To see my heart on your phone, rotate screen to landscape. Xx
I am
x AT1 x
Small, sweet and strong, like Brazilian cafezinho.
Smiley, affectionate, energetic, romantic.
Feeling, trusting, challenging thee.
Determined & wishful.
Thine, Anna.
x
.
Tuesday, 2 February 2016. –> And we’re back to the past.
Day 44
Diary Dear,
My quest goes on in the treacherous seas of the Isle of Tinder-Cinders.
When I arrive at the Little Big Café, André is almost done munching his croissant and gulping away. I smile as I walk up to him. Holding up two fingers, he complains I’m 2 minutes late. ✌️
Cool guy.
He asks me if I’d like coffee and when I nod, he adds, “Go buy one then”.
His pics on Tinder are quite nice. Suit and all. How come he went to bed in old clothes, got up, slipped his feet into no-lace boots, put on his oldest winter coat (nothing’s matching), and came to meet me on a bad-hair day?
Hmmm.
I know I can just dump him, but humor him like I did. If nothing else, stories to tell my grand-kids one day?
He then proceeds to chatter: 20 minutes on global warming. According to him, the firm he owns is building huge projects in Vantaa, but – he protests – what’s the use of it if all Africa is going to invade Europe by the millions?
Anyway, fifteen minutes, that’s it – no more – and we leave. His SUV is parked outside and he commands, “Get in the car. I’ll take you home now.”
“No thanks!” — and know that I’ve had my first nutjob date.
Diary…!
Mom called from Tampere this afternoon to check up on me. I shared a little, mentioned Ex and Newbie’s Bahamas pics on FB. What a pain……..
“Anna, I don’t understand how come you’re so calm. Why don’t you hate him?? It’s been really hard on us, your father and me.”
“Really, mom? Oh no! I understand. I know…
“But you’re the one who did all those daily devotionals with us kids. Reading the whole Bible, cover to cover. You had us memorize those verses about not judging others, loving your neighbor… Forgiving 70×7. Ring any bells?
“Remember the little song you made out of that verse for us to sing: ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Yes do!’
“Your fault, mom. And… Thanks.☺️” — I really am deeply grateful. Mom has always been incredible. A Rock and a steadfast friend.
“Yes, but…”
We change subjects and I tell her the hot gossip. You know. Tinder, me. The whole concept had to be explained to her.
Her reaction? Out of the roof. Haha. She wants date updates. 😄
We agreed not to tell dad just yet. Don’t think he’d approve…
As for other news… the teens are fine. With their father this week, so I have another date booked. 😆
#incorrigibleme
The guy looks good in his photos – like a Norwegian god. Bold smile. Blond, nicely trimmed beard. His pics are artistic, cropped to show only half his face.
His chats are a bit slow, though. IT engineer. Nokia.
Talking of which, the Englishman (Christian) has been writing avidly. As wonderfully as ever. Is he really visiting Finland this month, you think?
Ah, come on doubting Thomas… sooner or later I’ll have to score. I’ve got enough match cards up my sleeve. I just know it.
Get me a winning ticket, will you? Please.
God…?
For now, it seems so hard — but super fun!
What’s the recipe, I wonder. What are the ingredients??
Need will have to meet opportunity. Curiosity will have to match with excitement. Will opposites attract? Hormones (and my cycle week) will have to be just right.
Desire, connection, chemistry, mystery, fun, wonder, imagination, calendars, moods, emotional baggage, positivity, a little flirting, openness, a light touch, genuine interest, butterflies, chance, courage, holding back, a little craziness, a little doubt, subtle signs, peaks to be climbed? It’s like the planets will have to align.
Impossible? Unlikely?
Yet, in every country, city and village, in the remotest places in the world, people (still) find love and passion every day. Since the beginning of times… Now through applications, perhaps? 🤔
That’s just the nature of things. Love Actually.
Love is in the air. Everywhere.
If even Mr. Ex has found it with Ms. Newbie…
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 44 since moving out.
I’ve admitted it, there you go.
It’s very hard to please me with good gifts because what I want is actually the hard stuff: I want you to really care and to show that both in words and action.
Tuesday, 21 February 2017.
Day – Does it Matter? Love stops time.
It’s our one-year anniversary and he’s promised to call a little later.
Anna is looking out the window of the cottage she adores so much. The sun appeared from behind the heavy clouds just now, as if to celebrate their special occasion. Its rays are resting over the cleanest of snows. And when you live in Finland, you value each second of sunshine, isn’t it so?
Some friends were here with Anna over the weekend, but had to go back to work in Helsinki. For Annita, this is Spring break from school, 9 days off for ‘hiihtoloma’.
Since Mr. Boyfriend and I can’t be together today, that’s how I’ve planned it: I want to be alone!
Alone. To feel. To reflect. She needs to reminisce, in order to continue writing this book she’s recently begun.
Omar and Anna chatted on Messenger earlier. He’s been reviewing her first drafts and has some constructive criticism.
“Anna, there in Chapter 2 where you say you like practical gifts. I’m not quite buying it. Nobody’s that pragmatic. Come on!
“Gifts make one feel seen… It’s about feeling valued and important to others at the end of the day. But OK, the socks are nice. Romantic.
“Amiga, why don’t you take advantage of the fact that you’re anonymous? Be fully honest with yourself, tell the reader everything. You’re an Alias, it’s a diary. It’s safe to pour your heart out. And we’re curious.” 🙂
The next few days are going to be her first holidays alone.
Ever.
Anna had been afraid to be here like this, in such secluded surroundings. The pitch-black darkness of night. Well, she’s been locking all doors, even though you don’t really need to do that in the middle of the forest in this country.
Mostly, she had been afraid of feeling lonely out here without him – every corner of the place bursting with memories.
So far so good.
Always face your fears! Don’t run away from them. And… solitude and loneliness are different things!
This is solitude.
And what a wondrous place this is.
Back to work then, Chapter 2, where did it end?
Ah, here it is… Eggs, Light Coke, Diesel, Lindt. She is reading over her Ray Ban glasses.
“Socks. Yes!! Socks… Someday I’ll share my life closely with somebody again (but it will have to be someone as special as me), and we’ll give each other good socks for every birthday and every Christmas. One pair each. And sometimes on a normal day too, just to be romantic. ❤️😍”
I’m changing the verb tense. There. This sounds better: “And we’re wearing them all.”
I like that part, it’s sincere, hopeful, simple and romantic – like me. Hope Mr. Boyfriend takes the hint. Haha.
OK Anna, challenge of the day: be honest with yourself. Think of this whole situation. The whole mess. Dreams, frustrations, the longing. Everything you and he shared in a year.
She leans back on the couch and is suddenly in far-away-heartland. For a loooong time. When she comes back to here and now, Anna is ready to type away…
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 428 – but love does stop time!
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
There is a little place in Finland – so unpretentious – that invites you to come and relax for a few days. Its calming breeze seems to whisper, “You are your truest self with me, so drop your guard, inhale and exhale, and notice your contentment”.
It’s a place where nature envelops you with tranquility and its little birds tweet in the morning.
Other than that, all you can hear are the sounds of silence. And your own steps in the snow.
To get there, you must drive for a pretty long time in the countryside, before taking a left turn onto a dirt road in the forest.
A beautiful forest. Hilly – majestic in its simplicity.
It’s no touristic site, nor does it aspire any fame. It is just whole and happy to be what it is.
Precious. Priceless.
Ten kilometers down the dirt road, after various curves of peaceful expectation, you come to a little farm where the dogs start barking to announce your arrival, a few horses neigh behind a white wooden fence, and the lady in her late sixties who owns the place comes out to greet you with a warm smile and animated chatter. Her husband is a friendly man, too, though he talks much, much less.
They’ll lead the way, ten minutes further down to their lake and the little cottage you’ve rented to spend a few days at. There, you can enjoy total privacy and solitude. Naps, the fireplace, healthy meals (and some Fazer chocolate, of course).
Anna loves jogging and walking around the lake. And all the hard work of carrying logs from the woodshed to the cottage.
The property has electricity, but no running water, which makes the whole experience even more special, as the water to do the dishes has to be fetched from the lake.
Once a day, you sit in the sauna and let it revive your whole being – body and soul – as you look out the sauna window at the amazing views with pine and birch trees, before a skinny dip in the hole in the ice.
Avanto, in Finnish.
For her, the place is loaded – but only with good memories and emotions. The first two times, she came here to celebrate a very white Christmas with Mr. Ex, their little kids and dear friends.
Santa Claus showed up too, making his way slowly to the cottage in the unblemished snow. Four-year-old Kristiina was so excited to meet Santa in person, but then she recognized our friend, “It’s Rick, it’s Rick!” she giggled happily, while Baby Joey slept through the whole thing.
Anna will always be grateful to Rick for introducing her to this place.
In the next chapter, permit me to forward our story to February 2017, a little over a year after Anna’s divorce.
This is the first time Anna is here at the cottage alone.
All her stays have been special, but the best two were with CT2, aka Tinder Date #16, aka let’s wait and see.
Are you getting any curious? Well, if you’re patient…
…You might get a few glimpses into the warmest, most passionate parts of her sielu soon.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Next, flashforward to day 428 since moving out.
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Appendix
Flashforward to February 2017 when this book begins to be written.
I ask Omar – a genius friend – for some feedback and he repeatedly challenges me, “Anna, the nicest parts are the ones where you dare to be vulnerable, like when you’re concerned for your teens after moving out.”
“Yeah, but isn’t the story supposed to be funny? And how can I expose myself?? I’m a teacher and a mother,” I wonder for months ahead.
CT2 reads some excerpts as well and he agrees. I should definitely say what I’m really, really thinking. He suggests a blog.
Now, flashforward again to yesterday – if you get what I mean (8 October 2017).
Some of my smartest friends have been reading my blog. They like it🤘. We’re all visiting Iris’s family in Vantaa:
Joey. Mom Riitta and I. Carol & Sami. Velho. Natasha and her daughter Anastasia.
Carol introduces us to her boyfriend…
“Well, finally Carol! Where were you hiding him for all these months?” I tease her.
Aww. Such a beautiful couple. And I can totally get what she sees in him. So happy for them… Emotional me thinking to myself.
Carol and Sami met online after Iris and I insisted for months she join our virtual club – which she did. Reluctantly.
Gosh. Love at first date. More importantly: with the first guy she goes out with!! Lucky bastards.
We’re at the table and this is when my mom Riitta, usually quiet/just observing everything tells Carol and Sami, “You guys have had more luck than Anna!”
Ouch.
“Cause as far as I know, she’s not dating anyone right now!” she says, looking at Velho.
More about that later.
“Hey Anna,” Carol says, “it’s cool that your blog is funny and light, but what can really set it apart is that you won’t just share your online dating to your reader. Above all, share your emotions, the pain of the divorce, your inner life…” she’s adamant in reminding me.
Lucy and Fred are divorced friends of mine, still single like myself. They asked me for more blood in the story; the gory details and I quote: “How did you sleep the first night alone? Where’s the rage?! The hurt. The reader will want to relate.”
“But, but, I want to tell the story as it actually unfolded. To me, it has to be authentic. Be patient. It’s coming,” I try to explain, feeling defensive.
Humpf. I’ve been adding some scarlet drops here and there. 🦈 I hope you’ve noticed.🦇🐲🦂 🐊 🐆 🐃🐲🦏 💉💣🐻 OK, some of these emojis don’t look that scary, so: 👿 👹 👺
Truth be told, all this feedback has been helping me dig into my deepest self.
I’m getting there…
It’s therapeutic. All part of a process. Remember that Anna is determined. And she tries hard to live according to the following challenges: Let it go. Let it be. Live and let live. There are no problems in life: just solutions.
Well, at least I hope so.🕊
What about Iris? Oh, Iris is something else.
My loving friend Iris is ab-so-lu-te-ly hilarious. A Jewish engineer, she’s always loud and clear about her opinions – if anything, you can count on that. Kind of like Golde from Fiddler on the Roof.
“Oh, for F#c*’s sake! Who cares what the others think of your writing??! It’s your story. Your book. Just do it like you want to, my dear, and enjoy..!”
After the evening with her friends, Anna feels inspired to go back to Chapter 7 to add some more sensitive material there. Scroll down all the way back to Tino’s, if you will.
“Two days. My very first date! Yay.”
…Blah Blah Blah. Long story short, the guy cancels. Maybe you recall it?
Amiga Lucy rereads chapter 7 with its additions this morning. Then she gets back to me.
“The part I like the most is ‘Stupid Tino thanked me for understanding…’ I would have told him:
”
Ops, Tino.
Roasted!
© 2017 rf
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Monday, 1 February 2016.
Day 43
Anna’s just arrived home after having coffee with her old-time friend after work. They’ve known each other since Anna’s wedding day, back in 1995, when Mary was brought to the festivities as a +1.
It’s always lovely to catch up with a lady friend, isn’t it? A good dose of oxytocine and your stress levels come tumbling down.
Anna’s told Mary about joining Tinder and they giggled about her first dates.
Despite the fact that Mary felt quite shocked with that piece of news! For one, she’d never even heard of dating apps and, being the very wise, well-behaved type, Mary doesn’t really fathom Anna’s decision.
“What’s the hurry, dear creature? Take some time, enjoy life! You’ve only been single for a month and a half,” she exclaims wide-eyed.
Nonetheless, Mary’s a good listener and always shows great respect for her friend, so she just reminds her to be careful, which Anna promises to do.
Hey, I don’t know about you, but the first twenty years of Anna’s life were spent in a very close-knit and cheerful, oftentimes noisy circle of relatives, friends, classmates, and above all, her musical parents and siblings.
In the next twenty years, she found herself constantly surrounded by all of the aforementioned, with the addition of her two beloved kids.
And handsome Mr. Ex.
That is, when it felt like he was present at all.
Volleyball is Anna’s favorite sport and now I can say I finally understand the reason. Involving constant team work and cooperation, it is such a social game. No wonder why she plays it ten hours a week, loving every moment of it.
You see, when you’re divorced and your kids are practically adults, there are some nice upsides to your life. You can focus on your hobbies, spend hours and hours with friends; even decide to sleep over after a visit, chatting and laughing all night long around their dinner table.
If you want to, you can live sparingly and save all your money to the last dime. Or just go on a shopping spree and, who cares, save next month. Good-bye having to discuss and agree on those things with your spouse, or then deal with the disapproving frowns.
The first year of divorce is fun. Mmm. Go on Tinder, courageously look for love again.
Oh, and does Anna enjoy a tidy flat or what.
Having to do the laundry only once or twice a month and – oh, oh – eating easy-to-prepare eggs and salads. Healthy. And cheap, too.
I’m no advocate for divorce – God forbid. But, you can up and travel during all your holidays. Make last minute plans and then change them, just like that. Hey, maybe not even come back home from a long trip before the very last vacation night…
…On the other hand, there is a downside.
One of many. 🙁 But the one I’m talking about is coming home to an empty house.
Don’t believe me? Maybe that’s because your life is always busy with family members and unending chores, so you’d gladly accept a quiet, home-alone day. Cozy and relaxing – I can understand that.
I remember.
But, we are social beings and life is to be shared. So, when Anna comes home, night after night to her dark, empty flat, knowing nobody is there, and no one is going to come in through the door, not even later in the evening… Nobody’s going to wish me good night… I’ll tell you, at times her stress grows with the hours.
It can feel pretty lonesome and cold. So, that’s why.
Flash forward to 2017 and………….
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 43 since moving out. What now?
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Saturday, 30 January 2016.
Day 41
It’s Saturday evening and the kids have left to their dad’s again.
The week with them was lovely. Heart-warming. They all went to school, enjoyed time together at the gym upstairs, watched Friends and talked.
And hugs, lots and lots of them. Naturally!
I think they’re OK. And we have each other.
As planned, Anna focused on them all week, going on zero dates. But… she did chat with Frederick and Christian on a daily basis – during lunch break and such.
The way Englishmen interact is so different. Warm and lively. They’re polite. Communicative. It feels pretty awesome. 🎯
With Frederick, the chats are quite deep. Friendly and versatile. He seems to be a frank and centered person. There’s no talk of meeting up, but their exchange feels soothing. Besides, he’s cute. Maybe we could be friends who are there for each other.
With Christian, on the other hand, it’s always so surprising!
He’s smart, playful, flirty, witty, but in a very gentlemanly way, making Anna laugh all the time.
He seems quite eager to get to know me better.
And women love attention. 😍😍😍
Christian asks questions, comments on her replies. What an endearing guy… And he keeps promising to come to Finland soon.
Hmm. Too good to be true? We shall see.
But……. don’t put all your eggs in one basket, Anna! Nor in two. Haha.
Not yet.
You never know, after all.
And remember you’re free to play the field for the first time in your life. Breathe, sit back, enjoy the flirting, the attention. The cute compliments.
After Mr. Ex, I’d say it’s about time!
It’s snowing outside, and Anna’s feeling really content. It’s one of those rare, special moments. She goes into the freezing balcony and looks out the window. Oh, the glass is a bit dirty. Eurgh! I hate cleaning windows.
Later. I’ll do it one day.
So what, the rest of the flat is in tiptop shape.
She’s taken a shower and is just relaxing in bed, enjoying the weekend over the clean sheets. Perfect. Life is good. There’s nothing better than chilling in bed with your skin against crisp, newly-changed sheets, with a warm eiderdown to cuddle and wrap your feet in. Is there?
Perhaps some Netflix?
Her phone rings. It’s beautiful Kristiina. Calling to ask her what she’s up to. “Oh! Nothing special. Just some Netflix and chill.”
“Mom! Nooooo!!! Don’t say that!” — Kris is giggling, partly terrified, partly amused.
“Why? What? It’s cool. My pupils say it all the time. They look happy when they do.” — Anna says — “Last Monday I began my lesson by asking them what they’d done over the weekend. ‘I myself just netflixed and chilled’, I told them. They loved it!” — by this time, Kris is laughing uncontrollably.
What the heck?
“Mom!! Don’t you know what it means?? Haha. OMG. Joey, come here! Mom… it’s code language. You text somebody to come over for Netflix and Chill. The chill part is sex! The movie is just an excuse. Or the warm-up. Hahaha.”
Now I’m blushing. “Oh, they got me, those little devils” — and I’ll never say that again. Thank God for my teens. Phew.
“Haha, ok Kris, noooo! No chilling whatsoever here. Just netflixing. I promise.”
It’s still early evening when Andre sends her a text on Tinder.
So, read about them, aka my next Tinder Dates in the upcoming chapters. Coming to you through WordPress, sponsored by Netflix and…
Absolutely No Chilling (so far).
© 2017 rf
Obs. Day 41 of no chilling.
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Monday, 25 January 2016.
Day 36
The Citymarket in Ruoholahti is buzzing with special offers, so Anna cycles there after school to get some extra groceries for the teens who’ve come back yesterday night to spend a week with her.
Joey has a Coca-Cola fridge from Verkkokauppa next to his bed, and she likes to please him by filling it with healthy snacks and some other goodies. God, teenage boys eat so much – there’s no end to the expense!
She hangs the grocery bags on her bike and decides to walk home. On the way, she stops to take a quick look at her Tinder app.
How is it possible that all the men near me are finito?
Wait a minute. There are guys to be swiped once more! How does this work? Have they just joined the app??
Now that Anna knows she risks running out of potential matches again, she decides to look at their whole profile and all their pics slowly and carefully.
This guy? Hmm. Still no.
This other? OK, yes.
No.
No.
Ha, what about this one?
Hey, English name! And he doesn’t have Finnish features. Long, manly nose.
Anna smiles, thinking of how her South American dad always says that men should have long, manly noses. Dad’s so funny – but maybe he’s right.
Why do guys post pictures such as this? A straw hat, sunglasses?? I can’t see his eyes, his hair nor his teeth (he’s sipping a drink with a friend in a summer destination). Aww. His friend is cute. Nice expression.
I’ve never swiped yes to a guy with sunglasses, and he has no profile text either. Hmmm. Hate that. But let me take a look at his other pictures. His name is in English, after all.
Oh-la-la! How elegant!!! Christian (43) is wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. Perfect posture, as he walks toward the photographer with long strides. Wow.
Convinced, Anna swipes yes and immediately gets the happy Tinder popup screen – “Congrats, you’re a match!”
And then, “Sorry, there’s no one else near you.”
Again!
I’d better value the matches I have, haha…
She texts Christian a hi and he replies immediately. Cool, a short chat before I get home.
He has joined Tinder “literally five minutes ago” and she’s the first person he swiped and thus also his first match.
Really? That’s interesting.
Christian lives in Germany, but he’s in Finland on a business trip. Yes, he’s an Englishman. He might be moving to Helsinki to work as one of the CEOs of a start-up, but for now, he’ll be flying here for work on a monthly basis. Would she meet him next time?
Oh, when are you coming again?
In a month?!! Oh, it’s definitely a no-go, then. After all, I’ve decided not to chat for weeks and weeks before meeting in person.
Remember Tino, Anna? Don’t waste your time… The new system is working fine. Chat for two-three days and meet up.
No, please. I promise I’ll be back in four weeks. Three! I love it here! Beautiful Finland. In fact, I’m on a train to Lapland. Nearing Oulu now… Have you ever been here?
Oulu!! That’s where I’ve lived the longest in my life.
Anna has moved 33 times. She’s lived in five countries and twenty cities. Seven years in Oulu! She feels emotional for a second.
She tells him about that and he asks her for her phone number. Please.
She thinks, OK. He’s being polite and showing so much interest. Asking things, interacting. Finnish guys rarely ask me anything, and sometimes the chats are soooo devagar quase parando…
At least this match is making an effort.
She tells him her teens are waiting for her at home and she’ll be busy in the next few hours. But yes, maybe they could chat on WhatsApp later.
If he really messages me. Let’s see…!
© 2017 rf
Obs. All names have been changed, and chat messages were published with the match’s kind permission.
Obs. Day 36 since moving out.
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Saturday, 23 January 2016.
Day 34
So, Luukas and I text.
How can we have this much in common?
He’s a teacher too – physics; his father is also a retired pastor; he’s divorced with adult kids; loves volleyball and running (well OK, he runs marathons – I struggle to jog 5km). Just as I have, he’s lived in Oulu, Jyväskylä, Porvoo and Stockholm, and lives in Helsinki now. And more.
He convinces Anna to call her up immediately. She’s intrigued and a phone call would be a first. Why not?
Oh, no! He sounds soooooo formal. And laughs exactly like Santa Claus, “Ho, Ho, Ho. Anna, you are so adorable! Ho, Ho, Ho.”
Still, he seems like a good person. Plus, he’s in very good shape, in his really blurry pic. So Anna decides to accept his invitation to have tea the next evening.
“Oh, Thank you, thank you. Ho, Ho. Where?”
🎅
She’s slowly started to feel that, when unsure, why go all the way to the other side of the center. Let them come to me.
She doesn’t tell him her neighborhood, of course, but suggests a gaming restaurant on Tyynenmerenkatu.
Day 35
On Sunday, after a pleasant day with a little jogging, she’s not feeling too excited, but still, when a human being gives you their precious commodity of time, the least you can do is get nicely groomed for the date and look as cute as possible. It’s a matter of respect.
Self-respect, mainly.
And what if he ends up being Mr. Boyfriend, huh? I don’t want to regret not showing up looking good.
Nothing over the top. Just the usual.
Shower. Hair, light make up. A casual outfit. A nice overcoat and a beautiful, fashionable scarf.
A sincere smile, self-confidence and eye-to-eye contact are anyone’s most important accessories.
Evening has come, and Luukas walks up to her on the dark street, blond, tall, handsome and… shy! Poor dear.
The restaurant is closed, so change of plans, and they go to the Little Big Café inside Verkkokauppa.
Anna can’t remember anymore all the things they talked about that day. She does remember, however, that he was timid, and…
… kept on talking about all the wrong topics.
(a) His upcoming unemployment and no stress in looking for another job.
Oh, my. His hair looks so oily. Didn’t he wash it for the date?
(b) His illnesses. The pain and discomfort.
This keeps getting better.
Hey, we all have our conditions, but please! Your charm, first.
Slowly. No hurry. A little mystery is good.
Hey you Mr. Wanted out there: win me over and then I won’t mind your brokenness. I have my share, too.
Skills, people, dating skills!
I’m here practicing mine. Hmm.
Oh, poor dear. You have good attributes, but why are you wearing a cheap, old-looking, hoodie? The color doesn’t suit you. It’s too small and has a couple of holes in it. It looks like a teenager’s hand-me-down.
From the last decade!
Dating is comical.
Saturday, 30 January 2016.
A week later, Anna goes to the Educa Messu, an education fair for teachers. Guess who she bumps into there?
Yes, him.
He gets all happy and excited to see her and grabs her hand, pulling her to see different stands.
Walking hand in hand, she panics on the inside and is shocked into passiveness. Wide-eyed.
Akward – does he think we’re on a date??
What if my teacher workmates spot us like this? Some don’t even know I’ve separated yet. They’ll think I’ve found myself a teacher-lover.
Help!!
She has the idea to seem deeply mesmerized by a pedagogical book displayed opposite them, and thus has to let go of his hands to flip its many, many pages. Phew.
He finds ways of grabbing her hand again, so she repeats the trick.
He finally stops taking her hand in his again and she feels better.
Anna has been fasting today and is feeling quite weak. The fair is over and Luukas invites her to have a hamburger at Sävel in Kallio. They’re on the tram and she’s feeling so weak that she goes there with him.
Ravenous!
Besides, she’s told him he’s nice, “But sorry, I realized I’m not ready for a relationship or dating yet.”
They have a chat about work while they dig into their burgers. He’s OK. And he gulps his beers.
Then, after eating he brings his chair – that has been safely opposite hers – to her side of the table. What the heck?
He hugs her and starts kissing her cheeks.
At a burger restaurant?? People are watching!
She shows him with her body language that she’s not interested, but he licks her ear and whispers, “I’m a very passionate man! Must be my half-Russian blood!”
“Sorry! Stop! I’m not ready.”
“Oh, Anna, you’re simply wonderful.”
“Thanks, but no. Thank you for your company. I’m feeling tired, so I really have to go now.”
Being free to go on dates feels exciting, but so far, eurgh, such bad luck!
They bump into other once more, when Anna is with Kristiina at Stadium in Kamppi. Anna introduces the two, and the three of them chat for a minute.
“Mom, he’s so handsome and nice!”
“Yes, he is. But he’s not for me.”
I’ll really have to do that research on how to politely let a man go.
Urgently!
© 2017 rf
Obs. He is nice, but there’s just no chemistry.
This blog is a book. Maybe better read from the beginning? 🙂
Hard work runs in the family. Granny, mom, Anna, daughter Kristiina… Sister, aunts, all the ladies!
Granny Anna (who our story’s Anna is named after) is amazing! At 93, she’s calm and very active. It’s no oxymoron, you know.
Granny, affectionately called Mummo by everyone, has survived cancer twice in the last ten years. When the doctor gave her two months to live, she asked people to pray for her cure, because she loves life and isn’t ready to die. 😍 So far, she’s been cancer-free in all her yearly check-ups. Yes!
Still living alone, every time Anna goes there unannounced, Mummo’s home is clean and tidy. She often cooks delicious lunches for twelve-fifteen of us and has lots of other pastimes, such as having coffee with friends, baking and sewing in large quantities. It’s out of this world, really.
Mom is cut out of the same cloth. Her current project: she’s hand-knitting and giving out 900+ scarves. Almost one per day, and they’re beautiful!
What about our Anna? Oh, she’s definitely used to being super busy, too.
In the last years, she had her family and home to take – almost – impeccable care of. A full-time job, hobbies, friends (you simply have to make time for them, don’t you). And all the while pursuing her dream to get bachelor’s and master’s degrees.
So, full-time studies, too.
She wonders why some women who neither have a job nor studies, can’t even manage to keep their home tidy!
And some single students don’t have kids, don’t work and take forever to graduate.
Anna graduated in six years.
When she had exams, she’d sleep only six nights a week. She’d study all night long after work and family, drink a Red Bull and go to the university. From there, straight to work. Great grades, happy, creative work.
Intense.
But she made it! With joie de vivre, really. And lots of playground time with constant adventures with her kids. ❤️
After graduating in 2012, the family moved around the world for a while – long story. Maybe later (or… maybe better not).
Back in Finland, she fought for a job, went on many interviews, got a teacher’s tenure position and has had time to try to start the new habit of a little jogging and going to the gym. Then came the divorce.
Gosh.
Point is, Anna’s used to being surrounded by people and very, very efficient with her time.
Yes, she’s the productive type.
Yes, it does run in the family. True.
Nevertheless…
Anna knows that she became more focused on, let’s call it ‘efficiency,’ because what she really, really longed for was to stop, as often as possible, for love and affection.
Busyness is a sort of escapism. It keeps you from being too sad about reality.
Mummo’s a widow, she has to fill her time! It’s healthy – Anna thinks to herself.
But when you’re married and you don’t stop… is it because of the lack of romantic chemistry, the lack of that wonderful emotional bond?
Sigh.
You must fill your time with other activities. 😏
Things weren’t as they should and sex was just a hobby between Anna and Mr. Ex – like a sport of sorts. You know how to play well. You do it often. But where’s the excitement?
Anna’s life has changed drastically. From a full-time everything, she’s now an only-two-weeks-a-month-with-the-teens kind of mom.
Work and hobbies, too, but there’s not enough to do!!
All of a sudden she’s feeling she has too much spare time in her hands.
You see, Anna has a big, joyful heart, and she thinks she is ready to love again.
I am!!
She’s also got a dark empty flat when she turns the key in the lock after work and pushes the front door open.
A heart, a place and time.
And love can stop time.
© 2017 rf
Obs. Love, come and make me stop!
The Chronicles of a Happy Divorcée 