online dating – Page 3 – The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée

Chapter 63 – In the Middle of the Night

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Saturday, 20 February 2016.

Day 62

Back home from her daughter’s Senior Dance and it was so amazing!

My little princess is all grown now. Capable, strong. With the innocent, perfect beauty of youth – soul and skin.

Ah – to be young again and know how to appreciate it!

To be honest, Anna is feeling quite young herself. She is careful, works out, eats right. The lower-carb lifestyle makes her feel extra energetic.

In fact, she’s feeling so pigg (alert in Swedish) that she starts cleaning the house around midnight.

It’s good to do things a day earlier than planned – how very Finnish of her.

That way one can enjoy more free time the next day. Multi-tasking is fun, too, so she answers Christian’s messages.

Would love to see tonight’s dance videos!

Here’s one! Here you go 😊:

Video of Kristiina’s Senior Dance S2 :))

2:13 Wow! Looking great.

Congrats. I’m glad you all enjoyed it. 😊😊

Ah, before I forget, remind me, was it English muffins you said you wanted me to bring on my flight? The salty bread, right? Or did I dream that??

2:20 Oh, you have great memory. Amazing.

Phew. I thought I was going mad!

Yes, English muffins.

Yum. You have excellent taste.

You like cakes? Maybe I could bake something quick and easy.

Sure. But I don’t have a sweet tooth. What is your speciality?

Korvapuusti. Literal translation: a slap on the ear.

Hahaha. Ouch!! I felt that.

They’re actually the best cinnamon buns in the world. A Finnish recipe. What tea do you usually drink? English people drink a lot of tea! How can one be that thirsty?

2.21 Haha. Yes. Decaf. Also like camomile, peppermint – Chinese tea too. White, no sugar.

Did you find the teas you like in Finland?
My mom always complains that the ones over here are not as good as there.

.…

Well…. I did notice. Not much choice.

There’s an Intense Mint sort that is wonderful. Maybe you could bring a stash of your own tea to keep some in my flat. How intimate is that, huh? 😊

Oh….very!! 😊

Should be drinking champagne but don’t want to make you feel bad.

Why champagne, what’s the occasion? And I won’t feel bad…

A glass to celebrate meeting you.

Ah, that’s too sweet. Now you’ll have to bring it. And I’ll have a glass with you. Celebrate meeting you!

Champagne and English muffins. A good combination. 😊

2.31 Tomorrow – wow. About 40h from now. 😊 Hey, you’ll never ever guess what I’m doing. But I’ll give you three tries.

Ok.

Guess 1. Here goes.

Exercising?

Nope.

Guess 2. Cleaning.

No. Already done with that. 😊

Guess 3. Writing to me? OK, that’s not my real guess. 😊

Guess 3. Drawing a picture?

No, no, no – too many guesses already! 😊

Wrong again? 😔 I give up.

Taking selfie??

2.36 Not staying awake at this time for selfies!

A clue: It hurts a little and maybe you haven’t tried it yet.

Oooh.
Standing on your head?
Planking?

What is planking?

Type of exercise. To strengthen abs.

Waxing legs. Have you ever?

Hahaha. Ouch! Have I waxed?
Sure. Someone did my back (don’t have a hairy back like a bear’s though).

Really! Did you like it?

Loved it.

Texting and waxing, huh?

Women!

Haha. But you won’t believe what happened to my friend after a Brazilian wax. Won’t tell you now, though.

What happened?

It’s horrible. A mood killer!

Does it involve bits coming off??

Yes.

Ouch!!!!!!!

A bacterial infection, and he will need multiple plastic surgeries. Happened last month in Brazil. He posted on Facebook! Google it if you dare: Gangrene de Fournier.

I’m scared. Gangrene!! Googling now.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

The worst. Losing all the skin everywhere. He almost died!

I’ve never heard of that before. Poor guy! I won’t be trying that anytime soon.

His luck was that he’s a military major and had prompt access to the best care at the military hospital. 😕 Life is so strong and frail at the same time.

I can’t get the images out of my head!!! Help!!!

Sorry! Just a warning for people to be careful when waxing…

Be careful!! Still see it. Burnt into my retinas!!

I promise to be extra careful.

Don’t want to have to visit you in hospital! To feed you grapes!

2:532:5Haha.

But I can still feed you grapes.

There are better things to do here than go to the hospital. Oh! I want grapes now!

Like play hazel eyes??

Yeah. How long can you keep eye contact with those long lashes on the way?

They are quite heavy. It’s crazy! Thought about cutting them.

Don’t you dare cut them!

😊

Text and wax is a new kind of multitasking for me.

Haha. Would love to see that!

Me being a clown here? My phone is all sticky!

Clown. 🤡

😊😊 Hey, did you lose our conversations from WhatsApp like me, or did you have time to back them up?

I backed them up. 😊

Wouldn’t want to lose those fun stories we were co-authoring.

They are safe!
Omg. The gangrene pics are still open on Google. Looked like something from a butcher’s window.

3.02 Poor friend. I hope he recovers fully! Hey, send me a cute selfie of yours? Want to see what you look like in the middle of the night.

Haha. It’ll be dark.

Click and ding!

Nice dreamy eyes. 😊

Wow! He does look cute. Not like that crazy smile selfie. Phew!

Your turn now. 😊

Waxing??

Whatever you fancy. You are queen of selfies. 😊

3:10 Just so you see I’m really texting and waxing.

Click and ding!

You sure are!! Very impressive. And sexy. 😊

3:16 Ok. Better let you get on with it.

Enjoy the rest of your waxing. If that’s possible!

And see you tomorrow. Xx

3.18 See you tomorrow! Xx

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 62. Cleaning, texting & waxing, selfieing – normal multi-tasking.

(Hey, You Guys!)

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Timeless, maybe.

Sidenotes To The Guys

My book has been called female-oriented. I don’t think I agree. I guess it depends on who you are and what you’re looking to find when you read me. Hopefully, you’re finding something worthwhile.

In my experience, many men are as sensitive – or even more – than the average woman. Romantic, meek, adorable – strong and wonderfully manly, at the same time.

Some men I know (and some new stranger-friends) are reading these chronicles and sending me comments – giving me all kinds of thought and emotion-provoking feedback. I really, really appreciate it, guys.

Thank you for your valuable input, your time and interest, your intelligence and depth. Thank you for letting our souls touch a little bit, as our journeys cross paths. The world should have more beings like you. I’m lucky to have if just a fraction – you’re heroes, and you make a difference! Like you can’t imagine.

But that was not what I intended for this chapter. This parenthesis.

So……….

Hey, you guys (as in Goonies)!

This book is not a How-to-Find-a-Lady-Online, nor a How-To-Understand-a-Tinderella kind of book. Nonetheless, if you’re attentive, you will capture some indirect tips in my writings. Dating, food for thought, some thoughts on being a decent human being…

Well, it all comes down to this.

Be human, yes, be flawed and powerfully vulnerable – by all means. Be yourself, but seek to become the best version of yourself – even if just one tiny step at a time. We won’t respect ourselves otherwise. I hear that progress equals happiness, and I agree.

(What’s our alternative? Growing older and sadder with time? A downhill trip to the grave? I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s meant to be).

Try. Succeed. Stumble and fall. Err and then dust off, chin up and repeat. A small step, but a small step in the right direction. It piles up and amounts to much. Get help, if needed.

(I often need help. Hugs + talking are the best kind!)

Whether you’re single and happy to stay so, or longing for a partner and all the love in the world. Whether you’re happily married, or in the process of deciding to divorce.

I’m sure that whatever the case, you want to feel alive, very ALIVE!

Vulnerable, yet mighty. Responsible, but true. You want to be gentle and loved and respected. And wild!

You want to be needed, missed and admired – to hug her and make her laugh, make her life happier and lighter (whoever the word ‘her’ represents here).

You thrive in having something to offer and living a purpose-filled life. And you have lots to give. We need each other.

Be true, be true, be true, darling. “To thine own self be true.” Go through the process, but get there, don’t give in. I believe in you.

If you were suddenly in your deathbed, would you say, “I wish I had lived a life true to myself – not the life that others expected of me. I wish I had expressed my feelings, and I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.”?

If not, you’re doing great. Yay!

And to those of you in hopes of finding a special gal (the same works for keeping her, I guess).

If you’re not ready for dating, don’t do it. Wait a little. Work on yourself. But when you’re ready…

Go for it 100%!

I can’t promise you the lady you like will like you back, but I can promise you this:

Women like attitude (without the arrogance). Women respond to self-confidence and self-respect. Remember to respect them, too.

Women like guys who are wise and cool and brave. Decisive. They know what they want and dare to try. Men who have the courage to give their best, put in the effort and risk rejection – even if it hurts. (Aren’t guys supposed to love adventure and uncertainty? Hunting? Battlefields? Conquering? A quest, a fair fight with dignity, any way??)

You don’t have to be James Bond, but when you decide to go dating/to keep the lady, don’t just be yourself – but your best!

Don’t do anything half-heartedly, with meager efforts, out of fear. Yuk!

You need time? Ask for it. Communicate.

It doesn’t matter if you’re super skinny or short, super fat or old or whatever. Kind of poor? I don’t care.

Have goals, be working on your goals. Going somewhere. Be affectionate – romantic sometimes. Don’t be mean. I think what she really cares about is the fact that you try hard – even though what you really want is to succeed.

Put on a great new-looking smart shirt or a casual outfit, wash your hair, trim your beard, back straight, smile! Treat her with respect and admiration. Listen to her a little more than you talk yourself. Care! Look into her eyes – practice eye contact. Be a perfect gentleman. Well-mannered, at least.

But dare to hold her hands in the second part of the date. To kiss her good-bye. Text her back soon! The world is quick nowadays, and if you dormir no ponto, if you give it too much time… If she’s really special – uh-oh!

Read her body language and watch out for the signs. Is she touching her hair as she looks at you? Leaning her head? Retouching her lip gloss? Is she touching your arm lightly? Is her smile genuine? Does she think you’re funny? Can you sense if you’re being smart and interesting in her eyes?

And what if you don’t like her? That’s OK, too. Others will. Just like there will be a person who will like you. Your unique self.

Change the game, but be a gentleman anyway. Don’t be a jerk – thank her for a lovely evening. Wish her good luck!

Leave your best impression wherever you go – be it a yes or a friendly no – and she’ll respect you for it. You’ll respect yourself. And that’s powerful!

(I respect all the times Mr. Ex was a good man. All the times he was true and vulnerable, a decent guy. The moments when he was his best. I’ll remember. And most of all, I respect him for not wasting any more of my time and daring to ask for a divorce. For finally making up his mind. Thank you, Pedro.)

If you’re not for each other, at least you did your part and treated her with dignity. Why would you regret that?

But don’t give her half-efforts, excuses or laziness, BS. You deserve to leave a better impression than that.

Your statement, your signature.

That’s just one girl’s very humble opinion. And I’m as fallible as you.

XOXOXOXO,

Anna

(And my real name to others).

Obs. Today I received this cute message. Here it goes for you, too:

Life is as passing as pain.

As beautiful as love.

As simple as me.

As important as you.

Therefore fight, forgive, love, conquer and enjoy every second of it.

If you have to choose between being happy or being important, choose being happy,

Because important you already are! 😊

Chapter 62 – Kristiina’s Vanhojentanssit

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Friday, 19 February 2016.

Day 61

Months and months of dance practice and lots of other efforts, such as searching for the perfect dress and the perfect shoes, planning the perfect hairdo and make up – and the day has finally arrived!

The whole family is very excited with tonight’s special event.

Kristiina woke up at 6 a.m. to go to the hairdresser’s, taking with her the deep-red dress she is going to wear. She’ll be dancing in front of her whole school this morning and in front of all of us, the parents and extended family, in the evening.

Kristiina’s dance partner is her favorite classmate, Babel, a tall Syrian genius who’s grown up in Finland.

“Oh, mom! What if I make mistakes during the dances??”

Anna and Kristiina hug each other bye/see you later.

“It’s normal to feel a little nervous, my darling. But if you make any mistakes, just smile with your back straight, turn your head slightly to the side, let your gorgeous hair fly in the air, and I promise your false steps won’t matter that much. Believe me, linda…

“What people will notice is how confident, beautiful and happy you are.” — Anna reassures her.

Today is the Vanhojentanssit day in all Finnish upper secondary schools – the Ball of The New Seniors, a formal prom that celebrates the passage of the second-year students to high school seniors.

And it is absolutely beautiful!

So far, it feels that the best days since Anna’s separation have all started and ended with Christian’s messages. Today couldn’t be any different. Yay!

10:26 Morning. Still rough today but hopefully will turn the corner.

It’s your last day at school before the autumn break, so I wish you a good one! See you in 2 days (cough cough). 🙂

10:37 Thanks. That’s sweet of you to remember. 🙂 Can’t believe I’ll see you in two days. Hope you get lots of rest and feel better soon!

Teacher Anna is sitting with her whole school after lunch, watching a couple dozen of their countryside students dance graciously – though a bit stiffly. She feels emotional as she looks at them.

The beauty and the innocence of youth… May they be blessed and lead healthy lives, learning to be content in their search for happiness!

She’s grown used to sharing all kinds of things with Christian, so she sends him a video of the dancers.

14:43 I’m sure I’ll cry when see my daughter tonight! Felt like crying when I saw these pupils who I don’t even teach at all.

15:00 Ahh. That’s sweet. Better get the tissues ready!! 🤧 They have obviously been practicing hard.

One of those pupils is really tall!! Must be a basketball player. 😊

15:51 Hi! Going for the coffee power nap now to then get ready to see my very own princess dance tonight! 😊💃

Don’t forget the hankies. 😊

Yeah… I wouldn’t want to mess up my makeup!

Btw, can you see my surnames on WhatsApp? Or does my name appear to you in the way you’ve saved it?

How many do you have??

You’re cute!

I see you as Princess. 😊
Princess Anna!

Aww. Sweet! I have 3 (as do many South Americans). But I’m losing the last one once the divorce is through in July, my dear handsome Prince Christian.

Ahh. You’re too kind.

16:00 Now, I’ve definitely gotta take that nap to then get ready. Trying to look good in less than an hour. Effectively! Very busy day since 5:30 a.m… But tomorrow I’ll just be alone, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, running and such. So, it’ll be easier to chat. I’ll send you a pic of my daughter’s dance later on. 😊

Great. Good luck and enjoy. 😊

Thanks, we certainly will.
I have been sleeping such deep naps that I snore and wake up with my own noises.

Haha. A little snorer? I bet it’s a cute snore though.
💋💋 One for each tattoo. 😊

Mmm 💋!

18:30 Waiting for the dances to start!!

Anna sits in the audience with her mom, Riitta, son Joey, her sister Sarah (Kristiina’s godmother), niece Isabela and varamummo Liisa. They spot Mr. Pedro/Ex from a distance. Riitta cringes.

“Eurgh. Doesn’t it feel bad to see him?” Riitta asks Anna.

“No. I’m sure it’s very important for Kristiina that he’s here, mom.

“And, I’m moving on. Not looking back, but forward.” — Anna assures her. — “Can’t wait to meet Christian in two days. Two days, mom!

“Dating is fun.” — she smiles.

And the Ball of the Seniors is astounding.

01:57 Hey. Just got up. Of course now I can’t sleep. 😊 How did this evening go?

I’m feeling a bit better. Not been eating well though. Lost my appetite, so a bit of weight loss, I guess.

02:01 Hi.

02:02 Hello! You still awake?.

2:03 Yes, have been for 21h already. Since Friday morning 5 a.m.

21 hours awake! How come?

Happy to hear you’re feeling better!

Are you ok?

Yes, fine thanks.

I think I’ve been in bed 21 hours! OK. Not that much.

Oh! I knew I was gonna clean the house on Saturday – just decided to do it after the dance ball instead. This way, when I wake up, I’ll only have some minor things to do. 😊

How was it? Hope you wake up late. You are on holiday after all. 😊

Yes! But I’ll have to get up at 9:50 to move the car.

Your house must be spotless now.

Almost, haha.

The ball was beautiful!! And so much bigger than at my school (I think they said 126 couples were dancing there)!

2:09 Lovely picture. 😊 Did she enjoy it?

Yes! She was sooo graceful. Beautiful! Wonderful body language, smiles, eye contact. 😊 I felt so proud! Will never forget this night.

We never had balls at my school.

Neither did we. Too bad! Love Pride and Prejudice – the dances looked like they were from that time. And from Gone With the Wind.

Would love to see tonight’s dance videos!

Here’s one! Here you go 😊:

Video of Kristiina’s Senior Dance S2 :))

2:13 Wow! Looking great. Congrats. I’m glad you all enjoyed it.

Ah, before I forget!

Remind me, was it English muffins you said you wanted me to bring on my flight? The salty bread, right? Or did I dream that??

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 61 to 62. Beautiful! Surreal.

Chapter 61 – Tinder Date #14

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Thursday, 18 February 2016.

Day 60

They are sitting at a nice table – her usual one – at the Nepalese restaurant in Jätkäsaari, Anna’s neighborhood. Aarne has a huge meal, and she?

She has the soup and an open mind.

It’s the third time she’s at this very restaurant on Tinder dates. With three different men in three weeks. The waiter is starting to look at her in a funny way.

Ops, he’ll think I’m an escort! Maybe time to change venues?

Aarne is tall and a little chubby, friendly and warm. His teeth look like a bunny’s, but he’s cute and nice enough.

54.

She doesn’t feel the chemistry, however, so no flirting from her side!

To discourage him, she just talks about her Ex, church and such things. Haha.

Not cool? Sorry! 😁

She can’t help herself. What is she supposed to do if she’s just waiting for tomorrow to chat with Christian again?

3 days to meet him in person.

Happy Sigh.

Maybe I shouldn’t be going out on these dates anymore before I meet Christian and figure out whether I’ll like him or not.

But there’s another one scheduled for tomorrow. Bad manners to cancel last minute…

Like Tino did to me! Humpf.

Meeting new people is exciting.

Yes.

Besides… This is Anna’s You’re-Free-Now-So-Find-Out-Who’s-Available-Out-There Project, remember?

Play the field!

And her Possibly–Make-Some-New-Friends Project.

The Have-Some-Fun-Live-A-Little and Don’t-Hide-In-Your-House-While-You-Heal and Dare-To-Believe-In-Love-Again Projects are also worth a mention. Don’t you think?

Ultimately, what this really, really is, is…

…The Find-A-B♥️yfriend-To-Share-The-Good-Simple-Things-In-Life-With Project.

Pause.

But Anna, don’t you forget The Don’t-Put-All-Your-Eggs-In-One-Basket-Yet Project. You haven’t met Mr. Boyfriend yet.

The smirky waiter walks by their table and Aarne asks, “Can I have a coffee please? Long drive home soon.” — and turning his gaze to Anna — “What about you? Would you like a coffee or tea?”

“Just another glass of water, please!” 😁🚰😁

Later that night, Aarne texts her.

Dear Anna, I’m now safely back home in Turku, thanks for your concern.

You are very nice, too. 🙂 Thank you for your pleasant company tonight. But, I have to be say that we are from different generations and I have never dated anyone as young as you.

Honestly? I must admit I don’t know exactly why – can’t put my finger on it just yet – but I didn’t really feel the chemistry.

Friends?

Obs. End of Day 60 of… The Above-All-What-You’re-Doing-Is-Rediscovering-Yourself Project.

Chapter 60 – Coffee or Soup?

This blog is a book. Maybe better to read from the beginning? 🙂

Thursday, 18 February 2016.

Day 60

Annita knows what she wants (new friends and passion, romance, a fun relationship – please, please?)…

She thinks she knows what she’s doing… So, why not?

What we have here is a very project-oriented kind of person (a little obstinate, too). And such a r🙂mantic – my, oh my.

When Anna is determined, she usually goes for it.

With her logic, emotions, body, heart and soul!

Blood and sweat, time, energy, affection, faith and excitement!

But, uh-oh!

Too many dinner dates equals too much food and getting fat.

No!!!

Not to mention the extra expenses in a short period of time.

She’s been out fifteen times in the last three weeks.

Gosh, thank God for my dating protocol!!

Anna realizes three things early on in this story:

(1) She likes it when the men are gentlemen.

(2) But… she doesn’t want to take advantage of anyone.

(3) And… she doesn’t want to gain weight! Or spend too much.

What to do, what to do??

She goes on her first few dates, learns from a few mistakes and comes up with…

The (aforementioned) Dating Protocol:

➡️ She gets a good first impression of the guy within a couple of minutes (She usually knows in the first five seconds if she doesn’t like him – a Mr. Maybe takes a little longer to read).

➡️➡️ If they’re going out on a coffee date, she’ll just have a cup of coffee or tea. (Tea if she thinks she might want to kiss him – and he’s also having tea).

➡️➡️➡️ If it’s a dinner date instead, she’ll just have a soup or a salad.

So far, she’s watched and patiently waited for many men to finish eating full courses.

Oh well… it does give me a chance to observe them and to come up with interesting topics to talk about.

Results wrap-up:

She hasn’t gained weight.

She can afford the dates.

Most guys have insisted on treating her.

No luck in finding Mr. Boyfriend yet.

Dating experience gained and allllllll her fingers crossed.

Hmmm, what if I realize from moment zero that I don’t like my date?

Hmm, maybe…

…I’ll just order a glass of tap water. 🚰

Obs. Day 60 of looking to score a b♥️yfriend (not a free meal)!

Chapter 59 – 3D

Thursday, 18 February 2016.

Day 60

Anna is on her way to work – alone – because the teachers who usually carpool with her have a shorter workday today. That gives her a whole hour to reflect, while she drives in the dark, heavy early morning rainstorm.

Hopes and dreams. Needs.

Frustrations and the hurt she’s determined to leave in the past.

Good things to look forward to!

Ah… how I’d love a boyfriend.

I feel young(ish) and pretty. So much affection to give! So much that could be shared. So very much I’d love to receive. And life is for sharing! We are social beings.

And I’m so passionate!!

I’ve been through too much to care for stuff. Materialism, shopping? Despicable. Meaningless bickerings? Wasting life?

And aren’t the best things for free, anyway?

Affection, embraces, kisses, caring, playfulness, chatting, loving, helping others. Smiling. Shedding emotional tears and other goodies.

With an equal.

Attraction, vulnerability, growth.

Interesting dates – fun!

Hilarious, sometimes – to say the least.

She finds that it’s been good to meet up as quickly as possible after matching on Tinder, and she’s been enjoying some pleasant interaction.

You see, when you’re just online, you start building up a mental picture of the other person in your head. Maybe you imagine a certain height, weight, voice, appearance and body language.

An imagined person based on words and a few 2D images.

It’s like when you’re reading a novel and deciding for yourself what the characters look like. And, more importantly, how their personality shines through.

Then comes the date and… even if you keep an open mind and heart, the longer you’ve imagined the person in a certain way… the more difficult it can be to make the shift from 2D to 3D.

Oh!

Tonight is date #14. With Aarne – the one scheduled three weeks ago, since he lives in Turku. Coming to visit his daughter and excited to meet me – he says.

Hmm. He’s 54.

Finnish.

Uh… I just wonder…

…if I’ll like Christian in person — Anna laughs.

She parks her car and reads the Englishman’s last messages again.

4:30 Sorry. Went to bed super early and now I can’t sleep. 😞 Still feeling ‘energised’?? 😊

🎼 I’ve got sunshine in a cloudy day… 🎶

9:21 Still feeling like that, yes. But at 4 I was fast asleep.

Glad that you wrote any way. 😊 How are you feeling today? Any coughing? Sore throat?

11:31 Morning. Feel much worse today. Cold is finally coming out. Throat feels better though. Nose will be raw by end of today.

Hope you’re having a nice day there.

Ah, is he really going to make it with his cold??

14:24 Oh, no!! Get well soon. I hope you can stay in bed all day today again. Maybe the salt helped with the throat?

Raw nose? Try lip balm around there a few times per day. Solves the problem.

Awful weather here. Raining hard. Would be perfect to be under covers with good company and watch a nice movie, drinking hot cocoa…

14:47 Eurgh. Struggling today. Glad I don’t have to be anywhere else. Raining? No!! Bring back the snow. ☃️ I like your ideas for spending a rainy day. 😊

15:00 😊 Maybe Monday?

15:01 OK. Hoping for rain in that case. 😊

Me, too!

🎼 When it’s cold outside I’ve got the month of May
Well I guess you’d say
What can make me feel this way? 🎶

Got hotel booked today. Staying at Radisson Blue Royal hotel until Tuesday.

15:24 Nice place! And walking distance to my flat. About 1 km downhill and you’re at my door. Maybe I could choose a restaurant between the hotel and my place, instead of Vapiano. Maybe Koti Pizza? Since you’re ill… So you won’t need to walk that much. What do you think?

15:41 That sounds like a great plan. 😊 And downhill too! Can I ski there??

Haha. You can try to ski there. I’ll watch. It’ll be funny!

During the week, we could have some wonderful veggie soup at my place. Would be good for your cold, too!

Meeting up at 8 or 8:30?

If you could meet me at hotel around 2015 that would be great. I’m still not that familiar with Helsinki….but improving. This is my 4th trip. 5th in March. 😊

Nice!

Let’s do that. Should be there by then.

If the flight is late – snow storm or something – I’m sure we’ll manage to find some other place open.

Healthy pizza sounds great. And your soup. 😊 Want to try that. I won’t let you starve and hope to take you out a few times.

16:22 So we have ourselves a plan. 😊 Oh, I eat very little nowadays. Can survive with 4-6 eggs and I’m happy.

16:24 You should keep chickens!!

Soup, salads, eggs. Volleyball. Not much more that I need. Except a little loving.

That’s good exercise too. 😊 Miss that.

Blink slowly at me with those dreamy eyelashes of yours… And that voice. Maybe I won’t be able to resist. Not sure. Who knows??

Hmmm. I’m just coming out of a long long relationship. So no hurry.

Christian… Should I maybe tell you something?

I’m not really the wild kind. My values are important to me. Having said that… I’d love to get to know someone slowly. Find a boyfriend. Someone to enjoy life with, respect, spend time with whenever possible. Have my person out there!

I read something that makes sense. Something I’ve experienced in life, and it was totally worth it. Even though it ended… ☹️

“I want my eroticism mixed with love. And deep love one does not often experience… You do not know what you are missing by your microscopic examination of sexual activity to the exclusion of aspects which are fuel that ignites it. Intellectual, imaginative, romantic, emotional. This is what gives sex its surprising textures, its subtle transformations, its aphrodisiac elements. You are shrinking your world of sensations. You are withering it, starving it, draining its blood.” And… “Whenever you do something that is not aligned with the yearning or your soul — you create suffering.”

16:58 I’m quoting Anais Nin. Ever heard of her? Beautiful!

I’ve had it and hope to again. Someday!

How do you feel about this? Are you looking for something completely different?

You seem to be a nice person. Friend? Boyfriend? Who knows? We have to meet first, spend some time together. Will there be any chemistry? Maybe.

But I like sincerity and I think you do, too. When there’s honesty, people can make informed decisions and be on the same page.

Would love to hear your thoughts. A little now and more later.

17:14 Thought-provoking quotes there. I haven’t seen them before. To start with, friendship is so important for me – hopefully much more, but it takes a lot of time to get to know people.

Somehow, I can sense that you are such a good person!

I had some bad people in my life. It was only recently I decided to cut my ties. There are too many nice people in the world go bother with the bad ones.

I love what you write. So… looking forward to Sunday. Hope you won’t be disappointed. Either way, we’ll have a fun evening. And some good food and laughs.

🎼 Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Ooh yeah 🎶.

And… You have to teach me ‘Hazel Eyes,’ Love Letter and Ingenious – all the games you told me about. You promised! 😊

17:23 You sound wise. Looking forward to Sunday!!

Fingers crossed for rain. 😊 Back in bed.

18:08 Good! You need that!

Can’t wait to feel well again. Btw, is my hotel close to station? I’m catching bus from airport.

The hotel is about 600m uphill from the station.

Ok. Hope I can make it uphill!! 😊 They need a chairlift.

You’re so funny! I wish I could pick you up, but it’s sauna time and the teens are coming over for that and then leaving.

Won’t have much luggage so should be easy. Oh. I would never expect that!!

Don’t want to miss the sauna.

Sauna is the right place for you.

🎼 I’ve got so much honey the bees envy me
I’ve got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees 🎶

But I would have loved picking you up. You would have been able to hear me singing in the car from moment zero.

Not necessary at all. But thanks.

18:13 No singing necessary for you then. LOL! 😊 Loved your suggestion of getting myself some chickens!

18:15 Meant the lift. Please sing away!! 😊

Look at my dinner.

Mmmm. Making me hungry.

I knew that you meant the lift. Was just teasing you a little.

You teasy-joker! 😊

Anna sends him another picture of her taking a nap. Under lots of covers.

Are you having another power nap?

No. Actually just eating those eggs.

OK. Thought you were multitasking. 😊

Teasing is kind of fun, too. I’m in an energetic mood all the time nowadays! Beware. I might grab you.

I was wondering where you were balancing the eggs. 😊 Grabbing? I like a bit of energy.

(Love how witty you are)! Just a bit? I heard you…

Haha. OK. A lot!!

🎼 Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Ooh yeah 🎶

So lucky to be on holidays from tomorrow afternoon. 😊 Hiihtoloma – our spring break – meant for skiing in Finland.

18:22 Enjoy! Holidays at last.

I’ve brought home some games for 2 from school. Some of my own, so that we’ll have enough to do in case of bad weather.

Great. 😊

Competitiveness and intelligence are big turn-ons!

18:30 So I have to win. What are the games?

Ha. You want to practice, huh? Ingenious. That’s one of the games. 😊 Ticket to Ride. 6 Nimmt.

I want to do my homework for the teacher.

The rules are in Finnish, so, too bad!

Haha. I see. I will just have to trust your teaching, then.

Are you going to sleep soon? Get your energy back for me.

Yep. Sleeping. But I’m thinking about your hazel eyes.

Sweet dreams… I’m going out soon.

Enjoy. I will be thinking about sauna games, as well.

You do that and try to come up with some cool rules. Talk to you later then, handsome eyes.

Sleep well later.

P.S. Three days!! X

Three days for you and me in 3D. 😊 Finally!

🎼 I don’t need no money, fortune, or fame (ooh hey hey hey)
I’ve got all the riches baby one man can claim (oh yes I do) 🎶

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 60 – hey, hey, hey! 🎶

(My Girl © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC)

Chapter 58 – Eurgh!!

Wednesday, 17 February 2016.

Day 59

Anna is leaving school earlier to go to a doctor’s appointment. She’s thinking and feeling, feeling and going crazy.

I’m 39.

With a shitload of experience, both great and horrible. Half my life ahead of me…

Living in my own flat for two months now…… Met 13 Tinder Guys.

Sigh.

I want intimacy – with chemistry!!!

I’m yearning for hugs, kisses, passion, watching a movie inside an embrace. Getting to know someone precious, unveil who he is… Ah, it’ll be so special!!! A boyfriend – yes!

My life is definitely to be lived. Eurgh!!! Going a little crazy here.

All this energy.

I’ll write Christian a message. 4 days to meet him in person……

11:06 Good morning. How are you feeling today? Driving now. Call? Or does it hurt to speak?

11:18 Morning. In bed. Feel worse today. Just trying to call you. You are definitely driving. 😔

12:19 So, did you gurgle salt and water? And can I have a picture of you with a cold? Under the covers? Please? 🙂

13:03 Haha. I’ll try.
Yep. Gargled. Delicious. 🤢

He sends his picture.

.
13.09 Sick 🤧.

13.11 And veeeery cute!!

OMG, he’s snuggly!!!

You have beautiful eyes! 😍

Hmm. This is the first time I’m seeing his eyes. He had sunglasses on in his other pictures.

13:16 Ahh. Thanks. Don’t feel v beautiful today! ☺️

13:30 I’m checking some homework here. Stories the pupils have written. Lots of spelling mistakes in this one. 🤔

13:32 Mind you, their English is better than my Finnish!

13.34 We’ll have to deal with your Finnish soon. Haha! But teaching you Swedish would be so much easier… Maybe I can come up with a prize system for your Finnish studies. A kiss or something for every ten new words you learn. 😚

Or some punishment when you don’t. Hahaha. Which pushes you better?

Hahaha. I think both would work!! Should I be scared? 😱 😨 Carrot and stick. 😊

Let’s wait and see!

14.21 You look so cuddly in bed. Love looking at your pic! Here’s mine:

.
Wow. MUCH better than mine! 😊😊 Are you having a power nap?

I wish – with you – would be nice!

Nice. 😊😊

14.38 Can I ask you something?

14.39 Of course.

You don’t think I’m this crazy chic, do you?

Not at all!!!

I mean, inside my heart I’m very deep and wise.

14.41 I know.

And I really like you. Your voice and lovely personality.

Same here. I know you are a nice person. 😊
Was that your question? 😊

And to elaborate my answer, if you were crazy….then I like a little crazy. 😊

15.12 Sorry. Was in the waiting room and the nurse called me in. Then I drove back to school.

Just checking, because one day I tell you I may have to take it slow and the next day I act differently. Cool that you like a little crazy. Me too! 😊

15:17 Hope all went OK at Doctor’s.

21:09 I have just finished playing volleyball and it was totally worth it. Super fun! I think I’m going for a short run soon, too. 😊 Hope you’re resting and feeling better soon! I feel energized.

18/02/2016, 4:28 Sorry. Went to bed super early and now I can’t sleep. 😕 Still feeling ‘energised’?? 😊

9:21 Still feeling like that, yes. Haha! But at 4 I was fast asleep. 😉

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. End of Day 59. Energized.

Chapter 57 – Who I Am?

Wednesday, 17 February 2016.

Dichotomy.

Not the sun – just thy moon?

I’m a lover – I’m beloved.

I am fun, I am old.

Woman, sister, mom and daughter,

I am scared, I am bold.

I’m not bitter, I am sweet!

I’m a lady,

Bittersweet.

I’m determined, I am flawed,

I am awed by thee.

I’m his Ex, I am deep,

I am active, I’m asleep.

I am happy, ugly, heavy.

I just want to leave.

I am light, I am dark,

I am gracious, I am marred.

I’m a birdie, I am barred.

I am patient, restless, pretty –

Just thy wild card.

North and south,

Kind and blind.

Just a girl,

I’m a friend.

I’m just tired –

I will end.

I am loyal, I betray:

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint –

I’m forgiving, I’m forgiven,

Though now drained.

Hot and cold (not really)

I’m a teacher, so silly!

I’m a playful mystery…

I am strong, I give up,

Direly need thy hugs.

I am human – there you go.

You won’t judge me,

So I’m told.

I am crazy, I am biased.

Fired up,

Wise, wired and hooked.

I am Tinderella Anna.

I’m thy secret, open book.

Obs. Day 59 of who am I’s?

Chapter 56 – Uh-Tinder Date #13

Tuesday, 16 February 2016.

Still Day 58

The Canadian and Anna sit at a café in Ruoholahti and try to chat. She is good with words and can talk to just about anybody about a thousand things, but somehow it feels these two have nothing to say to each other.

Real awkward silences fill their uh-awkward attempts.

They sip their tea and look around.

Uh… he looked a little chubbier in his pictures and where has his lovely beard disappeared to? Hmm.

This thin man’s face is clean-shaved. Are they even one and the same guy? Haha.

He tells her his daughter and his motorbike live in England. Uh… He himself owns a business in Hakaniemi. Uh… Would she like to ride his motorbike back from England with him.

Uh… Not sure! Well, at least we wouldn’t have to chat.

Uh… would she like to go to the movies with him after his England trip?

“Uh… Maybe, let’s see.”

Even looking at each other feels oddly awkward. Uh… Maybe Anna’s just sleepy and not feeling like her normal self today. She’s too much inside her mind, too little in her heart?

He seems like a perfectly nice guy – minus the sparks. Where are the sparks? Where are the sparks?

Finnair-flying here from Germany soon?

Ding! Fingers crossed, fingers crossed.

After she thanks him and leaves, she sits in her car in Citymarket’s parking lot and thinks about everything.

Ah, it’s kind of cool to go on all these dates. (I don’t know where people get the idea that Tinder is promiscuous. Well, I guess it depends on how one uses it)… Meeting new people and finding out who’s out there…

People are curiously fascinating. Ha! It’s like conducting my own field work in social studies/divorce-and-back-to-dating-near-your-forties research.

Well, as long as there’s respect and honesty, no waste of time.

Humpf.

#12 was a waste!

She reads Christian’s messages and then calls her mom.

18:33 Hello! Been in bed all day. 😊 Just got up. Feeling a bit better, thankfully! Plenty of water, hot drinks and paracetamol for me tonight. Hope you had a nice day.

Thanks for the pictures. I love Helsinki. It’s the perfect-sized city – you can walk everywhere. Never seen that cottage though. Love nature. Especially covered in snow! 😊

18:43 😊😊 Calling my mom now. Maybe I’ll talk to you later?

“So… how have this week’s dates been going?” Riittaa inquires happily even before saying hello.

Come to think of it, mom hardly ever says hello – jumping right into the matter at hand.

“Oh, mom. So interesting! Blah, blah, blah…

“…But I can’t help but feel quite excited with the Englishman I’m going to meet on Sunday. He seems to be well-mannered and smart. But not in a boring way… Blah, Blah….

“You know, today I told him I don’t know if I’m ready for dating yet. And he had such a respectful, mature response. Blah, blah…

“He’s always like that. Blah, blah, haha.”

“Yeah, I have a good feeling about this Englishman, too.” — Riitta is a woman of straight-to-the-point-just-the-necessary amount of words.

Quite a character – I just love her – funny and devoted and 100% her sui-generis self.

“Though he sent a horrible selfie today! Haha. But I don’t care. All the men I’ve met so far have turned out to be quite different in person, anyway.”

10 years older, 10 kg heavier, 10kg thinner, no beard, no smiles, no normal eye-to-eye contact, nicer clothes, shorter, you name it.

“I’m starting to think this gender is just not into their looks – to them, the world of selfies is from another universe – at least the men from my generation.”

“Yeah, meet him in person and then you’ll see.” — mama agrees.

,
21:01 Hello. Cough cough splutter. 😊 Hope you are keeping healthy. Maybe I should have been a teacher and eaten lots of apples?? I went back to bed. This is my first cold in ages. Hopefully a long sleep and I’ll be back to normal.

Hope you had a nice call with your mum. Does she live nearby? Wish I had the energy to write act III of that story we started. The cottage gave me some good ideas.

And your nice pictures. 😊

21:21 Hi, yes. I had a great chat with mom. She lives in Tampere, about 180km from here. Comes to Helsinki once a month. Dad, less often.

So sorry you’re feeling worse. 🤒🤧 Just stay in bed from now till Sunday morning and you should feel better. 😊

Unless you need antibiotics. Sometimes it’s good to check that it’s not angina, right? Look into your throat and see if there are any white spots around. If there are, you’re only getting better on meds.

21:27 Happy you liked Helsinki! And it’s not even my favorite city in Finland… Tampere, Oulu and Jyväskylä are better in some ways.

21:31 I hope you’re sleeping to recover. And if you do recover enough to come to Helsinki…

…we can just play a game at my place – do something non-tiring. Maybe I’ll let you lie under a cover to watch a movie and just take it easy. Let’s see.

21:36 Ahhh, that’s very kind. I am very much looking forward to seeing you on Sunday. I’m sure I’ll be fit and well by then. 😊 Movie, games. Sounds like a good day! Nice and relaxing.

22:02 😊

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. End of Day 58 feeling curious and reassured.

Chapter 55 – The Interim

Tuesday, 16 February 2016.

Day 58

Anna goes away from Tinder Date #12 feeling restless.

Disappointed.

She’s been too busy and is feeling a little worried about her daughter Kristiina, as well.

Not that she’d been too excited with any of this week’s dates before meeting them…

I don’t understand why people even go to the trouble of going on dates with half-efforts.

Nothing we don’t devote ourselves to can become special in our lives.

We learn to love what we serve – in other words, give our best efforts to. Time, energy and affection.

On the other hand, we shouldn’t throw our pearls to pigs…!

We just can’t love what we don’t respect. We don’t appreciate what comes easy. I definitely don’t enjoy half-hearted stuff. Not for me, no.

These half-wits!!

Christian puts in lots of effort into our chats. Good manners, a positive attitude, respect. Flirtiness. Like Frederick – except for the flirting.

She’s feeling a little too tired when he finally sends her that smile selfie he’s been promising.

What?! So different from his other pictures. What??

Oh, what if I don’t like him in person?

All these last events make her ponder over things and worry a little bit. She appreciates honesty, so here it goes.

16:30 Christian, I’ve been thinking… Can I share a little?

I have a question. Is now a good time to ask?

14:37 Hi there. Yes, of course. What’s on your mind? Can I ring you up?

Oh, maybe soon. I’ve just been thinking that my separation is so recent. Imagine. It happened just last December. Yours was in September? So, maybe you can relate…

Here I am two months later… On Tinder. I’ve been on quite a few dates already, and even though most of the men were nice, I didn’t feel any attraction – except maybe with one. Still, I didn’t want to keep on seeing him.

Most of them asked for second dates, but I just didn’t feel like it. And that has made me wonder whether I’m ready for this or if I still have too much emotional baggage to deal with…

I love chatting with you every day. It’s so nice!

But I’m wondering: since I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more (and we don’t even know whether we’ll have any chemistry in person)…

Are you interested in becoming friends with me if we feel no attraction? You seem to be a great person and I could really use some new friends at this point in my life. And… if nothing else comes out of this, at least we could both gain something precious. No wasted time!

I love having a warm well-mannered person to chat with, like you. The best on Tinder. 😊

Anna is being very sincere. At the same time, what she’s not telling him is that based on the previous dates, she knows that some men who seem nice online are so boring in person.

Discouraging, really.

Or then so horribly dressed. An urgent need for the dentist’s?

I am not a superficial person. I make lots of new friends easily and respect every human being. I believe every person was made to be loved and appreciated for who they are. Everyone has their brokenness and their beauty.

Still… that doesn’t mean that I have to accept just anyone into my life, as my boyfriend! Without chemistry there’s nothing – Frederick is right.

Hmmm. Who should I give a chance to?? I’m not looking for a perfect guy. My expectations aren’t too high. I don’t care if he’s my age, younger or 10 years older.

I don’t mind if he’s short, like the other women on Tinder seem to do.

I don’t care if he’s overweight – or middle class, like me. He doesn’t even have to be super handsome.

(I’ve read that it can be good for the relationship if the woman is just a little better looking than the guy. That way, the guy feels like he’s scored and the woman feels great, because she always feels pretty in his eyes. He’ll be happy with this. Value her more? I don’t know if that’s true, but it does make sense…)

So, what am I looking for?? Well, I certainly know what I do like.

Hmmm.

I like kindness and good manners – I hate constant bad moods.

I like good communication. Don’t really feel attracted to slow, boring men who won’t chat or talk much. They don’t ask anything – or then they do, but don’t comment on my answers.

Dull!

He doesn’t need to have a PhD, but I need intelligence. Mr. Pedro/Ex was very smart and I loved that about him.

Funny, hardworking, a good dad (to his own kids). A good enough listener… A guy able to make decisions and take action.

A mature man. Playful, too. The man in the relationship.

Affectionate. Oh, very, very affectionate. That’s what I dream of the most.

Sigh.

Oh, gosh, does he even exist? My cousin Caleb and my brother Moses are like that. My father, too. Some of my friends, as well.

But is there someone out there for me…?

Am I too demanding? Do I have to lower my expectations?

Hmm. Most men my age are married. 90% at least. And the other 10% includes the lazy ones, the crazy ones, the smelly ones. The half-wits.

OK, maybe I could give up some of my expectations. 😯

But, but, I’m talking about who to bring into my intimate life! Not just about who to become friends with.

Into my life, my home, my heart, my body, my history, my dreams.

My present and my future.

And vice versa.

I definitely have to do some research on the topic this week.

Anna, thanks for opening your heart to me. I have loved chatting with you, as well. I can see you’re a kind person, and so beautiful!

Everyone has baggage. I do, too. We’re all flawed, but we won’t know about the chemistry if we don’t meet in person. No pressure, though.

I’m interested in friendship, as well. Hopefully more. Life is good but gets lonely, like I said before. I’m coming to Helsinki just to meet you. If you’ll have me.

Work? I can work from my computer, from anywhere. You are the reason I’ll be flying there.

Wow, what a man.

At least this cool friendship. Fingers crossed for more. 🤞🤞🤞 I hope he’s as lovelicious as his messages.

Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.

Obs. Day 58 and five to go?