Category: separation

Chapter 30 – Blind Date #8

 

Thursday, 4 February 2016.

 

Day 46

 

 

Gosh, I’m looking good.

Damn girl!

Feminine, youngish,

Oh, baby I’ve got it!

Attitude. Wit.

My makeup just right, the perfect outfit.

 

Self-confidence, style, my smile.

Leather boots, joy,

“Well, moi!”

 

“Moi, Anna!”

Uhh, not bad. Score!

Blind Riku is a sight for eyes sore.

Short.

But yay a little chubby.

So cuddly!

New smart shirt, nice smart mind.

And kind.

 

He eats a huge plate, I just have a salad.

We talk non-stop.

But it’s slow. Slow fella.

It’s way too serious.

There’s no chemistry.

He’s just another Finn-mystery.

 

He asks why somebody like me is divorced.

“We just grew apart.

It’s sad.

Good guy, but a marriage turned bad.

He’s moved on, I will, too.

And what about you?”

 

“Out of a long relationship, me.

She was too active,

I just stay home.

Can’t do sports with my eye,

Nor drive.

Enjoying a quiet time.”

 

“I see.

Well, maybe you’re not for me,

Agree?”

 

 

“But company would be good.

Real love. Understood?

Maybe a few kids

To refill my home with bliss.”

 

“Kiss.”

 

“It’s early, but late for me.

Six.

To catch my train and sleep deep.

Here’s a nice hug and I’ll pay.

May I see you again, bae?”

 

“Well, in that case…

You’ll have to write more!

I know I just do

Require it to soar!”

 

Ten days go by, Riku sends a hi.

That’s way too odd!

“All the b💘st!” —  I respond.

I just sigh.

I’d die. I cry, “By😘!”

 

© 2017 rf

 

 

 

Obs. Day 46 after moving out. 

 

 

Chapter 28 – In the Forest

 

Tuesday, 10 October 2017.

 

Her work trip is long – an hour and twenty minutes from home to the second school where she teaches twice a week. Anna’s driving there now and wonderful English choir music is playing in her Kia Rio.

These drives are often special. When she doesn’t use the time for listening to Ted Talks or chatting with friends and relatives over the phone, she gets to meditate.

Reflect. Revisit her inner world and check how she really feels about things. Not just logically speaking, but more importantly, in her gut.

Heart. Soul.

A couple of deer have just crossed the road before her. Dangerous. But oh, so beautiful!

Her mind is empty for a change, and she’s just sucking in the majesty of the Finnish countryside nature.

 

Beauty – ah! What is beauty?

These wheat fields are it. Oh. Such colors! Now I understand Van Gogh.

 

Rain is falling gently from the grey clouds onto the slippery, curvy, hilly roads ahead, as the Chelmsford Citadel Songsters harmonize with each other. The trees all around her are shedding what they’ll have no use for in the coming seasons.

Gracefully, nonetheless.

Their yellow leafs dance their way down, blowing in the wind as they fall to the ground. To match the scenery, thankful tears of deep emotion escape Anna’s eyes.

Shamelessly.

Lots of people I love are going through so much. Both the good and the bad. And all those dates I had last year. Real human encounters some of them. And then love. I’m going through rain in my soul, now. 

But behind those clouds, the sun is shining strong and it will conquer again.

She inhales deeply.

 

Nature is so amazing! And what about people? What makes a person beautiful? What makes a guy handsome in my eyes?

I know.

Very well.

She arrives at the school parking lot, stays in her car and quickly scribbles some thoughts on a leaflet. She’ll keep on working on the poem during her lunch break.

🍂 🌾

 

I’ve been wondering. What is beauty? Hmm, who is handsome??

 

I think beauty’s a sad countenance

With a hurt heart that’s healing.

A brave heart – succumbed –

That keeps resilient,

Like a little bird must in a cold, cold storm.

 

Beauty is…

…both generosity and self-confidence.

…self-esteem, a good posture.

And your smile.

Yes, yours. Who else’s, precious one?

 

Your weight, your height.

Being you. Your wrinkles.

Trying to become a better version of yourself (with help),

While being comfortable in…

Your own skin.

 

A fearless soul

Marching to battle,

Though so fearful in sacrifice, maturity.

A scarred soldier who conquers:

Beautiful is he.

 

Beauty’s…

Intelligence.

Producing and loving. Youthful vigor.

Experience. Old age.

A life. YOLO. R.I.P.

 

Acceptance is graceful – weaknesses and all.

Loving yourself in a healthy way

To then really, really love others:

Your neighbor, your soul mate,

Your father? Your friends.

 

Oh, beauty is a trusting spirit

– Like that of an innocent child.

Gentleness, uncorrupted sweetness, and kindness, delight.

 

It’s to be proud of your achievements, talents.

Yet humble at heart.

 

It’s certainty, uncertainty.

Genuine you are.

 

In service. Purity.

Determination, vulnerability,

Respect, authenticity.

Do shine your light!

 

Forgiveness.

Wholeness.

Your brokenness, too.

Gratitude. A joyful being!

Deciding to live in truth.

 

Your amazing body and that sparkle in your eyes –

Beauty is the whole package, you see? Cutie pie.

 

When you can be bothered

You’re so handsome, making lots of little efforts

Both in action and in words,

You hardworking, fun,

Affectionate Guy.

 

Beauty’s…

A person walking in the forest

In solitude.

If accompanied – oh!

They’ll soar, they’ll fly.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is!

Tudo é belo ao que ama…

 

It’s solving your problems and

Finding your purpose.

That, beauty is…

Most definitely.

Indeed.

🍂

 

She’ll read her poem aloud to some. She’ll send it to ten-fifteen loved ones she finds beautiful. Who inspire her. Including him.

© 2017 rf

Vincent_van_Gogh_-_Wheatfield_with_crows_-_Google_Art_Project – kopio

Wheatfield with Crows, 1890. Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

 

 

Obs. About a year and eleven months since moving out. 

 

 

 

Chapter 27 – Make You Feel

What to wear? After Tinder Date 7, I feel I need to mentor guys a little.

“Hey, casual but nice. I think that men look so gorgeous in smart shirts! What do you say?”

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016.

 

Day 45

 

Diary Dear,

Hope you’ve been having a nice day. Have you…?

Me? Thanks for asking. 🙂

Ah, I’ve been thinking…

 

Have you realized how we tend to show different sides of our personality to different people?

Some folks trigger our sense of adventure. Others bring about our empathetic and caring sides.

Or our rage, for that matter (as if I knew anything about that! 😅).

 

With some martians you may feel like you talk too much and – uh-oh – just suck at listening. (I hate the feeling)… With others it’s infinitely better – there’s great balance in the interaction, a 60-40% split.

Some mortals have the natural ability to calm you down, maybe even make you experience a wonderful sense of abundant satisfaction. Contentment, pure and simple.

Sigh.

Isn’t it so?

There are adoring guys out there that make one feel happier, pretty and valuable. Visible! While other people perhaps treat you like a bit of an outsider. Stupid? Miserable? Nervous? They make you feel like you are a little bit boring?

Fat!! Gosh. Please, not fat!!

That’s why I prefer taller, chubbier guys. I feel slimmer and… They’re so cute! Snugly 🐼😍!

 

With Mr. Ex I always felt fat. 😕 Unaccepted.

He was too fit for me – and the guy didn’t go through one single fat day is his life. Lucky bastard.

Unfair!

Anyway…

We tend to like the people that help us feel good about ourselves. The ones who bring out our best sides. Our favorite qualities. Especially human beings who just make us feel loved and accepted for who we are.

People there for us through the thick and thin. Challenging us and helping us grow as a human bean (like Kristiina likes to joke). Those immortals are irreplaceable.

I have always been lucky to have friends like that. Thank God.

 

Hey, I need to tell you… Something’s up!

Yesterday, Riku wrote in light our date tomorrow. Remember the Norwegian god? I told him, “Well, finally! You haven’t been chatting with me at all!!”

“Anna, I feel there’s some important information I need to disclose before we meet up. I don’t know how you’ll feel about this, but I just need to tell you that I am blind of an eye.”

Oh, poor guy! That’s sad. 🙁

“And it has affected my appearance. The aesthetics of my face. Will you mind much? If you want to cancel the date, I’ll understand.”

Gosh, no!

“But I do wear an eye patch.”

“Oh, sorry to hear about your condition, Riku. I hope it doesn’t hurt… Of course I’m coming to the date. I’m not a superficial person… and I’m not perfect either. Who is?”

(I tell him about the big scar that I have in my abdomen).

 

“Riku, what will matter to me is our chemistry. Will we have any? You don’t write much. Is there a special reason for that or are you a very calm type?”

He tells me he’s wasted way too much time chatting with women he never got around to meeting in the end, so he’s got no more energy for that. But yes, he discloses again, he’s the very peaceful, very calm type.

“Hmm. That could be a problem… You see? I am very energetic and like lively conversations and interaction.”

He assures me it’s just the written chats that he doesn’t like.

“OK, then. Let’s meet tomorrow and see what kind of chemistry we feel around each other. You look handsome, I’m sure. Your pics are great!”

Now I understand why his artistic photos only showed half of his face…

 

And then we just discuss the basics.

What time? He asks to meet at 16:30. Only half an hour after I get home from work – ops!

Where? Well, since I’ll be in a huge hurry to get pretty, I ask him to come to the Nepalese restaurant in my neighborhood.

What to wear? After Tinder Date 7, I feel I need to mentor guys a little.

“Hey Riku, I’d say casual but nice. I think men look so gorgeous in smart shirts 😍! What do you say?”

 

So, Diary Dear… I’ll let you know how it goes, I promise. My curiosity sure is ignited.

Let’s see.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 45 since moving out.

 

Chapter 26 – Ding! Plo-Plim. Ding! Ding!

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016.

 

Day 45

 

Ding!

Plo-Plim!

Anna feels enthusiastic every time her phone dings.

Ding!

 

Yay…! Connecting with new people has been so interesting…

Sharing ideas, discussing big subjects, some intellectual topics, too. Being a little flirty at times (of course)! It’s all novel stuff, so our Anna can’t help but get all wired up.

There’s a time for everything, and this is the first time that Anna is free, you see? Free to explore, play the field – free to rediscover herself. Who am I now?

I don’t know, but this sure is fun! Yay.

Ding!

 

Don’t get me wrong, my dearest reader. When someone conquers her passionate heart, she’s ever the loyal and adoring type – aren’t twenty years proof enough, huh?

It’s exciting, too, being that passionate. And she’s undoubtedly a daydreamer.

Ah…!

Plo-Plim!

 

Yet, her personality type adores to explore.

Excitement, creativity, laughter, flexibility, sensations, curiosity, energy, drama, novelty intelligence, feelings, fun and unpredictability. That’s what I’m talking about, baby. That’s the kind of stuff that delights her.

Ah…!

Ding!

 

Besides, I’ll let you in on a little secret now.

Anna has yet to understand that about herself, but truth be told, our Anna’s a bit dopamine-driven. She needs a couple of challenges from time to time to ignite her adventurous problem-solving mode.

Yes, she even needs a tiny little bit of drama in her love life. Otherwise she’ll feel bored.

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 45 since moving out.

Chapter 25 – Justin, Dustin’

Ding! Christian’s sending me messages on Whatsapp! Aww. And Riku! Plo-Plim.

 

Wednesday, 3 February 2016.

 

Day 45

 

You look out the window and it’s freezing, but Finnish apartments are always warm and nice in winter — about 21°C.

Anna’s wearing her favorite pj’s: a navy blue tank top with pink text, and flannel shorts with a tartan pattern. So comfy! She’s braiding her hair loosely, ending in a pony tail slightly to the right side.

Hmm, time to get my highlights redone.

Tonight, Anna’s just chilling. Strolling around her house, dusting off here and there, feeling good. Headphones on — she’s swinging to Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself, playing on her iPhone.

🎶 You think you broke my heart, oh, for goodness’ sake
You think I’m crying on my own. Well, I ain’t.
And I didn’t wanna write a song
‘Cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care.
I don’t,
But you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I’ll be movin’ on
And I think you should be somethin’ I don’t wanna hold back
Maybe you should know that…

…Didn’t see what’s going on
But now I know
I’m better sleeping on my own

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself 🎶

So melodic — she likes the songs her pupils suggest — Yeah… moving on. That’s the spirit — and she’s humming along.

OMG, that reminds me. Meeting up with the Norwegian god tomorrow! And I still haven’t researched how to say no to a second date.

Anna googles “Let him down easy,” hitting the search button.

Articles, forums… Oh, a video! Here we go. Let me listen to this while I have a snack. Just in case I need it tomorrow.

 

DON’T LIKE HIM? Let him down easy like this (by Matt Boggs)

▶️  “… why would this be important in meeting your man? Because the path to meeting your man… is through the dating process. It’s by going out with people…

“Inevitably, when you give people a chance, you’re going to meet people who are just not a great fit for you.”

You don’t say! 💀🤑🤖👿🤡👺

“Until you end up meeting that person and it just clicks – feels amazing and there’s tons of chemistry.”

Uh, I want that! 🙂 

“…Reframe rejection… to have liberty and freedom to go on more dates…”

Nice.

“…But first, let me explain why this is so important: if you’re afraid of rejecting someone, then you’re not going to go out with a lot of guys who, at first glance, look like, ‘ahhh, I might end up rejecting this guy.’

“But you go out, and you find out that this guy is amazing! This guy blows your socks out!”

My socks!! 😍🤩😍

 

“You see, he’s everything you never knew that you always wanted (to quote a line from Fools Rush In)…

“So, you’re going end up going out on more dates, you won’t be afraid to disappoint them and you’ll be able to reject them in the kindest, most humane way possible.”

Hmm.

“So here’s the key: men respect people who are (1) honest, and who are (2) direct.”

Seriously??! It’s that simple?

“And you want to be absolute. Let me explain. A lot of women like to dance around the topic. They like to hint at things…

“Let me be clear, men don’t speak hint… And letting a guy down easy actually creates more pain through the process than just being honest, being direct and being absolute.”

 

⏸  Wow. I had no idea. I like it when people let me down easy. I can take a hint…

Man, are we different!

OK. I do want people to be objective with me. But still, in a very warm way, giving me their honest reasons. Having a talk about it… Then I don’t feel hurt and it’s easier to move on.

▶️ Oh, gosh! Boggs is telling us not to give guys the reasons!? Haha. That would just be a challenge for the guy to overcome. Or something like that. Interesting…!?

 

“So there’s one thing that nobody can argue, when it comes to calling it quits in any kind of dating experience. It is absolute. That you just don’t feel the chemistry with this person.

“…Two ways that you can reject a man…

“(1) If you’re talking to a guy online:

“‘Hey, thanks so much for contacting me. I’m flattered, but I don’t really feel we are a good fit. You sound like a great guy, and I’m wishing you all the best. Take care.’

“…Great text. Direct, to the point. It’s confident. And you’re wishing them well, you’re being respectful – an open, honest person.”

I like that.

“(2) If you’ve gone out with the guy and it’s face to face on a date (you’re not really feeling it with this guy, but you can tell that he’s going to ask you out on a second date):

“You can simply say, ‘Hey, I really appreciate going out with you tonight. But unfortunately, I’m not feeling the romantic chemistry. You’re an amazing guy, I know you’re going to meet someone really special, and I’m wishing you all the best’.”

Oh, I could have said that to Tapio – he was so sweet. But, I wouldn’t say that to a nutjob. Hmm. Better screen them better from now on.

“…That’s all you need to say. It’s that simple… Understand that it’s just part of the game, no big deal. You’re going to reject people. People are going to reject you. But you’re all gonna live on, and ultimately you’re going to find that special someone and create an extraordinary relationship….”

Hmm. Thanks, Matt! I’ll practice. I’ll try…

Values. Anna believes in self-respect and in treating others with respect, too.

 

Ding!

Yay, Christian’s sending me a Whatsapp message. Aww…

 

Plo-Plim!

And Riku on Tinder.

Plo-Plim!

Ding!

© 2017 rf

 

 

 

Obs. Day 45 since moving out.

 

 

Chapter 24 – Resilient In The Storm

“So don’t be afraid – you are worth more than many sparrows.”

 

February 2016 (and before).

 

There’s a little birdie flying in the Finnish sky. Clouds or no clouds, sunshine or rain, our sparrow spreads its wings and glides away. She soars, back-flips, twirls and dives.

She’s free, you see?

After a long, long time, she’s happily – finally – free to fly.

She wasn’t his prisoner. No, they were friends – both in the same cage. Then came craze and maturity and now they’ve both been freed to age with dignity.

There are other birds out there. Flying her way and she theirs.

“No! Go away – you’re not him.” Let’s see what happens when she finds 16.

  🐦

 

Tears are bound to come soon, but truth be told, Anna has been feeling relieved and delivered.

The last two years of her marriage were all about friendship, kindness, and awkward final attempts to reconnect. A few last fights.

Then he quit.

It just wasn’t meant to be?

Of course it had been shocking when, in the summer of 2015, it had felt as though he was far away and as good as gone already. They were spending a long holiday in Majorca with the teens, but no, no connection. Just a huge unsurpassable gap.

July to September flew (haha). Then one day in the latter, they were sitting in her car in the afternoon. He touched on the topic of a separation.

Oh no, not again…

Anna couldn’t bear his candid, unruffled reminder-threats anymore!

Stressful!

Yet, she turned to him and…

It looks as though he has accepted the situation and is at peace. Hmmm.

At that moment, she searched her soul, down to its most unerring part and back, faced the tweet 🎵, permitting herself to feel fully and honestly all that she really, truly felt.

Take a deep breath!

And then very calmly, very lovingly said:

“Pedro, I think we should stay together. We have our teens, all the memories, our photo albums, all our victories. We have just moved back into our renovated flat.  We’ve redecorated! The teens have settled in their new schools and made friends. We’ve found new jobs, paid our debts and can start saving again.

“I don’t want a divorce” — she went on — “and I love you. We have all we need to grow closer together, open up our hearts once more to each other after our many storms. And just be happy, leaving the past in the past. All the hurt, all the heartbreak!”

Long sigh.

“Having said that…

“…The only reason, Pedro, the absolute only reason why I’ll want a divorce is…

“…if you look into your heart of hearts and know — you just know that you don’t love me enough. You don’t love me like I deserve to be appreciated. Like everybody does.

“In that case, I do want a divorce, too.

“But, I won’t ask for it. You will have to be brave enough and make the decision. To take that leap of faith.”

A flight of faith?

 

It felt amazing to speak with such veracity.

They finally connected.

 

And a week later he asked for the divorce.

 

It was a slow-paced process — that dragged on for years — the whole thing. Now, four months after that earnestness, Anna has been living in her adorable flat for almost six weeks.

All the tears seem so 2015 to her! Tears that purified her being, nonetheless. She feels washed up and freed:

A new beginning! Há males que vêm para o bem.

A blessing in disguise. Every cloud has a silver lining.

Even in the (dark, wintry) Finnish skies.

© 2017 rf

🐦

 

P.S.alm 84

How lovely is your dwelling place… My soul yearns, even faints… my heart and my flesh cry out… Even the sparrow has found a home… Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley… they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength… Hear my prayer Lord… Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper… than dwell in the tents of the wicked. No good thing does he withhold… Blessed is the one who trusts in you.

Chapter 22 – Tinder Date #7

 

Tuesday, 2 February 2016. –> And we’re back to the past.

 

Day 44

 

Diary Dear,

My quest goes on in the treacherous seas of the Isle of Tinder-Cinders.

When I arrive at the Little Big Café, André is almost done munching his croissant and gulping away. I smile as I walk up to him. Holding up two fingers, he complains I’m 2 minutes late. ✌️

Cool guy.

He asks me if I’d like coffee and when I nod, he adds, “Go buy one then”.

 

His pics on Tinder are quite nice. Suit and all. How come he went to bed in old clothes, got up, slipped his feet into no-lace boots, put on his oldest winter coat (nothing’s matching), and came to meet me on a bad-hair day?

Hmmm.

I know I can just dump him, but humor him like I did. If nothing else, stories to tell my grand-kids one day?

He then proceeds to chatter: 20 minutes on global warming. According to him, the firm he owns is building huge projects in Vantaa, but – he protests – what’s the use of it if all Africa is going to invade Europe by the millions?

Anyway, fifteen minutes, that’s it – no more – and we leave. His SUV is parked outside and he commands, “Get in the car. I’ll take you home now.”

“No thanks!” — and know that I’ve had my first nutjob date.

 

Diary…!

Mom called from Tampere this afternoon to check up on me. I shared a little, mentioned Ex and Newbie’s Bahamas pics on FB. What a pain……..

“Anna, I don’t understand how come you’re so calm. Why don’t you hate him?? It’s been really hard on us, your father and me.”

“Really, mom? Oh no! I understand. I know…

“But you’re the one who did all those daily devotionals with us kids. Reading the whole Bible, cover to cover. You had us memorize those verses about not judging others, loving your neighbor… Forgiving 70×7. Ring any bells?

“Remember the little song you made out of that verse for us to sing: ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Yes do!’

“Your fault, mom. And… Thanks.☺️” — I really am deeply grateful. Mom has always been incredible. A Rock and a steadfast friend.

“Yes, but…”

 

We change subjects and I tell her the hot gossip. You know. Tinder, me. The whole concept had to be explained to her.

Her reaction? Out of the roof. Haha. She wants date updates. 😄

We agreed not to tell dad just yet. Don’t think he’d approve…

 

As for other news… the teens are fine. With their father this week, so I have another date booked. 😆

#incorrigibleme

The guy looks good in his photos – like a Norwegian god. Bold smile. Blond, nicely trimmed beard. His pics are artistic, cropped to show only half his face.

His chats are a bit slow, though. IT engineer. Nokia.

Talking of which, the Englishman (Christian) has been writing avidly. As wonderfully as ever. Is he really visiting Finland this month, you think?

Ah, come on doubting Thomas… sooner or later I’ll have to score. I’ve got enough match cards up my sleeve. I just know it. 

Get me a winning ticket, will you? Please.

God…?

 

For now, it seems so hard — but super fun!

What’s the recipe, I wonder. What are the ingredients??

Need will have to meet opportunity. Curiosity will have to match with excitement. Will opposites attract? Hormones (and my cycle week) will have to be just right.

Desire, connection, chemistry, mystery, fun, wonder, imagination, calendars, moods, emotional baggage, positivity, a little flirting, openness, a light touch, genuine interest, butterflies, chance, courage, holding back, a little craziness, a little doubt, subtle signs, peaks to be climbed? It’s like the planets will have to align.

Impossible? Unlikely?

Yet, in every country, city and village, in the remotest places in the world, people (still) find love and passion every day. Since the beginning of times… Now through applications, perhaps? 🤔

That’s just the nature of things. Love Actually.

Love is in the air. Everywhere. 

If even Mr. Ex has found it with Ms. Newbie…

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 44 since moving out.

Chapter 19 – The Making Of 1

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

Appendix

 

Flashforward to February 2017 when this book begins to be written.

I ask Omar – a genius friend – for some feedback and he repeatedly challenges me, “Anna, the nicest parts are the ones where you dare to be vulnerable, like when you’re concerned for your teens after moving out.”

“Yeah, but isn’t the story supposed to be funny? And how can I expose myself?? I’m a teacher and a mother,” I wonder for months ahead.

CT2 reads some excerpts as well and he agrees. I should definitely say what I’m really, really thinking. He suggests a blog.

 

Now, flashforward again to yesterday – if you get what I mean (8 October 2017).

Some of my smartest friends have been reading my blog. They like it🤘. We’re all visiting Iris’s family in Vantaa:

Joey. Mom Riitta and I. Carol & Sami. Velho. Natasha and her daughter Anastasia.

 

Carol introduces us to her boyfriend…

“Well, finally Carol! Where were you hiding him for all these months?” I tease her.

Aww. Such a beautiful couple. And I can totally get what she sees in him. So happy for them… Emotional me thinking to myself.

Carol and Sami met online after Iris and I insisted for months she join our virtual club – which she did. Reluctantly.

Gosh. Love at first date. More importantly: with the first guy she goes out with!! Lucky bastards.

We’re at the table and this is when my mom Riitta, usually quiet/just observing everything tells Carol and Sami, “You guys have had more luck than Anna!”

Ouch.

“Cause as far as I know, she’s not dating anyone right now!” she says, looking at Velho.

More about that later.

 

 

“Hey Anna,” Carol says, “it’s cool that your blog is funny and light, but what can really set it apart is that you won’t just share your online dating to your reader. Above all, share your emotions, the pain of the divorce, your inner life…” she’s adamant in reminding me.

 

 

Lucy and Fred are divorced friends of mine, still single like myself. They asked me for more blood in the story; the gory details and I quote: “How did you sleep the first night alone? Where’s the rage?! The hurt. The reader will want to relate.”

“But, but, I want to tell the story as it actually unfolded. To me, it has to be authentic. Be patient. It’s coming,” I try to explain, feeling defensive.

Humpf. I’ve been adding some scarlet drops here and there. 🦈 I hope you’ve noticed.🦇🐲🦂 🐊 🐆 🐃🐲🦏 💉💣🐻  OK, some of these emojis don’t look that scary, so: 👿 👹 👺

 

Truth be told, all this feedback has been helping me dig into my deepest self.

I’m getting there…

It’s therapeutic. All part of a process. Remember that Anna is determined. And she tries hard to live according to the following challenges: Let it go. Let it be. Live and let live. There are no problems in life: just solutions.

Well, at least I hope so.🕊

 

 

What about Iris? Oh, Iris is something else.

My loving friend Iris is ab-so-lu-te-ly hilarious. A Jewish engineer, she’s always loud and clear about her opinions – if anything, you can count on that. Kind of like Golde from Fiddler on the Roof.

“Oh, for F#c*’s sake! Who cares what the others think of your writing??! It’s your story. Your book. Just do it like you want to, my dear, and enjoy..!”

 

 

After the evening with her friends, Anna feels inspired to go back to Chapter 7 to add some more sensitive material there. Scroll down all the way back to Tino’s, if you will.

“Two days. My very first date! Yay.”

…Blah Blah Blah. Long story short, the guy cancels. Maybe you recall it?

 

 

Amiga Lucy rereads chapter 7 with its additions this morning. Then she gets back to me.

“The part I like the most is ‘Stupid Tino thanked me for understanding…’ I would have told him:

22359463_10155993116841015_296742144_n – kopio ”

Ops, Tino.

Roasted!

© 2017 rf

Chapter 18 – Downsides and Upsides

This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂

 

Monday, 1 February 2016.

 

Day 43

 

Anna’s just arrived home after having coffee with her old-time friend after work. They’ve known each other since Anna’s wedding day, back in 1995, when Mary was brought to the festivities as a +1.

It’s always lovely to catch up with a lady friend, isn’t it? A good dose of oxytocine and your stress levels come tumbling down.

Anna’s told Mary about joining Tinder and they giggled about her first dates.

Despite the fact that Mary felt quite shocked with that piece of news! For one, she’d never even heard of dating apps and, being the very wise, well-behaved type, Mary doesn’t really fathom Anna’s decision.

“What’s the hurry, dear creature? Take some time, enjoy life! You’ve only been single for a month and a half,” she exclaims wide-eyed.

Nonetheless, Mary’s a good listener and always shows great respect for her friend, so she just reminds her to be careful, which Anna promises to do.

 

Hey, I don’t know about you, but the first twenty years of Anna’s life were spent in a very close-knit and cheerful, oftentimes noisy circle of relatives, friends, classmates, and above all, her musical parents and siblings.

In the next twenty years, she found herself constantly surrounded by all of the aforementioned, with the addition of her two beloved kids.

And handsome Mr. Ex.

That is, when it felt like he was present at all.

 

Volleyball is Anna’s favorite sport and now I can say I finally understand the reason. Involving constant team work and cooperation, it is such a social game. No wonder why she plays it ten hours a week, loving every moment of it.

You see, when you’re divorced and your kids are practically adults, there are some nice upsides to your life. You can focus on your hobbies, spend hours and hours with friends; even decide to sleep over after a visit, chatting and laughing all night long around their dinner table.

If you want to, you can live sparingly and save all your money to the last dime. Or just go on a shopping spree and, who cares, save next month. Good-bye having to discuss and agree on those things with your spouse, or then deal with the disapproving frowns.

 

The first year of divorce is fun. Mmm. Go on Tinder, courageously look for love again.

Oh, and does Anna enjoy a tidy flat or what.

Having to do the laundry only once or twice a month and – oh, oh – eating easy-to-prepare eggs and salads. Healthy. And cheap, too.

I’m no advocate for divorce – God forbid. But, you can up and travel during all your holidays. Make last minute plans and then change them, just like that. Hey, maybe not even come back home from a long trip before the very last vacation night…

 

…On the other hand, there is a downside.

One of many. 🙁 But the one I’m talking about is coming home to an empty house.

Don’t believe me? Maybe that’s because your life is always busy with family members and unending chores, so you’d gladly accept a quiet, home-alone day. Cozy and relaxing – I can understand that.

I remember.

 

But, we are social beings and life is to be shared. So, when Anna comes home, night after night to her dark, empty flat, knowing nobody is there, and no one is going to come in through the door, not even later in the evening… Nobody’s going to wish me good night… I’ll tell you, at times her stress grows with the hours.

It can feel pretty lonesome and cold. So, that’s why.

Flash forward to 2017 and………….

© 2017 rf

 

 

Obs. Day 43 since moving out. What now?