ve got to give it up)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh) Oh, ooh I like it boy
I’m so excited (look what you do to me), oh, you got me burning up (burning up)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, ow)  🎶
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© 2017 rf

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Obs. 🎼  (Oh, oh, oh, oh) 🎶
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I’m So Excited lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

 

Chapter 72 – Tonight Anna

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Just Past Midnight, 22 February 2016.

 

DDIY anymore!

 

“Champagne, Anna?”

“Yes, please.” — Hell, yeah!

Btw, the expression should probably be Heaven, yeah! 

Anna feels heaven is way too underrated and missunderstood by most of her fellow terrestrians. For her, heaven is this perfect paradise and the culmination of all the good, unimaginable, exciting things we can’t even begin to fathom. Wholeness, joy and dried tears, appeal. A place of perfect love and perfect, awesome, wondrous happiness. Acceptance.

She also feels that whenever two souls truly, truly encounter, they can experience just a little taste of that eternity. If only for a few minutes at a time, and in a very earthly manner. A glimpse, as they transcend the now together – infinity is here – and we’re the only two remaining people in the world…

…A world in whose time and space everyone else has – puft – simply ceased to exist.

Paradise, yeah.

 

Tonight Anna will be celebrating.

 

She’s started celebrating the:

Oh, you don’t want me, Mr. Ex? Well – haha – I don’t care. Get a move on then – scoot – there are people who do. And I…

I want myself.

Hello!

Here and now is where I am. And my resilient spirit is young. Yes, it is!

We owe it to those who can’t – I owe it to oxygen itself – to live life to the fullest while I still have a breathing chance. It’s my responsibility (and yours, my readerest ally, yours too).

 

Do celebrate! Party hard, you pulchritudinous, alluring, Anna.

Yeah! I feel great – aliveness in every fibre of my being.

So lowliness, go away. Skedaddle. Shooo.

I didn’t choose this hellish loneliness – so scamper, off with you!!

 

I am just in – to celebrate the…

…Dopamine, adrenaline, endorphins, oxytocin – the whole lot for all I care.

…Freedom, coming-of-age, sou dona do meu nariz, better late than never liberty!

…Butterflies, desire, chemistry, electricity. Zizzzz, zizz. Burn me, passion. Make haste. Mark me, oh, do mark me?

 

Let’s party…

…At a place where need meets opportunity.

Anticipation – Mmm, why not take a closer look?

 

Zealous kissing, hugging, together skin on skin.

Perspiration, inspiration. Yearning, elation.

Ardor, fervor, scorching flames.

The heat!

Oh, love game, what have you got for me?

Thrills, tremor, satisfaction.

An honest attempt? Losing myself in something I really want? An oasis? Conquering peaks! Summit, victory?

 

“So, champagne??”

Heaven, yeah!

Paradise, yep.

Oh yes, Englishman.

“Yes, please!”

© 2017 rf

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Obs. 🎼 Quero ser feliz, bye bye tristeza, não precisa voltar. 🎶
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..

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No one here is pure, neither angel nor demon
None of us has the recipe to live a happy life
It’s impossible to separate dreams from reality

Or to separate me from you… Or then you from me…
I’m not here to suffer, why should I feel all this longing?
I just want to be happy, so…
Bye, bye sadness, you don’t need to come back.

I already know how to make mistakes on my own without asking for advice
If I suffer, who will cry for me?
I already know how to look at myself without needing any mirrors.

Do not dare tell me no. And not even to say yes.

I’m not here to suffer (bye, bye tristeza)
Why should I feel all this longing? (bye, bye sadness)
I just want to be happy
Bye, bye tristeza you don’t need to come back.

(Free translation).

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Chapter 71 – Tinder Date #16, Part Four

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Sunday, 21 February 2016.

 

D – Welcome T😊 Finland

 

Anna walks James Bond round the block to Kaisaniemenkatu. She spots a tall man standing by the tram stop with a suitcase and his back towards her.

Suspense is in the air.

Is he even who he says he is?? Be brave, now…! Jack Chi 007 will definitely sniff him and scare him off if he’s a bad guy!

 

IMG_2461

 

She approaches the man and says, “Hi, Christian?” with a careful smile.

He turns slowly.

 

Her heart skips a beat.

Oh……..! He’s just like his best pics! (See, Anna? That crazy, clueless selfie. I told you to take the risk and meet him in person – otherwise you’d never know!)

Christian is tall – good built, back straight.

1,82 against Anna’s 1,61.

Aww. He looks d-r-e-a-m-y. Yummy. — Inner giggles.

1 x ?

Her careful smile widens as her suspicions melt away a little bit. She can already see a glimpse of the the mysterious Englishman who’s made her laugh and feel important quite a few times in the last three weeks.

 

“There you are!” — He smiles back, enveloping her in his arms. The way she likes it. Awww.

His very first embrace (Can you believe it?) is firm and nice, “transmitting human warmth,” as the saying goes in Portuguese. Christian seems to be used to hugging, and comfortable with touching new acquaintances in a natural way. A confident manner.

Score!

2 x ?

 

“Hi Anna,” he exclaims with a joyful voice, “How are you doing?

“Wow, you look exactly like the girl in the pictures!” — Oh God, that sexy voice. His Queen’s English is to die for. Eurgh! She gets goose bumps all over.

3 x ?

 

Stop. This is torture! And she’s dropping her guard already.

Act cool, Anna.

 

“Really? Oh, thank you.” Anna replies.

“No.” He sounds adamant now, “You look even better!” He adds while squatting to greet James Bond, who swings his tail and sniffs him approvingly.

Surprise, surprise. This dog always loves everybody. I’m not giving Christian extra points for that!

“Hey, little one!” Christian says, patting the dog and chatting with him.

Meanwhile, careful Anna quickly scans the Englishman some more.

She checks his luggage to see whether it has recent flight luggage stickers. He could be a street bum with a smart phone, the Tinder app and a desperate need to find lodging, after all.

Good! The Finnair stickers match the story. Check. ☑️

More points? No, just relief. Same score.

3 x ? So far so good on my side of things.

 

Christian is wearing Hugo Boss glasses, a ¾ length dark gray overcoat, jeans and hiking boots. Casual and elegant. Smooth face, no wrinkles. Bald, but his remaining hair is nicely trimmed – the Karoo Desert cut, as she suggested and he promised.

4 x ? Yay.

He’s 45, but hmm, he could pass for 42.

 

“Christian, you’re so late that all the restaurants have closed down already. That’s Helsinki on Sundays for you.

“Why don’t we go to my place to have that veggie soup?” Now that he showed up. Hey, about that….. She suddenly remembers his tardiness and feels she deserves an explanation.

“Yes, it’d be my pleasure, thanks. Can we drop my suitcase at the Radisson first?”

 

“Some mysterious hotel you booked yourself there, huh?” she teases him.

“Oh. Soooo sorry. I haven’t found it yet. Please, would you show me the way?”

“I thought you knew Helsinki well, Christian! What’s happened?” — she smiles, a little suspicious again.

“Oh Anna, I think I have a fever. I’m feeling pretty weak.” — puppy eyes.

 

“Poor Christian. Let me feel your forehead.”

She touches him and – oh electricity, butterflies, zizzz – “Yes! Maybe you do have a temperature. Oh no! Whatever shall we do?? Talking of which…” — she opens her mocca leather bag and…

“Here’s the scarf. Where are my manners. Do you like brown? It’s a gift from my mom to you!” she smiles as she wraps Riitta’s very own art form around his neck, touching his skin a little bit again. Zizzzzz.

“There you go!” says Anna, looking into his beautiful eyes. “That’s better!”

Their gaze locks for a few seconds. More butterflies. More zizzz, zizzzzz. Oh… 🎼 Tonight’s the night we’re gonna make it happen. Tonight we’ll put all other things aside…? 🎶

 

“Very kind of you. Yes. I feel better already.” — English manners…

5 x ?  But what about me?? What’s my score? I must definitely be 10 points ahead, just for having been kept waiting. Ha!

“Thank your mom for me, will you? Btw……. may I buy another one of her scarves?” he asks while they walk down the path she’s leading.

“Oh, no, no. Mom has hand-knitted about 800 of them, so far. One per day. Aren’t they perfect? Her project is to make a thousand and give them away around the world.

“I help distribute the scarves to whomever wants them. Mom says she prays that the people wearing them will be blessed. You can have a few more, if you’d like.” (He later chooses a green one).

 

As Christian follows Anna, he explains that he had tried checking in at the Radisson on Mikonkatu, by the railway station.

“Oh, that’s where you texted me from, then?” Yes. When his turn at the reception came, he had been told that he was at the wrong Radisson.

“A person in the streets pointed me towards Ha-ka-niemi…!? Hakaniemi, is that how you say it? I walked there and back. By the time I came back to Kaisla, I couldn’t stand taking one more step. Until you came to save me.

“There must be at least three Radissons in Helsinki, Anna.” He protests.

“Oh, really!” — Coughing and spluttering like a dying vagrant in the drizzling rain, an Englishman takes refuge inside a pub. —  “Your hotel is in the complete opposite direction, silly man! Come on, let me lead you there.” Anna laughs, relieved to have their earlier missencounter accounted for.

OK. The slate has been wiped clean.

 

23:45

Suitcase drop at Radisson ☑️

James Bond returned to Mr. Ex ☑️

Christian survives the walk to her flat in Jätkäsaari – uphill with no ski lift and downhill with no bicycle basket ☑️

 

“Welcome to my humble abode, Mr. Englishman.”

Anna feels just a little shy. A little self-conscious, while making that 2D to 3D shift. You never know what will happen next, no matter how many times you’ve imagined it.

And that’s fun.

“Thank you, it’s so great to finally be here,” he says as he puts down a shopping bag on the entrance floor.

She shows him around the apartment. He likes its modern architecture.

“Yes,” Anna says. “Even though it is only 59 square meters, all the spaces look huge and have been well-planned.”

“Definitely. And I love your sofa. What a great choice!”

“Thanks.” — she opens up the practical sheet she sewed the other night, explaining the whole concept to him — “When the teens are here, the apartment can feel a little small. Especially if James Bond is also with us. But we are South Americans, so we love proximity. This way we can easily hang out, talk and hug!” — she giggles.

“Here, let me show you something in the bedroom. My son is an artist like me, so I’ve painted him a black board directly on the wall. A DIY.”

“Wow. You painted this yourself? Well done,” he says, touching the board with his long fingers, “Can we draw? Give me some chalk. You go and draw something, as well. There. On the other end. Don’t look. No peeping!

“Uh, no peeping, Anna! Make your own drawing. Gosh.” — he feigns annoyance. Funny guy. 

Zizzz.

Anna is drawing a dog and she’s feeling curious. What is he up, too? I’m the the artist, after all.

This is fun.

 

“OK, now you may look.” — He smiles, visibly satisfied with his masterpiece.

unnamed2

 

“Oh……. What is that?”

“Can’t you see the necklace, Anna? It has your name on it. It’s you!” — he is laughing now.

“What?? What is that snake?? JB is a dog, not a snake. That’s ridiculous!”

“Oh, that’s your mysterious tattoo, the snake, Anna. The one you said you have on your belly!” — he teases her and they laugh.

“I don’t have a snake on my belly!!” — Oh, gosh! He is looking so handsome. Anna feels the urge to to kiss him, to be hugged again.

She doesn’t lose control just yet. But all her insides are going  🎼  I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. 🎶

“Yes, you do! It’s a snake. I know it.” — he laughs.

“It is not.” — Fun guy my ass, he’s a clever dog! That’s what he is. — “Hey, the soup is boiling. Let’s go and have that dinner now, shall we?”

 

Paracetamol and a convalescence dinner of strong homemade veggie soup ☑️

Christian is looking better already. Happy to be here. There’s so much his eyes seem to want to say, but Anna can’t tell what. There is no clear flirting during dinner.

Pleasant conversations – polite, smart, interesting. Kids, their separations last year. Work, hobbies. Blah, blah, some laughter, blah, blah. ☑️

He’s mysterious – what an intriguing guy – making her want to find out more. ☑️

You see, Anna is being mysterious, too. She is a bit competitive and loves a nice challenge. Oh, how I miss kissing. Sooooo much! And I like him…

🎼  I want to love you, feel you
Wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you
I just can’t get enough
And if you move real slow, I’ll let it go 🎶
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He loads the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. “My job!” — he gently pushes her away — “You did all that cooking for us. No, don’t help me.”

“OK.” — she retreats, putting the leftovers in the fridge and the French baguettes in a plastic bag.

“Btw, I bought the champagne I promised to. At the airport, Anna. To celebrate finally meeting my tattooed mystery! Shall we have a glass tonight?”

🎼  I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you 🎶

“Yes! And, Christian…?”

© 2017 rf

Obs. Day too happy to count.
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I’m So Excited lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
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The Hard Part

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

My Dearest Readers,

 

How are you doing?

I’m doing well, and…

…Happy to have the whole weekend ahead for posting the next chapters here on the blog. That should be exciting. 🙂

 

Thank you for reading me. 😊

 

Thank you for laughing out loud, for crying sad tears of empathy (good for you!)…

…Hopefully not tears welling up from your own personal pain…

Thank you for rooting for Anna: for a hope and a future. 🙏

And for being brave to let this story induce your self-reflection and growth. I solemnly swear to keep my fingers crossed for all of us.

(Anyway… These are the things dozens of my readers have told me on the comment sections below, as well as on my other social media).

 

Once a week, I read a chapter or two aloud to Joey, my awesome son.

He’s said, “Mom, I love your style. You’re funny!! I’m not divorced, you know, so your story is not that relatable to me, but… I can imagine it must be to so many divorced oldies out there.”

When I’m driving, he reads my latest chapter aloud (for us to review it together), making funny voices and giving my feelings the wrong intonations and all the wrong intentions.

Eurgh. Such teasing is horrible! Later, when I try to read the chapter again on my own, I can’t remember how I meant it anymore. I can just hear Joey’s interpretation and I feel quite desperate. Haha.

At other times, when I’m writing and he is sitting nearby making one more of his amazingly creative, funny, deep and darkly sarcastic drawings, he comes to me, takes control of my hands and changes my text.

For example like this:

krismudando

 

Or then like this:

unnamed1

 

Oh God, I am so grateful for Joey. Don’t know where I’d be without his companionship in 2017… We are both artists and have lots of friendship chemistry. Love you, Joey!! You make me happy and so proud, cool boy.

 

Anyway.

As I was saying…

 

Dear reader, if you’ve accompanied the story this far and are feeling curious at all about Christian… (I’ve been called cruel for the way I finished the last chapter – and I loved it) …that’s good!

But please, bear with me just a little while longer (and I’ll tell you why you should).

For one, I’m doing my best.

Writing is just a hobby alongside my full-time job and volleyball and friends and a nice tidy home and quality time with my teens, etc.

It’s the first time I’m writing a book and hmmm! It is much harder than it seems.

It takes hours!

Thinking, planning (and then doing the exact opposite), feeling it, rephrasing, re-reading and doing some editing. Hours and hours. What takes me forever to write takes you literally three minutes to read – have you considered that?

But that’s all very, very easy in comparison to…

Not the hard part at all.

 

So, what’s the hard part???

Hmm. Let’s see.

After reading about forty chapters, my daughter Kristiina called me one night. She was overwhelmed with tears. “Mom, I’m so sorry for all the things you went through. You are such a wonderful person, happy and loving, and you deserve the best. I remember so many things you’re not telling the reader. You should tell them even more – they need to understand! I remember.”

I had to calm her down. Comfort her.

“Aww. Such a beautiful empathetic heart you have!

“Don’t worry, darling. I just write so strongly for the reader to be able to feel my old feelings… And…

“Yes!!!” — I celebrate — “Yay! Don’t cry, sweetie, but I’m happy to be causing such strong reactions. You’re the fourth to tell me they’ve cried to the story – so I must be doing something right…?”

 

There you go.

The hard part is not writing, creating, and editing.

The hard part is feeling it.

Either revisting my emotions concerning things I no longer feel… (Out of respect to you, my reader, who is giving me your valuable time and attention).

Or harder yet…

It can be even harder to allow myself to feel the things I still feel very strongly.

I cried like a baby when I wrote chapter 21. Saudade.

Or when I told my sister about chapter 31. Wept. Big Sigh.

The hopes and dreams, the fears and frustrations, the wonderful memories. So vivid! Sorry. Can’t reveal much more at this moment.

No spoilers.

Besides… a little mystery is always good.

Layer by layer, right? 😊 Suspense.

I love surprises. I love twists of fate. Drama movies, crises to use as stepping stones, victories.

Surprise calls, surprise visits! Please?

Hmm. Good surprises, of course… “Bad surprises we call problems,” as Tony Robbins says.

 

My blog is my draft zero, and I promise you, soooo many things are going to happen before the end of the book… if you’ll like them or not is your problem. They happened and I can’t change the facts now.

Or can I?

This story will only be about 2016 – I know exactly where and when and how book 1 ends. It’s quite dramatic (that much I can reveal). In fact, I’ve already written many of the final chapters.

With all my heart.

 

Eurgh. I can only hope for book 2 someday – and a happy ending to Anna’s tale. Or maybe I’ll be too busy with daily love to be here writing about it. I’ll be enjoying it, instead.

(But am I enjoying monthly love in 2017? Weekly? Bi-yearly?)

More chapters coming to you this weekend, amigos. Finnish intention, Brazilian promise!

In fact, I’m going to start writing the next one right now. Write now, Anna.

“No! I’ll do it after my 11 p.m. Friday nap.”

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. One of those weekends alone in 2017. Day zillion since moving out. When I wake up from my nap, I will write.

 

 

Chapter 70 – Tinder Date #16, Part Three

 

Sunday, 21 February 2016.

 

D-WTF!?

 

Exhilarated Anna smiles. She’s got a positive gut feeling about their encounter tonight. I’m single again…

No.

Let me rephrase that: I’m single and hot and full of energy and life. Cute! Fun. Playful. Kind.

Single and ready to mingle – she giggles – with a big heart…

 

…And my date is here. Yay, yay, yay!!

 

20:49   OK. Almost ready. Will give you a call soon. 😊

 

Gonna meet charming prince Christian any minute now. Yahoo! (Hmm. Hope he’s not too much of a frog).

Game on?

The Love Game. One can’t win if one doesn’t dare play. Try, Anna, try! Risk it.

Game on!!

 

Anna is standing outside Christian’s hotel, and her body is singing… 🎼 I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it – I’m about to lose control and I think I like it… 🎶

Yay!!

She literally can’t wait to see him anymore. Big smile, bubbly heart and many bouncy butterflies flying in her stomach. Hopefully in his, too. They’re flying everywhere. Out of control. Haha. YOLO, yeah! That’s what I’m talking about, babe.

They’ve agreed to meet around 20:30.

She looks at her watch and…

...21:15? Seriously?! Where is this man?? I thought Englishmen were punctual.

Interesting…?! Hmmm.

 

21:20   Hey there, I’m outside your hotel with my son’s dog. James Bond also wants to meet you. 😊 Are you almost ready?

 

It’s getting a little cold in the drizzling rain for little 007 – but no reply from Christian. What’s going on?

 

 

21:37   I’m so sorry. I got lost!!! I’m at Oluthuone Kaisla.

 

WTF?? I thought he was dying to meet me! What is he doing in a bar instead???

 

21:38   Weren’t you at the hotel?

I got lost.

I’m in front of the Radisson Blu Royal. Is this your hotel? I was going to pick you up from here, wasn’t that what we planned?

I’m so tired and ill. I’ll get a taxi.

 

Oh! He’s feeling ill? Oh.

We’re gonna lose each other if he starts moving around.

 

A taxi. Where to?

 

He doesn’t have my address. And I’m not at home.

 

Can you pick me up, please? So sorry! Everyone I asked pointed me towards the wrong hotel.

I can come to the bar – but if I come there, will you be there?

I’m not moving. I’m lost. I’ll be waiting for you here. Please! And, sorry again. ☹️

 

Anna walks a km down to Kaisla and waits by the door on Vilhonkatu. She can’t go in with the dog, so she tries calling him.

Line busy.

??

She starts feeling suspicious. Almost irritated. Not quite, but almost. Sigh. I’ll give him the benefit of a doubt. He can probably explain this.

 

22:03   Are you at the bar? I’m outside Kaisla now, with 007. Can’t see you from here.

 

He calls her and says he’s coming outside in a minute.

But still nothing.

This is too weird! Eurgh!?!?!?!!!

Is he even where he says he is???

 

About five minutes go by before Anna asks some people who are coming out of the establishment if there possibly is another entrance to the bar. “Yes, there is,” they answer with a friendly smile.

Ahhh. That explains it. Phew.

Well… maybe!

 

She walks James Bond round the block to Kaisaniemenkatu. She spots a tall man standing by the tram stop with a suitcase and his back towards her. Feeling feisty now.

Is he even who he says he is?? Be brave, now.

Jack Chi 007 – good doggie – will sniff him and scare him off if he’s a bad guy!!

She approaches him and says, “Hi, Christian?” with a careful smile.

He turns slowly.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. D-WTF – it really happened like this, folks!

I’m So Excited lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

 

Chapter 69 – Tinder Date #16, Part Two

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Sunday, 21 February 2016.

 

D-Evening

 

Anna’s spring break has started well.  🎼 I got out of bed on the right side, and I’m having a wonderful day. 🎶  Remember?

This is her first holiday week ever as a single adult woman, with no care in the world for eight more days. I’m gonna enjoy this as much as I can!

Anna is feeling happy and Christian surely plays a part in that.

Still can’t believe that crazy selfie he sent me, though.

Anna had insisted for days he send her a picture with a smile, teeth showing. She wanted to make sure Christian had teeth, what else? A nice smile is such a turn on, after all!

So, tonight she’s finally going to meet that very, very short, chubby, sixty-five-year-old jolly grandpa with a pink complexion, a forced smile and eyes wide open. Like one of Snow White’s little darlings. Bald, with a few long hairs sticking up his head against the backlight.

Not at all like in his other pics. Haha.

Clueless selfie. He’s such a guy!

Endearing. Some clueless guys are simply endearing.

 

Ding!

15:00   On my way. 😊 But I forgot to bring my scarf. Delayed flight. Will send you a message once I’m onboard. 😊

Yay! Looking forward to seeing you. Have a safe flight! 😊 About the cold, don’t worry, I’ll bring you one of my mom’s gift-project scarves.

Great. Thanks so much! 😊 What’s the best way to get the hotel?

 

She sends him detailed directions. Ha! It’s pretty straightforward. Isn’t he supposed to be a world traveller?! And Helsinki is so tiny!

 

15:50   Can always get lost. 😊 Can you leave a trail of breadcrumbs?

15:58   Funny guy! I’ll leave you a trail of smiles. If you get lost, text me and I’ll come and save you.

16:20   Will do. Just put me in your bicycle basket. 😊 Boarding soon. Take a power nap!

Of course I will!  😊

 

D-evening has now come and Anna’s ready to mingle. Yay!

She wanted to wear a skirt, but since it is 0°C outside, she’s chosen black slacks and a blue jeans shirt. Hold-ups underneath. High-heeled leather Army-style Vagabond boots on her feet, and to warm her up, a new navy Didriksson’s parka, her favorite scarf and matching gloves (she doesn’t like wearing hats – no).

Loose hair and a happy smile.

She is looking good and feeling awesome!

 

19:20   The eagle has landed. And can’t find his luggage!

 

Anna is just waiting around. Getting restless. I can’t wait any longer!! Can you?

20:10   Found my suitcase! And… I’m in Helsinki!!!! Heading for hotel. Will call you when I am there. 😊 Really, really nice to be back. And can’t wait to see you.

Tervetuloa! Xx 😊😊

 

Ohhh! I’m too excited to wait around the house.

She walks to Mr. Ex’s place, wishes the teens a good holiday – with big hugs – and borrows the dog for the walk up to the hotel.

 

There has been lots of subtle teasing from both lately. And from his side “cough, cough and splutter,” too.

A funny man…

…With a cold!

Where does he find the motivation to get up from bed and catch a flight? Haha – I did ask him if he wanted to postpone his trip, but no.

So, playing nurse on a date, am I?

 

20:15   I’m wearing my snow boots. Don’t want to break more bones!

Better safe than sorry. I’m wearing casual. Let’s match?

Yes! Don’t wear heels. 😊 Slippery out there.

 

Anna and James Bond take brisk steps through the Kolmiopuisto park, towards Kamppi. Cute doggie! It’s drizzling and dark, but who cares??

Soon, soon, soon!

Yes!

Christian has put in so much effort so far – like guys who know what they are doing in the dating game. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying his attention. — She smiles, with a positive gut feeling about their encounter tonight.

I’m a single woman now – and my date is here.

Yay, yay, yay!!

 

20:49   OK. Almost ready. Will give you a call soon. 😊

 

Game on!!

She’s standing outside his hotel and can’t wait to see him…

Literally — she looks at her watch — 21:15? Seriously? Where is this guy??

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. D-Evening

(The snow is falling gracefully here in Tampere as I write this chapter, looking out the windows at the beautiful scenery of my parents’ backyard).

 

 

Chapter 68 – Tinder Date #16, Part One

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Sunday, 21 February 2016.

 

D-Afternoon

 

Anna is feeling as peppy as a little girl on Christmas morning since she woke up and jumped out of bed.

She cannot believe they are finally going to meet face to face after three weeks of enthusiastic chatting on Whatsapp – such heart-warming interaction. Sweet and witty! Back and forth between Finland and Germany.

Ahhh…

What if Christian really is a special person??

Please be!!

Please… Don’t disappoint me.

Well, his texts and phone calls have been quite impressive – I’ll give him that much… Expectations are high. Just saying.

Anna, let’s not get ahead of ourselves! You’ll know soon enough. 

 

If there’s one thing our Anna has learned from her previous fifteen dates, it’s that you never know what the chemistry (or lack thereof) will be like, until you spend some time together in person.

Yes.

She’s found that interesting messages usually make for an interesting person, and phone calls already give you half an accurate first impression.

Definitely.

But, you’ve gotta meet live, really… Spend time together!

Sometimes it only takes ten seconds to know.

But can the attraction grow on you as he shows you the different sides of himself little by little?

Or the opposite? Haha – surely.

It takes time to know people.

 

Then, there’s something else about guys. They have traditionally been considered the stronger, braver gender, but sometimes I think they seem to have interest in a lady, but they just quit way too fast.

Reasonable men won’t pursue a lady if they don’t think they stand a chance. It’s as if their energy is limited, so they need a clear/mysterious sign to see that it’s worth putting in the effort.

This little Love Game is harder than it seems! Gosh.

And more fun.

And more frustrating.

And the winning prize the best there can be (but remember to put in the work to keep the prize alive through the years).

Ahhh… Anna sighs.

Ahhh…

 

It’s like the birds and their back and forth dance of love. We’re just the same!

You chat, he rings you up, you laugh together. You go a little silent – but just a little! You show interest, and then go about your normal daily business.

You live life to the full. Go on many dates, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Never! Not before he will…

He writes again, he pursues you. He finds you interesting and doesn’t go AWOL. You’re active and happy in life.

And thinking of him.

You send him a new message – show him he easily comes back to your mind. Awww. He writes to you for hours on end. Makes you laugh like at the circus. The chat flows. It feels good for both of you.

You send a couple of selfies. Tell him about your day. Wow – he’s interested! He comments. It seems like he cares and finds you adoring for some reason. Expectations are on the rise. You say Good Night 💋, he says Sweet Dreams Xx – and you sleep with a huge smile on your face. Feeling warm and nice.

It’s hot – I’ll open the window.

Sometimes both of you go silent for longer hours and you can’t really know – but you’re hoping you’re on his mind, too. Both are investing time and attention – but playing it just a teeny bit cool, as well. Just to make it more exciting.

This seduction dance goes on for days, weeks or months in some cases.

In theirs, time flies, and the three weeks since they matched on Tinder and started chatting are complete. The awaited D-Day is today. D-evening, actually.

They are going to meet up in person in six hours. Sex, på svenska.

 

Anna finds attraction, romance, passion and love amazing. Maybe it’s happened to her three-four times since she was eleven years old?

That’s why she has to be so picky. You can’t share all that with just anyone. It’s gotta be special. He’s gotta feel like the One. He’s gotta put in the effort and not be a quitter.

 

OK, I’m 40 now.

You fall in love with someone (or the same One) once per decade. That’s not much at all!! Maybe it happens more often as you grow older and approach your end?? Live before it’s too late?? OMG. Fingers crossed.

 

The clock is ticking, and as you can see, all kinds of thoughts are rushing through Anna’s excitable mind as she’s relaxing at home, listening to music on her record player, thinking of what outfit to wear. Singing, humming, swinging to the tune.

She’s on holiday – yay! Hiihtoloma. Her flat is looking awesome – everything is so new – now clean, as well.

 

Ahhh… I should go and set the table. If Christian and I don’t find a restaurant open, we can always come here and have the veggie soup…?

The one I ordered from Mr. Ex – she giggles.

Pedro makes the best veggie soup ever – he’s such a great cook! First, he carries two heavy grocery bags full of fresh vegetables and legumes from the grocery store. Twenty different sorts, for sure. Then, he sits there in the kitchen – a whole day peeling, slicing and chopping the greens. His late mother’s recipe from Rio Grande do Sul.  Extremely healthy. Delicious!

In the last year of their marriage, he would make it whenever she asked him to, while sipping chimarão. She’d freeze different portions of the soup and have them throughout the week.

Last time she went to his home to pick up the dog, she bought a huge pot of the magical soup he’d just made. He laughed at it, but OK, agreed. And gave her the recipe for any future need.

Anna defroze it over the night and tasted it this morning. It seemed a little bland, for some reason, but no problem! She’s chopped garlic, onions, celery and lots of ginger herself, being careful not to touch the garlic so her fingertips won’t stink and be a turn off.

She’s fried it all up and added it to the boiling soup. Must be perfect now.

Ha! I can make soup, too!

 

Uh…Where was I?

Ahhh… daydreaming about tonight’s date. And the Love Game. Mmm.

You talk, you smile, you’re both polite. You look at each other.

Then, look down, fast. In a feminine way.

You have some soup, you smile again, say something interesting. Laugh at his jokes.

The expectation slowly rises. There’s flirting. A little blushing.

He’s cute. He’s sm💗rt. His smile is nice. You touch his arms lightly. There is energy in the air – loads – and he can feel that you like him. His peacock feathers open up. Wide open. You melt.

It takes two to tango.

To tango, to salsa, to samba. To zumba? Definitely to cha-cha-cha.

Well, let’s see what happens.

(Tonight, I promise!!)

© 2017 rf

 

Obs. D-Day and only six hours to wait!

 

 

Chapter 67 – What is Love?

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Sunday, 21 February 2016.

 

D-Day

 

Sunday morning of D-Day.

Yes!!

Anna is on her way to the K-Market grocery store in Jätkäsaari to buy some ginger and celery to spice up the veggie soup that’s ready and waiting in the fridge back home.

What else should I get?

Some grapes — she giggles.

 

She’s in a great mood. She’s slept very, very well.

🎼 I got out of bed on the right side, on the right side, on the right side. I got out of bed on the right side and I’m having a wonderful day. 🎶

 

As she walks to the store, she’s listening to the YouTube video of an old song from the classic movie Dangerous When Wet that her father Marcos used to watch with her and her siblings when they were little. Starring Esther Williams…

…and Tom and Jerry – yeah, them! You’ve seen them. The grey cat who does all the chasing and the brown mouse who does all the teasing.

Ah… good memories!

After the song has ended, a random TV show starts on auto-play. It is in this unexpected video that Anna hears a fantastic quote for the very first time:

 

“Love is a game that one can play and two can win.”  — Eva Gabor.

 

Wow…!

 

Wow. Yeah… Uh-hmm.

Absolutely perfect!

 

A game that one can play and two can win?

Genius!

She’s excited. Very excited over D-Day.

 

I wanna play! I wanna play this love game!

 

But what if I lose??

Is it worth the risk of new heartbreak?

Is it…?

 

Yes!

B-r-i-n-g    i-t    o-n.

But… What if Chris is not the one?

 

Humpf – there’ll be others!

So, bring it ON!

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. D-Day.