now what – Page 8 – The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée

Chapter 15 – Tinder Date #6

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Saturday, 23 January 2016.

Day 34

So, Luukas and I text.

How can we have this much in common?

He’s a teacher too – physics; his father is also a retired pastor; he’s divorced with adult kids; loves volleyball and running (well OK, he runs marathons – I struggle to jog 5km). Just as I have, he’s lived in Oulu, Jyväskylä, Porvoo and Stockholm, and lives in Helsinki now. And more.

He convinces Anna to call her up immediately. She’s intrigued and a phone call would be a first. Why not?

Oh, no! He sounds soooooo formal. And laughs exactly like Santa Claus, “Ho, Ho, Ho. Anna, you are so adorable! Ho, Ho, Ho.”

Still, he seems like a good person. Plus, he’s in very good shape, in his really blurry pic. So Anna decides to accept his invitation to have tea the next evening.

“Oh, Thank you, thank you. Ho, Ho. Where?”

🎅

She’s slowly started to feel that, when unsure, why go all the way to the other side of the center. Let them come to me.

She doesn’t tell him her neighborhood, of course, but suggests a gaming restaurant on Tyynenmerenkatu.

Day 35

On Sunday, after a pleasant day with a little jogging, she’s not feeling too excited, but still, when a human being gives you their precious commodity of time, the least you can do is get nicely groomed for the date and look as cute as possible. It’s a matter of respect.

Self-respect, mainly.

And what if he ends up being Mr. Boyfriend, huh? I don’t want to regret not showing up looking good.

Nothing over the top. Just the usual.

Shower. Hair, light make up. A casual outfit. A nice overcoat and a beautiful, fashionable scarf.

A sincere smile, self-confidence and eye-to-eye contact are anyone’s most important accessories.

Evening has come, and Luukas walks up to her on the dark street, blond, tall, handsome and… shy! Poor dear.

The restaurant is closed, so change of plans, and they go to the Little Big Café inside Verkkokauppa.

Anna can’t remember anymore all the things they talked about that day. She does remember, however, that he was timid, and…

… kept on talking about all the wrong topics.

(a) His upcoming unemployment and no stress in looking for another job.

Oh, my. His hair looks so oily. Didn’t he wash it for the date?

(b) His illnesses. The pain and discomfort.

This keeps getting better.

Hey, we all have our conditions, but please! Your charm, first.

Slowly. No hurry. A little mystery is good.

Hey you Mr. Wanted out there: win me over and then I won’t mind your brokenness. I have my share, too.

Skills, people, dating skills!

I’m here practicing mine. Hmm.

Oh, poor dear. You have good attributes, but why are you wearing a cheap, old-looking, hoodie? The color doesn’t suit you. It’s too small and has a couple of holes in it. It looks like a teenager’s hand-me-down.

From the last decade!

Dating is comical.

Saturday, 30 January 2016.

A week later, Anna goes to the Educa Messu, an education fair for teachers. Guess who she bumps into there?

Yes, him.

He gets all happy and excited to see her and grabs her hand, pulling her to see different stands.

Walking hand in hand, she panics on the inside and is shocked into passiveness. Wide-eyed.

Akward – does he think we’re on a date??

What if my teacher workmates spot us like this? Some don’t even know I’ve separated yet. They’ll think I’ve found myself a teacher-lover.

Help!!

She has the idea to seem deeply mesmerized by a pedagogical book displayed opposite them, and thus has to let go of his hands to flip its many, many pages. Phew.

He finds ways of grabbing her hand again, so she repeats the trick.

He finally stops taking her hand in his again and she feels better.

Anna has been fasting today and is feeling quite weak. The fair is over and Luukas invites her to have a hamburger at Sävel in Kallio. They’re on the tram and she’s feeling so weak that she goes there with him.

Ravenous!

Besides, she’s told him he’s nice, “But sorry, I realized I’m not ready for a relationship or dating yet.”

They have a chat about work while they dig into their burgers. He’s OK. And he gulps his beers.

Then, after eating he brings his chair – that has been safely opposite hers – to her side of the table. What the heck?

He hugs her and starts kissing her cheeks.

At a burger restaurant?? People are watching!

She shows him with her body language that she’s not interested, but he licks her ear and whispers, “I’m a very passionate man! Must be my half-Russian blood!”

“Sorry! Stop! I’m not ready.”

“Oh, Anna, you’re simply wonderful.”

“Thanks, but no. Thank you for your company. I’m feeling tired, so I really have to go now.”

Being free to go on dates feels exciting, but so far, eurgh, such bad luck!

They bump into other once more, when Anna is with Kristiina at Stadium in Kamppi. Anna introduces the two, and the three of them chat for a minute.

“Mom, he’s so handsome and nice!”

“Yes, he is. But he’s not for me.”

I’ll really have to do that research on how to politely let a man go.

Urgently!

Obs. He is nice, but there’s just no chemistry.

Chapter 14 – Be Active… Stay Happy?

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Hard work runs in the family. Granny, mom, Anna, daughter Kristiina… Sister, aunts, all the ladies!

Granny Anna (who our story’s Anna is named after) is amazing! At 93, she’s calm and very active. It’s no oxymoron, you know.

Granny, affectionately called Mummo by everyone, has survived cancer twice in the last ten years. When the doctor gave her two months to live, she asked people to pray for her cure, because she loves life and isn’t ready to die. 😍 So far, she’s been cancer-free in all her yearly check-ups. Yes!

Still living alone, every time Anna goes there unannounced, Mummo’s home is clean and tidy. She often cooks delicious lunches for twelve-fifteen of us and has lots of other pastimes, such as having coffee with friends, baking and sewing in large quantities. It’s out of this world, really.

Mom is cut out of the same cloth. Her current project: she’s hand-knitting and giving out 900+ scarves. Almost one per day, and they’re beautiful!

What about our Anna? Oh, she’s definitely used to being super busy, too.

In the last years, she had her family and home to take – almost – impeccable care of. A full-time job, hobbies, friends (you simply have to make time for them, don’t you). And all the while pursuing her dream to get bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

So, full-time studies, too.

She wonders why some women who neither have a job nor studies, can’t even manage to keep their home tidy!

And some single students don’t have kids, don’t work and take forever to graduate.

Anna graduated in six years.

When she had exams, she’d sleep only six nights a week. She’d study all night long after work and family, drink a Red Bull and go to the university. From there, straight to work. Great grades, happy, creative work.

Intense.

But she made it! With joie de vivre, really. And lots of playground time with constant adventures with her kids. ❤️‍

After graduating in 2012, the family moved around the world for a while – long story. Maybe later (or… maybe better not).

Back in Finland, she fought for a job, went on many interviews, got a teacher’s tenure position and has had time to try to start the new habit of a little jogging and going to the gym. Then came the divorce.

Gosh.

Point is, Anna’s used to being surrounded by people and very, very efficient with her time.

Yes, she’s the productive type.

Yes, it does run in the family. True.

Nevertheless…

Anna knows that she became more focused on, let’s call it ‘efficiency,’ because what she really, really longed for was to stop, as often as possible, for love and affection. ‍

Busyness is a sort of escapism. It keeps you from being too sad about reality.

Mummo’s a widow, she has to fill her time! It’s healthy – Anna thinks to herself.

But when you’re married and you don’t stop… is it because of the lack of romantic chemistry, the lack of that wonderful emotional bond?

Sigh.

You must fill your time with other activities. 😏

Things weren’t as they should and sex was just a hobby between Anna and Mr. Ex – like a sport of sorts. You know how to play well. You do it often. But where’s the excitement?

Anna’s life has changed drastically. From a full-time everything, she’s now an only-two-weeks-a-month-with-the-teens kind of mom.

Work and hobbies, too, but there’s not enough to do!!

All of a sudden she’s feeling she has too much spare time in her hands.

You see, Anna has a big, joyful heart, and she thinks she is ready to love again.

I am!!

She’s also got a dark empty flat when she turns the key in the lock after work and pushes the front door open.

A heart, a place and time.

And love can stop time.

Obs. Love, come and make me stop!

Chapter 13 – Swiped Out

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Saturday, 23 January 2016.

Day 34

Dear Diary,

I’ve just had a nice jog and morning coffee. It feels good!

Swiping for over two weeks now. 150+ matches. Lots and lots and lots of simultaneous chats, of which maybe 10% end up being really interesting (i.e. entertaining, deep and wise, funny or flirty – things like that), but…

I’ve only been on 5 dates and Tinder is telling me “There is no one else near you!”

Say, what??

That’s all there is?? Are all the other men in Finland taken???

What??!

Apparently, I’m all swiped out.

Haha. Maybe I’ve played Tinder to its last phase. Uh-oh.

Game over – oh, no!

On the positive side, I seem to have nice matches on my list. I feel there’s potential with some of the upcoming dates (I’ve booked a few… 🤓).

It’s surprisingly easy. Guys are eager to meet up face to face and happy to go out for a coffee. A few of them have even told me that it’s cool that I actually want to meet them in person, because there are many ladies who just want to chat. That’s so strange. 🤔

Ah, let me tell you.

There’s this one guy I matched with who seems so nice! Really. 😊 For one, his profile text is adorable. Check this out:

“Frederick (40)

Smart, loyal, romantic, dad, 5’10, enjoys travelling. Goes to the gym to keep fit. Enjoys the great outdoors. Enjoys eating out, especially curries. After friendship and hopefully more. I read other people’s profiles rather than just looking at the photos. If this appeals, then swipe right.”

How sweet is that?? 😻

I’m quite impressed, tbh. Then I realize he’s…

…1868 km away!!

And think to myself, that explains it – he’s not from Finland…

Hey, maybe that’s good news!

In Finland, most guys write nothing in their profile. I hate that! Laziness? Put in the effort, Finnish dudes!!

Privacy? Fear?

I’m not wasting any time:

Hi Frederick, you sound great!

Hi Anna, how is life? Are you in Finland? Fred x

Blah, blah, blah. Distance. Family. Board games. Jobs. Blah, blah. Pastimes. He is nice!!

Oh, I absolutely love the outdoors, too! I usually walk 5-15km a day, cycle around, jog a little. Enjoy picnics with bonfires in the snow, cottages in the middle of nowhere. Nothing could be better. I’m only half-Finnish, but I live in one of my favorite countries. Do you ever come to Finland?

I explored Scandinavia when I was younger. Would love to go again. I recall Finland is a beautiful country, with beautiful girls. 🙃

If you are half-Finnish, what’s your other half?

Now you guess my other half! I’ll just say it’s to the left of Europe. And that I speak five languages (four fluently)!

He guesses correctly.

My first guess. What a star! 🙂 You have a dark complexion. And Anna is a Spanish-type name…

I’m impressed by your language skills!

Blah, blah, blah. And then we discuss our divorce and letting bygones be bygones.

Yes. I saw it coming for many years. But I’m also loyal and romantic and just held on for life. For the family ideal, for the ideal of marriage. And hope…

But I wish him all the happiness, healing and success that life can bring. I want no bitterness for this new phase of my life!

Well, sounds like you believed in marriage.

Best way to be. Let the resentment go. My ex-wife and I were together for fifteen years, but I now have the chance to fall in love again, and the mad chemistry that love brings.

He looks handsome in three of his pics.

(1) Nice beard, jeans shirt, looking sideways – kind of in the diagonal – with a big smile.

(2) B&W. He’s drinking coffee, looking very intelligent.

(3) He’s cute and youthful, wearing a cap in a close up. With a cool expression, there’s warmth and joy in his eyes.

(On the other hand, I h-a-t-e-d the pic where he’s dressed like a teenager: boots, cargo pants and a hoodie. Sunglasses and a cap. NOOO!! That’s how my pupils dress).

I see you sometimes like to dress as a rapper. Caps, hoodies. Is it always?

Oh, the hoodie pic was just to show you all what my body looks like. I do generally dress my age, though I wish to be young.

Well, nobody’s perfect. Hmm. I wonder how he likes my pics. Maybe he’d have a few improvements to suggest, as well, huh?

We’ve been chatting daily. He seems super 👍. Tech manager, two kids, lives in England, loves board games ➡️ one of my favorite hobbies!! Besides, (and I’ve told him)…

I love guys who speak with the British accent. Gives me goosebumps. 😅

(You can blame Hugh Grant for that – 😍😍😍)!

Oh…! I wish Fred – and Hugh – lived in Helsinki!!!

He seems genuinely interested in making friends, which I find very honorable, so we want to keep in touch.

As for coffee dates, I’ve had to be careful not to over-book or double-book. 😅 Especially because I’ve decided to just go out when Kristiina and Joey are with their dad.

When they are here, I want to focus on them.

Of course!

Oh, how I miss those two! They’re coming back to my place Sunday evening: happy!!

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 32 since moving out. I wonder what now?

Chapter 12 – Tinder Dates #2-5

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Monday, 18 January 2016.

Days 29

Very Handsome Sami is a sight to behold. An older psychiatrist, that surely means he’s to be trusted, right?

Anna invites him over to her place for evening tea. It’s a spontaneous invitation. She’s not used to so much alone time and someone to talk to feels like a good idea.

He’s kind and well-mannered and they converse serenely about an array of different topics.

He says he thinks she’s beautiful, but also that he’s shy and doesn’t really know how to do relationships.

No sparks are flying. Yet, it feels interesting, though very, very strange to be serving tea alone to a new acquaintance at her place, with no one to answer to about it, for the very first time in her life.

No one who will even ask! Or know, unless I tell.

They hug lightly as they say good-bye at her door. They don’t kiss and will never see each other again.

Tuesday, 19 January 2016.

Day 30

Aaro is a very fit psychologist/ masseur / ballroom dancer. By the look in one of the pictures, he must be really good at his dancing. Wow. A great smile with professional body language.

On the chat, he says he’s won prizes and really adores it all. 👍👍

They meet late in the evening – in a park – after an animated phone call. He looks excited, but has come straight from dance class and is smelling of old sweat in his bright green and pink skiing outfit.

OMG. Old sweat impregnated in the flashy fabric.

As they talk, he bends and stretches in all possible ways. Anna starts feeling very sad.

He asks her about her recent separation and she starts crying. He switches on his psychologist mode and gives her good advice, while taking the liberty of rubbing her shoulders.

He thinks she’s crying over her separation, but honestly?

She’s crying because she’s so disappointed at the date and is starting to feel lonely, longing for companionship with chemistry!

It’s been a month and a half since I separated from Mr. Ex… Gosh! Will it be hard to find a man I’ll be attracted to and have a boyfriend again??

Back home, she writes to thank him for the free appointment(s) before they say goodbye and unmatch. And hopes he’ll find himself a great dance partner.

Friday, 22 January 2016.

Days 33

This one doesn’t speak English, so they are online, chatting in Finnish.

After the Aaro experience, she’s been thinking… So she tries to convince Tapio that people should give each other some clear feedback after dates, so they could improve themselves. He finds her whole idea of ratings hilarious.

He plays volleyball, Anna’s favorite sport, so she decides to give him a chance – despite the fact they’ll have to speak Finnish.

He wants a proper date. Would she like a picnic and a walk in the freezing February weather or a restaurant meal, he wonders. She chooses the dinner.

They meet in front of Tennispalatsi and walk down to the Nepalese restaurant by the Central Railway Station.

Oh! He’s nicely dressed! Charming!

With a ¾ black woolen overcoat that looks quite new, jeans and a casual shirt – Anna thinks it’s very sweet when guys put in the effort to do things nicely and give a good first impression!👍🥇 🤸‍

Why is that too much to ask?

They chat in Finnish as they walk to the restaurant.

By the time they sit to eat, however, she has already realized that there’ll be no chemistry between them, so she decides to order just a salad (more about that later – it’s a dating protocol she’s developing).

He’s having a full course meal, which takes forever to eat, and inwardly, she’s getting very impatient.

Gosh, this was a mistake! It’s so draining to try to date in Finnish and much less exciting.

I’m super bored!

So, she excuses herself to go powder her nose and there she texts Timo, another Tinder guy she’s been chatting with. 🤥

Timo told her earlier that he was going to be at the Finnkino cinema nearby tonight, so after asking him if his movie was any good, she suggests they meet up for a drink in an hour.

Yeah, sure, I could have a drink! 😀

Back at their table, nice Tapio wants to pay and won’t take no for an answer. She feels bad. 🤦‍

Then, he insists on walking her back to her bike, parked by Tennispalatsi in the upper part of Kamppi.

After they hug good-bye, he doesn’t release her, but instead kisses her mouth, to her great surprise!

He asks if she still wants to hang out some more, and she lies that she’s feeling a bit tired.

“Bye-bye. Let’s chat later and thank you very much for the date!”

Anna waits and then carefully cycles back down to Casa Largo, near the Railway Station. She doesn’t want to hurt Tapio’s feelings, but there was just no attraction and she doesn’t know how to tell someone that, on the spot.

Hmm, another Google research coming up!

The next day, when Tapio cutely asks for his feedback, she messages him:

+ You were really sweet

+ Well dressed

+ Walked me back to my bike like a true gentleman

+ Gave me a proper date (my first dinner date ever) and even insisted on paying for it (thank you!)

– You don’t like to speak English

– I get tired speaking Finnish in my free time

– I don’t feel we have enough things in common

He thanks her, amused.

Wow. You really are a teacher!! 😂

They never unmatch on the app and mention that perhaps they’ll end up playing volleyball together, one day.

A few minutes later.

Timo is waiting for Anna on the second floor of Casa Largo. Anna is feeling a bit naughty.

He’s having tea at the bar, as she sits next to him. It is his tea-total month, he explains.

He works for the Parliament and his English is amazing. Timo’s just a little taller than Anna, probably around 1,68 or so. But personality-wise he’s a big man, lively, making her laugh a lot.

After half an hour of talking, it occurs to her that is she’s having a good time.

His eyes shine like a little boy’s as he talks in this fast and furious pace about events, museums, galleries, festive parties and all the people and places he knows around the center of Helsinki. He seems passionate about his work, friends, art, kids, traveling!

He tells her about an art history course he’s taking at the Atheneum. He likes traveling abroad, but says that in Finland anywhere outside the city center feels too far for him.

Anna, on the other hand, loves the Finnish countryside and tries hard to stay away from organized events, concerts and fixed programs. This won’t work!

He says he knows for a fact that he never ever wants to get married again, because he loves being a bachelor. Hmm. He seems to have had a great time, too, and they say good night with a surprisingly warm, firm hug outside the restaurant, agreeing to see each other again sometime soon.

Back at home, she realizes she’s feeling very thirsty.

Ha! He didn’t even ask if I wanted to go get my own tea.

He texts her on and off, not really asking Anna anything about her life. He just sends her pics of his events, expositions and trips. He’s friendly – but she finds this kind of interaction really strange.

I interact, but he’s not trying to get to know me better at all! It’s one-sided.

A few weeks later, he writes.

We should meet up, Anna!

By then it is too late. Drumrolls! Anna’s got a massive, heart-warming crush on Tinder Date #16. 😍

Obs. Day 29-33 since moving out. What now?

Chapter 11 – Tinder Date #1

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Sunday, 17 January 2016.

Day 28

What do we have here?

Jani is good-looking in his pictures. Older, over fifty for sure. Good posture, well dressed.

His facial expression isn’t dead – haha – but doesn’t reveal much either.

Anna and Jani have been chatting a little and he seems respectful and intelligent – qualities she admires in a man. The chat flows for a couple of days and doesn’t get dull, so when he invites her to a morning coffee date, she cheerfully accepts.

Finland is such a small country that when she googles his first name along with some personal info he’s hinted at, she easily spots him on Google pictures and finds out he is a high-rank military officer.

After meeting Anna, he’s going to be catching a ferry to Tallinn at the West Harbor near her home. She suggests the Little Big Café inside Verkkokauppa, just across the harbor – practical for both of them.

She takes a long shower, feeling just a teeny bit nervous.

It’s my first date ever, after all! At 39.

She met her ex when she was just 17, remember? They had no money for dates. Besides, they were teenagers, hanging out with friends and lots of relatives in South America (which was awesome, btw).

By the time they started going to restaurants and trips, just the two of them, they were already engaged to be married, and knew each other really well.

So dates with strangers like in the American movies?

Yes, my very first. Yay! 🦋🦋

She blows-dry her blondish highlights nicely in front of the mirror. Anna’s going for loose with natural waves.

Her makeup is subtle and she’s wearing deep-red slim jeans and a long-sleeved basic matte black blouse. The finishing touches are her best black woolen overcoat, a nice scarf, new gloves and leather boots.

Casual, but cute. 🙂

She’s asked her friend Tom for any dating tips he could muster from the top of his head, and he said never to wear perfume on the first date. Or then very, very little. If the person doesn’t like the smell, you’re done.

That makes sense. So, no perfume.

Anna spots Jani immediately after going up the escalator. He’s very tall, elegantly dressed and his overcoat looks expensive.

He greets her with a firm handshake, keeping his back really straight at all times.

She smiles, he grins.

They are standing in line, small-talking, when he turns and asks, “So, coffee or tea?”

“Coffee please,” she answers with a friendly smile, feeling those butterflies in her stomach. This is so cool!!

And so weird.

She hears him ordering a coffee for her and a tea for himself, and quickly changes her mind. If we end up kissing, the coffee taste in my mouth won’t be so great. 😏

“No, no, wait. I’ll have tea, too.” — she says in a friendly way.

He turns to her, visibly impatient, and asks again, irritably this time, “Which is it? Coffee or tea?”

To be honest, she can’t even remember what she answered. She’s just thinking, wide-eyed, how very military of him!

Well, at least he’s insisting on paying for our drinks.

They sit down to have their tea (I think), and his well-mannered questions feel like an interrogation, not a date.

Hey, I’m being scrutinized, but I’ll humor him. What a stiff type!

Amused, she’s trying to imagine what a military relationship feels like. It occurs to her that at 50+, he looks much older than in his pictures.

But handsome...

After a few minutes he says he needs to leave and she offers to escort him to the harbor, in her normal social manner.

“That won’t be necessary. Nice to meet you. Bye.” A final handshake and he marches away: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4. Yes, sir!

That went, uh…?

That night they send each other their final messages. She politely asks him about his cruise and thanks him for the coffee – no, tea!

He is polite, too, but says he didn’t feel any chemistry.

Uh, really?

They wish each other well and unmatch.

Had I only been decisive about what I wanted to drink, Anna sulks.

Yeah, right. 😂

Next time, I’ve got to be better prepared: always know your coffee from your tea, Anna!

Obs. Day 28 since moving out.

Chapter 10 – Optimizing Tinder

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Saturday, 16 January 2016.

Day 27

Dear Diary,

How’s your heart?

Mine is OK. I can’t deny there are some upsides to being divorced… 😀

I think the teens are doing well, too. I meet them, I call them, they call me. I miss them…

So far so good.

The news is that after spending over a week chatting avidly back and forth with Tino to never even meet him – annoying – I am on Google for some tips on how to use Tinder in an optimal way. ☺️

I’m quickly scanning them through… Let’s see…

How to create a good profile, OK; what kind of pictures to post (all recent; close-up of face looking into the camera, smiling; full body; with one’s friends or job/hobbies, as long as it’s something one is passionate about). Reasonable!

Your profile text should be positive and you shouldn’t just mention things you like doing but actually never do. Instead, you’d better start doing some of those things first – seize the day, seize your life! Sound advice. 👍

Oh, here we go:

Don’t spend days or weeks chatting with anyone before meeting up in person. As enjoyable as that may feel, you might not get around to ever meeting them.

Tell me about it!

It’s better to chat two-three times to get a good first impression and then suggest a date. That’s how you eliminate people who are just there for their own online thrill and wasting your time.

Another good tip seems to be meeting up for a cup of coffee. That way you will have an elegant out if you don’t like them in person. You can stay for twenty minutes, have a chat, thank them and leave.

OK, I’ll give it a try! Let’s see how it goes this time.

I have been chatting with different guys, nothing too mind-blowing 😀, but nice enough. It’s fun! A whole new world.

I’ll keep you posted. 😉

Plo-plim! — Hey, Tinder notification! — a frequent sound now.

P.S. I’ve just been invited for a coffee date tomorrow morning – nice!

And I accepted it. 🙂😀

Obs. Day 27 since moving out. What now?

Chapter 9 – Switching Homes

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Friday, 15 January 2016.

Day 26

Happy Man

🎼 Now playing at Anna’s

When I die there won’t be much
To salvage from my earnings
I never had a lot of land or houses to my name
I’ve never been a corporate prince
On Madison and New York
I never held a diamond in my hand

But I’ve seen children laughing
As only children can
And I’ve known my Creator
And I’ve been a happy man

I never really loved the way I saw it in the movies
But I had myself a woman of my own
The place we lived was modest
And we kept the yard together
I never traveled far from my hometown

But I’ve heard music playing
That made me understand
And touched the hearts of heaven
And I’ve been a happy man

Life has had its hard times
When I’ve felt the chill of winter
I can’t forget the night
When my sweet Julie slipped away

But growing old is different
Than I always thought it would be
The sweetness of my youth
Just grew with age

‘Cause I’ve known wealth and beauty
Beneath His guiding hand
And knowing soon I’ll see Him
Has made me a happy man
And knowing soon I’ll see Him
Has made me a happy man 🎶

Mr. Ex is back from the Bahamas and the teens have now switched to their old flat to be with dad. Kris and Joey are going to live a week with each of us parents, according to what has been agreed on.

The situation is new to everyone involved, and definitely not easy, but at least their homes are only 1 km away from each other – Ruoholahdenkatu and Jätkäsaari.

Anna is sitting in her car with him – Mr. Ex, who else?

The weather is really bad outside, and a huge snow storm is making Helsinki more and more beautiful by the second.

They are talking politely about things, his trip, the teens…

… And the divorce application form. 😯

“Just fill in both spouses’ whole names, identity numbers and the date. Ah! Don’t forget to sign and also tick the box stating this is the first divorce application,” the officials had answered to her phone inquiry.

Yes, it’s as simple as that in Finland: one single, very easy PDF page that you google and print. And just shove into a mailbox anywhere, as though it were a birthday card. A few weeks later a confirmation with an invoice will be mailed. And six months later the judge’s decision. By POSTI, as well.

How can they make something so painful so easy! Ha!

Better this way – as if life isn’t complicated enough during a separation.

She has decided that if things have progressed this fast, so that Mr. Ex has already traveled with Ms. Newbie, then they should get an official divorce ASAP.

She hands him the pre-filled application.

They find no pen in Anna’s car.

Decisively, Ex gets out of the car into the piercing storm to sign the form inside the Siwa grocery store on Eerikinkatu.

That’s what he really, really wants then, she realizes with sorrow and silence, feeling the pang of rejection again.

The next day, she spends her whole Saturday cleaning. She likes things to be spick and span, and especially organized. The lack of space makes it hard to keep all their stuff tidy when Anna and her teens are sharing the place.

Nevertheless, it has been soooo special to be with them for over three weeks. ❤️‍

Joey, Kristiina and I have always been so close.

To her, it feels like they are her friends as much as she’s their mother.

Just before leaving, Joey wants to open up. He doesn’t want to go back to his dad’s, as he’s feeling angry at his father.

“He should have used the time with us, mom! Maybe traveled with us to grow closer and make us feel safe at a time like this… Not with that F…Ne#wb%i&e…H!

“To hell with them! This whole thing is too hard. And how can he not love you?? You’re the best there is!!”

It’s tough to see Joey like this. Anna is feeling sad and concerned about her son.

While she is searching for inner strength and wisdom about how to respond, she just listens, thinking in silence…

Gosh! How are things gonna go??

Of course I’d like the teens to stay with me longer, but how will they keep the bond with their father if they don’t spend half the time with him?

And Mr. Ex has to come back to normal life, back to reality! Our kids are his responsibility, too.

Oh, he will – I’m sure. He’s always been a loving dad…

But what about Joey’s feelings??

Besides, if I make an exception already and let them stay on over here, how can I expect to divide their time and care with Ex later on?

It doesn’t matter how I feel right now.

I have to think of their best. Think long term, Anna!

Otherwise, they’ll be the ones who will suffer the most. They’ll regret growing distant to their father.

Anna doesn’t want Kris and Joey to feel unwelcome or unwanted in her – ops, their – new flat. She needs Joey to understand the situation.

It takes some loving words on her part to calm him down.

“Son, I understand your feelings. You’re entitled to feel the way you feel and you’re always allowed to express yourself to me. Always! I’ll try to listen and to understand, I promise,” — he is sitting on the kitchen counter and she puts her hand gently on his knee — “Having said that…

“…Life is messy, my darling. You don’t understand adult relationships yet. Your dad and I really tried everything we could. We want to try to wish each other happiness now. And…” — sigh — “…Maybe you’re right to question his actions… But he loves you and wants to keep close to you and spend time together!”

“Eurgh. It will be so hard to be there, mom!!”

“Yes, I know.

“Joey darling. As hard as it is to accept this… Your dad and Newbie are just human. At the end of the day, they are doing nothing hateful. We’re not talking about war, crime or terrorism here… They’re just two people trying to love and be loved. That’s it.” — she sighs.

He should have tried harder to love ME better!

“I know mom.” — it’s his turn to sigh — “For me it’s OK that you guys separated, it’s not that… But to already have traveled with another woman! So wrong. You guys are still married.”

“Hey Joey, remember. You don’t have to like the way things are, but I want you to always treat them with respect anyway, OK? Give it time…

“You know what, son? You can call me and we can meet up ANY day after school! We can hang out even when it’s your dad’s turn to be with you. Come over for a snack or to do your homework. I’ll be missing you, too. Very much.”

They hug good-bye and Anna feels heartbroken. For now, the whole separation seems a bit easier on Kristiina.

It’s Saturday evening now – many hours later – and Anna’s place is looking clean and cozy.

She showers, gets into her pjs and then places her favorite vinyl on the record player she got herself for her 39^th birthday with money gifts from friends. She’d planned on buying one for centuries. She’s glad she did.

B.J. Thomas is singing and his lyrics sound like a mix of comforting and fantastic to her ears as she stands there, looking out the balcony door.

Happy Man has just played. The song touches the depths of her soul! A simple, loving, happily shared life is all I’ve ever wanted.

How hard can it be? Was I asking for too much??

Will I ever have another go at that? A second chance?

She’s kept this specific record through all the zillion moves from city to city, country to country since she was a child. She’d dreamed of having a record player again, wished to turn vinyls to the other side to listen to good music in a nostalgic manner, like her dad used to do when she was growing up.

Definitely worth it!

🎼 He holds the stars in the sky
He holds the land back from the sea
If He can do all of that
Surely he can take care
Of you and me

He’s got it all in control… 🎶

Anna feels that she herself is doing well under the circumstances, but offers up a million prayers for her teens to be OK.

Somehow.

Obs. Day 26 since moving out. What now???

Chapter 8 – Moi

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Thursday, 14 January 2016.

Day 25

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year!

School restarted a week ago, and I’m trying hard to leave separation sadness in 2015. I wouldn’t be able to stand working feeling so disconsolate. It just drains all my mental and physical energy.

And yes! Today is Friday. Yay!!

The teens and I are going to watch a movie soon, but, but, wait, wait, wait! I still have time to write a little. ☺️

Over a hundred matches on Tinder so far, some nice chats since the first week, but nothing super exciting to report yet (since the Tino-disappointment😕).

Idk… Finnish guys seem so slow! Or way too private.

Non-committing, little effort, no flirting.

Yawn. 🤤

Mysterious and a bit boring.

Sorry… 😁

They send a “Moi” – hi in Finnish – or a “Beautiful smile, there,” or a dull “Hey, how’s the weekend going?” and seem to expect the lady to do all the rest of the hard work.

So, like I wrote before, easy app, but tedious human behavior… Hmm.

I have obviously never kissed a Finnish guy.

Probably never flirted (back) with one. Growing up off and on in South America, the only Finnish men I knew were my grandfather, my brother and my cousins. And an occasional uncle who flew in to visit.

I’ve always admired their sisu – a Finnish word for strength and courage, intelligence, hard work, focus and stubbornness. 💪

I dreamed of learning my grandparents’ language and perhaps moving here. But do I maybe see all Finnish men as brothers and cousins?

OMG, I think so!!

I’m a 39-year-old divorcée who doesn’t go to bars and lives in a country full of Finnish men. How am I ever going to find someone?

Finns don’t talk with strangers unless they’re drunk. And they look at you as though you’re crazy if you do. 😂

It’s the end.

The Apocalypse.

Haha.

Is it cultural shock, I wonder? I’m half South American, after all.

Is it my artistic nature???

I need emotions and enthusiasm – I like intensity, romance and vulnerability.

Hey you, prospect bf – you’re…

WANTED

You’ve gotta be flirty, but true. Players suck – big time.

A guy who is daring, positive, decisive, hey, that shows confidence.

(And confidence – without the arrogance, please! – is always hot).

Who cares about your size or your six-pack! There must be that yes feeling about our personalities and the way we keep on interacting… Both playfulness and depth, efforts, curiosity, purpose, butterflies in our stomachs, keep them coming. 🦋 🦋 🦋

Intelligence!

And then in person lots and lots and LOTS of hugging.

Firm, heart-warming, life-warming, time-stopping, heart-healing embraces!

And touching: natural, magnetic, spontaneous and very affectionate, the don’t-want-to-keep-my-hands-off-you kind of touch.

Grabbing, pinching, kissing, hair-tussling, butt-spanking, stroking, naps on your shoulder.

Passionate, hungry loving, fun, friendly, romantic?

Trying new things!

I know that is out there. It has to be!

It will take two to make it happen.

Still… I have been chatting a lot on Tinder because, truth is, I like being social and getting to know new people. I’d even love to make some new friends. I’m the kind who basically likes everybody until proven wrong. And that rarely happens…

I just love people!

Who they are, why they are here, what they are in pursuit of?

Has anyone broken their hearts? Do they have kids? How’s the divorce going? Are they good dads?

Am I going to be OK, too? 😖

Is it tough being a single parent and the likes.

What are their hopes and dreams? What makes their hearts beat faster? What brings the best of smiles to their faces? What makes them excited to wake up in the mornings and go to work? What drives them insane? Are they bored or in a life crisis?

Help! Are they even happy??

So many questions, but…

Teen duty calls! ❤️‍

Ah, P.S. Anna, stay strong. We can do this!

Obs. Day 25 since moving out. What now?

Chapter 7 – Tino?!

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Moikka Anna, ootpa tosi nätti 🙂 Mitä sun vuodenvaihteeseen kuuluu?

Kiitos! Sinäkin olet komea.

🙂 Kiitti, sun tekstin perusteella ootkin toki kansainvälinen tyyppi. Puhutko mielummin englantia vai suomea tämmösessä chatissa?

Englantia.

Ok, that’s fine. So, you’re a teacher? Have to say I always felt that teachers are kind of hot, like really hot… Something that must come from the time when I was young and still in school. 🙂 Are you teaching languages?

Monday, 11 January 2016.

Day 22

Married at 19, mother at 21, a dedicated friend, a good wife, an awesome mom.

She had her first teacher’s job at the age of 11. Her first official job at 17. Loving every moment of it. But then, maybe too young to be working so hard to pay the bills with Mr. Ex – trying to grow and get somewhere together.

Everybody suffers, and they’ve had their fair share of it. Who hasn’t? Her Ex-mother-in-law’s tragic death (murder), Mr. Ex’s depression years that followed. 😭 Devastating. And too heavy for this book.

And even before those tragic events, Anna hadn’t been feeling too lucky-in-love-and-romance, anyway. Family life, friendship, uncertainty, longing, frustration, kissing, laughter, lots of sex, loving, suspicion of betrayal, trips, raising beautiful kids, loans, university studies, work load, game nights, sports; more uncertainty. Fear of loss.

All intertwined.

What does it feel like to really love and commit to your spouse… To be good to him. Affectionate, hopeful for better times. Year after year.

To invest in him, argue and keep supporting and challenging him to be a better man. And just be there, for better or for worse, ’til death…

…and feel you’re not getting half of that back? 🤦‍

Oh, she fought for his love. In dignified ways – make no mistake. And how often she cried – alone – bitter tears of hurt. Never getting why it felt she wasn’t good enough for him… It stung so much to feel that way!

In her heart, she always believed that she was imperfectly wonderful.

She didn’t know it wasn’t really personal.

Hurt people hurt people. And they hurt each other numerous times.

So… now she’s going to enjoy a little happy-go-lucky, for the first time in her life.

No more tears!

It feels less overwhelming to just turn her back on the past and move on!

Anna has been taking care of herself in the last years. Body and soul. Right now, she’s feeling cute. Younger, a little wilder and free. Will you help me root for her?

Here we go!

Anna has been feeling beside herself. She’s been asked out on dates by some Tinder matches, but she’s asked everyone to wait.

She’s so into Tino right now that she’s simply lost interest in all the other chats. He’s coming back from his China business trip tomorrow and they’re finally going to meet in person.

Two days. My very first date! Yay.

This is so exciting!

Tino is this super cute Finnish engineer who works for KONE. His vibe is respectful, intriguing and fun. He is so warm and nice that they quickly move their communication to Whatsapp.

Trips, cultures, pastimes, favorite South American and Finnish songs – they’ve been chatting about all those things. He told her he plays instruments and is a good dad. Well, I should hope so… Good dads are a big turn on.

For her, chatting with Tino has been pretty amazing (hot), and she has the feeling she’ll like him in person.

He writes non-stop, answering fast, pursuing her all day long. They joke, act silly, send cute messages, and so on. This has been going on for over a week and she can’t help but feel thrilled.

He sends her a pic of his face, lying over a colorful pillow, along with a Finnish song about lions.

Romance has always inspired the artist in her. So this morning, while her pupils are focused on some exercises, she puts his song and picture together, quickly coming up with this:

It’s so weird. Now that she stops to think about it, she realizes that she’s never been on a date. Ever!

She can’t wait to finally meet him this week. 😊

Tuesday, 12 January 2016.

Day 23

Dear Diary,

After days and days of chatting, what a disappointment!!

What the hell??

About our meeting… Things changed in my life, so that I’ve agreed to focus on my family. Hopefully you understand. Anyway, maybe in this situation better to take a time out and cancel our date. 🙁

Really? 🙁 I was looking forward to meeting you and even said wait to five-six other guys who asked me out last week. 🙂 But, my kids come first, too. You seem to be a nice person, so I’ll just wish you all the best! Ciao.

St#u&p%id Tino thanked me for understanding, kiss kiss, and mentioned maybe asking me out in the future, but what the fuck…??

Very odd. Is he married??

Hmm. Although Tinder’s mechanics couldn’t be any easier to use, human behavior makes it just a little more complicated, it seems.

Well…

Bola pra frente! Onward, soldier.

Obs. E”#ur%g&h!! Shitty new beginnings.

Chapter 5 – How I Tinder

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Thursday, 7 January 2016.

Day 18

Dear Diary,

All good with me and the teens. What a relief! So far so good.

We simply love our new flat. Feeling so at home. 😍

Jätkäsaari is a relatively new neighborhood in Helsinki, close to the city center, with about ten thousand apartments being built as we speak. Our building is only a year old, so it’s very modern and well-planned.

Kristiina and Joseph have been enjoying the gym on the eighth floor, while my favorite place is the sauna with its surrounding terraces up there. The laundry is very nice, too, spacious and with a huge window. Not to mention our social room, which can be booked for free for parties and gatherings.

See, Anna? No use crying over spilt milk… Right?

Silver linings, silver linings… and life’s not that bad! 😊😊

As for the Tindering business…

…Well, I have to admit that it gives me butterflies in my stomach.

Lots and lots! 🦋🦋🦋

Imagine, after twenty-two years with the same man – yes, I started dating Mr. Ex at 17 – it feels nicely odd to be single again and free to chat with whomever I want. Strangers, mostly from Finland.

Lol. Finnish guys are such a mystery to me. 🤔

I’ve quickly come up with my own set of rules for how to play the Tinder “game”.

(I affectionately call it a game, but for me it’s serious business!) 😊

When swiping right, it’s important that I like how he looks, of course, but I’m not searching for a super model or a Hollywood star. Definitely not for a body builder. All things in moderation.

Besides, I can look at myself in the mirror, too. 😏🤔

It’s not as much about looks as it is about the general vibe I get:

Does he look pleasant enough? Is he smiling in any of the pics or just looking serious, angry or depressed? Is there kindness in his eyes? Is he nicely dressed? 🤗

Come on! Most people look their best when smiling.

And what has happened to cleanliness and a cool haircut, good posture, nice clothes – if I may ask?? (Some guys there are unbelievable! 😬)

Maybe a smart shirt and tie in one of the pictures? A positive portrayal is what you’d expect.

“Suit up,” guys!

It’s also a matter of self-love, right? If the guy doesn’t care at all about leaving a good first impression, then what later? 🤦‍

Different strokes for different folks, but I immediately swipe no to smokers. It’s also a no if they are holding huge alcoholic drinks, especially in all of their pictures (Is drinking that central in their lives?).

Not interested in profiles with blurry pictures, no presentation text, people who state they’re just looking for sex (free hookers??), guys hiding behind sunglasses.

Your eyes are the window to your soul, my dear, and I want to see what they are telling me. 👀

Last but not least, I’m a teacher and all for education, so don’t get me wrong now: I also swipe no to university students.

Although this was one of the things I admired the most about Mr. Ex – a hardworking man, I’ll admit as much – he’s taking his fourth degree since we met… And I’m a little bit tired of dealing with deadlines and essays and theses within the relationship. Not to mention the very tight student budget.

Myself?

I’ve graduated and found a permanent job, pay my own bills and depend on no one, so it would be nice to enjoy a little more breathing space and some special dates, for a change.

That would be sooooo nice! 🤞

Feeling a little sleepy here, so I’ll write some more later.

Have lots more to tell!! Yay!

P.S. For now, there are some Finnish names I swipe no to. 😀 Sorry, Finland!!

For example, Pentti, Velho, Mikko, Mika, Tenho, Aarto, Panu, Antti, Ekka, Pelle, Saku and Tatu. They just sound too funny in Portuguese/Spanish!!! Ilkka is a woman’s name. And Arse?? OMG!!

(Their translation would be: comb, oldie, monkey, embarrassment, I have, tall, cloth, anti, yuk, clown, bag and armadillo. 😆 How could I take a bf with one of those names seriously? Hahaha!)

Obs. Day 18 since moving out. New beginnings!